“I do,” Holly nodded, her lips pulling into a smile, “but Lucas is an amazing kid. He’s easy to like. Plus, I’ve kind of known him since birth.”
Tiffany chuckled. That definitely helped. Even when she’d been a nanny, it had been easier to like the kids she’d watch grow up than when she first joined a new family, but that had little to do with the kids themselves and more to do with the comfort of the familiar. “Okay, well most of my kids are easy to like. Plus, they really do say the cutest things. Some day, I want to have a whole brood of my own.”
“Speaking of which, when are you going to start on that?”
Holly’s voice had slipped back into her “advice” tone and Tiffany decided now would be a perfect time to get herself a drink. “I don’t know.” This was the one topic she hated discussing. Partly because she wasn’t a mother yet though she desperately wanted to be, but also partly because she was still dealing with the insecurities she’d developed after her last long-term relationship. It had ended up being toxic but Tiffany hadn’t realized that until the damage had been done. She could still hear Connor’s incredulous voice saying, “You want to give up law to be just a mom?”
Just a mom? The words still felt like knives when she thought them. For as long as she could remember, she’d wanted to be a mom more than anything in the world. She’d pretended that she was with her dolls and stuffed animals - feeding them, changing them, even rocking them to sleep. Maybe it was because she grew up an only child. Maybe it was because her own mother, like her father, seemed to care more about money than being the parent Tiffany had longed for. Whatever the reason, she’d grown up with the desire to be a mom pulsing in her brain, and though she’d tried to take the pre-law classes her father wanted her to, she’d felt no desire, no drive to be a lawyer, so she’d switched to a Child Care and Development Degree.
Taking care of other people’s kids wasn’t the same as having her own, but Tiffany thought it would ease the ache in her heart until she married and started a family. Connor, however, had flipped when he’d found out. He’d called her an anachronism from the fifties and berated her as if being a mother was second place to any job a woman should have. She’d broken off the relationship but not before his words had left their mark. Was she wrong to place such an importance on the idea of motherhood? She didn’t think so, but even if she was, she couldn’t help it, couldn’t change it. Down in her soul, she knew she was destined to be a mother, but what if the next guy thought like Connor? What if, due to the economy or any number of reasons, men now expected their wives to work outside the home and not just be a mom?
Ironic as it was, Connor’s reaction and his words had made her wary of relationships and so she’d dated little since breaking it off with him. As much as she wanted to be a mother, she hadn’t wanted to feel so demeaned again, so after receiving her degree, she’d turned to nannying, using it as an excuse for why she couldn’t date.
“I’ve just been too busy with work to date really,” she said, returning to the conversation. “Plus, I have this pain that flares up now and then. I certainly don’t want that happening on a date.”
“You are not that busy with work,” Holly said, following her into the kitchen, “and what’s this pain? You’ve never mentioned it before.”
Tiffany flipped a dismissive gesture as she opened the fridge. “I’m sure it’s nothing. It only lasts a few days anyway and then it’s gone.” She grabbed a can of sparkling water, wishing there was something stronger in the fridge at the moment. She was not a drinker, but her love life, or lack thereof, was the one topic that made her think about becoming one.
“Have you been to the doctor and had it looked at?”
Tiffany glanced at her roommate. What was with the concern? It was just a little pain. “No, like I said it doesn’t last long and I have work every weekday. There aren’t many doctors around here open on the weekends.” That was the excuse she told herself anyway. She was fairly certain the local clinic would see her on a Saturday if necessary.
“I’m sure Merribeth would give you time off to get it looked at. I really think you should go in.”
And Tiffany was really sure she was done with this conversation. “If it gets worse, I promise I will.”
Holly’s lips pursed and tiny lines erupted on her forehead as if she wanted to argue, but instead, she decided to change the topic. Back to the original question. “Okay, I’ll let it go if you promise to get seen if it gets worse, but we really should talk about your love life. Do you realize you haven’t been on a date since I’ve known you? Not one.”
Tiffany sighed. “Holly, I told you why. Connor-”
“Was an idiot,” Holly finished for her. “Look, I know his words hurt, but he was one guy, Tiffany. One stupid, idiotic guy who obviously wasn’t the right person for you. You can’t let his view turn you off men forever.”
“Not forever. Just until I find the right one.” The one who would be happy she wanted to be a mother, the one who would want a big family just like she did, the one who wouldn’t find her dream appalling and old fashioned and stupid. She took a swig of the soda and crossed to the pantry. Food. That was always a good distraction.
Holly threw her hands in the air. “You have to look to find the right one. If you want to have a house full of kids, you kind of need a husband to help with that.”
Well, she didn’t actually need a husband though adopting as a single mother was certainly a challenge and while she could look into donor banks, they held no appeal for her, so having a husband would certainly make her dream of a big family easier. And she did want a husband and a family, so why wasn’t she looking? The truth was that she was scared. Scared that the next guy would be like the last guy, so while she did want to try again someday, she wasn’t sure someday had arrived just yet.
She pulled out a tin of cashews and pried off the lid before grabbing a handful. “You haven’t dated anyone seriously either.” She shot her roommate a pointed look before popping the cashews in her mouth.
“Maybe not seriously, but I have dated.” Holly folded her arms across her chest and raised her eyebrows at Tiffany. “None of them have worked out, but at least I’m taking a chance. You need to as well.”
Tiffany shook her head as she replaced the lid on the cashews and returned it to the pantry. “I’m just not ready yet.”
“With that attitude, you’ll never be ready.” Holly’s voice had softened as if she knew it was time to stop pushing. “On another note, the dishwasher is broken again.”
“Again?” Tiffany crossed to the contraption and opened the door. A week ago, the thing had decided to stop washing the dishes, but after an hour long internet search, another few hours watching videos, and an even longer amount of time tinkering around with it, Tiffany had thought she had fixed it.
“Yeah, now it’s not draining. I really think it’s time we call a professional.”
Sure enough, there was a few inches of water down in the bottom of the machine. Great. Watching more videos was not how she had planned on spending her weekend. “I’m sure I can fix it.”
“I’ll give you two days,” Holly said, heading back toward the living room, “and then I’m calling a professional.”
Tiffany sighed and leaned against the sink. Maybe Holly was right. About everything.
3
Israel
A light-hearted whistle slipped through Israel’s lips as he pulled into the parking lot of the Patriot Peak resort the next morning. He could not remember a happier day, at least in the last few months. Not generally a pessimist, he had felt the sadness creeping in on him the last few months in the military, and while he loved serving his country, that had been the first clue that it was time he got out. He wanted to live each day for God, and he couldn’t do that if he let sadness and anger take over.
Now though, he felt like his life was a new book. Like God had closed the covers of the last one and decided to plant him into another story. His shoulders felt light
er, the world seemed a little brighter, and he had a purposeful job with his friend. The only thing that would make this book even better is if he could find that special someone to spend his life with.
Having grown up in a large family, Israel missed the noise of children running through the house, the squeals of laughter from them playing outside, and the pure joy that their innocent smiles seemed to inject into everyone around them. He knew he wasn’t a woman with an internal clock ticking, but he suddenly understood what his mother had meant when she’d talked to his sisters about it. He wanted a wife and a family, and being patient was going to be one of his hardest tests yet.
As he locked his truck, he heard the thud of something heavy dropping to the ground, followed by an annoyed grumble of mumbled words. Turning, he saw a woman squatting down and gathering items from the pavement. He jogged over to see if he could help.
“Need a hand?”
The woman glanced up at him, and his breath caught. It was Tiffany, the woman he’d been trying to talk to for days but failing. Somehow, he either never crossed paths with her or never had the right words when he did.
“Sure, can you help gather the tools?” She gestured to the plastic tools scattered around.
“Tools are my specialty,” he said with a smile as he picked up a hammer.
“Okay.” She chuckled softly and shook her head, and it was obvious from her tone that she either hadn’t caught his joke or thought he was a little nuts. Maybe both.
“Because I’m the new maintenance guy and I work with them all day.” Israel could not believe he was messing this up so badly. He didn’t normally have trouble speaking to people, but he’d always been shy around women he found attractive, and Tiffany was the most attractive woman he’d laid eyes on in a long time. He didn’t even know what it was about her, but he felt she was a kindred spirit when he looked at her. Maybe it was the warmth in her smile or the sparkle in her eyes. Whatever it was, it was clearly turning him into a tongue-tied idiot. Taking a deep breath, he tried again, sticking out his hand. “I’m Israel, the new head of maintenance.”
“Tiffany.” She shook his hand, her head tilting as she looked at him. “Wait, Israel? From the wedding? Chance’s best man?”
Israel’s chest puffed out as he smiled at her. She remembered him. “That’s right. I’m surprised you remember. We didn’t really get a chance to talk much that night.”
Tiffany laughed. “Yeah, I was pretty busy trying to be a bridesmaid and keep track of Lucas that day.” Her eyes widened as if his name had jogged a memory. “Shoot, I’m going to be late.”
“Right.” Israel quickly gathered the rest of the tools and dropped them into the open box. Sheesh, way to make a good impression. Here he was prattling on at her while she needed to get to work. That didn’t stop the next question from falling out of his mouth as he picked up the last item though. “What is all this anyway?”
“New toys for the kids. I’ve had a lot more boys the last few weeks, and I figured they would enjoy a hardware area. Of course, I have no idea how to put this together, but at least they can play with the tools while I figure it out.” She bent down to grab the box, but Israel beat her to it, hoisting it up easily.
“I could help you if you’d like.” He hoped he didn’t sound as eager as he felt. If he did, he would probably send her running for the hills. He needed to play it cool, but he’d kind of forgotten how to do that.
“You don’t have to do that. I’m sure you have real work to do.” She reached for the box, but Israel shook his head.
“I’ll carry this for you, and really, it’s no big deal. I finished everything on the list yesterday, so there’s nothing waiting on me.” He needed to stop talking; he was starting to sound like a pathetic puppy and that was not the image he wanted to plant in her head.
Tiffany blinked at him for a second and then chuckled softly. “Yep, you’re definitely new around here. I love this place, but there is something that needs to be fixed nearly every day. In fact, I’m pretty sure the sink in the childcare bathroom was backing up yesterday.”
“Well, then I’ll fix that too.” Was his mouth incapable of staying closed? He clamped his lips shut, determined not to push again if she said no.
Her gaze held his a moment longer before the corners of her lips lifted in a soft smile. “Well, thank you.”
A sense of relief surged through him as she turned to her car and opened the back door. Her smile gave him hope that he hadn’t completely destroyed her view of him. He waited while she grabbed more boxes from her backseat and locked the car. Then he fell into step beside her, unsure if he should keep the conversation going or allow the silence to remain.
Tiffany shuffled her load to one side in order to scan her card at the door. “So, were you in the military with Chance?”
Israel nodded, glad that she’d taken the initiative this time. “I was, but I didn’t re-enlist this last time.” He fell into step with Tiffany once more as they headed for the childcare center.
“Why not?”
Israel hesitated. If he told her the truth, would he scare her away? He thought he might, but at the same time, he was looking for a woman with a similar desire to his own. If she didn’t have that, then maybe it was better to know now.
“There were a few reasons. I’ve seen a lot of tough things during my time in the military, things that weigh heavy on you.” He thought of all the friends he’d lost over the years. “And, I realized I wanted to settle down and start a family.”
“Oh.” This time her cheeks flushed pink, but it only enhanced her beauty in Israel’s eyes. Her mouth parted and then closed as if she wasn’t sure what to say to that, and Israel hoped he hadn’t just made a huge mistake. “Well, here we are,” she said finally, opening the door to the childcare rooms. “You can just put that box down anywhere.”
Israel set the box down on one of the tables and glanced back at Tiffany, but her attention was not on him. Instead, she was focused on the items she’d carried in. Israel cleared his throat. “I just realized I don’t have my tools to fix the sink, but I’ll grab them and be right back.”
“Okay, thanks, but there’s no hurry. I need to get set up for the kids who will be arriving shortly anyway.”
“Are you sure? It’s no problem.”
“I’m sure.” She flashed him a warm smile that melted his insides. “Just add us to your list and come back when you have time.”
“I will. I’ll get it done today though and help you with the bench if you still need it.”
“Sounds good,” she began pulling items out of her boxes before looking up at him again, “and Israel? It was nice seeing you again. Welcome to the family.”
“Thanks.” He hadn’t thought this job could get any better, but the interaction with Tiffany told him that maybe it could.
4
Tiffany
“Good morning, is it okay if I drop Lucas off a little early?”
Tiffany glanced up to see Merribeth in the doorway. Her strawberry blonde hair was pulled into a low bun at the back of her head, and her dress slacks and silk shirt declared her professionalism, but though she was in charge, Merribeth had a heart for others and it showed. A lot of bosses would just assume they could leave their kids before the official opening time, but Merribeth always asked if she needed to. “Of course, he can help me assemble the workbench I got for the kids.” She smiled and waved Lucas in. Because Lucas had been her first kid and part of the reason she got the job at the resort, he was kind of her favorite, though she would never say that out loud.
“He could, but wasn’t that Israel I just saw leaving here?” Merribeth pointed a slender finger at the door.
Tiffany felt her cheeks heat up. “Yeah, he helped me carry these boxes.” She nodded at the box he had set down on the table. “I dropped that one in the parking lot this morning and tools spilled everywhere. He helped me pick it up and bring it in.”
“How nice of him. Of course, that’s Israel
for you. Chance is always talking about how willing he is to help others. You know he could help you with the bench.” A suggestive tone colored Merribeth’s words, and she lifted a brow in emphasis.
Tiffany bit back her smile. “Yeah, he offered, but I told him it wasn’t necessary. I’m sure I can figure it out and he has his own work to do.”
“What?” Merribeth’s mouth fell open in a perfect O. “Why on earth wouldn’t you let him help you? It would be the perfect way to get to know him better.”
“Would it? I can just imagine the great conversations we could have between parent drop offs and kids screaming for my attention,” Tiffany said with a chuckle. She wouldn’t mind having a conversation with Israel. He had been helpful, was certainly easy on the eyes with his muscular frame and kind eyes, and he wanted a family, but having a meaningful conversation at her job with children running around made about as much sense as trying to sell heating pads in the desert.
Merribeth laughed and wandered over to the box Israel had placed down. “You’re right, but what did you think of him?” She began taking out the plastic tools and handing them to Lucas.
“He seems nice.” Tiffany wondered where this conversation was going, and she narrowed her eyes at her friend. “Why?”
“I was just curious. I don’t know him well myself yet, but Chance speaks so highly of him.”
“So you said.”
Merribeth began assembling the work bench pieces. “He also told me that Israel was quite taken by you at the wedding.”
Her First Love Page 2