by Evelyn Vox
I closed my eyes and rested my head on her shoulder. Footsteps caught my attention, and I opened my eyes in time to see Brian crouching down, hands reaching for Alexandra.
“Don’t touch her,” I growled.
This was our moment. Our time to savor. I didn’t want him anywhere near her. Brian bristled, but he didn’t move.
“I want to touch my wife,” he said.
Alexandra stiffened beneath me. Anger thundered in my veins. How dare he upset her, tonight, of all nights? I pulled out of her, my cock still hard. Brian eyed it the way he always did with a mixture of awe and longing. Still, he didn’t move.
“Do. Not. Touch. Her.”
The beast howled and chomped at the bit, ready to show this welp who was in charge here.
“Lexie,” he said, reaching for her shoulder.
I swatted him away. Fury lit up those normally placid brown eyes.
“Alexandra,” I said, confident in my well-trained little slave, “who do you want? Me or him?”
But something was wrong. Those sea-green eyes were big with nervous apprehension.
“Me or him, Brat?” I pushed, reminding her who she answered to.
Those plump lips quivered when she opened them and gave me her answer.
“Apple.”
Oh shit.
Part Two: Take Aim
Chapter Twenty-Two
LEXIE
I panicked. My pulse rushed in my ears as the safeword penetrated Derek’s psyche. He moved like a zombie to unclasp my ankles. I glanced between him and Brian. Then at the audience. It had been easy to forget they were there. And, despite all they’d just witnessed, I’d never felt more vulnerable than I did at that moment. Heat flared on my face. I jumped to my feet, crossing my arms over my chest as I ran off the stage.
Brian rushed after me. Derek remained slumped on his knees, staring down at the now-empty St.Andrew’s cross. Guilt riddled my insides. He was reeling, I knew it, because I safeworded instead of making a choice. But that look on Brian’s face.
It wasn’t good.
He’d seen something pass between me and Derek. That thing between us that we couldn’t seem to keep contained. Brian saw it at last.
“Are you okay?” he asked, catching up to me backstage.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It was just too much all of a sudden.”
Derek rose, gathered our clothes and his bag of toys, and joined us backstage. His eyes were piercing, penetrating, like he was trying to piece together what was broken between us.
“Alexandra.” His voice was strained, choked in a way I’d never heard before. “I’m sorry.”
Brain gave him a cold look and took my dress from his arms. He handed it to me. Derek looked like he wanted to help, but held back.
“Let’s get you upstairs,” Derek said at last. “You can clean up and…we can all take a breath.”
“Good idea,” Brian said.
My husband put his hands on my shoulders and steered me forwards. Towards the elevator. He knew which button to press and knew which door to stop in front of while we waited for Derek to unlock it. He’d really gotten to know his way around the Club the last few weeks.
Brian’s hands felt wrong. They weren’t big enough, weren’t sturdy enough.
They weren’t Derek’s.
But I didn’t dare reach for Derek right now. Some part of me knew that to do so would take me across the one line I hadn’t managed to breech. Yet. The second the door opened, I pulled away from my husband and rushed to the bathroom.
I ran the sink, splashing cool water on my heated face. I couldn’t bare to look at myself in the mirror. Didn’t want to see the woman with shame and guilt plastered all over her face. I let the sink run as I sat on the lip of the bathtub, my head in my hands. I shuddered in a few breaths, praying the oxygen would scour me clean.
I wasn’t sure how long I stayed there, but raised voices grabbed my attention. I turned off the water and opened the door. Brian and Derek were glaring at each other.
“You’re not taking her anywhere,” Derek all but snarled.
“Yes. I am. I am taking my wife,” Brian spat, “home. To spend the night with her. Alone.”
This time, Derek did snarl. “To do what?”
“None of your god-damn business.”
Derek stepped closer to Brian, his voice low and menacing.
“If you fuck her—“
“What?” Brian met his challenge, getting right in Derek’s face, and cutting him off. “You’ll what? She’s my wife, for Christ’s sake!”
Derek looked like he was about to explode. I stepped between them before things could escalate farther. I put one hand on each of their chests. The action seemed to snap them out of their caveman mentality. Things needed to calm down before they took it too far. Before we couldn’t come back from this moment.
The last thing I needed was the two of them getting into a pissing contest and ruining this for everyone.
I wasn’t ready for this to end.
“Enough.”
Brown and gray eyes leveled me from both sides.
“I’m tired. I’d like to go home.”
Derek opened his mouth to say something, but I put a finger on his lips.
“You should stay here.”
The look on his face broke my heart. I wanted to tell him how much my body and soul raged against the idea. How much I hated being parted from him. But Brian had to come first. If he didn’t, none of this worked. If I wanted to keep Derek, I had to make sure Brian was okay. So I cupped Derek’s face, gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, and told him I’d call in the morning.
Derek sat on the bed and watched us get dressed. I sat next to him on the bed as I put on my shoes. His thigh immediately pressed against mine, desperate for contact. Discretely, I pressed my thigh back into his. Derek’s body shook, like he was holding back, like all he wanted to do was hold me and never let go.
I wished he could. Wished it were that simple.
When I finished with my shoes I sat up and cupped his face in my hands. Rough stubble prickled my fingertips. His eyes were so sorrowful, so unlike the angry, brooding man I’d come to…no. I stopped the thought in its tracks. That was dangerous, forbidden territory.
“I’ll call you tomorrow. I promise.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, again, “just tell me you’re okay. Tell me what I can do to fix it.”
I sighed, my heart cracking right there. Brian cleared his throat, distinctly annoyed. I glanced at him where he waited by the door. My thumb traced along Derek’s cheekbone, in what I hoped was a soothing and reassuring gesture.
“I am okay,” I answered him. “This is what you can do. Give us some space.”
I knew it was the last thing he wanted to do. Knew how it tried his patience and went against his instincts to protect and care for me. Leaving me alone was the worst thing I could have asked him to do. I hated it. He hated it. He’d been in the Hamptons for so long it felt like a cruel twist of fate to have him in the city, only for this to happen.
There was always something keeping us apart.
“Lexie,” Brian said, nostrils flaring.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I repeated.
No, that look on his face. No. No. No. I couldn’t bare it. I blinked away tears. That look of complete and utter devastation left a void in my heart and a hole in my soul as I got up and walked out on him.
Brian fumed silently on the ride home. I knew what angry looked like on him. He needed to stew for a while, collect his thoughts and build his arguments, before it would all come tumbling out. So, I didn’t bother trying to talk.
I was happy to let him sit in it.
Derek’s eyes haunted me the entire ride home. I fought the urge to cry. It was wrong to leave him there like that. I hated doing it. But my husband was upset and he had to come first.
Right?
Right.
So here I was, sitting in tense silence with him as we
were driven back to the apartment.
I chewed on my lip, emotions running wild. If this was the right thing to do then why did it feel so wrong?
The silence lingered as we let ourselves into the apartment. The dogs crowded our feet, claws clicking on the floor. I kneeled down to let them lick my hands and face. I could tell from the way they followed me around the apartment, from the way their big, expressive eyes filled like dark pools of worry, that they sensed I was upset.
I smiled. Even in my worst of times these dogs were a comfort. Surely, this was what true, unconditional love looked like. They didn’t judge me. Didn’t care what happened tonight. They just loved me and I loved them.
I scowled when Brian shooed them out of our bedroom and closed the door.
It was time to hear it, then.
I steeled myself for the verbal onslaught only for Brian to cross the room in short strides and press me back on the bed. His mouth landed with greed on mine. Lips moving, tongue pushing inside. I pulled back.
“Brian—what?”
“Isn’t this what you want, Lexie?” he asked, his voice hard.
Roughly, he pinned my arms above my head and ground his erection between my legs. I was speechless, shocked. Brian had never been a rough lover. Ever. His mouth moved on my neck. He cursed when his lips met pearls and diamonds.
“Take this damn collar off.”
Oh crap. I’d forgotten all about the collar. My hands flew up to it and I gasped.
“I can’t,” I said, “Derek has the key.”
Brian cursed again, loud enough for the dogs to bark at the door. I flinched as he pushed himself away and began pacing the room. I sat up, curling my arms around my knees, and waited for it all to spill out. Now. Now, was definitely the time to hear it.
“Even now, when it’s just the two of us, he’s here. He’s laid his claim on you.”
“Brian, it’s not—”
“No, Lexie.” He cut me off. “It is. This used to be about the three of us. These days, when Derek is in the room it’s like you don’t even see me. Like I don’t exist.”
“I thought you liked…”
“I like being a part of it! I like being shamed. Not ignored.”
My mind whirled as I tried to think back on the last few weeks.
“Have we been ignoring you?”
Brian laughed bitterly.
“He takes you to Club Midnight alone. You run off to the Hamptons and don’t send me any pictures. The two of you have been sexting and videoing in your own little bubble all month.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but he kept going.
“Tonight, he crashes our dinner and then doesn’t even fucking share you at the Club.”
“Wait, he what?”
“Oh, he didn’t tell you? Derek was not part of our dinner plans. He just showed up.”
I hugged my knees tighter. That explained a lot. Explained why Brian had been so annoyed and why there was that weird tension between them. And I’d been so happy to see Derek too. My heart sank.
“I’m sorry he did that. I didn’t know.”
“No, but you weren’t upset, either.”
I sighed. How was I supposed to have known that being excited to see him would be tantamount to digging my own grave later?
“I thought you planned it together!”
“I never get you to myself anymore,” Brian lobbed at me.
“That’s not fair,” I said. “All these nights I’ve been here and you either come home late from work or not at all because you’re off at Club Midnight, doing god-only-knows-what.”
I threw my arms up in the air. It was my turn to let off some steam. I’d only take so much of the blame for this. Not when he was the one who decided to never be around. His mouth formed a hard line.
“You said I was free to explore.”
“Yes, but I also asked you to communicate with me. You don’t tell me anything! And you can’t complain about not feeling involved when you’re not even here to participate.”
“As if you’d let me,” he scoffed.
I couldn’t believe him.
“You have no idea how many times Derek’s wanted you to video chat with us. No idea!”
It was true. More times than I could count, Derek had asked where Brian was, had wanted to include him in our naughty video chats. But he was never home anymore and that was not my doing.
“Do you want me to stop going to the Club?”
I groaned in frustration. This was so not about him going to the club. It was about him choosing to go in his free time and then saying it was my fault that he never got me to himself anymore.
“No, but you can’t have it both ways. You can’t get to shut me out while you explore and then blame me when you feel left out.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?!” My voice rose a pitch. “At least you know what Derek and I do. I have no idea what the hell you get up to there.”
Brian went silent. His body tensed, and for one moment I thought he was going to walk out the door. But then he sighed and moved to sit on the bed. I turned to face him, still standing, as he hung his head low.
“You’re right,” he said at last. “I’ve been seeing a Mistress.”
I blinked, letting the information settle. I sat down next to him on the bed. “Oh.”
“She dominates me. Whips me. Humiliates me.”
“I see.”
Brian turned, eyes anguished and ashamed.
“I can’t explain it. She just…scratches an itch that I never knew I had.”
I smiled. The feeling was one I knew well.
“She gives you something that I can’t.”
He nodded.
“Believe me, Brian, I get it. That’s what Derek does for me. I’m happy you found someone who can satisfy your needs in ways I can’t.”
“Thank you for understanding,” he said, relief seeping through his voice.
I rested a hand on his arm. “What do you need from me, from Derek, to make this work?”
He thought about it for a moment, his hand moving to cover mine. It was slick with sweat. That admission about his Mistress must have been very nerve-wracking. When he finally spoke, he turned to look at me with serious eyes.
“I don’t want to feel invisible when you’re around him. It’s like I don’t exist at all when he’s with you.”
“I’m sorry.” I sighed. “Derek can be…all-encompassing.”
Brian laughed. “Tell me about it.”
I smiled at the sound. It was good to clear the air. Already, the tension between us had dissipated. I could almost feel the snags in our relationship knitting themselves back together.
“I want you to myself sometimes too,” he said, turning and giving me a sultry look. “I want to remember that, when all is said and done, you’re my wife. Derek can bark and bray about how you’re his all he wants, so long as you and I both know that I come first when it really matters.”
“Of course,” I said, though my chest went hollow.
“Good, now come here.”
He pulled me into his arms, mouth back on mine again for a sloppy, impassioned kiss. I closed my eyes and let myself remember what it felt like to be with him. Brian and only Brian. It had been a while since we’d gone to bed without Derek’s influence affecting us in some way.
I tried to remember what I enjoyed about Brian, my husband, before Derek stormed into my life. But it all felt so wrong. Brian’s hands, his mouth, the way his body fit against mine, the way he smelled—none of it was right. He moaned my name and pressed me down on the bed, back to his usual, gentle self.
It was hard not to compare him to Derek. Especially as Brian’s hands fumbled along my dress and groped my body like a teenage boy. I moaned when I was supposed to, touched him where I was supposed to, and it wasn’t all bad. But, I wasn’t on fire. I wasn’t throbbing with need. Guilt chewed me up.
Nothing about this felt good.
Not because B
rian wasn’t trying to please me. He was. No, this guilt gnawed me because it felt was like I was cheating on Derek. He hadn’t given me permission to sleep with Brian. I knew he didn’t want me with him tonight. And I knew, I knew, Brian was supposed to be my first priority. He was my husband.
But, still, this all felt so wrong.
When Derek and I began our affair, it was like I was being sucked into a black hole—the pull of gravity was so strong, so inevitable, that it was pointless to fight. It felt so good to be bad with him. To sneak around on Brian.
But this?
I just felt guilty. Horrible. The worst person on the planet.
As Brian made love to me, I realized with horror that I couldn’t orgasm. Not with him. Not without Derek’s permission. My shame and guilt doubled because I had to fake it.
I couldn’t help but wonder if I there was something broken inside me. Because surely a normal, whole person, wouldn’t feel this way. Wouldn’t be wishing with all her heart that it was another man in her husband’s place.
Right?
Chapter Twenty-Three
DEREK
It was the worst night of my life. Unequivocally, the worst-fucking-night of my life.
After she left, I’d stared off into space for hours. The anguish I felt when she used the safeword was beyond measure. I went too far, pushed too far. I tried to make her choose. Because I realized something tonight as I stared into the darkness of my soul.
I didn’t want to share her anymore.
It went beyond the physical. I wanted all of her. Mind. Body. Soul. I wanted it all. And I wanted to give all of myself to her in return. I’d never felt this way about anyone or anything before.
It fucking sucked.
Being away from her was agony. She was upset, and instead of being able to comfort her, I had to stay away. That notion alone, the idea that the best thing I could do to help was to stay away, hurt.