by Evelyn Vox
LEXIE
“We’ll get over this,” Brian said, adjusting his tie in the mirror. “You just need more time.”
I stared at him from bed. I didn’t have the energy to get up, let alone disagree with him. Still, I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my voice.
“Isn’t this what you want? Me home and waiting in bed for you?”
Like a good little housewife.
“Lexie, baby, you know I want you to be happy.”
“Sure,” I said, “so long as it fits in your definition of happiness.”
Huh, guess I had a bit more energy than I’d thought. My eyes felt heavy on my face, like they lived in deep, sunken pits. Oh wait, those were just my eye sockets these days. I confirmed this by glancing at my gaunt face in the mirror. It looked like a ghoul was lying in bed behind Brian.
He sighed. “I wish you’d come to couple’s therapy. We can work it out there.”
This again. We’d been over this. “I’m not ready for that.”
“When will you be ready? It’s been a month.”
“I don’t know,” I said, my voice flat.
I couldn’t even muster real anger these days. I didn’t eat much, not that Brian cared. He’d looked with approval at my sharpening cheekbones. Hell, he’d even told me I was getting back to my ‘old self’.
Another sigh. He walked over and kissed me on the forehead.
“I’m working late again tonight. Then we have an office party. Not sure when I’ll be home.”
Whatever.
Did I say that or just think it?
Brian was out late most nights,and I didn’t care enough to ask why. There was a part of me that understood, vaguely, that I was unwell. That this wasn’t healthy. This was what depression looked like. And that same part of me understood that Brian should have cared more. Should have done more to help me.
Instead, he just kept saying it would take time. Insisted couple’s therapy was the answer. I had to give him props for that. He was trying, in his own way. It was me who was the problem.
I wasn’t trying.
But I didn’t try for much anymore. I was lucky if I was able to move from the bed to the sofa. The only thing that got me out of the house was the dogs. Walking them every day, in a daze, not wearing make up, with unwashed hair, and unbrushed teeth.
Or, I did, until a neighbor saw me and Brian hired a dog-walker. He mumbled something about my “state” getting back to the partners. God-forbid, he didn’t make partner. So, I guessed I wasn’t really getting out much at all these days.
Emma had called a few times. So had Corinne and Michelle. I ignored them. And I wasn’t especially close with my parents. They hadn’t approved when I moved to New York and became a model. Told me it was immoral, indecent, and that they were ashamed of me. Needless to say, we didn’t talk much.
The only person I wanted to call was Derek. But…Brian had taken my phone and deleted his information. Blocked his calls. I had no way of getting in touch with him.
I’d been so lost in thought, I hadn’t realized Brian had left for work. Good. I liked being alone. I didn’t have to deal with his sighs and potent disappointment. That part of me, the only part that seemed to retain a shred of sanity, wondered if I shouldn’t just leave him. Leave my husband and go to the man I wanted.
Except, this was all my fault, really.
Brian had been good to me. He’d taken care of me. I was the one who began an affair. I was the one who got us into this mess. So didn’t I at least owe it to Brian to try to fix it?
When I was finally over being a piece of shit human being, I’d go to therapy and fix this. Maybe that therapist could talk some sense into him. Make him realize that class would be good for me. Though, my interest in it had waned.
Honestly, nothing interested me much these days.
I was a husk of myself and I’d started to get used to the hollowness. It was becoming a part of me, and I wondered if maybe it was just going to stay there forever. That empty hole in my heart where Derek used to be.
Perhaps, I just had to get used to this new me.
Me without him.
At some point, the dogs started barking. I blinked, looking at the clock. The dog-walker was early today. The door code beeped as she let herself in. I rolled over in bed, bringing the covers over my head. But then I remembered, I had to write her check today. I groaned.
Brian had been giving me little tasks like that. “Write the check, Lexie.” “Get milk, Lexie.” “Get better, Lexie.” I rolled my eyes and hauled my ass out of bed. I stood and swayed, letting the rush of blood pass as my world dimmed.
When was the last time I ate?
I couldn’t remember.
I wrapped a worn, stained robe around me, tied it around my now-tiny waist, and shuffled into the living room. High-heels clicked along the wooden floor. That was odd. The girl usually wore sneakers.
“Sorry, let me just grab my checkboo—,” I stopped in my tracks.
Vanessa Drake was standing in my living room.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
LEXIE
“Hello, Alexandra.”
I gaped at her. She met my gaze back, holding my stare. I trailed it over the rest of her.
She wore a dark purple suit jacket with a tuxedo-collar that I recognized from the new Givenchy line. It was tailored perfectly to fit around her trim figure. The black slacks were pristine and crisp, and a black, leather Prada tote hung from her shoulder. She looked like she’d just walked out of a magazine.
“What are you doing here?” I blurted, stunned, as the dogs bustled around her ankles.
Her large, darkly painted lips moved to reveal a painstakingly beautiful smile. “I’m sorry to barge in like this.”
“Donnie, Coco, come here,” I called to them, worried they’d ruin her immaculate clothes.
“They’re okay,” she said, heels clicking as she walked deeper into the apartment.
I ignored her and ushered them into the kitchen. Wait a second. She’d known the code to our apartment.
“How did you get in here?”
“That’s a great question,” she said, then gestured to the sofa. “Mind if I sit?”
“Uh, sure.” I stepped into the living room and sat on the sofa across from her.
I felt like I was in an alternate reality. Vanessa Drake, Fortune 500 CEO, billionaire, child-prodigy genius, richest woman in the world, and twin sister of my ex-lover, was sitting in my living room.
And I was in my fucking pajamas.
Such was my life.
She crossed one long leg over the other, clasped her hands, and looked at me, a stunning smile on her face. A pearl bracelet matched the bobs in her ears. Her short, Audrey Hepburn haircut framed her face perfectly.
It was strange to see traces of Derek in that face.
Strange to see how those traits were translated from his rough-hewn masculinity to feminine softness and grace. She had the same straight nose, high cheek bones, and full, sensuous mouth. All the same sharp angles. They both had black hair, but where Derek’s was jet-black, hers was an inky blue-black that I didn’t think existed in real life.
Then there was their eyes.
Where Derek’s eyes were light gray and deep-set, hers were wide, and such a remarkable color. Almost as if they’d started the same shade of gray as Derek’s, but someone had turned them up a notch until they were a gray-blue that made them look like the purple of a twilight sky.
Gosh. How could someone be so incredibly beautiful?
“I hope this isn’t weird,” she said, long dark lashes fluttering. “That I’m here.”
I didn’t know what to say. It was weird. The more I looked at her, the more I kept seeing Derek in her face, and it hurt. Like, seriously hurt. That empty hole ached, desperate to be whole again. I realized I hadn’t answered her as I’d gotten lost in my own spiraling thoughts.
Heat filled my cheeks and I knew they were turning bright red. Vanessa was one of the m
ost powerful people in the world. Yet, here she was, sitting on my sofa and grinning at me, like she was just a normal person. Honestly, I hardly knew what to say to her.
“Uh, sorry,” I croaked, my voice severely under-used, “I’ve been going through a bit of a hard time.”
“Yes, I imagine so.” Her lovely face drew forward in concern. “That’s what I’m here to talk about.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you know the last time I met one of my brother’s lady friends?”
The question felt like a blow to the gut. Did she not know? Did I have the strength to tell her what happened?
“Never,” she said, slapping a hand on her knee that made me jump. “Not once has he introduced me to a girlfriend.”
“I wasn’t his—” I croaked, but she waved a hand.
“Sure, sure, semantics,” she said. “I’m not here to judge or define the little arrangement you have. Or had, I should say.”
So she did know. I released the breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“The point is he’s never once brought a woman to the club, Alexandra.”
I flinched to hear her say my full name. So much like him.
“Lexie.” It came out chopped and awkward, and I had a feeling I’d just stopped her from saying something else. Oh god, I…really needed to eat something. “Call me, Lexie.” I added, when her dark brows rose in question.
“Sure, Lexie,” she said, her white teeth flashing.
She had a very unique voice. Deep in a way that could have been very masculine, but somehow wasn’t. It probably drove men wild, actually. Throaty, raspy, sexy.
“I want to say, before I get into it,” she shifted and looked me straight in the eye. “I am sorry I showed up at the club that night. I promised Derek I wouldn’t be there, but there was a certain situation I had to deal with.” She looked off, a sudden annoyance flashing across her face at the memory.
I tried not to let it show how much it hurt to hear his name. To remember that night.
“It was a bit jarring,” I admitted, doing my best to keep my voice even.
“Believe me, I wanted to give you space. Derek chewed me out real good for it.”
A ghost of a smile twisted my lips. “I don’t doubt it.”
She grinned at me, and I saw a hint of the same wicked, devilish smirk that graced Derek’s face so often. Oh god. My heart lurched and tears stung behind my eyes. I didn’t know if I could do this. I took a deep breath.
“Anyways, I wanted to tell you that I thought you looked absolutely stunning and I hope you enjoyed the Club. Your husband certainly does.”
I blinked. “I—what?”
“I’m going to be very frank with you, Lexie. I know that things ended between you and Derek. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. It’s not up to me to decide what’s best for you. But I just ask that you make an informed decision before you cut him out forever.”
“What?” I asked again, sputtering like an idiot. “What are you talking about?”
“I started Club Midnight because I wanted to create a space for people to be free to be themselves. Without shame. A person can really find who they are at a place like that.”
“Yes,” I found myself agreeing, thinking about all the things Derek had shown be about myself, both in and out of the club.
“I just think you should know who your husband really is before you decide if he’s the one for you.”
“Oh.”
She turned and opened her purse. From it she withdrew a black mask that she handed to me. I just stared at her, at the mask that hovered in the air.
“Take it,” she said, holding out. “And come to the club tonight at ten PM. I’ll meet you, and I’ll show you who your husband really is. If you’d care to see it.”
I took the mask. It trembled in my hand. What was she saying?
“I hadn’t realized he was still going to the Club.”
She frowned. “I thought not.”
We sat in silence for a beat. I blinked as something snapped awake inside of me.
“Oh god, where are my manners?” My hands flew to my cheeks in a flurry of embarrassment. “Can I get you something to drink? Coffee or tea?”
Vanessa gave me a knowing smile. It was kind and non-judgemental. “No, thank you, Lexie.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I’ve not been myself lately.”
“Neither has my brother.”
“Did he send you here?”
“Oh, god, no. He’d kill me if he knew I was here. He actually didn’t want me to tell you about Brian’s activities at the club.”
“Really?”
“He’s a proud man, my brother,” Vanessa said, those twilight eyes filling with emotion. “He wouldn’t ever ask you to leave your husband. You’d have to come to him of your own accord. You realize that, right, Lexie?”
I nodded.
“It’s…,” Vanessa sighed, “not easy having me as a sister. Living in my shadow, so to speak. I fear my success has made his pride something of a monster.”
I laughed at that. The sound foreign and surprising. “You have no idea.”
Her own laugh filled the air. Where mine was a sandpapery husk, hers was like music. God. I didn’t blame Derek. Ten minutes with her and I was already feeling disgustingly inadequate. I wondered what it must be like to live with the knowledge that your mere presence made those around you feel inferior. In that split second, I pitied Vanessa.
“Yes, I see you understand,” she said, observing me closely, as though she’d read my thoughts.
I fought the urge to apologize.
“I just want him to be happy,” she said after a long silence. “And I’ve never seen him happier than when he was with you.”
I gulped down the marble in my throat. The one that threatened to spill over and make me sob uncontrollably. She gestured to the mask in my hand.
“Like I said, I can’t tell you what’s best for you. If you truly believe the key to your happiness lies with your husband, by all means, stay with him. But, please, come to the Club tonight, get all the facts, and see his true colors before you decide. You owe yourself that much, don’t you think?”
My hands curled around the mask. “Yes,” I agreed, bringing my eyes to meet hers. “I think I do.”
She stood and that lovely smile lit up the entire room.
“Excellent. I’ll see you tonight. Ten PM.”
“Vanessa,” I said as I followed her to the door, “thank you.”
“Oh, darling,” she smiled at me like a tiger. “I’m not doing this for your sake.”
Right. It was for Derek. Without so much as another word, she slipped out the front door. I closed it and loosed a shaky breath, my world dimming again. I needed to eat. As I walked into the kitchen, it occurred to me that she never did tell me how she got my door code.
Chapter Thirty
LEXIE
I stared at my reflection in the Club Midnight elevator doors. The guards in the lobby told me Vanessa would meet me at the bar. The venetian mask covered the top half of my face. The fit around my cheeks and nose was suspiciously perfect. I kept my outfit simple—tight black jeans and a see-through mesh long-sleeved shirt, my black satin bra visible underneath. Knee-high leather boots finished it all off.
Maybe it had been the prospect of wearing a mask, but my outfit was fully vigilante inspired.
I supposed I was going undercover tonight, in a sense. For a little extra dash of courage, I’d worn Derek’s collar. Not the new one—I still didn’t have the key for that— but the first one. The diamond-studded black velvet and lace. I could hear his voice in my head that first night he took me here.
Everyone will see your collar and know you’re claimed. No one will touch you.
Even if I wasn’t…I tensed at the pain of the thought…his anymore, it was still a comfort to know I had something around my neck that said ‘HANDS OFF’. Part of me wondered what his opinion would be if we knew I
was wearing his collar still.
Would he be happy or angry? I could envision it going either way, really.
The high pony tail I’d pulled my hair into tickled the bottom of my neck as I walked onto the main floor. I handed my jacket off, remembering the last time I was at the coat check, and the way Derek’s eyes had devoured me when I revealed my princess outfit.
I fought against the now-normal tightening of my chest. The constriction that felt like a hand squeezing my heart when I thought about him. I took a deep breath. I was nervous. It had been a while since I’d been around people. I felt like my social skills were rusty and flaked away from disuse.
Not that I was here to socialize.
It was also my first time braving a sex club on my own. I held my chin high and stalked towards the bar. Just because I knew I was quaking in my kinky boots, didn’t mean everyone else had to know too. Fake it till you make it, or whatever it was they said, had me strutting across the floor.
By the time I reached the bar, I was feeling just a bit braver. I leaned against it, a purple-haired woman sitting next to me, and watched the people go by. I wasn’t the only one in a mask. No, they were quite common here. Derek had told me it was because there were that many high-profile members.
Identities were a valuable commodity around here.
But, as I watched the throngs of people in leather and spikes, I thought about what Vanessa had said, about finding your truest self at Club Midnight. Maybe the mask was their real face in the end. It certainly made me feel bolder and stronger as I met the green eyes of a large man and didn’t look away. I grinned to myself when he broke eye-contact first.
“Drink?”
I recognized that voice, but when I looked around, I didn’t see Vanessa anywhere. A hand tapped my shoulder and I gave the woman next to me a second glance, realizing who it was with a start. I wasn’t the only one incognito tonight.
Vanessa was wearing a long lavender wig. The bangs went down to her eyebrows and the rest of the purple locks hid the sides of her face. Then there was all the make-up. She’d been contoured to look like a different person. I blinked as I looked into her eyes. They were brown.