Where am I? Where did the slide take us? Suddenly one thought pierced her disorientation with hammer-like ferocity. Evan! Where is my son? she thought wildly. Where am I?
"Evan!" she shouted desperately. "Evan! Where are you, honey?"
She froze where she stood, straining her ears to listen for his response in the darkness. She held her breath and did not move, but she could still only hear her own heartbeat pounding in her ears. Evan did not respond.
"Or he can't respond." the dark voice in her mind told her. The voice sounded odd this time, but she couldn’t discern why. She didn’t give it more than a fleeting thought.
"Evan!" Again, there was no answer.
He must have landed somewhere near here, she thought.
"That is very logical of you,” the voice said, “Too bad for you, this is not a place of logic. How do you even know you ended up in the same place as your son?"
Shut up! she thought angrily. Her scream was met with silence.
Then the unbidden voice whiplashed back with a harsh, "No!"
As shiver of terror shot down her spine and her back broke out into a sweat, she suddenly felt very cold against the night air.
She asked out loud, "Who are you?" The dark voice in the back of her mind did not answer. "Fine I don't care who you are,” she told it defiantly as her voice cracked, “b-but I'm going to find my son!"
The voice in her head remained silent. It was probably just her fears given voice. She shook her head for being dumb and started probing ahead with her hands. She searched the paper-like substance blindly for her little son. The material crunched delicately and crumpled in her hands as she felt the immediate radius around her. It’s no use; all I can feel . . .
That was when the smell hit her. She recognized the old, musty, earthy scent of leaves. There had to be tons of them here, just collecting for God-only-knew how long. It was overwhelming once her olfactory sense grabbed hold of the aroma. The sheer enormity of the decaying fragrance choked her. Her stomach lurched as waves of nausea struck. She tried to take a deep calming breath, but inhaling move of the rancid air made it so much worse. Her abdomen churned even harder, and there was no fighting it.
She stooped forward violently and suddenly pitched forward as she was thrown off balance by her pregnant abdomen and a burst of vertigo. She fell unceremoniously to her knees as bile spewed out of her mouth. It splattered in the leaves directly in front of her as she plunged below their surface. Flecks of her own vomit smeared back on her face. Disgusted, she jumped back in a fit of horror and fell again onto her backside. More dead foliage enveloped her in its ever-present blanket.
"Well, aren't you a sight,” the dark voice told her with a distinct air of amusement.
She wordlessly contemplated whether or not to tell it to shut up again but thought better of it. She didn't have time for that kind of banter with her subversive inner self. She needed to focus on finding Evan. He was her number one priority. Such monologues were frivolous given her current predicament. Whatever that was she still wasn’t sure.
Hard as it was to admit, she also didn’t want to engage the voice for fear of its response. Maybe it was only the voice of her sob conscious expressing her worries, or maybe it was something more. She didn't know if it was her subconscious giving her worries a voice, or if it was something worse. All she knew was that she couldn’t control it, and it was taking all her self-control not to freak out.
She stood up slowly and dusted herself off. She did not speak at all into the dark, but she could sense something strange. If she had to give it a description, she would have called it cold amusement. She shook her head vigorously. Erin, you are being stupid. She paused with her head cocked slightly as she listened for her subconscious to give any input. The dark voice remained silent.
"Evan!" she called out again. The silence that answered her was heavy and foreboding. It weighed down on her soul, making it hard to breathe.
She took another deep breath through fear-clenched lungs. She shouted back into the darkness, "Evan! Momma's coming! If you can hear me, call out to me! Or at least make some noise, honey!"
She paused, listening. Her own voice did not an echo, almost as if it had died in the air as soon as she formed the words.
You can't think that way Erin. It's not helping you. she thought.
"No. Nothing is helping you,” her subconscious answered her.
Erin shuddered. She clutched her arms and kept talking to herself, ignoring the other voice in her head. I will just go in circles and sweep the area until I find him.
"And what if you miss him?” the voice asked her.
"Then I will keep looking,” she answered back through gritted teeth.
"And if you find nothing?” it responded.
She screamed with every bit of her breath, "Then I will keep looking!" Its cold amusement blossom further.
She started to move forward in what she hoped was a circular pattern, probing her hands blindly into the leaves. She was hoping beyond hope that she could find her son in this mess. As she searched, the darkness continued to weigh down on her, feeding on her despair and increasing it with every fruitless step.
"Evan!"
Her only answer to calling his name was the tsshh-tsshh-tsshh of the rustling leaves as she waded through them.
"Momma's coming!" Tsshh. Tsshh. Tsshh.
Time crawled by with agonizing slowness. She felt every moment pass with increased terror. Tsshh. Tsshh. Tsshh. "Come on baby, answer me!" she pleaded into the dark.
"He cannot,” the dark voice told her.
Her frayed nerves snapped. "Shut up!” she screamed. Shut up! Shut up! You're not even real!
The dark voice asked, full of cold amusement, "You don’t think I’m real? My dear Erin, what makes you think you are alone here?"
"What?” she exclaimed in an alarmed whisper. She froze in her steps.
Tsshh. Tsshh. Tsshh. Someone else was moving through the leaves, and whoever or whatever it was, the sound was getting closer. Hope mixed with terror. It couldn’t possibly see her any more than she could see it. It could be her little boy, but it sounded so much bigger. It could be someone far more sinister than she could imagine, possibly the master of this dark hell.
She was paralyzed in her own indecisiveness, overcome with incredulous anger as she balked at herself. "I don't care if it's the devil himself. It's not going to stop me from finding Evan."
"But you do care, Erin. Are you certain that you would face eternal damnation even if you’re not sure whether your son is even still alive to fight for? Lose any hope that your unborn baby might survive even if he doesn’t?”
Erin paused as she reeled from the mental jab. Was this her sub consciousness or something worse? Was it right? Was her little boy dead? In truth, she wasn’t sure- would she face her fear and her own destruction for someone who was already dead? Would she risk her baby?
But I don't know that Evan’s dead, she reassured herself.
"Yes you do," the voice told her harshly.
NO, I DON’T! she screamed back in her mind.
There was a momentary pause before the dark voice responded sarcastically, “Then put your belief to the test. Call him again."
She shook a shuddering breath, knowing the only way to find out for sure was to call him. She called out hesitantly, "Evan?"
Suddenly, the other being started moving towards her at a greater pace. She took a step backwards. "Evan?” she called out a little more frantically.
The other figure started moving faster. "Evan, is that you?” she screamed.
"No. Not Evan," the unbidden voice said. But this time it came not from inside her mind, but from out in the darkness. It was coming from whatever was rushing towards her. The voice sounded hungry with expectation.
Chapter Three
Flight
Terror drove her forward. She felt out blindly in front of her, but the waist high leaves hindered her steps. Behind her, the dark pursuer gave ferv
ent chase. Her legs burned as they pumped her through the discarded foliage. Her breaths came in ragged painful gasps.
Then a horrified thought shot through her mind. I'm leaving my son!
Her pursuer broke into a guttural snarl. "You're not leaving anyone! You will remain here with me!"
This can't be happening! she thought wildly.
"Oh, this is happening all right!” the snarling thing replied.
It can hear my thoughts. The realization almost caused her to stumble.
"I know your dreams. I know your fears. I know your secrets. I know the shames you hide from everyone. I know the things that you’ve done in the past. I know the thoughts that keep you awake at night when your husband sleeps. I even know about your baby."
"No!"
This time she did stumble, and she fell to her knees waves of crunching leaves poured over her shoulders and head. Their musty odor filled her nostrils and bile threatened to rise up in her throat. She swallowed it back fiercely as adrenalin throbbed in her temples. She pushed herself forward in an awkward crawl with swim strokes that helped to plow her way through the foliage.
"You're mine!” the voice cried out from much closer.
I'm going to be caught!
Tssh. Tssh. Tssh! The owner of the dark voice was approaching even quicker than before. Its breath was now audible over the crunching of the leaves.
It's going to get me! I'm going to die here in the dark! she whimpered in her mind. I'm sorry, Evan!
Thoughts of Evan flashed through her mind's eyes. In his childhood innocence, Evan had placed his entire hope in her ability to protect him, whether she deserved it or not. He was not even able to conceive of the possibility that his Momma would just lie there and give up while he needed her to come and rescue him. An image of him glowed in her mind. He was reaching out to her with both arms wide, the way he did when he was a newly-walking toddler. She could hear him cry out to her. “Momma!” It echoed shrilly in her head and her heart. He was lost, terrified, and maybe even hurt.
The image ignited a kind of feral energy within her. "No!” she howled with the ferocity of a war cry. The darkness swallowed her voice in all its primal essence. The crashing of her pursuer clambering through the leaves halted. It had actually paused. Was it stunned by her shout? Did she actually scare it back?
She didn’t know why, but she took advantage of its lost momentum and pushed herself up to her feet and plowed forward as fast as her legs could propel her.
There has to be a way out of here, she thought.
The sound of crashing pursuit violently resumed behind her. “No,” it hissed. “You cannot escape the dark. You and your son will remain here in the darkness with me forever.” the voice told her coldly.
"You are a liar!" she hissed. "You were right in the first place! My Evan isn’t here! I'm going to find him, and you had better stay out of my way!"
Cold amusement emanated from the dark as it chuckled with a low guttural laugh. “Your empty words are nothing but air consumed by the night.”
That was when she saw it. Out of the corner of her eye she spied a tiny flicker of light. In this infinity of darkness, it was a beacon of hope. It was akin to the twinkling of a star, but she fixated on it and ran.
"No!" Her pursuer roared.
An explosion of sound shattered the silence between them as leaves kicked upwards at its sudden burst of speed. With an icy certainty, Erin realized that up until that moment, the shadow dweller had been toying with her. It was no longer playing games. It bellowed a roar that rattled Erin’s teeth.
"Oh, God!” she huffed. "Someone! Anyone! Help me!"
Suddenly the starlight expanded into a strobe of light that flooded into the darkness. The light pierced her eyes with blinding, stabbing pain. The predator behind her shrieked. This time its cry was a mixture of fury and pain.
As her eyes adjusted and focused on her light source, she could see that it was coming from a doorway at the top of a steep hill just before her. It illuminated the dead leaves in the path between her and her salvation.
A figure appeared in the doorway. "This way, Erin! Hurry!" It shouted in a familiar voice.
"You will not escape me!" the creature snarled.
Erin ran up, awkwardly trying to climb the slippery slope of the hill. Her feet kept slipping beneath her from the lack of traction as she trudged upward.
"I will not stay here!” she said fiercely.
The force of her raw determination allowed her feet to find purchase on the ground, and she began bounding upwards. Behind her, she could hear that it had not slowed its pursuit, with her so nearly within its grasp. Erin could hear an angry hiss, and she smelled the sickly-sweet putrid stink of burning flesh. The same light that shone on her was actually burning her pursuer, causing it pain, keeping it at bay.
Erin knew that she shouldn’t, but she desperately wanted to glance over her shoulder and see what horror lay behind. With safety so close yet so far away, she could not afford such a critical distraction. Erin had another reason not to look which was far more primal. She was afraid of what she might see.
The outline of the figure in the doorway became more distinct. It was still impossible for her to make out who the familiar voice belonged to with the backdrop of light shading her features into a silhouette. The figure held out a hand, but she did not reach beyond the threshold of the doorway.
Suddenly, something latched onto her ankle from beneath the leaves. Scalding pain erupted from whatever grabbed her, and it pulsed from her ankle all the way up her leg to her chest and head. An icy fire ripped through her body, her mind, her very essence. A shriek of the purest agony exploded out of her own lungs stealing her very ability to breathe and think. Her pursuer, the unholy deviant that could only thrive in the utter darkness safe beneath its cover of leaves, had finally caught her on the very precipice of her escape. Its black touch drew blood from her very soul and pulled her back into its dark realm.
There was nothing that Erin could do as she writhed and spasmed in its torturous grip. She unconsciously fell forward. Her hand, which had tried so desperately to grab her would-be savior slapped against the doorway’s threshold. She no control of the extremity and it began to slide back through the frame, following the rest of her seizing body as she was dragged below the leaves into the darkness.
The figure in the doorway grabbed her limp hand with both of hers. Her grip in contrast was warm and soothing, and its positive energy pulsed down through Erin’s body. This energy buffered away and alleviated the mind-numbing, asphyxiating pain of her pursuer’s searing touch. Erin became aware of how soft and smooth the other woman's grip was, yet not detracting from her obvious strength. There was also the strong smell of lilac and lavender on her. This tickled at Erin’s hidden memories. What is this reminding of?
"No!” the dark voice screamed.
With an undeniable authority, the new woman spoke in a crisp feminine voice. "You cannot have her! I rebuke you!"
"No!” roared the dark beast.
Erin shrieked as another surge of unspeakable pain rifled through her. Then it released, and she was left with the dull afterglow of its dark touch radiating from her ankle. The woman who had rescued her pulled her free with colossal strength. Erin flew out of the dark place into the light and tumbled into a scattered pile of leaves that was far less dense as the abyss she had just escaped. She rolled and came to rest on cold concrete beyond most of the piles.
She registered a loud metallic bang and saw that the door to the dark place had been slammed closed. She could not help thinking about what it could mean for the door to close with her still inside. She shuddered at the thought.
The woman stood over her. "Give me your hand.” Her voice was gentle, but its tone bore no questioning.
Light-blinded, Erin held out her hand to her savior. The other woman took it and pulled her to a sitting position. The exertion instantly made her feel dizzy and nauseous.
"It touched you, didn
't it?" the other woman asked.
Erin nodded, as she noted that there was something strange about the other woman’s movements, something that Erin should have recognized, but couldn’t quite pinpoint it. The other woman continued, "You are very lucky, Erin. If you had fallen differently, I would not have been able to help you. There are rules here that cannot be broken. I would not have been able to get to you, and you would have been lost in the darkness forever.”
The thought of spending one more second there, let alone an eternity, made Erin shudder again. She opened her trembling mouth and said, "Th-thank you."
"Do not stutter, dear. It doesn't suit you,” responded her savior.
The remark was so familiar that it registered at the core of her being. It was a phrase that Erin had heard so often as she grew up, and then abruptly she had never heard it again.
She looked at her rescuer with surprised apprehension. Her vision cleared and the familiar face of the other woman came into sharper detail, a face that so closely resembled the one Erin saw in the mirror every day.
"Mom?” she breathed.
Her mother gave her a warm, sad smile. "Hello, dear."
Erin's blue eyes, which she had inherited from her mother, bulged. "But . . . you're dead."
Chapter Four
Reunion
Erin stared, her breath caught in the vice that was her throat. Was this real?
It couldn’t possibly be real, could it? Her mother had been dead for over fifteen years. This woman standing before her couldn’t be the mother she had lost so long ago. This would mean . . .
Erin blinked a few times. The features of the woman claiming to be Marsha did not change. She looked down at Erin with stern blue eyes, just like the ones that she remembered from her childhood that could spot the smallest of mistakes. All at once Erin felt very small and helpless.
Marsha’s jaw tightened with a worried expression as she looked over Erin. After a few moments of searching, Marsha finally asked in a concerned voice, “Are you hurt?”
Leaves and Shadows Page 2