Annie was harder. Annie was painful to talk about. “She’s the mother of the world. Six years old and she’ll adopt every injured animal, every broken doll, she’ll bring any child that gets hurt to our house to bandage them up. Annie has a real need to take care of people. She’s always been like that, but she used to enjoy other things, too, like riding her bike or playing dress up...or even digging in the dirt—” Sam’s voice trailed off, not wanting to remember the reason for the changes in Annie.
“Well, you’ve certainly got plenty of dirt for your kids to play in here, Sam,” Rachel said, motioning out the window to the unkempt yard. “They can dig to their hearts’ content, maybe start a garden.”
“Is that how you got so interested in flowers?” he asked suddenly. “Did you have a garden as a kid?” Sam hadn’t known Rachel until she was fifteen. He didn’t know much of her, anyway, but he did remember vague things. She hadn’t had much, her clothes had not been well made, her mother had been forced to clean his parents’ home to earn money. Still, she’d been a breath of air when they’d first met. She’d sparkled when she smiled and she’d smiled often. He suddenly wished he’d had more of a chance to get to know her, but—
“What was your life like as a child, Rachel?” he asked, surprising himself by voicing his thoughts.
He had apparently surprised her, too, stepped into forbidden territory. Her back stiffened, she lost her smile.
“I had a garden,” she agreed, answering his earlier question. “You could do that easily. There’s so much room here. The children could have a vegetable garden and try their hands at growing something. There are lots of things that aren’t too hard to cultivate. Radishes grow fast, and even if kids don’t like to eat them, it’s still a rush to know that you’ve grown something that someone will eat. And there’s plenty of room for more trees here, and lots of flower beds—” Rachel stopped talking.
“I’m sorry, this is your house,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to take over.”
“Why not? You know that I want you to,” he answered. Sam held her gaze with his own. “Why are you doing this, Rachel? Why are you helping me at all? It’s clear that things haven’t changed all that much between you and me. You haven’t taken any money I’ve offered you, so why have you agreed to come here and help me at all? Why should you care about my children?”
Silence settled into the room; a long, uncomfortable silence.
“Kate,” Rachel finally said, breaking into the stillness. “You’re Kate’s brother. Your children are her nieces, her nephew. And Kate was always there for me. We were close.”
She smiled a sudden and brilliant smile, tilting her chin up defiantly. “That’s why I’m here, Sam.”
So, Sam thought, his sister’s friendship coupled with Rachel’s soft spot for lonely kids was the only reason the lady was putting up with him at all. And he wanted her here just for his children’s sake. If he was wise, he’d remember that. He wouldn’t let himself forget that Rachel was simply his sister’s friend and a potential source of quality child care. Any tender feelings he’d ever possessed had run out the door along with Donna. He certainly wasn’t going to dredge them up again, not for anyone, especially not for a woman who already ran whenever he got too close.
~ ~ ~
The house was done, ready to be lived in, except for a few finishing touches, Rachel thought, letting herself in the front door.
In a basket on her arm were three sad-faced teddy bears, supersoft and guaranteed cuddly. Their pathetic little expressions looked sadder by the minute... as if they needed nurturing. As if they needed a child to give than a hug.
That was what she was hoping for as she placed each one on a bed upstairs. She wanted those kids to be so busy comforting their new furry friends that they wouldn’t have time to think about the fact that they were starting a new life in a strange town. She just didn’t want them to be scared or sad the first day in their new home.
Why are you doing this, Rachel? The question Sam had asked yesterday drifted into her consciousness. It was a good question, a tough one. She had no ready answers, even for herself. Rachel knew that what she had told Sam was only a half-truth. She was helping out partly because Sam and his children were related to her old friend, but even that wasn’t enough. Kate had gotten her on the phone and attempted to persuade her to quit her job just the other night, but Rachel had resisted all Kate’s efforts. Even friendship had its limits.
Still, she was helping him. How could she do otherwise when he was so concerned for his kids? That man loved his children and was worried for them. She couldn’t just stand on the sidelines and do nothing at all. Neither, though, could she work here with him, not in his own home. That had become absolutely clear when she’d stood there in the prison of his arms. She had nearly died of desire and the need to hold herself distant. There was no way she wanted to live through such an experience again. At least, not with Sam.
The key turning in the lock brought Rachel out of her foggy attempts to understand and justify her motivations here. She hurried down the steps and arrived at the bottom just in time to see Sam coming in with two wiggly bundles in his arms. A little girl stood by his side, her serious little face turned toward Rachel.
Annie’s pictures didn’t do her justice. She was all dark curls and big blue eyes. She was Kate as Kate must have been as a child. Rachel couldn’t have kept a smile from her face if she had fought with all her might.
“Annie,” she said. “You have to be Annie. You’re the image of pictures I’ve seen of your aunt Kate when she was your age.”
Annie nodded solemnly at her. “I am Annie, and you are Rachel. Daddy said you couldn’t stay, that we would have to make do with his cooking tonight. We are going to have hot dogs,” she said, wrinkling her nose.
“Dogs. Woof.” Rachel’s attention was drawn away from Annie as Sam let Janey and Zach slide to the floor.
“Woof,” Zach repeated.
Rachel managed not to laugh as Zach stood tall and Janey peeked out from behind him, smiling shyly. When Rachel smiled back, the little girl crept out. She held out her teddy bear.
“Baby,” she said.
“Pleased to meet you, Baby,” Rachel replied. “And you too, Janey and Zach. But I don’t think you have to rely on your dad’s cooking for tonight, anyway, Annie. I can stay that long at least. Your daddy has been driving for a while. He probably wants to settle down and visit with the three of you now. Time enough for him to start cooking tomorrow.”
Sam was down on one knee pulling a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away a smudge of dirt Zach was sporting on the end of his nose. At her words he turned swiftly, his gaze meeting her own. Her heart nearly forgot to beat when she stared into his deep blue eyes. He touched his fingers to his little boy’s cheek.
“That’s kind of you, Rachel. Thank you,” he said. “We do need some time.”
It was a simple statement, nothing extraordinary, but Rachel suddenly wondered what had happened in the last day or two. Sam looked tired and sad.
When he got up and started into the other room, Rachel noticed how Annie quickly grabbed his hand as if she was afraid he’d get away from her. Together the four of them shuffled at a slow pace into the living room. Sam sat down and Annie crawled up on his lap. Not Janey and Zach. They were off like a flash, looking for adventure.
Sam started to get up, taking Annie with him, but Rachel shook her head.
“Don’t worry, Sam. They’re just exploring. I’ll make sure you don’t end up with more purple-polka-dotted curtains,” Rachel said, turning to follow the two little ones.
“No, no, I will do that,” Annie said suddenly, jumping up. “I always watch Janey and Zach,” the little girl said stubbornly. “Just don’t go away, Daddy. Do not move,” the little girl ordered.
“Annie...” Sam said, reaching for her hand, but she was already two steps away.
“I’ll be back,” she promised. “Don’t leave. Don’t dare get up and l
eave, Daddy.”
“Never again, Annie. Not ever. You understand?”
She nodded solemnly, but still she was dancing nervously from foot to foot. Her eyes were darting around as if she was unsure what to do.
When she had left the room, Sam pushed a restless hand back through his thick, black hair. He let out a deep breath.
“She missed you,” Rachel said by way of explanation. “It’s natural that she wouldn’t want to leave your side.”
Sam turned dark blue eyes on Rachel. “She had nightmares every day, Mrs. Nelson said. I can’t believe I did that to my child.”
Rachel sucked in a breath. “Sam,” she said slowly. “Don’t blame yourself. She’ll learn that you won’t leave her, that you’d never hurt her.”
“You’re damn right about that,” Sam agreed, pinning Rachel where she stood with the fierceness of his gaze. “I’d never do anything that would hurt her, not if I could help it. My children will always be first with me, above all else.”
Rachel had no doubts about that as she watched Annie leading the twins back into the room. They had found their teddy bears and the other toys that had been left upstairs, too. Sam studied them closely and she could see the love and pride written on his face. Restlessly he smoothed his hand over Annie’s curls as the little girl finally relaxed and began to talk about what they would do the next day.
Quietly Rachel slipped from the room and moved into the kitchen to make dinner. She was in the middle of rolling pizza dough when she looked up to find four brown eyes peeping up at her over the rim of the table.
“Want to help?” she asked with a grin.
Janey and Zach nodded, their heads bobbing up and down.
Smiling, Rachel set them up at the end of the table with their own bit of dough. She spread sauce and cheese on the main course as the two little munchkins rolled their dough into snakes, then pounded them flat, laughing, inordinately pleased with themselves.
She was just putting the first pizza in the oven when Annie came in. “Janey, Zach,” the little girl said, her hands on her hips. “You must not be in here.”
“It’s okay, Annie. They’re fine. Do you think you could help me, too?” Rachel motioned to the remaining half of the dough and the other supplies on the table. She picked up an apron and held it out.
Annie looked longingly at her brother and sister stringing out the dough, then she glanced back over her shoulder, fear in her eyes. “I have to watch Daddy,” she explained in a small voice.
Rachel shook her head. “Your daddy’s sleeping, Annie. I can see him from here.”
“But if I look away—”
“He’ll still be sleeping. He isn’t going anywhere. Nowhere at all.”
Reluctantly Annie agreed to be helped into the apron. She pinched and patted the dough. She took the rolling pin and made long strokes back and forth, pushing the dough into a lopsided circle, but Rachel couldn’t keep from noticing that not a minute went by when Annie didn’t glance into the next room to see if Sam was still there. This was a child who needed help.
The thought wouldn’t go away. It was still bothering her two hours later when Rachel stood before a still sleepy Sam at the door. He had dark shadows of stubble on his cheeks, his shirt was open, and his dark hair was tousled from where he’d tossed and turned on the couch. He hadn’t slept well. She doubted the night would bring him any more rest, judging from the anxious way Annie was watching him.
“Thank you, Rachel,” he said in a sleep-roughened voice. He reached out and raked the backs of two fingers across her cheek and she couldn’t have stepped away if she’d tried.
She couldn’t even breathe in. “You’re a stubborn, hard-headed woman, but a good one. A very good one.”
“Take care, Sam,” she whispered, knowing she wouldn’t be coming back to this house again. “Goodbye, Annie. Kiss Janey and Zach for me. I’ll see you around town.”
“Thank you for the pizza, Rachel. You cook better than Mrs. Nelson,” Annie said solemnly, and Rachel knew she’d been granted the highest compliment.
But as she walked away and heard the door close behind her, she wondered how they were going to get along without someone to take care of them—and how was Sam going to go back to work when Annie couldn’t bear to have him out of her sight? She hoped he’d be able to find a housekeeper soon.
The ride home was quiet, too quiet after the babbling of the twins all evening. Rachel didn’t want quiet, she didn’t want to think... or remember that little girl’s sad and wistful look.
She closed her mind to her thoughts, to Sam and his babies. When she got home, she shut her door behind her and flipped on the television set, even though she had no interest whatsoever in watching television.
Sitting there, willing herself not to think about that family across town, Rachel was grateful when the doorbell rang—and surprised. It was already getting late. Who’d be coming to visit her now?
Opening the door, she met the smile of Cynthia Watts.
“That man—” Cynthia began, holding out a thin florist’s package. “He’s something. But then I guess I can’t complain. I’m the one who let him talk me into making a delivery at this time of night. Hope you like it.”
Blinking, Rachel thanked her friend, then took the package inside. She peeled back the wrapping. Inside was a single white rose, wreathed by baby’s breath. Who would wake Cynthia to send flowers at this time of night? Silly question. Who was the only man who had ever given her flowers at all?
Rachel gently touched the petals, found the card.
“This one’s not a bribe, Rachel. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you so much for everything. You’re one very special lady. Sam.”
Swallowing, Rachel wanted to scream. She felt the lump forming in her throat and the dampness at the backs of her eyes. Not a bribe. Damn the man. This was more of a bribe than anything else had been. He knew she’d just come from his house. He knew she’d been unable to resist his children and that she couldn’t help wanting to comfort that lonely and scared little girl. He knew that telling her she was special would make her feel like a total jerk turning away from those helpless babies. Oh yes, Sam Grayson, this beautiful, lone blossom was most definitely a bribe. Hadn’t the man indicated that he would do anything for his children? Hadn’t he sworn he would always put them first?
And as Rachel placed the rose in a bud vase and tucked herself into bed she damned the man again. Sleep wasn’t going to come easily for her this night, either, it seemed.
All night she tossed in her bed. She didn’t want to give in, and she certainly didn’t want to spend more time with Sam. If only—if only she could convince herself that it was really okay to walk away from Sam’s wide-eyed little waifs. If she was already committed to something truly important, if she’d learned to love Don, if she could find the sparkle in her heart when he was around, things would be different. She’d have her own family to care for. She could walk away guilt free. But she’d sent Don away. And while he’d insisted that he would come back to see how she felt after the death of her mother was well behind her and her emotions had mended, he wasn’t here now. She didn’t know if time had finally worked some magic on her feelings about Don.
And in the morning, nothing had changed. Bob Engalls still hadn’t turned into her knight in shining armor. Don was still away. She couldn’t summon him and offer him hope that might not be justified. And there were still children across town who needed her help.
Rachel dressed quickly. She called in a temporary office worker for Hal so that he would have someone to do her job while he looked for someone more permanent. Then she took a deep breath and closed the door to her house.
In fifteen minutes she was at Sam’s door.
When he opened it and stood there towering over her, he looked much the same as last night, just a little more rough around the edges. He wasn’t wearing a shirt this time, and the top button of his jeans was undone. He was as sexy as a man could be without setting e
verything around him on fire. Rachel could barely open her mouth...but she did.
“All right, you win, Sam Grayson. You win,” she said, holding out the white rose. “But just remember that I’m stubborn and I’m hardheaded and you and I don’t get along. Don’t forget that.”
“I never have, Rachel. Not ever,” he said in an early-morning rasp. He reached out to pull her inside, and his fingers sliding against her bare arm sent a ripple of tension and need throughout her body. Rachel’s stomach began to flutter.
“This might not work, Sam,” she whispered urgently. He was still touching her. It was all she could do to keep from pressing her free hand to his chest to push herself away, but she was afraid that resting her fingers on his warm, naked skin would be the biggest mistake she would ever make. “You and I—we might not be able to get along together.”
“We might not. I know, Rachel. We’ll see,” he whispered back, dragging his fingers slowly away from her. “Come inside,” he urged. “Come here and we’ll see if we can work things out, if we can work together with no regrets.”
But Sam’s voice sounded almost as uncertain as she felt, and Rachel knew that what Sam was asking was impossible. She was going to regret this decision many times over. She was going to be sorry she had ever made a commitment to Sam and his children. Especially when Sam was a man with nothing to offer her but money and the promise of a great many sleepless nights.
Chapter Four
When Rachel fished out the key to Sam’s door the next morning and let herself in, he was in the kitchen trying to dress Zach while Janey climbed on his back. Zach twisted from side to side, making the whole process that much more difficult.
“You little squirt. Stay still.” Sam chuckled as Zach giggled back. “No piggyback rides now, Janey,” he managed as his daughter got a choke hold on him and dug her chubby little toes into his spinal column.
“Up,” Janey insisted, hanging on tighter.
Rachel stood there surveying the scene, Annie sitting quietly at the table drawing a picture while Sam wrestled with the babies. Her heart gave an unwelcome lurch, testimony to the doubts that continued to assail her. Still, she couldn’t help smiling at the trio rolling around on the floor. Annie, in contrast, looked like the only adult in the group.
Babies and a Blue-eyed Man Page 5