“It’s not yours, either. You don’t even live here, and yet here we are.” Tion pounded on doors as he ran for the stairs. Conway stopped long enough to beat on the door to his old room. He ran after Tion without waiting for a response.
Marvin was already stoking the big fireplace as Em lit the lamps. He was still in his nightshirt but had managed to get his boots on, at least. Outside, the woof howled again.
“The damn thing has never come into the village before,” Marvin said. He turned to Conway, who was taking the skillet from its peg. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“There’s a man outside that needs help,” Conway said simply. “We’re going to help him.”
“Wait for me.”
Tion paused at the door and turned to look. Wylde descended the stairs as he spoke. “I don’t think I’ll be much use, but I’ll try.”
Conway nodded and stood beside Tion. Kail followed the wizard down the stairs. “Me too, but I’m already gonna need a clean pair of pants.”
“Marvin, how much lamp oil do you have?” Wylde asked. He lifted the lamp hanging beside the door.
“A half case of small barrels or so, why? What are you thinking?”
“That I have no intention of dying in the dark. We need light, and if I have something to hand that will burn, I can give us some.” Marvin scurried toward the kitchen, and Wylde turned to Conway. “Come here, lad.” He put one hand on Conway’s head and the other on the huge frying pan. “Hold still.” The wizard muttered something strange and stepped back. Bright blue light flashed, blinding Tion for a moment. When he could see again, Conway held a large shield nearly as long as he was tall.
“It’ll take its strength from you, Conway, and it probably won’t hold its shape for long, but hopefully it will help.” Wylde motioned to the sprites. “You two, grab a stick of firewood. Hurry!”
Outside, Tion heard men yelling and the woof snarling. Someone screamed beyond the window as he ran to the wood crib and snatched two lengths of wood. He tossed one to Kail and stood before the wizard. “Wylde, I….”
“Hush now.” The wizard spoke gruffly. “You were right, and no matter what happens, I’m in your debt.” He grasped the firewood in the sprites’ hands and closed his eyes.
Blue light flared and swirled as the wizard muttered. It died away slowly this time, and instead of firewood, Tion held a gleaming pike in both hands. Kail held its twin.
“They won’t break,” Wylde said, gasping a little, “but they’re no good if there is no one to use them. Stay close to each other.”
Tion and Kail looked at each other sheepishly. Mute apology nevertheless sang out, and Kail nodded, smiling fiercely. Both sprites glowed as soft red light surrounded them and deepened to the bright orange of molten metal.
Marvin came back with a cask under each arm. “What’re you gonna do?” he asked as he handed the small barrels to Wylde.
“Wish I was ten years younger,” the wizard said, opening the door.
Torches guttered and flared as men clustered around the woof, poking and jabbing with a bewildering array of farm gear. Rakes and shovels, a sickle, and a scatter of scythes served more to enrage the beast than do any real damage.
“Over here!” Wylde called as he strode toward the well at the center of the square. He set one of the casks at his feet and threw the other high into the air. “Light,” he commanded, gesturing at the falling cask. It froze in midair and burst into bright blue flame. The square flooded with light, and Tion groaned at the wreckage illuminated by the miniature sun.
Men and a few women lay strewn like jackstraws, some moving and some not. Those who could ran toward the well and the waiting wizard.
“Conway,” Wylde said, “get between them and the woof. Remember the shield draws from you!”
Conway nodded, hesitating only a moment, and ran toward the approaching woof. Tion shouted for Kail and followed him. When the last of the villagers had made it to the well, Conway planted the edge of the shield against the unyielding stone and braced his shoulder against the beast’s charge. The woof roared and launched itself high into the air and came down snarling against Conway’s shield. Blue-white light flared, momentarily brighter than Wylde’s little sun, and the woof howled with pain and frustration as it crumpled against Conway’s shield.
Despite the magical augmentation, Conway staggered back from the blow and fell to one knee. Tion and Kail leaned against him to lend their support as the woof charged again. More blue-white light flashed, and Conway groaned against the onslaught. “It feel like I’m being hit by a boulder,” he cried, and Tion grimaced.
“Kail! You go right, I’ll go left. Aim for its gut!”
Together, the sprites stepped out from behind Conway’s shield as the woof crashed against it a third time. When the flash of light faded, they jabbed in unison, and the woof howled its rage. It whirled and snapped, first left, then right, but the sprites had already retreated behind the human. The woof backed away and tried to circle around the shield, but Conway pivoted with it and gave it no quarter.
Blood, as black as tar in the wizard’s blue light, splashed across the stone as Tion and Kail darted in and out of Conway’s protection, jabbing and slashing in unison each time the beast charged and struck the shield.
“Guys, I can’t do this much longer!” Conway’s voice shook with exhaustion. “We aren’t killing it.”
Tion heard the wizard shouting to get the wounded inside, but he didn’t dare turn around to see.
“If we could just—” Conway cried out as the shield sapped more of his strength to ward off another of the woof’s thudding attack.
“Tion!” Kail panted. “Like we did to the Oaf!”
Tion nodded grimly, and together they dodged out and away from Conway just as the woof ran at them. They charged the woof’s flanks, but instead of stabbing, the sprites jammed their pikes between the woof’s flashing legs. The sound of snapping bone was sickeningly loud as the woof tangled in the unbreakable pikes and tumbled headfirst into Conway’s shield. Tion bounced backward to land skidding on the stone, and Kail flew in the opposite direction. Conway crumpled and fell beneath the shield, pinned beneath the weight of the crippled beast.
Tion sat up and saw his partner slumped against the wheel of a honey wagon. “Kail! Can you hear me?” He struggled to his feet and limped toward Kail, but the woof scrambled up on three legs and snarled. Tion cast about for his pike and spotted it a dozen yards away. Kail moaned, and the woof turned its head in his direction.
“No! Over here, ugly fucking thing. Come get me!” Tion edged toward the pike, waving his arms to draw the woof’s attention. “C’mon, woof! Puppy! Mangy dog!” In the back of his mind, Tion knew he was ranting, just as he knew his chances of reaching his weapon before the woof reached him were slim at best, but his thudding heart was filled with only one thing: keep the beast away from Kail. Movement caught at the corner of his eye, but he ignored it, not daring to look at anything but the woof as it limped toward him. Even on three legs, it would be fast. Tion bolted for his pike, and the wolf charged. As he feared, the thing was still fast, but before it reached him, the animal howled and whirled, biting and snapping at its flank and at the pike sticking out of it.
“All Kingdom Javelin Contest,” Wylde said blandly. “Winner, three years running.” He staggered, and the miniature blue sun flickered. “Hurry, Tion,” he said, and his voice held real anguish. “I can't hold all this magic much longer!”
Tion ran and spun around as he snatched up his pike. The miniature sun guttered, and Tion saw the wizard collapse to his knees. Conway pushed what was once again just a heavy skillet off his chest and sat up. He crawled to the wizard’s side, and Tion saw the woof turn in their direction. “Conway! Look out!” he shouted as the woof gave up trying to dislodge the pike and advanced on the men. Silent except for the clacking of its claws on stone, the beast ran, and Tion screamed. He threw his pike, but the woof only howled as the weapon buried itself
in its opposite flank. The woof crashed into the wizard, knocking him to the ground. Blood welled as claws raked the ragged wizard warrior. Wylde scrabbled on his back as the woof regained its feet and slowly advanced. The wizard kicked at its dripping muzzle, but the beast still advanced. It pressed one clawed paw against the wizard’s chest, pinning him to the ground, and opened its jaws wide. Blood and foam dripped from its fangs to land, smoking, on the wizard’s tattered clothing.
“No!” Conway screamed and scrambled toward the beast. As the woof bent its head to tear the wizard’s face off, he screamed again. “Leave him alone!”
White light exploded throughout the entire square. It spread like wildfire, snuffing out the little blue sun as easily as a child snuffs a candle, and coalesced into a ball, touching villager, house, and shop as though it were searching for an outlet for its rage. To Tion, it seemed to roll lazily until Conway’s desperate cry rang out. Straight as an arrow, the ball shot across the square and slammed into the woof with the force of a hurricane as it burst, throwing shards of brilliance in all directions. The woof’s surprised yelp was abruptly cut off as it hurtled through the honey wagon, through a cottage, and literally splashed against a tight wall of trees.
Kail bounced and sloshed away from the impact as the honey wagon momentarily held its shape, complete with gaping hole through the tank, and then collapsed in on itself, spewing spew in all directions. He woke, dazed, dripping, and disgusted. Tion ran to his side despite the smell. “Kail, are you all right?”
Kail held his arms away from his sides and stared at Tion. “Well, fuck a nymph. Isn’t this how we got started?”
9
Dawn’s break was anticlimactic in the aftermath of the woof’s demise. By its light, Tion helped Kail to his feet, laughing and crying with an excess of emotion. Together they staggered toward Conway and Wylde, dripping and shaking in each other’s arms.
“Conway, are you all right?” Tion asked as he stood beside the wizard and his friend. Conway’s face held a mixture of longing and regret as he held Wylde, but he nodded.
Villagers began clustering around the quartet, murmuring softly. Someone gave Kail a bucket of water, which he promptly dumped over his head, groaning at the chill. Tion doffed his shirt and wiped his partner’s face with it.
“Wylde, can you stand?” Conway spoke softly, sweeping the wizard’s lank hair from his face as he cradled the warrior.
Wylde opened his eyes and promptly wrinkled his nose. “What’s that smell?”
“It’s my curse,” Conway said sadly. “It’s always bad luck for someone.”
“Then it was also good luck for someone else.” Wylde struggled to his feet with Conway’s help. “These things always balance.”
Conway’s face lit up. “They do?”
The wizard nodded sagely. “And speaking of balance….” He clasped his hand behind Conway’s head and drew him in for a kiss. “I’ve wanted to do that since I first laid eyes on you,” he said when he let go.
Conway’s face suffused with more than early morning light, and his mouth dropped open. Wild suspicion in Tion’s gut finally gave fruit, and the sprite laughed. “Go on, lad, kiss him back!”
Hesitantly at first, then with eager conviction, Conway kissed the wizard. Tion felt Kail’s arm slip around his waist, and together they watched the first blush of color swirl around the two men. In minutes, as the blood from their wounds mingled on their faces, the blush deepened to a shade of rose that stained their cheeks with happy anticipation.
One of the villagers spoke, pointing a finger at Wylde. His voice was a ghastly, gasping mixture of outrage and disgust. “Why, he ain’t nothing but a feckless rump wrangler! That jus’ ain’t natural!”
The wizard’s face contorted angrily, and he gently pushed Conway toward the sprites. Wylde dashed at the blood dripping down his cheek with his palm. He stared at the red smear in his hand for a moment and then, without warning, balled his fist and threw the stain at the chubby man. Bright blue light imploded, and the villager shrieked as the brilliance compressed around him, collapsed in on him, and swallowed him whole. Like a living thing that had eaten foulness, the swirling light barfed the still-shrieking man back out, only now the shrieks were decidedly less than human.
“The only thing unnatural here is your apparent inability to appreciate the fact that my friends saved your feckless ass from a woof that frightened you like a scared rabbit. Best you be one.” Wylde waved his hand negligently, and the swirling blue light dissipated, leaving a rather plump hare where the villager had once stood. It keened like a cornered rabbit and then bolted across the square and disappeared beneath the baker’s porch.
Wylde slumped, and Conway caught him before he fell. Together they sagged back down onto the scorched stones. Tion and Kail took up defensive positions to either side of the pair, both glaring at the wide circle of staring faces.
“Well, I’m impressed.” A man spoke up as he pushed his way through the crowd. “My name’s Trager.” He held his hand out to Conway, who shook it gingerly. “I didn’t think there was a man alive who could shut that fool up.” He paused long enough to throw a significant glare around the loose circle. It touched a few and outright slapped a few more before returning to its owner like a boomerang. Trager held out his hand to Wylde, who looked at it dully before Conway nudged his shoulder and the wizard clasped it, briefly. “Tell you the truth, I don’t know which was worse, Wylde. The woof, or that guy. One herded everybody together in fear, and the other tried to divide everybody with fear. Neither was a good thing.”
Tion relaxed, and Kail followed his lead. Conway glanced briefly toward where the villager had disappeared, then murmured to Wylde. “Will he stay like that forever?”
Wylde looked up into Conway’s earnest face and smiled. “You truly are the balance of me, aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question. “No, the spell is only temporary. I haven’t the strength to make it permanent.” The wizard’s smile widened to a grin. “I suppose someone should coax him out of there, though, before he changes back. Not a lot of room under that porch, I think.”
“It’d serve him right,” Kail said, laying his hand on Wylde’s shoulder and grinning at Tion. “He was right enough about the wrangler bit, but nobody calls my friend feckless.”
Marvin, Trager, and several men Tion didn’t know trudged up the stairs with buckets of steaming water.
“They should be just about done,” Conway said. “After a hot bath and some sleep, you’ll be good as new.”
Wylde grinned. “I’m all for the bath, but I don’t think I’ll be getting too much sleep any time soon.” He clasped one of Conway’s hands and kissed it.
Conway looked puzzled, and Kail groaned. “He wants you naked, Oaf.”
“Duh,” Conway said. “I don’t plan on taking a bath with my clothes on.”
Tion laughed. “Leave it be, Kail. He’ll figure it out. Don’t you remember our first time?”
Kail flushed. “How could I forget? You were so smart, and me saying, ‘You want to put what, where?’” He peered at Conway, who still looked confused. Kail shook his head sadly. “The state of education these days,” he muttered.
“Wylde, there’s one thing I still don’t understand.” Tion looked at Conway, then at the wizard. “Given what you said earlier, I thought Conway’s curse was only rogue magic, but that fireball he produced, that was something more, wasn’t it?”
Wylde nodded. “More, as in he has more natural ability than I do, if that’s what you mean.”
Conway looked startled. “Do you mean it? I can do magic?”
Wylde chuckled. “I’ll be hard pressed to keep you from it.”
“Then maybe I’ll be able to change the guys back to their proper size.”
“Hold up, Oaf.” Kail stood on his chair to meet Conway’s gaze head on. “I don’t know about Tion, but I like being big enough to kick your ass.”
It was Wylde’s turn to look startled. He looked at Kail, then at Co
nway, who shook his head, smiling. “Never mind. I’ll tell you later.”
Kail planted his fists on his hips. “What I want to know is, what’s with all those damned scrolls?”
Wylde the Wandering Warrior Wizard blushed as deeply and as thoroughly as Conway once had. “It was the first spell I ever cast. It was supposed to help me find the one person I needed as much as he needed me.” He glanced at Conway. “Only I was sloppy. Instead of saying ‘a person whose need was like mine’, I said ‘a person whose need was as great as mine’. Plus, I forgot to specify that the person had to be male.” He brightened and winked at Tion. “There were a lot of scrolls.”
Marvin called down from the balcony as Trager and the strangers filed down the stairs. “It’s ready, boys. First come, first served!”
“You go,” Conway said. “I’ll keep the sprites company until you’re done.”
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