by Alisa Easton
“Alex!” The voice behind me said again, almost in a whisper. I felt coldness creep in as the stranger’s eyes looked over at the man that stood only a few feet behind me now distraught and determined to get my attention. He looked back at me and something in his eyes had changed. There was tenderness there and maybe even understanding. Did some part of him long to hold me? To touch me? For a brief moment I felt like he would reach down and brush his lips against mine but instead he broke the silence between us with the words that I dreaded to hear.
“Can I help you with something?” he whispered to me.
I couldn’t find my voice to speak. I was so certain that it was him. If I’d been the gambling sort, I would have wagered everything that I owned that he was the stranger that I’d wanted so desperately to find. Is this what madness felt like? To want something so desperately that I knew that I could never have? I knew then in that moment that when he got in the car and drove away from me, that I could never think of him again. He didn’t want me in the same way that I wanted him. The reality stabbed fiercely and for a moment I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I was close to turning around and vomiting my entire meal over the sidewalk of the little Italian place where only moments ago I was sharing a lovely meal with a man that I considered to be a good match for me.
“I need to know your name.”
He looked at me for a long time and I wasn’t sure that he would answer me. He looked down at his feet and tucked his hands into his pockets and snuck a glance back at the man still waiting behind me to see how this scene would play out.
We all just waited.
“Reese.”
“Reese,” I repeated feeling the weight of his name making me dizzy and unstable.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.” He looked at me with intensity in his eyes that made me believe that he was trying to communicate something with the unspoken words that hung between us. He nodded slightly and I felt my cheeks burn. With another wary glance at my date he made his way to the driver side door and disappeared into the darkness, putting the car into gear and leaving. I felt empty and cold without him beside me but I clung to what he left behind. Reese.
“What on earth was that all about?” Adam said breaking me from the trance I’d stumbled into. I turned back to him reluctantly. I didn’t want to explain what just happened when I didn’t even understand it myself. I am sure in Adam’s eyes, I must have appeared completely irrational and maybe he was right but I was still on a high after the way Reese had looked at me, after the feel of my hand against his arm and I didn’t want to come back down to earth yet.
“I thought it was someone I knew,” I said trying to brush it off as I made my way back into the restaurant to collect my belongings. I needed to go home. Adam followed me still confused, still looking for answers. He wanted to make sense of what he’d just witnessed but there wasn’t anything I could say to justify my behavior.
“He must have been someone pretty special,” he said once we’d gathered our things and made our way back out into the parking lot. I waited as he opened the passenger side door and I tried to come up with some rational explanation.
Adam got into the driver side with a heavy sigh and pulled the door closed so that we were alone in the darkness with our own thoughts. I realized that my breathing hadn’t completely returned to normal since seeing Reese. I tried to focus on the time that I was spending with Adam. I hadn’t meant to alienate him or push him away but judging by the strange look on his face, that’s exactly what I’d done. I took a deep breath as he drove without taking his eyes off the road ahead of him.
“There is a video store just a couple of blocks from my house,” I said softly without turning my head in his direction. I knew without seeing his face that it had disappointment etched all over it. The evening had not turned out the way he hoped. Maybe he even doubted asking me out in the first place.
“Yeah?” he said sounding a million miles away from me.
“I hear there is a really good comedy that was just released. My friend Sylvia was telling me that it’s one that I can’t miss. Maybe we could see if they have that?” I was trying to push for something to help lighten the mood and erase the disastrous end to our dinner even though my heart wasn’t really into the idea of spending the evening curled up on the couch watching a movie. I wanted to be alone in my bed. I needed time to think. I needed to absorb the scent and feel of Reese. I needed to say his name a million times in my head until I couldn’t think of anything else except for him. Insanity was quietly pulling me under and I couldn’t break free no matter how hard I tried.
“I think I’ve seen that,” he said.
“Oh. Okay. Well I am sure there are others we could choose from.”
“Actually, Alex, I’m feeling kind of tired so if it’s okay with you, I was just going to drop you off at your place and maybe we could take a rain check on the movie? Next time perhaps?”
“Of course,” I said a little too eagerly. I was torn in two pieces feeling simultaneous relief and regret. I wondered if I’d broken a record for the shortest time taken to destroy a relationship. After all, we’d barely even got started on this whole dating thing and I’d already dashed the poor guy’s heart to bits. No wonder I hadn’t managed many relationships in my lifetime or managed to hang on to one guy long enough to make it count.
He pulled into my driveway as I sat lost in thought and I didn’t wait for him to get out to open the passenger side door for me. I let myself out of the car and headed toward my front door. He followed me in awkward silence. This was the part that I hated the most. Somehow we had to say goodbye and I had the sinking feeling that it was for good.
“I had a nice time with you, Alex,” he told me.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come in and maybe have a drink or something?” I asked nervously. I felt strange standing on the front stoop with him. I didn’t know what I should say or what I should do. Was it customary for a guy to kiss a girl on the first date even when she obviously went insane?
“I’d really love to but I should get home. It’s been a long day and who knows what sort of surprises Tiger has left me.”
“Right,” I said and laughed a little. “You should definitely get home to him.”
He leaned in slowly and brushed his lips against mine. It was barely a kiss and it was over before I had a chance to process it. He pulled away, smiled slightly and then said goodnight. And just like that, he was walking away again. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for the way I’d behaved or the way that things had turned out but I couldn’t find the right words. I stood on the stoop and watched his car pull out of the driveway and waved as he drove down the road. I sighed. I’d managed to make quite the mess of things. Not only did the stranger - Reese - not want me, really, but the one chance I’d had with a normal, decent guy just went straight down the drain. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be happy.
I let myself into the house and fed my fish and then went to the only place that I could think to go at that moment. I went to my shower and I thought about Reese.
Chapter 10
“Spill your guts. Tell me everything.” I’d barely sat down at our usual booth at Dino’s before Sylvia pounced on me. I really wasn’t in the mood.
“We had a nice time,” I said picking up the menu and pretending to be interested in the specials even though we’d come here so many times that I knew the entire menu off by heart.
“So… did you do it?”
“Do what?” I asked nonchalantly.
“Alexandra, don’t play innocent with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
The waitress interrupted to take our order and I selected a chicken salad with a coke while Sylvia chose the same. When the waitress went back to place our orders Sylvia looked back at me with raised eyebrows.
“Only a salad, huh? I guess you didn’t get lucky. What’s the story then?”
“He’s a really nice guy. There’s no story. We j
ust decided not to rush into anything, that’s all.”
“Oh. So you’re going to see him again then. That’s great, Alex. I’m really happy for you. That’s what you wanted, right? And it’s definitely time to pick up the pieces and move on.”
“Well, not exactly.”
“What do you mean not exactly? You got along, right? And you can’t still be hung up on that good for nothing loser of an ex. You’re taking things slowly so that’s a good thing. What’s the problem?”
“I don’t really know if I’ll ever hear from him again.”
“Oh boy. That’s taking slow to a whole new level.”
“I kind of screwed up this one big time.”
We paused as our waitress placed our drinks in front of us and Sylvia looked at me as though she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She knew that I was holding back on something big.
“Details,” she demanded impatiently.
“I saw him there… at the restaurant, I mean. Adam and I were having a really nice time and we were even talking about renting a movie and going back to my place after but then he got up to go use the restroom and I saw him and I just couldn’t sit there and watch him walk out that door. I had to follow him.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Back up. Who on earth are you talking about? Ed?”
“No. I’m talking about Reese.” Saying his name out loud gave me a shiver of pleasure through my body. I would never get tired of saying his name.
“Who the hell is Reese and why have I never heard of him until now?”
“He’s the stranger that I met that night in the rain. The one that followed me back to my house.”
“Oh God, Alex, please tell me that you’re joking.”
“I’m not.”
“I thought you weren’t going to go there again? I mean, didn’t we make it pretty clear what a truly awful idea that was to begin with? And now, what, you’re seeing him around town and chasing him down? Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds? Seriously, Alex, I’m starting to wonder about you.”
“Listen, Sylvia, I know how it sounds, believe me, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m not chasing him down. He happened to be in the same restaurant at the same time and I couldn’t watch him walk out the door without saying something.”
“Your timing could have been a little bit better,” she said giving me a stern expression.
“No kidding and I feel really bad about that. It’s not like I meant to upset Adam or anything. I didn’t think. I just went after him.”
“Okay, so you chase down this mystery man and you finally find out his name. So what does this mean? Are you going to see him again? Did you talk? Did you find out why he was out stalking women in the night when you met him? Come on, Alex, this guy is not boyfriend material.”
I sighed. She was right, of course. I didn’t know what I was thinking but that was the problem, wasn’t it? When it came to Reese, no logical part of my brain was engaged. It was pure adrenaline and lust fueling me to just want more.
“You can relax, Sylvia. He doesn’t want to see me. He was there with another woman.” I watched as Sylvia winced.
“I hope that you didn’t screw up his evening too,” she said. I wished I could feel the same way but a dark part of me really hoped that I had. I didn’t even see the woman’s face and I wanted to tear her away from him and strangle her so that I could have him all to myself. It was irrational.
The waitress set down our chicken salads and Sylvia quickly started eating hers while all I could do was sit and stare dumbly at mine. Why did I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment? Why was it so difficult to let go of a man that was never mine to begin with?
Sylvia paused pushing a bit of chicken over her salad and then looked at me thoughtfully. She seemed to be trying to understand even if through her eyes, it must have seemed like her best friend was plunging off the deep end.
“It doesn’t really matter,” I said quietly, “It’s over.”
“You’re obsessed with him.”
“I’m not. I’m over it. Or at least, I’m getting over it.”
“Well, either way, you’ve got some making up to do.”
“After last night, I don’t think I could even face Adam again. God only knows what he must think.”
“He obviously really likes you, Alex. I wouldn’t be so quick to give up on him. I am betting with the right touch, you could even help to persuade him.”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you like this guy?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Do you think he could be a good boyfriend? I mean, is he someone that you could see yourself with?”
“Yes.”
“Then it’s obvious to me that what you need to do is pay a little visit to his house and smooth things over.”
“I’ll try calling him later. I can’t go over there and risk getting the door slammed in my face.”
“That’s exactly what you need to do but trust me, if you follow my advice, you’ll have him panting and drooling all over you in no time.”
“I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”
She laughed. “That’s the problem with you, Alex. You don’t know how to relax and just have a good time. You take everything too seriously, especially when it comes to men.”
“I don’t want to screw things up even worse than I already have.”
“That’s kind of my point, Alex. If you never take a chance to actually do anything then you’ll never move forward. There has to be some sort of risk if you want the rewards and after last night, you owe it to this guy to do some serious making up if you expect to ever spend time with him again and I think you kind of like him. It’s worth taking a chance. Don’t you agree?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“No, no, no.” Sylvia dropped her fork in frustration and folded her arms over her chest. “The more time you let slip by, the greater your chance of losing out with this guy. Come on, Alex, he’s the first guy that you actually went out with since that whole fiasco with Ed. Can’t you just trust me on this one? Humor me? For once? I might actually know what I’m talking about.”
“Yeah, you might,” I agreed, “So what happened with your date last night? Weren’t you seeing some new guy?”
“Screw him. He’s history.”
It was my turn to look at my friend with raised eyebrows. I’d obviously touched on a sore subject. Last that we spoke while underwear shopping, she was eager to replenish her own naughty stock in anticipation of what proved to be quite the evening with the latest hunk to hit her radar.
“Trouble in paradise?” I teased. While he’d obviously put her in a sour frame of mind, I didn’t expect it would hold her down for long. With Sylvia, there was always someone better just beyond her reach. For all I knew, she probably had the next one lined up already.
“He stood me up,” she said flatly. She continued to stare at her drink as she took a few sips through the straw and I could feel the tension that this line of conversation brought out in her. It confused me. She’d been stood up before and didn’t care. Why would this man be any different?
“I’m sorry, Sylvia. But surely he isn’t worth it, right? There are other guys…”
“I don’t care about the stupid jerk,” she said cutting me off. I sat looking at her in stunned silence for a moment. If she didn’t care so much then why was it suddenly such a big deal that I brought it up?
“Okay,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say. “So, what did you do? You never answered my text messages. I figured you must have been… ummm… busy.” I regretted bringing up the sore subject again but I was curious to push for more of a response from her. What wasn’t she telling me?
“I didn’t get your messages until this morning.”
“You were with someone?” This was just getting stranger by the moment.
“It’s not a big deal. Ben came over. We watched TV and fell asleep.”
“Holy crap!”
I slapped my hand over my mouth in shock. I couldn’t believe it. No wonder she was being so evasive about the subject. My dear friend Sylvia had just broken one of her biggest “Man Rules” of all.
“I told you, Alex, it’s not a big deal. I called him up for back-up and well, we just started talking.”
“You and a guy sat together talking and watching TV until you fell asleep? I never thought I would see the day.”
“It’s not like it’s never happened before.”
“Oh really? Name one other guy that you gave a crap about enough to tolerate for anything more than sex?”
“It doesn’t mean anything,” she insisted.
“That’s what I thought. You can’t think of anyone else because there isn’t anyone else. Just admit it, Sylvia, you have feelings for this guy and the fact is that you’re good together so why pretend like it’s nothing when obviously there is something there.”
“Just because we fell asleep last night doesn’t mean that we didn’t spend the morning making up for it,” she said with that familiar twinkle in her eye. It always went back to sex when it came to talking about guys with Sylvia.
“So not only did you have a great night just hanging out with a guy that you get along with but you had a morning of amazing sex. You’re falling for this guy.”
“Get real, Alex. I don’t fall in love.”
“You don’t admit to it and maybe it’s never happened before but you know there is something special about this one. How often have you seen him since last weekend when you tried to fix me up with Nick?”
“Only a couple times,” she mumbled into her spoonful of salad.
“As often as you could,” I corrected. I could tell by the way she went out of her way to look anywhere except at me. “When will you see him again?”
She shrugged.
“Tonight,” I said. She didn’t confirm or deny it. “Wow.”
“What do you mean ‘wow’?”
“It’s just that I never thought I’d see the day that you’d actually have a boyfriend. This is awesome.”