by Alisa Easton
“I have some news,” she said as the waitress put our plates in front of us.
“Oh yeah?”
“Ben and I are getting married.”
I nearly choked on the bite of burger that I’d taken.
“What?” Surely I’d heard that wrong.
“That’s why I wanted to see you. I was hoping that you would be my maid of honor?”
“Oh my god, Sylvia, how did this happen?”
“Well, believe it or not, after your little stunt to try to get us back together, we started talking again. At first I thought I was only venting but then I realized that you were right, I needed him in my life. I knew that I was using any excuse just to talk to him. So then we started talking about us and I guess one thing lead to another and I finally broke down and decided that maybe this marriage idea isn’t so bad after all. Maybe I don’t want to lose him.”
“Holy shit, Sylvia. I never thought I would see the day!”
“I know, huh? Me in a white dress. It’s unnatural.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me you’re happy for me. Tell me that you’ll forgive me being such a stubborn jerk and be my maid of honor.”
“Of course, of course. Oh my god, Sylvia, I am so freaking happy for you. Congratulations.”
I got up and went over to hug her so tight and we both started to cry. I regretted all the days that passed that we didn’t speak just knowing how good it felt to have my best friend back in my life again. This was exactly the sort of distraction that I needed to forget about Reese altogether.
After she shared her news, the tension between us dissipated. She showed me the beautiful diamond solitaire engagement ring that Ben had given her and we made plans to look at dresses together later in the week. By the time we said goodbye, I still couldn’t believe this was really happening. I walked the few blocks home feeling like I was living in a dream. I wasn’t even aware of my surroundings until I bumped into something as I walked along the sidewalk.
“Oh my goodness,” I am so sorry I mumbled as I realized that I’d run right into someone. In my embarrassment, I didn’t bother to look at his face. I stepped aside and continued walking trying to pretend like it didn’t happen.
“Alex?”
I stopped and turned around at the sound of the familiar voice.
“Adam?”
“I thought that was you.”
“What are you doing out this way?”
“I was planning to meet my mom and sister for lunch actually. I stopped at the bookstore first,” he said motioning behind us to the small second hand bookshop that I frequented. “My sister lives close to you.”
“So how have you been?” I asked.
“I’ve been okay. I will be bringing Tiger in for his vaccines soon. He’s still as feisty as ever but otherwise, not too much has changed. You still seeing that guy?”
“No, that was over before it began,” I said wishing that he hadn’t asked about Reese. It wasn’t a subject that I wanted to get into.
“That’s too bad. I met someone. Angie is her name. Real nice girl.”
“Oh?” I don’t know why this shocked me so much. “That’s great, Adam. I’m really happy for you.”
“Yeah well, it’s early yet. We’ve only gone out a couple of times.”
I felt like there was something more that he wanted to say but he held back.
“Sylvia is getting married,” I said, “Can you believe that?”
“No way. To that guy… what was his name? Ben?”
“Yep, that’s the one. The wedding is in September. I only just found out myself.”
“Wow, tell them I said congratulations.”
“Sure.”
“Do you have date?” he asked. At first I had no idea what he was talking about. I started racking my mind to make sense of the abrupt question.
“For the wedding, I mean? I don’t mean to be so forward or try to invite myself or anything but if you aren’t seeing anyone, well…”
“What about what’s her name, Angie?”
“I don’t mean as a couple. I know you don’t think of me that way,” he paused to laugh, “You made that pretty clear. We could go as friends.”
“Thanks, Adam, but I’d hate to impose.”
“It’s really not a problem. I’d still like to be friends, Alex.”
“That’s really nice of you.”
“Give it some thought and if you decide you want to drag someone along to pose as your date, give me a call.”
“I might take you up on that. I hate going to these sort of things alone.”
We smiled and chatted for a while before he had to excuse himself to meet his sister and his mother. I watched him walk away and I sighed. It was hard not to wonder what things would have been like if I’d actually given Adam half a chance.
I let myself into the house and sprinkled some food into Edgar, Allen, and Poe’s tank watching them gobble it up eagerly. Life was so much simpler when you were a goldfish stuck in a fish tank, I thought.
Chapter 20
Once Sylvia included me in her wedding plans, life felt like someone had hit the fast forward button. I barely knew this woman anymore. The girl that once insisted that men were barely worth more than casual sex and would never commit to one, had done a complete one-eighty and was taking the white dress and wedding bells thing very seriously. I might as well have stepped into an episode of The Twilight Zone. Every once in a while I would say something just to make sure that she knew what she was doing but she had never been more sure of herself. I realized that I was the one that was actually skeptical of the notion of happily ever after.
I saw Adam on and off, mostly in the office, and once or twice we’d gone out to get ice cream together, and we’d fallen rather comfortably into the role of friends. True to his word, he still promised to be my date to the wedding and the closer we inched toward the big day on the calendar, the more I really looked forward to sharing that time with him.
I would be lying if I said that somewhere in the back of my mind I didn’t hope that I’d hear from Reese again. I often fantasized that he’d reappear to sweep me off my feet in time to be my date to Sylvia’s wedding. I took evening walks hoping to bump into him when I needed to get out and clear my head after a busy day. Of course, I never saw him and he never showed up at my house either. I thought a lot about what Sylvia had told me about the disagreement between him and his ex and the dispute over their daughter and I wondered how much of that influenced his reluctance to see me again or to get too close to anyone. I wondered if there would ever be a point when that reluctance started to disappear.
The realistic side of myself told me that I needed to put him out of my mind and move on. Once the wedding was over, I was going to be back to having a lot of free time on my hands and it would be nice to have someone to share that with, I decided, especially now that Sylvia would be busy with her new husband. The less practical side of myself couldn’t stop reliving the moments I’d spent with him every free moment that I could and knew that no one else would measure up.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that Sylvia and Ben would be man and wife. I sat on the living room floor cross-legged holding the invitation in my hands and thinking about all the preparation that had gone into this one single moment.
But if I thought the months leading up to the wedding had passed in a blur, it was nothing compared to those last few days before the big event.
By the time the day arrived, we were all a bundle of nerves. I stood at the full length mirror in the hotel room where we’d been busy getting dressed and ready for the ceremony and stared at my reflection as though I were lost in a trance.
Sylvia had chosen strapless wine red bridesmaid dresses. They were simple but elegant and managed to flatter the curves of my body which I had only just realized had toned after all my evening excursions. My hair had been pinned behind my head leaving only a few strands to accentuate my face and m
y make-up was tasteful, bringing out the blue in my eyes. I liked the way I looked and even though I hadn’t thought of Reese in several days, he crept into my thoughts and hit me like a wave. I imagined that he came up behind me like he had that night in my bedroom when I’d only been wearing a bra and matching panties. I imagined that he wrapped his arms around me and inhaled the scent of my perfume telling me how beautiful I looked. I sighed.
One of the other bridesmaids brought me out of my fantasy by handing me my bouquet. The bride was nearly ready and we were supposed to get ready to walk down the aisle. I stole one last glance at myself in the mirror holding the bouquet imagining myself with Reese by my side dressed in a black tux with a flower in his lapel to match my dress. Would I ever be free from the obsession? I almost wished that I’d never encountered him in the first place. He’d changed my life in some unmistakable way and more than any so-called serious relationship, letting him go was proving more of a challenge than I felt capable of.
Sylvia, of course, looked breathtaking in her wedding gown and I had to distract myself to keep from crying when I looked at her. I could tell that she was doing the same. So this was it, she was actually going through with it. With tentative steps down the aisle, a few spoken words, and music, the ceremony was officially sealed with a kiss and we welcomed the new husband and wife. Time to party.
I can’t say that I didn’t have a good time at the reception because of course, I did, but for some reason from the moment that I stepped into the banquet room, I felt an overwhelming urge to turn and run in the other direction. I didn’t like to think that I felt jealousy seeing Sylvia so in love and so happy because that wasn’t it, not entirely. It was something else, some strange pull that kept tugging on me, drawing me into the cool night air. It felt almost like that first night that I’d discovered Reese as I walked alone letting my feet guide me through the rain with no direction in particular.
The feeling was so strong that I actually found myself moving outside a couple of times inhaling the scent of early fall air and feeling the first hints of frost in the air. I let the liquid in my drink swirl before I took a sip and then shook off the strange feelings and rejoined my friends at the party. I laughed when Adam caught the garter belt and took the opportunity to tease him about proposing to Annie but the joke was on me when it was my turn to catch the bouquet. Sylvia took this as a sign that there was still a chance for Adam and me but I shrugged it off. If I’d ever had any feelings for Adam, and I doubted that I ever really did, then they had long since gone away and he had found new happiness with someone else.
An abundance of alcohol, however, made it easier to flirt and get more comfortable with each other and I suppose the romantic air of the evening didn’t hurt much either. Somehow between dancing with the bride and talking to the bride’s new mother-in-law, I found myself wrapped in Adam’s arms and engaged in a very long kiss. Much to my embarrassment, we were rewarded with applause from a captive audience.
By the time that the night ended and Adam took me home, we ended up making out in my driveway. I couldn’t deny that I was horny and even if Adam was seeing someone else, he seemed to be onboard with any ideas of spending the night together. His hands were all over me as we sat in the front seat of his car and kissed. Despite my practical side screaming for me to stop, I pulled myself closer and enjoyed the sensation of his body against the thin fabric of my gown.
“We should go inside,” he said breaking away from me breathless.
I let go reluctantly and stumbled as I found the door handle to let myself out of his car. Somehow he’d beat me to it and was already out of the car and standing on the passenger side to open the door for me and take my hand to lead me to my door. I took his hand and felt the world start to sway as I stood up. His arms were waiting to catch me as I fell toward my door giggling.
“I think I had too much to drink,” I said giggling again as I attempted to unlock my door. Since it must have been clear that we weren’t getting anywhere without a bit of assistance, Adam took the key from my hand and unlocked the door for me. Before he pushed it open, he pinned me up against it for another kiss. Maybe it was the fresh chill in the air sobering me up or maybe it was the kiss that reminded me so much of the way I’d stumbled into my house with Reese but my senses finally clicked into place and I broke off the kiss with a gentle push.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I whispered.
Adam looked at me like he didn’t understand the words I was saying and then he tried to kiss me again.
“Adam, stop,” I said pushing him with a bit more force this time. “What about Amy?”
“Huh? Oh yeah,” he said. I could see the disappointment in his face as he tried to regain his composure.
“We both just got a little carried away, that’s all,” I told him as I tried to put his mind at rest, “Blame it on the alcohol or the wedding or whatever. As far as I’m concerned nothing happened here tonight.”
“Alex…”
“It’s okay, Adam. You should go home.”
“Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
“What wouldn’t be a bad thing?”
“You and me.”
“You’re not thinking clearly, Adam. This would be a mistake and you know that as well as I do.”
He took a chance at pressing his lips into mine again but because of the door against my back, I couldn’t pull away from him easily. Part of me didn’t want to let go. It wasn’t Adam that I wanted to be with but I hadn’t had a man in my bed since my last encounter with Reese and I was itching for a release. If it hadn’t been for Amy, I might have given in to the temptation of a one-night stand just for the fun of it but I couldn’t do it. I managed to escape his grasp just as his hands started to roam feely over my body again. I rearranged my hair and my dress and opened the front door.
There he stood. The man of my dreams, both literally and figuratively, waited in my living room. Reese was perched on the edge of the couch with his hands clasped together. He’d been staring at the carpet but looked up when he heard the sound of the door open. He didn’t smile as I stood there with my mouth gaping open in shock. His eyes went from me to Adam standing behind me with his arm draped across my shoulders. I shrugged away from Adam and stepped into the living room unsure of what to say or what to do.
“Reese,” I whispered with a dry throat, “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you.” He said the words to me but watched Adam as he teetered in the doorway. He looked back at me and stood up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were entertaining.”
He moved to the door to leave but I ran after him trying to grab his arm, his leg, any part that I could manage to hang on to just to keep him with me a few seconds longer. I could barely catch my breath.
“Wait, Reese, don’t go. It’s not what you think.”
He did hesitate a moment in the doorway, long enough that he could turn around and give Adam another glare and then his eyes softened as he looked at me.
“You look absolutely beautiful in that dress,” he said, “I am really sorry that I interrupted your evening.”
I knew that I probably had lipstick smeared across my face. I could see traces of it across Adam’s face and I knew that it must be apparent that we were making out only moments ago. I cursed myself under my breath for letting that happen. But then, how did I know that Reese would be here waiting for me? I hadn’t seen him in so long, he had no right to expect that I wouldn’t have moved on, except that I really hadn’t. I’d never gotten over the feel of his body against mine and the feel of his kiss. I could never want anyone else the way that I wanted him. He was like a drug that I couldn’t get enough of. I would have given anything to throw myself into his arms at that moment and make him understand just how much I wanted him. Even the air around us seemed alive with electricity when we stood only inches apart.
“You didn’t interrupt anything,” I said desperate to keep him there, “Adam was just leavin
g. Weren’t you Adam?”
I looked pleadingly in Adam’s direction and he hesitated leaving an awkward silence making it clear that it hadn’t been his intention to leave at all. Finally he mumbled something about calling me later and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek as he stumbled his way out my front door. I watched him get in his car. He kept hesitating looking back at me like he wasn’t sure that he wanted to leave me alone with Reese but he seemed to understand by the expression on my face that any effort to stay would have proved fruitless.
I closed the door once Adam’s car disappeared into the distance and rested my back against it to look at Reese. He was still standing where I’d left him with an expression on his face that I couldn’t read.
“I’m really sorry, Alexandra. I shouldn’t have come here like this.”
“Stop,” I said stepping forward. I may have sobered enough to stop myself from doing something I’d regret with Adam but the alcohol still gave me a coat of bravery. “I’m so glad to see you again.”
I was standing with only a breath between us and I could almost hear the sound of his heart hammering in his chest. We hesitated, each of us afraid to be the first to reach out even though I wanted so desperately to touch him and to be touched.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, “but only if you kiss me first.”
And he did.
Chapter 21
When our lips touched, time stood still. My body melted into his and my only thought was to consume and to be consumed. It amazed me that a single brush of his lips could instantly reignite desires that I didn’t even know I had until I was with him. I was reluctant to let go and I could feel the same reluctance in him. He hesitated pulling away from me.