‘Just because I don’t want to talk about it,’ Cole rasped, ‘it doesn’t mean that I want you to go.’
She nodded her understanding, words unnecessary now as touch took over. And anyway, Leah realised, with an absence of the facts, there was nothing she could say, nothing she could possibly say to make it even a little bit better. So instead she held him, just staring into the darkness, and he held her, only moving to slip the duvet over them. It should have felt wrong, the fact they were sharing a bed, should have sent her into a spin, but it didn’t.
Lying in his arms, holding onto each other, seemed the only right thing to do.
‘Leah.’
Opening her eyes, she saw the grey shadows of early morning being chased away by the promise of a new day dawning, the glints of sunlight filtering across the rumpled sheets, the deep cosy warmth of a bed and confidences if not shared then at least acknowledged. She stared back at him, not blinking, not wavering, his early morning arousal nudging the warm curve of her thigh. While last night would have been a comfort for all the wrong reasons, the cold light of day allowed for absolute clarity and she moved her lips to his, the kiss they’d never shared but had always been there transpiring now as she moved her lips slowly with his, their bodies warm, already aroused from a night in each other’s arms, the soft touches already imparted long before this moment. Sliding nearer as his hand stroked her waist, moving slowly upwards as a lazy breast stirred into life under his touch and one of them groaned as his fingers found her swollen nipple but neither was sure who. It was as if their bodies were moving as one, their thoughts completely attuned as she moved his boxers down, feeling his impatient kick as he tossed them aside and she could finally hold him in her hands, feel the tumid length swelling at her touch. And it was Leah now wriggling out of her shorts as his hand crept over the soft warm cup of her bottom as she guided him towards her, parting her soft thighs to let him in.
‘Leah.’ His voice was thick with lust and from her own aroused state she knew it would have taken a supreme effort to slow things down to make sure, very sure, that this was what she wanted, and she answered even before he’d asked.
‘I want you, Cole.’
‘But you’re in pain.’
A hand reached for his chest, followed by her lips as they nestled into the dark mat of hair. ‘We’re both in pain.’
Side on they faced each other, eyes wide open as they took the next step forward together. Mindful of her injuries, he entered her slowly, supporting her body with his arms, moving inside her gently, until then she groaned for more, urged him deeper, coiling her leg over him, pulling him closer, the heady elixir of his touch the sweetest antidote to her pain, kissing it better as only Cole could. The strength of her orgasm caught her unawares, creeping up slowly, a flickering pulse beating a distant drum as his thigh moved against hers, the salty taste of his chest sliding against her lips, his breath coming harder, then a low thundering moan as he swelled within her.
And suddenly she was there too, gasping as her body seemed to take on a mind of its own, coiling around him as her fingers gripped the taut muscles of his back, clinging on for dear life as everything rushed around her, a heady dizzy flush warming her face, parting her lips in shuddering ecstasy, spurring the last throes of their union to a dizzy breathlessness then slowly, slowly opening her eyes as the world gently breezed back in.
‘Good morning.’ He was smiling back at her, a secret delicious smile she had never seen, an intimate smile that caressed every inch of her spent body like a warm blanket in winter, and she searched his eyes for a hint of regret, contrition, doubt but there was none. She had to be sure, she knew, just knew, there had been no one since his wife and the fact couldn’t go unacknowledged.
‘Good morning,’ she whispered, one small hand coming up to cup his cheek. ‘Are you all right, Cole? I mean, I know this would have been—’
He didn’t let her finish, capturing her hand with his and chasing away her doubts with a long lingering kiss. ‘It was perfect.’
CHAPTER SIX
PERFECT just about summed up those first few weeks.
Oh, there were a couple of dicey moments, when Cole’s in-laws rang and Leah picked up the phone without thinking and they growled at each other now and then, Cole refusing to believe she could possibly be well enough to clean the bath, that sort of thing. But they soon made up, the house small enough for the bedroom to always be near. For a while nothing got in the way and by the time the newlyweds hit England the euphoria in Kathy’s voice when she heard the news seemed a touch belated, so natural was the relationship they’d slipped into.
‘So you’re living together!’
‘No.’ Leah grinned. ‘Well, yes, I suppose we are, but I wouldn’t exactly call it living together.’ Cole slipped a glass of wine into her free hand and snapped his index finger and thumb at the phone in a nattering gesture as Kathy gossiped on.
‘What would you call it, then?’
‘Early days.’ Leah smiled, winking at Cole. ‘So don’t go getting any ideas.’
But Kathy’s head was full of them and by the time Leah came off the telephone the late night news was wrapping up.
‘Have you chosen the bridesmaids?’ Cole grinned, pulling her towards him as she plonked onto the sofa.
‘Kathy has.’ Yawning, Leah listened to the weather. Strange how much it mattered when you were cooped up inside. ‘She said I could use her car. She’s going to ring her mum and I can pick it up tomorrow.’
‘It’s too soon.’ Thinking she’d misheard, Leah turned and gave him a quizzical look but from the set of his jaw she knew she’d hit a nerve. ‘Anyway, you said yourself you haven’t driven in this country.’
‘Cole!’ Leah let out an incredulous laugh. ‘I live in London, for goodness’ sake. I drive in London! What you guys call a traffic jam we call a traffic light so I think I can just about manage the suburbs of Melbourne. You even drive on the same side of the road!’
‘I’m just saying that maybe it’s too soon.’ Flicking off the television, Cole stood up and stretched. ‘I don’t mind driving you when I’m home and I’ve got an account with the local taxi firm, I’ve told you that.’
‘I know,’ Leah responded through slightly gritted teeth. ‘I’ll ring them tomorrow and they can take me to pick up the car.’ It wasn’t a row exactly, but it was as if a warning light went off in her head. At first his over-protectiveness had been endearing, had flattered her even, but as Leah’s strength had returned so too had her independence and she wasn’t about to let things rest. ‘I know what happened with Heather probably makes you…’ Her voice trailed off, her hand reaching out to touch his. ‘Nothing’s going to happen to me.’
‘Good.’ Cole refused to be drawn but Leah pushed on anyway, her need for answers overriding her apprehension at broaching this most difficult subject. But it wasn’t just answers Leah wanted. There was a need inside, a hunger almost to get to know Cole more deeply, to explore all the pieces of the jigsaw that made up this difficult, complicated man. As his hand pulled away, as Cole effectively ended the conversation and headed upstairs, still she couldn’t let it rest.
‘Actually, I don’t know what happened to Heather,’ Leah ventured as she padded up behind him, glad that she couldn’t see his face as she followed his stiffening shoulders up the stairs, imagining the stern set of his jaw as she refused to let the subject go. ‘I don’t know, because you refuse to talk about it. But I’m assuming that’s the real reason for you being a bit overprotective.’ They were at the top of the stairs now and, swallowing hard, Leah dragged her eyes up to meet his. ‘Why won’t you talk to me about it, Cole?’
‘We are talking.’ Cole shrugged. ‘Or rather you’re talking and I’m being forced to listen. You were trying to tell me you needed more space.’
‘That isn’t what I’m saying,’ Leah refuted, shaking her head in exasperation, appalled he couldn’t see her point. ‘I was trying to point out that I don’t know what h
appened to Heather, that if you’d only open up a bit and tell me, then maybe I could understand why you—’
‘She died,’ Cole broke in, staring back at her unblinking, unwavering and refusing to give an inch. ‘If you’re waiting for me to curl up in the foetal position and bare my soul then you’re in for a long wait.’
‘I’m not,’ Leah said. ‘I just…’ Pleading eyes looked up at him. ‘How can we not talk about it, Cole? Heather was, is, the biggest part of your life and you simply won’t go there with me.’
His expression was unreadable in the shadows and his voice, when it came, was so clipped and measured she felt as if they might just as well have been back on the plane. ‘What do you want from me, Leah?’
‘The truth.’
‘That’s a bit rich, coming from you.’ He watched as her eyes widened, watched as she opened her mouth to speak, but beat her to it. ‘You’re the one with all the secrets, Leah. You’re the one who checked out of her world and drifted around for a year. You’re the one who “doesn’t want to talk about it”, so I think you of all people should understand that maybe I don’t want to stand here and go through Heather’s accident. You of all people should understand I don’t want to rake up the worst time of my life just to satisfy your curiosity.’
If she’d looked up then Leah would have seen his face soften, would have seen the fire die in his eyes, but instead she focused somewhere on her big toe, somewhere on a piece of chipped nail varnish, biting hard on her bottom lip as she tried not to cry.
‘Don’t you think I’ve got questions?’ Cole whispered softly, his fingers toying with the curtain of hair that shielded her eyes, pushing her long fringe behind her ear, as she still didn’t look at him. ‘That there’re things I feel I ought to know?’ When she didn’t answer he pressed on, and even though his assumptions were wrong it was done with a gentleness that touched her, a tenderness that put to shame her less than tactful probing. ‘But I sense you’re not quite ready to go there and if that’s the case, then that’s the way it has to be. Leah, I can’t bear the thought that your boyfriend did this to you. I lie here at night churning with hatred for a man I’ve never met and with a thousand things I want to ask you, but I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready and I’m asking you for the same. We’re not in this for the short term, or at least I hope not?’ The question in his voice deserved an answer and it was there in her eyes when finally she lifted her face to his. ‘Surely there’s time for all this later?’
Taking her hand, he led her to the bedroom, undressed her with infinite gentleness before lying down beside her, pulling her close into the crook of his arm which was the only place she wanted to be. And as their breathing evened out and the horrors of their first real row finally receded Leah was filled with an urge to put things right, to finally let Cole in.
‘It wasn’t my boyfriend.’
Her voice filled the still darkened room and she felt his arm tighten around her. She drew from his strength, drew from the infinite safeness of his embrace.
‘It was a patient.’
‘Oh, Leah,’ Cole groaned. Rolling onto his side, he faced her, his arms still holding her, his eyes never leaving hers as, faltering every now and then, Leah took him through the worst night of her life, told him how not only had her rib cage been shattered by the terrible events that had unfolded but her confidence along with it. And watching Cole’s reaction, Leah couldn’t be sure who was hurting more as she bared her soul.
If she’d wanted sympathy, Leah got it.
If she wanted him to feel her pain then he did—tenfold.
He held her, loved her, somehow even protected her, walking through her memories alongside her, a retrospective rock to cling to as she finally let it out.
‘That’s why I left Emergency,’ Leah finished, burying her face in his chest, her tears mingling with the dark mat of his hair. ‘I just couldn’t do it any more. As soon as the verdict came in, I handed in my notice. I figured a year away might help me forget what happened, put some of the fire back in my belly for nursing. I know it’s stupid, I know there’s only a minuscule chance of it happening again, but it still terrifies me…’
‘It’s over,’ Cole said softly. ‘It’s over, Leah, and you’ve come through.’
‘Have I?’ Her eyes blinked up at him. ‘Sometimes I think I’m over it then something happens, someone—’
‘It’s over, Leah.’ His voice was firm, strong eyes holding hers as they clung to each other in the darkness. ‘You’re doing just fine.’
Maybe she was.
Lying there wrapped in his embrace, feeling him breathing in her ear, it was easy to feel safe, easy to glimpse the future with Cole standing strong beside her. Only as she drifted off to sleep, as Cole’s arm slid down her shoulder, resting gently on the curve of her waist, did her eyes snap open as realisation suddenly hit.
She had told him of her pain, shared her deepest fears, her darkest secrets, yet she still knew nothing more about him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘WHAT the hell do you think you’re doing?’
Clinging to the edge of the pool, Leah chose to look at Cole’s highly polished shoes rather than upwards, positive from the tone of his voice that Cole wasn’t about to greet her with a smile.
‘Swimming.’
‘I can see that,’ Cole responded, offering her his hand, which she reluctantly accepted, and hauling her out of the pool. ‘The question, though, is, what the hell are you doing swimming with your type of injury?’
‘I didn’t think you’d be home for a while.’
‘So this isn’t the first time?’
Wrapping a towel around her, Leah still didn’t look up and she didn’t answer, just concentrated on drying herself as Cole stood there, waiting for a response.
‘Leah?’ Cole demanded, following her in as she tossed her hair and headed inside.
Leah sucked in her breath before turning angry eyes to Cole. ‘You’re right, Cole, this isn’t the first time, and I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d overreact. So instead I’ve been sneaking around like a schoolgirl smoking behind the bike sheds, hiding my bathers, which, the more I think about it, the more pathetic I realise it is. I’m not doing anything wrong. It’s supposed to be good exercise for my lungs. I told you all of this after my last outpatient appointment. Dr Crean said—’
‘Oh, what would he know?’ Cole broke in, incensed, and Leah let out an incredulous laugh.
‘Quite a bit, I hope! He’s a thoracic surgeon, for heaven’s sake,’ Leah responded hotly, and Cole at least had the grace to look a bit embarrassed. ‘He also said that I’m ready to go back to work.’
‘Which is immaterial,’ Cole said through white lips, ‘given the fact that you don’t have a job.’
‘Wrong.’ Picking up the newspaper from the coffee-table, she handed it to him, watching as he read it, a muscle pounding in his cheek. ‘I start on Friday evening.’
‘Bar work?’
She heard the derisive tone in his voice and instantly she retaliated. ‘What? Is it beneath an emergency consultant to be seen with a barmaid?’
‘Don’t make me out to be a snob here, Leah.’
‘You turned your nose up when I told you what I did on the plane.’ Despite him shaking his head she carried on talking. ‘And you’re turning up your nose now.’
‘I was turning up my nose at your extra-curricular activities, Leah, not your job.’ He stared at the paper for a moment before flinging it down. ‘It’s a bar, Leah. Do you really think they’re going to care that you’re getting over a pneumothorax?’
‘I’m over it, Cole.’
‘No, Leah, you’re not. And the last thing you need to be doing is lugging kegs of beer around and collecting glasses in a room full of smoke. I’ve said I don’t need rent and you told me your parents had sent you some money.’
‘Cole.’ Her voice was very steady, very calm, despite the fury welling inside her, a thousand tiny niggles over th
e past couple of weeks all aligning, the off-the-cuff remarks that had been dusted under the carpet surfacing now, pinging into her mind with appalling clarity and culminating in this one dark moment. ‘My parents’ idea of a living wage and my idea tend to differ.’ He opened his mouth to argue and she knew, just knew, he was about to offer her money, but money wasn’t the problem here, or at least not all of it. ‘I don’t want money from you, Cole, I want to earn my own. I’m twenty-nine years old, nearly thirty actually, and I’m not about to start lining up for pocket money from you or from anyone. If I need some cash then I’ll go and earn it. Are you such a chauvinist you don’t think women should work?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ He shook his head fiercely. ‘Heather…’ Swallowing hard, he stiffened, clenching his fists by his side as Leah stared wide-eyed, waiting for him to continue.
‘Heather worked, then?’ Leah pushed, but Cole didn’t answer. ‘What did she do?’
‘Leave it, Leah,’ Cole warned, but Leah had had enough of skirting around the edges. Heather was a massive part of Cole’s life and needed to be discussed.
‘Why?’ Leah asked simply. ‘You barely speak about her, yet surely you must want to. What are you so afraid of?’
He gave a scoffing laugh. ‘I’m not afraid of anything.’
‘I don’t believe you, Cole.’ She was shivering now, her skin still damp from the pool, her hair wet and cold and dripping down her back. ‘Heather’s a no-go area where we’re concerned.’
‘She isn’t,’ Cole answered irritably, but Leah begged to differ.
‘You won’t even tell me what she did for a living.’
He blinked back at her, his face slipping into impassive, his voice annoyingly detached, and Leah knew despite his answer that he was shutting her out.
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