‘Until I forced you.’
Leah shrugged. ‘Even though it didn’t feel like it at the time, I’m actually glad I was pushed into going back. A year running away from things, trying to find myself, didn’t help a single iota. Jumping back in at the deep end has been the best cure of all. I’ve loved my time at Melbourne Central, loved not being in charge, finding my feet again without all the pressure. Or at least I did for a while.’
‘But not now?’
Leah shook her head. ‘I want to be back in charge, Cole. You were right. In England I would have started that drip, and it’s made me realise how much I miss my old job. I want to be making the decisions I used to make without even blinking. I want my career back, Cole.’
‘Are you saying that you want to go home?’ His voice was so low, so quiet Leah had to strain to catch it.
‘I don’t know.’ Gulping she looked up at him. ‘Fay offered me a job today. Apparently there’s a clinical nurse specialist position coming up…’
‘That’s fantastic,’ Cole started, but when her eyes didn’t meet his he changed tack. ‘Isn’t it?’
‘It’s not what I was.’ Leah shrugged. ‘But it’s a step in the right direction, I guess, and Fay said once I’d got my foot in the door…
But it’s on nights, Cole.’ The fear in her voice was audible even to Leah. ‘I don’t know if I can do it.’
‘You can do it.’ His response was immediate, heartfelt and convincing—everything she hadn’t expected. She’d been sure he’d hold her back, sure he’d cast doubts, but instead he was encouraging her. But Leah wasn’t sure it was what she wanted to hear.
‘Look at how upset I was today…’
‘And look at how well you coped. Oh, Leah…’ Walking her over to the sofa, he pulled her down beside him, wrapping her in his arms and warming her with his strength. ‘I know how you feel…’ When she gave him a slightly disbelieving look he pulled her closer. ‘I do, Leah. Part of me wants to scream no, to tell you to work on the wards or specialise in docile geriatrics, to do everything I can to keep you safe while the other part…’ He gave her a slow smile. ‘It’s not what you really want, though, is it? It might do for a while, but sooner or later you’d regret it. You have to face your fears, Leah, not keep running from them. You have to deal with the past so you can get on with the future.’
‘I thought you’d try to stop me,’ Leah admitted. ‘I thought you’d tell me it was too soon, too dangerous…’
‘I nearly did.’ His honesty stilled her. ‘Leah, I’ve never really thought about the danger in Emergency. Sure, I’ve been to all the meetings, read the memos Admin hand out, but I’ve always figured I’d be OK. There’re security guards on hand, a direct line to the police station and at the end of the day, as opposed to most of the patients I’m six foot three and sober. But you’re not, are you, Leah?’
‘I never drink before work.’
Her attempt at humour didn’t even raise a smile.
‘I don’t want you working nights, Leah, I want you home safe with me. That’s the truth of the matter but at the end of the day we both know that’s not the answer.’
A watery smile hovered on her lips. ‘Since when did you get so smart?’
‘About eight weeks ago.’ His smile matched hers. ‘How about I fix dinner?’
‘You mean ring for a take-away?’
‘At least there won’t be any washing-up.’ He made to go, but she pulled him back.
‘We’re all right?’ Leah asked. ‘I mean, the row at work…’
‘Row?’ Cole shot her an incredulous look. ‘You call that a row? When Heather was…’ Even before his voice faded out Leah knew he’d finished talking, knew from the sudden tension, the set of his jaw that the conversation was over…
That she’d lost him.
‘Do you fancy curry?’
Watching him pull the menu off the fridge, watching as he dialled the number and nattered away in familiar tones to the guy on the other end of the phone, Leah felt her heart breaking. Only the pain she was experiencing had nothing to do with work, nothing to do with an angry patient or night duty or a family on the other side of the world, but everything to do with the man who held her in the palm of his hand.
She hadn’t lost him, Leah realised.
She’d never really had him in the first place.
CHAPTER NINE
‘I KNOW we never get our lunch-breaks together.’ Tara blushed as she helped Leah tuck in a sheet on a gurney. ‘But I asked Fay if someone could cover for us. I thought it might be nice to have lunch together, given that it’s my last day and everything.’
They were setting up the emergency bay, preparing for the influx of patients that would invariably start trickling in any time now. They waved as the night staff wearily trod past, yawning as they bade their goodbyes.
For Leah it was the best time of the day. Fresh, perfumed, her mascara still intact, there was something nice about setting up for a day’s work, taking advantage of the early morning lull, a chance for a quick gossip and a catch-up before you barely had a chance to breathe.
‘My treat,’ Tara added, blushing ever deeper.
‘Don’t be daft.’ Leah grinned. ‘If anything, I should be buying you lunch. You’ve been a pleasure to work with.’
‘Honestly?’
‘Honestly. I can’t believe it’s eight weeks already but on the other hand I feel as if we’ve been working together for ever. You’re a great nurse,’ Leah said, pausing for a moment and meeting Tara’s eyes. ‘Anyone would want you on their team, and I’ve told Fay the same. It’s been great working with you, Tara, but as for lunch…’ Leah gave an apologetic smile. ‘I’m afraid we’re going to have to take a rain check—I’ve got an appointment with Mr Crean scheduled in my lunch-break.’
‘To find out your results?’
Leah nodded. ‘He’s going to tell me whether or not I’m fit to fly.’
‘You’ve had all your tests then?’
Leah nodded.
‘And do you think you’ve passed?’
When Leah didn’t answer straight away Tara carried on relentlessly, rolling her eyes in the general direction of Cole who marched past with barely a greeting, damp hair curling on his collar, holding a steaming mug of coffee, wafting aftershave and managing to look moody and gorgeous and sexy all at once. Leah felt her insides turn to liquid. Oh, he could feign nonchalance, he could beg indifference, but Leah had been there that morning, had massaged the shampoo into that hair, watched as he’d splashed on the aftershave, and the reason Cole desperately needed a coffee in his hand was because quite simply this morning there hadn’t been time.
‘Or more to the point.’ Tara broke into Leah’s thoughts with pinpoint accuracy. ‘Do you want to have passed?’
Leah’s eyes met Tara’s. For someone who’d just celebrated their twenty-second birthday Tara was way too clued in!
‘OK, scrub lunch.’ Leah grinned. ‘How about a long dinner and a few too many glasses of wine? I could use some insight.’
‘Done.’
Leah was never quite sure how it happened after that, whether Fay called her over or Leah merely looked up as the trimphone went off. The trimphone was a direct line to Ambulance Control and normally it meant that the paramedics were bringing someone particularly unwell in or that an emergency team needed to be despatched. Seeing Fay pick it up, Leah relaxed, knowing the call was being dealt with, but somewhere between shaking Tara’s hand over the gurney and giving some sort of adolescent high five Fay’s eyes locked with hers and the urgency in them had Leah’s heart sinking like a stone.
‘We should go to that Thai restaurant…’ Tara’s voice as it was then was the last fleeting sign of normality, the last sound of innocence before chaos took over.
‘“Train crash”.’ As she joined Fay by the trim-phone Leah read out loud Fay’s hastily written notes on the sticky pad as Tara’s eyes widened in horror. ‘“Multiple injuries”.’ Swallowing hard, Leah r
ead the last few words with a slight tremor in her voice as Fay underlined them, scouring two heavy lines into the paper as suddenly everything changed.
‘“Possible major incident”!’
‘Is this a set-up?’ A nervous grin wobbled on Tara’s face. ‘Is this one of those mock-ups they tell us about?’
‘I’m afraid not.’ Fay’s voice had a slight edge to it as she came off the phone, but apart from that she looked as calm and as unflappable as ever. ‘Dan.’ Fay addressed the hovering security guard. ‘Go and round up any night emergency staff still in the car park.’ Turning to the gathering staff members, mainly addressing Cole, she passed on what she had heard. ‘There’s been a train crash on the Gembrook line. Unfortunately it would seem that it’s two commuter trains. They want us to send out a team.’
‘Is that all we’ve got?’ Cole asked. ‘Have we any idea of the numbers, how fast they were going?’
‘Not at this stage. Apparently access is difficult. It’s in the hills and the crash has taken place down an embankment. No one has been able to get down to the injured yet and make a formal assessment. All the major hospitals in the area are being put on standby and asked to send teams. It has the potential for the numbers to be huge, but until they get access…’
‘Start the disaster plan,’ Cole broke in. ‘Get everyone in. It’s the rush hour so we could be talking in the hundreds here. Anyway, if I’ve called it too soon, we’re due for a practice.’
‘This isn’t a practice, then?’ Tara asked again, her lips white, still hoping for a nudge and a grin that this wasn’t a real unfolding tragedy as Fay picked up one of many ringing phones.
‘The chopper is ready, Cole.’
‘Let’s get onto it, then.’ Cole was heading towards the ambulance bay, pulling off his tie and shirt as he did so. ‘Who are the nurses down to go out on the squad today?’
‘Louise and Vicki,’ Fay ordered, following the staff out. At any given time the disaster plan was ready to implement. Each shift two nurses were allocated to go on any callouts, but no one had been expecting this!
Leah helped Vicki into her overalls, finding her a hard hat as she hauled on an emergency backpack.
‘Maybe you should go,’ Vicki said through chattering teeth. ‘You’re way more qualified than I am.’
‘No.’ Cole broke in quickly, too quickly. ‘You’re not on the trauma team,’ he offered by way of explanation, but it was woefully inadequate and Leah shot him a look, warning him he was crossing the line. Yes, it might be dangerous, yes, it would be bloody and, of course, his first instinct was to protect her but, as Cole had pointed out, work and home were two different things.
He wasn’t her lover here.
‘You’ll be fine, Vicki,’ Leah said firmly, her eyes meeting Cole’s briefly. His face was expressionless, a muscle flickering in his cheek the only indication of his tension. ‘You’ll be fine,’ Leah said again, only this time it was to Cole.
‘Take care,’ she added in a whisper, which wasn’t much of a goodbye but it was all there was time for.
Even though she was in a different country to her own, Leah knew exactly what to do. The department snapped into disaster mode, ward staff coming down to collect their patients, the walking wounded in the waiting room advised to come back later or to go and visit their local GP. Areas were set up in colour codes so that as the patients from the accident started to come in they could be triaged and sent to the appropriate area. Leah had done it before—there had been a crash on the underground, a stampede at a rock concert and she’d run the show—but as the department quietened, as an uneasy silence filled the waiting rooms, as the staff crowded around the television, a growing sense of unease started to fill Leah, a sense that today was going to be the worst yet.
‘Shouldn’t the patients be starting to arrive now?’ Tara asked, her initial surge of adrenaline starting to wear off.
‘I would have thought so,’ Leah said thoughtfully, staring at the television screen and trying to comprehend that the images she was seeing were real. ‘But, look, there’s no access, the ambulances can’t get down there.’
‘Leah, can I have a word?’ Fay came off the phone and gestured her to one side. ‘This is bad.’ For the first time Leah heard a hint of nervousness in her boss’s voice. ‘I’ve just heard from Ambulance Control that the casualty figures are huge, but they can’t get the injured up. They’re setting up an emergency area at the scene, but it could be a while before casualties start to arrive.’
‘And we’ll be ready,’ Leah said assuredly. ‘It’s good Cole didn’t hang around before calling a major incident.’
‘They want us to send another team.’ Her eyes never left Leah’s face. ‘They need the best out there, Leah, and I know you’re on the roster as an RN, but you’ve been out to stuff like this before. Do you mind going?’
Immediately Leah nodded, Cole’s warning flying out of her mind. Fay was her boss, Fay was the one calling the shots, and Leah was not only able but willing. ‘Sure.’
‘I’ve spoken to the nurse supervisor and I’ll sort it out with the pay office,’ Fay said, following Leah out to the storeroom.
‘Don’t be daft.’ Leah shrugged. It seemed ridiculous to be talking about money at a time like this but as Fay pulled down some overalls and hesitated for a fraction of a second before handing them over, Leah realised she’d missed the point.
‘I’m not being daft. You’re going to be making decisions out there, big ones, and you’ll have the department’s back-up.’
Only then did it register she was actually going, that the images she had seen on the television she would be witnessing at first hand, and the enormity of the task ahead started to sink in. ‘Thanks, Fay.’
She’d never been in a helicopter, but there wasn’t exactly time to appreciate the view. Jenny, a nurse from nights Leah had only said good morning or good evening to, gave her a wan smile as over and over they checked the supplies in the emergency backpack they’d been issued with, along with the leather pouch containing drugs that hung around her waist, knowing they’d need to put their hand on things in an instant. Samuel Donovan, whom Leah had first met when she’d been admitted and had worked alongside since, pulled up drugs and taped the ampoules to the syringes and gave Leah a reassuring nod as their eyes met for a moment. Leah took a cleansing breath, knowing she was part of a good team, but as they neared the scene and Leah got her first glimpse of the disaster site, nerves started to catch up with her.
She’d been told two trains had been involved, but the gnarled stretch of metal blended into one, the front or back carriages, Leah couldn’t be sure which, were precariously on their sides, rising in an ugly peak. She saw the fluoroscent jackets of the firefighters as they walked along the top of the wreckage, the red crosses on the vests of the emergency personnel and a massive white tent set up alongside, before the scene disappeared from view and the helicopter descended to the ground.
‘Keep your head down,’ Samuel shouted, as they jumped out and ran the distance to the circus of flashing lights. Ambulances, fire engines and police cars were everywhere, their lights blazing like those at a fairground, but the surreal sight of empty ambulances reminded Leah of the emergency department, how horrible it was that people who so desperately needed it were trapped beyond help’s reach. A swift handover was delivered as they peered over the embankment edge, the sound of the jaws of life shearing through the carriage roofs jarring every tooth in Leah’s jaw.
‘Ever done abseiling?’ Jenny asked through chattering teeth as they climbed into leather hoists, and Leah gave a nervous laugh.
‘Once. And I swore never again.’
Thank heavens there hadn’t been time for breakfast, Leah thought as they slowly walked their way down the side of the embankment. It wasn’t abseiling exactly but it came precariously close, and every time the rope slackened Leah’s stomach took a dive. She only remembered to breathe again when two firefighters reached up and pulled her the last cou
ple of feet to solid ground.
It looked like a war scene, or at least what Leah imagined a war scene would look like. Bloodied, shocked victims were walking along the track, there were bodies sprawled by the trackside, some beyond help, others moaning piteously. ‘Over here, Doctor.’ A paramedic was frantically signalling to Samuel and he turned to Leah and Jenny.
‘I’ll follow you in as soon as I can.’
‘Carriage four,’ a burly man shouted. ‘We’ve sprayed the number on the outside, we’ve just got access. You three can take that one. We got some of the walking wounded out through the window.’
They would have run, but the terrain prevented them, the inaccessibility of the area being rammed home deeper every minute. The ear-splitting sound of glass being broken in the next carriage filled the air as Leah was hauled by the firefighter to the carriage roof where she balanced on the sloping edge, clinging on as the carriage gave a lurch.
‘We’re doing our best to secure it,’ the firefighter roared above the noise of the cutting equipment and breaking glass. ‘More stuff should be arriving soon.’
Only then did the danger of the situation she had placed herself in really hit home but, hearing the moans of the trapped victims inside, nerves and fear left Leah. Her only thought was to get in, to help, but they couldn’t just yet. The newly created exit offered a means of escape to some of the better-off victims and the next frustrating fifteen minutes were spent hauling them out one by one and lowering them into the welcoming arms of the paramedics before they could finally be lowered in themselves.
How?
The word resounded in her head like a mantra as her eyes slowly focused on the scene.
How were they supposed to free these people?
How could they possibly work in this bloodied, gnarled mess?
How could they possibly choose who they helped first?
‘Daddy.’ A tiny whimper reached her and Leah’s eyes fixed on the terrified face of a little girl. She crawled over, a massive jolt of the carriage startling her, again ramming home the precariousness of her own situation. Her hand lurched forward to the twisted seat the girl was somehow still sitting in, but up close Leah could see why—the seats in front were flattened like an accordion, pinning the child and her father together.
The Consultant's Accidental Bride Page 11