“Jen please, it’s not my fault I have past relationships and you don’t, this is why I couldn’t tell you.”
The look she gave him froze him dead and in the coldest voice he’d ever heard she said, “I’m going Todd, you and your ex can do whatever the hell you like. You want children so bad I’m sure you can persuade her to have them, and by the way I don’t like it when people use my naiveté as an excuse not to tell me the truth. I’ll be back at the apartment in a few days, but just stay the hell away from me from now on.”
She kept her head high all the way downstairs and out into the cool evening air, but once inside the cab she gave in to the hot desperate tears that flowed like they would never ever stop.
****
“Miss, are you ok? We’re here number 120 Bay Tree Lane.” The cabbie had been blessedly silent while she’d sobbed her heart out on the way over. He probably thought she was some nutcase.
As Jen leant forward to pay he said, “Hey aren’t you that gal from the internet?”
“Today I think I just resemble her,” she muttered.
“Well I thought you were great. Take care honey, I’ll wait right here until you get inside.”
Jen was touched by the small gesture of thoughtfulness and had to steel herself not to start blubbing again, “You take care too,” she smiled sadly.
Her knock on the door was answered quickly and Iris Kenton opened the door and her face lit up like it was Christmas.
“Jennifer! Sweetheart it’s so good to see you,” she pulled her into a warm lilac scented hug and then stepped back to study her face. Her eyes went from Jen’s tear reddened swollen face and travelled down the thinner than usual body and ended on her partially cashmere covered cast.
“God in heaven sweetie, what’s been happening to you, you look like you’ve been in the wars. Johnny and I have been so worried about you - sneaking off like that, and look at you you’re a mess.”
“Johnny,” she shouted over her shoulder.
“Mrs Kenton I’m so sorry for what I did, it was unforgivable, but if the apartment isn’t let out could I possibly stay a couple of days?”
“Nonsense, you’ll stay in the house.” She paused a second and then admitted, “Max is staying in the apartment, but I wouldn’t let you stay out there on your own anyway the state you’re in.”
Johnny Kenton came through from the living room, “Jennifer,” he said delightedly, “damn,” he said giving her the once over, “I know man trouble when I see it. Where is he, I’ll tear a strip off him for you.” He pulled her to him and she leaned in gratefully.
“It’s ok Mr Kenton I dug my own grave. I should have been a bit more honest with you both - but I left here and went looking for trouble and I found it. I’ve nobody to blame but myself.”
At that point her legs finally buckled under her but luckily strong rough hands caught her up and supported her upstairs to the cosy guest room reserved for visiting family.
“Just rest doll, as long as you need, you’re with friends now.”
And with that blessed sleep claimed her.
****
Monday morning Todd was forcing himself to tidy his apartment ready for Lily coming home, he’d been wearing the same jeans since he got back from Chicago and he’d spent most of the time since then either drunk or hung-over. The room stank of stale beer and something he’d rather not think about.
Sean and Seb had tried to tackle him on several occasions over what he was doing to himself, and why Jen hadn’t come back from wherever she’d gone to. But he ignored them - showing them the door when they persisted.
The boys were also wondering about the puppy that Todd for some reason had brought back with him. It was running riot chewing everything in sight and Todd seemed to be losing the battle to house train him, especially since he was half cut most of the time. Thank god Lily was due back they couldn’t help thinking.
Sean remembered he still had Jen’s cell number and called her because he had a big favour to ask. He knew something was badly wrong the moment he heard her voice, but she refused to explain what had happened between her and Todd, simply saying it was Todd’s business. She promised she would be home in a couple of days and, “for god’s sake she’d help him with his show,” which mollified him slightly because he knew what a big concession that was coming from Jen.
Ben delivered Lily home at lunch time popping inside with her for a moment, and stopped in shock at the mess that greeted them.
A tiny grey and white ball of fluff was happily shredding sheets of newspaper that it was presumably meant to be house training on. Todd was crashed out on the sofa - oblivious, all the blinds were down, and the place was a hell-hole.
Lily strode over to her brother, scared he was actually hurt or worse she shook him, “Todd, what the heck is going on?”
She turned to Ben, “I think he’s just drunk I’ve never seen him like this, help him into the shower will you? I have to try and sort some of this mess out.”
Ben’s chest swelled with masculine ego at the idea that Lily thought him capable of wrestling Todd into the shower, but he was fully aware Todd outweighed him by at least 40lbs and groaned, “this should be interesting.” He attempted to pull him up by the arm and managed to budge him an inch, but ended up being cannoned backwards landing with his nose in Todd’s crotch, which at least woke him up.
“What the fuck,” he roared; he was about to swat Ben when he seemed to come to his senses.
“Oh hell, Lily you’re home already - I got a bit side tracked, sorry.”
“Todd what’s going on, I’ve never seen you in such a state, and who is this?” she asked, picking up the squirming puppy which licked her vigorously in delight.”
“Oh I’ve messed up Lily, and it’s too fucking embarrassing to talk about.”
“As if you’re going to get away with that,” she pulled on Ben’s hand and walked him to the door. “I’m sorry to turn you out but I think once he sobers up he’ll be glad if you weren’t here to see him like this. Thank you so much for bringing me home Ben.” Lily leaned up and kissed him, meaningfully, on the lips and Ben responded in surprised delight.
“I’ll see you soon?” he asked softly.
“You couldn’t keep me away if you tried, now off you go.”
Ben stole another quick kiss and walked away whistling.
Chapter 16
“Carly Frost?” Lily spat out the words in disgust, “you messed up with Jennifer because of Carly Frost? I never understood you dating her in the first place. What the hell were you thinking, why would you want to encourage her back in your life?”
“It was just a one time thing that came out of the blue, and it was before Jen came on the scene.”
“Todd you are an ass, that woman is nothing but a social climber, you were lucky to escape her the first time round. Mom and Dad would kill you if they heard about this and they don’t know the worst of it. I can’t believe you agreed to meet her. Jen’s right you had no business going back the second time.”
“I just didn’t want to end things over the phone and I thought she might show up here and then Jen really would have freaked.”
Lily wanted to reach over and slap Todd, “You owe that bitch nothing Todd, do you hear me? And you’re forgetting that your public profile is sky high again following the internet story. Carly saw an opportunity and wasn’t going to let go, let me ask you Todd what do you think her response should have been when you told her you were involved with someone?”
“I don’t know,” he lied stubbornly.
“Yes you do, she should have backed straight off gracefully, but instead knowing her I bet she was still pushing for what she wanted and to hell with the consequences for you – you didn’t sleep with her did you?”
“No of course I didn’t, but I don’t think that will matter to Jen, she’ll think that she can’t compete anyway. Shit this is messing with my head.”
“I can see that,” she said indicating the mess
. “Is this little guy for Jen?” she said plopping the puppy on her lap.
“He was supposed to be for the two of us, our trial run baby. I’d already made the arrangements with the breeder to buy him when Jen showed up at the hotel. I didn’t like to go back on my word then, so here he is.”
“He’s gorgeous, what is he?”
“A Shih Tzu.”
“Well he’s one cool dog.”
“Yeah, but he keeps peeing all over the carpet, and by the time I go to bring a wash cloth I can’t find the pee spot anymore.”
“I thought that stink was all you.”
“Ha ha very funny.”
Lily ran her knuckles over her brother’s pale face, noting the hollows under his eyes, the three days worth of stubble.
Todd looked into her solemn green eyes that were such a good match for his own, “How are you doing Lily?”
“I think I’m ok or at least I feel like I’m going to be ok, it’s a bit odd being back but good too, it’s where I need to be. Jen’s coming back too Todd and that’s a start, probably more than she would have done a couple of months back. She’s not running away this time – if all her stuff’s here, that’s got to mean something right?”
****
In Chicago, Jen was making her arrangements to come home, the best thing to come out of all this mess was that she’d had the chance to make it up to Mr and Mrs Kenton, and they made her promise to come back to stay for good if she needed to.
She’d also made amends with Max, Iris and Johnny’s nephew. Jen had avoided him like the plague after the botched date she’d been coerced into, which had also been the final straw that had pushed her to leave Chicago. That whole episode felt like another lifetime ago now.
It was hard not to like Max and he was definitely easy on the eye. Less physically imposing than Todd at a little under 6 feet, with remarkably blond hair and blue eyes. He was 35 and worldly wise and currently on a temporary respite in Chicago before going back to travelling the world as a photo journalist.
When Mrs Kenton found out about Sean’s fashion evening, it was her suggestion that she take Max along as her date.
“I don’t want to play games Mrs K - I don’t want to make Todd jealous. It’s not about getting payback, it’s about having the courage to stand my ground even if everything’s gone wrong. I have ties there now and I don’t want to just relocate anymore - I don’t want to run.”
“I know sweetie, but you’ll need a friend on board for the night, and he would be there for you and you alone.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“I’d be happy to do it.” Max’s warm voice came from the doorway, “I can treat it like work, take some photos – you said there were some celebrities attending right?” Jen stepped forward and kissed Iris on the cheek, and smiled over at Max. “I’ll call if I need you, but I’ll stay in touch with you and Mr Kenton anyway, whatever happens this time Mrs K, you’ve always been very good to me.”
Then the cab arrived to take her to the airport.
****
Jen arrived late evening and crept in the building. She only had the small overnight bag she’d left with. Deep relief flooded her when she made it to her apartment without being intercepted.
She looked around her. She’d come to love this place, but at the same time Jen could feel Todd’s presence in every nook and cranny of the building, and she really didn’t know what happened next.
Downstairs Lily said quietly, “she’s just come in, I heard the door.”
“I know, I heard too.”
“Are you going up?”
Todd’s face was conflicted; he’d faced down big hitters in the ring with less apprehension than he had about speaking to Jen again.
“Go Todd, the longer you leave it the worse it will get.”
He rose unsteadily to his feet and picked up the still unnamed puppy, and then with a heavy heart he climbed the stairs.
The knock on Jen’s door didn’t surprise her; she’d just gotten her robe on and tied her hair up ready to get in the bath, but there was no point putting off the inevitable. She opened the door slowly.
“Here we are again,” Todd said quietly.
He looked so different - rumpled, tired, his face a little hollower than she remembered, the makings of a fine beard gracing his strong jaw. No matter what, he was always going to take her breath away, but she found a way to stiffen her resolve.
“I don’t know what to say to you Todd, I really don’t.”
“I got us a puppy,” god that sounded lame even to his own ears.
“and what does that mean?”
“I mean I’d arranged it before we fought, it was one of the things I told you I wanted to do while I was away. You gotta admit he’s really cute?”
Jen resisted reaching out to the pup, it would put her too close to Todd and she didn’t trust herself just yet.
“I’m in love with you Jennifer.”
Her heart just about stopped beating, the words she never expected anybody to say to her were out there in the air between them, and it sent floods of hot intense panic burning through her from her toes to her fingertips.
“No, no you’re not, you just have some crazy notion of fixing me or rescuing me and it intrigues you. That feeling won’t last forever.”
“You’re wrong, I do want to help you fix yourself, otherwise how else will you let me be with you? And just so we’re perfectly clear - I would never have slept with Carly again Jen. I told her that in no uncertain terms.”
“I’ll never know that now, not for sure will I?”
“Jen look, you want to be treated like a big girl? You want to hear the whole ugly truth? Things were very complicated when I split up with Carly. It came on the heels of her miscarrying our baby, at least that’s what she told me.”
Jen reeled back further into her apartment and Todd modified the aggression in his tone.
“I was never sure whether what she really did was have an abortion; because she was horrified when she found out she was pregnant. When we split I didn’t know whether to be upset for her or angry at her, things were left unresolved, it was the worst time of my life.”
“Why would you have slept with her again if you thought her the kind of person capable of having an abortion without your consent?”
“Well I didn’t mean for that to happen, she’s very beautiful and made a pass at me and I was an idiot – in my defence I was single at the time.” Todd fixed Jen with a vivid green defensive stare. “I met her to let her talk about this new guy and I guess I hoped I’d get some kind of closure or truth from her but things got out of hand. After I met you the only reason I agreed to see her again was to find a way to draw a line under the whole thing whether I got my answers or not.”
“Todd I, God I don’t even know what to say right now, it’s a lot to take in. This is sort of why I’ve guarded against relationships, you know how to cope with people having a past, but I don’t. I saw you with that woman who you’d so obviously been intimate with, and I felt every bit like the ugly little nobody I was before you forced me to think differently. I saw the competition and it only clarified just how out of my depth I am. I’m sorry – so very sorry Todd, about your baby too.”
Jen closed the door softly in his face before he could respond, but in all honesty Todd didn’t know what else he could say. The puppy licked his hand, he’d forgotten he still held him. Todd went to turn away, fighting back the urge to bellow in frustration, and then the door cracked open again. “Do you want the puppy to stay with me?”
He held out the little scrap and it fairly shot into Jen’s arms as she pulled him in close, secretly drinking in Todd’s scent on the puppy’s soft fur. “He was supposed to be ours, but I won’t fight you for custody, he doesn’t have a name yet - I wanted us to do that together.”
“I’ll take good care of him,” she said and the door closed behind her.
Todd went downstairs, he felt as if every bone in his body had m
elted. Lily met him at the door and he suspected she’d probably been listening in the hallway.
“Todd?” She was shocked by the look on his face; she’d never seen Todd look so beaten before, he was the one person she knew who never gave up.
“I’m ok Lily.”
“It’s not over yet Todd, I promise it’s not over. If she won’t see it for herself we’ll make her, somehow.”
****
Jen threw herself into work for a few days. She felt like she’d been seriously neglectful lately although nobody had complained, in fact she’d fielded many new enquiries that had come by word of mouth. Despite her current turmoil she was deeply proud of the progress she’d made with her little business and relished the chance to put her mind elsewhere for a while.
Her first setback came when she fell while trying to get in the bath. She’d gotten a little complacent about wrapping her arm up properly and she slipped in the water and thoroughly drenched the plaster.
Jen drove herself to the emergency room in her beat up little Toyota, mortifyingly relieved she got out of the building unspotted. She cried softly the whole time the doctor removed her ruined cast and replaced it with a new one, it underlined to her that she was no longer “Property of Todd Baker”.
Sean however was delighted, “Oh honey that looks so much better, its way too crass to have people write on your cast anyway. I’ve been working on ways to camouflage it for the show – I haven’t quite figured out what fabrics will drape and conceal best but still look amazing.” He broke off for a second to divert Hugh who was sniffing his area rug intently. “Keep your eye on this little sucker I don’t want my furnishings going the same way as Todd’s. Did you know he had to have new carpet fitted downstairs? It was irredeemable!”
Jen’s puppy, Hugh, as she’d named him, accompanied her everywhere now and she was quickly getting him house trained. He slept on the bed every night and she cried into his fur at least twice a day but he took it all in his short stumpy stride.
Jen rigidly kept her focus on the upcoming charity event; Sean had coaxed her into modelling a little - seeing as her supposed public profile was a crowd puller, according to him anyway. There was also going to be a karaoke, plenty of local celebrities and a TV camera crew to capture it all.
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