“I think I need help sitting up,” Jen complained. She lay where he’d left her, unconsciously brazen, her legs still spread apart in repletion.
Todd leaned back over and pulled on her ponytail until she focused on him, “You are really something, you know that?” and then he kissed her brow tenderly before picking her up and carrying her to the sofa on slightly wobbly legs.
“I have to go honey.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, your shelf emergency has been fixed, I knew I was a sucker falling for that one,” he mock scowled at her.
“Why do you have to go?” God she hated that she sounded so whiny.
“I just have to,” he gave her a big brother type kiss on the forehead and that really pissed her off.
Jen stomped off to her bedroom to find a robe but before she was back she heard the apartment door close behind Todd. Jen stood there a little stunned - shocked he could just leave like that, what the hell was going on in his head? Maybe it was her - did she just not understand the rules of the game? Jen looked down at herself and felt a bit dirty and shameful, which soon mixed with a wash of anger as confused tears pooled in her eyes.
Chapter 18
Jen napped fitfully on the couch, little Hugh cuddled into her lap. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she had done something to be ashamed of. Todd had almost looked embarrassed when they’d finished and she suddenly wasn’t sure how she was supposed to act around him next time they met. A noise outside the window disturbed her and she got up to see what was happening, then her bruised ego really did hit rock bottom.
Todd was shoving his blond lady friend inside a taxi, or attempting to - she was stuck to him like glue - her nails grasping his clothes. For some reason Lily was there and there was some kind of argument going on but she couldn’t make out the words, now Sean and Seb were there. What the hell was going on?
Bravura Girl, Carly, landed a kiss full on Todd’s mouth and Jen caught herself before she managed to bang on the glass hard enough to break it. Without realising it she must have had yelled out loud because Seb glanced up at her window and she shrank back not wanting to be spotted.
Whatever was happening it seemed like everybody she had come to care for was in on it, and as ever she was the outsider. And while it didn’t exactly look like Todd was pleased to see the woman, other than allowing her to suck his face, she was there - despite Todd saying it was over. Another part of her thought, is this what he does, sleeps with women, gets them hooked and then leaves them so desperate they’ll follow him anywhere? Is that what she’d done today forced him to be with her whether he wanted to or not?
Jen dragged herself away from the scene at the window, sick at heart and not wanting to witness another second. Tomorrow was going to be a really long day and it seemed she needed a friend who was on her side after all. Jen picked up the phone and called the Kenton’s landline and asked for Max.
After she finished her call, Jen spent a lonely evening on her own; nobody called or dropped in to visit. When she went out to toilet Hugh, Todd’s door remained shut – she could hear loud murmurs inside & was almost tempted to eavesdrop, but she also didn’t have any intention of being caught pursuing Todd twice in one day. Tomorrow she would probably be given some sanitised version of events, whether she wanted to hear it or not anymore was another conversation altogether.
****
The big day dawned sunny and clear. Jen struggled to get up having lain awake cold and fractious for most of the night. She missed being the girl who craved her solitude, she’d become the last thing she wanted to be – reliant on others. The joke was truly on her, Max wouldn’t be here until nearly show time and in the meantime she had to get to a rehearsal at the Floris Hotel. Great, now she felt nauseous and for the life of her she couldn’t remember how she’d allowed herself to be talked into doing this.
She tried to focus on the purpose of the event which was helping rape victims and victims of domestic abuse - people who had nowhere to go in times of crisis. Victims that didn’t have the family back-up Lily had behind her. Calling Lily lucky wasn’t appropriate, no rape victim was lucky, but the support of her loving family was definitely the reason she’d begun to heal so well emotionally.
There was a knock on the door, “Come in,” she said with little enthusiasm. It was Todd, and it actually hurt to look at him - rotten stupidly handsome beautiful man, but there was hesitancy in his soft green eyes.
“Hi baby,” he made to come over and kiss her but she ducked into the kitchen avoiding him.
“Good Morning,” she managed.
“Are you all set for tonight?”
“As much as I can be, I just have to go to the practice this afternoon then physically I’ve little to do but show up. All the girls taking part are having hair and makeup done in Sean’s place, and then I’ll just head out to the hotel.”
“Wait - you are coming with us aren’t you?” Was that anxiety in his voice?
“No, I’m making my own way there; I’ve been making my own way places my whole life Todd.”
“I know that, but you don’t have to anymore.”
“Besides I’m bringing a date.”
“What?” he thundered.
“You heard me; he’s a friend I’m bringing for support.”
Todd fumed at the inference, “I’m here to support you.”
She pinned him with a hard stare, “Really Todd? I’ve got to get ready so I think you should leave.”
Todd took a reluctant step back finally getting the full effect of the chill in the room. Had she seen the showdown outside last night?
“Are you ok Jen?”
“I’m great, just nervous, I’ll be glad when it’s all over and things can go back to the way they were. I’m tired of people wanting in my life one minute and avoiding me the next. I never know whether I’m right side up anymore, it was easier before.”
What were you doing last night Todd? Why was I on my own Todd, can you answer me that Todd? That was the unspoken implication and he got it loud and clear. He even agreed with it.
Todd made another attempt to touch her but Jen drew away again, “I’m really proud of you for doing this Jen; I know you’re going to find it really difficult but Sean’s thrilled to have you, and supporting this charity means a lot to Lily.”
Tears pricked at Jen’s eyelids and she gritted her teeth, “I don’t need your validation Todd, I’m doing this for me as well.” She walked past him to the door and opened it. “I’ll just see you later on ok, I’m sorry but I’m not in a great frame of mind right now, I’m better left on my own.”
Todd was out the door and in the hall with the door in his face, yet again. It was easiest just to capitulate for the moment because she must have witnessed the little scene last night. He’d desperately wanted to go to her afterwards but he’d been a coward he didn’t want to either fight with her or lie to her about Carly. Then he’d spent most of the evening on the phone to Carly’s parents, trying to get them to come out here and take her home. She was having a breakdown of some kind that was for sure.
What Todd really wanted to do was go straight back inside and pin Jen down and force her to listen to him, but he also needed her to hold it together for the rest of the day. If they argued now it would only mess with her head more. Shit now he was madder than hell and to top it all off some unknown bastard was escorting her there tonight. He needed to hit the gym and go a few rounds with a punching bag before he put his fist through a goddamn window.
****
Jen sat in front of the mirror in her apartment, she was in her robe, the rehearsal was over and she had spent hours upstairs being primped by Sean’s friend Marguerite and her team. It had given her a boost to see the vivacious Spaniard again because it was impossible to be completely miserable around her, she practically oozed Mediterranean sunshine and made sure she blasted you with it.
In the practice run Jen had ducked out of wearing her allotted outfits, pleading that she
wouldn’t have the guts to do it later if she saw herself in them before showtime. They were all very revealing, but she’d tried them on and just kept her mouth shut to stifle any insecurity. According to Sean they fit her like a glove, and Jen knew she could trust him when he told her she looked good enough to wear them. His reputation was staked on it of course, but somehow as ambitious as he was, she knew Sean cared more about her and making her feel good than that.
Jen leaned closer and found the face reflected back at her quite startling; her thick brown hair was in an artful fishtail braid draping over one shoulder, random strands curled and bobbed about her face and neck, the long bangs drew attention to her strong brows, the heavy braid reached to just below her breasts and was intertwined with tiny silver sequins.
Her make-up was much heavier than she’d do for herself but Sean said that was her fault because she looked like crap due to sleep deprivation. She was wearing false eyelashes which seemed crazy to her; I mean how many eyelashes did a girl need? Her eyes were coated in sparkly silver shadow with a smokier grey at the outer edges, black eyeliner was winged out at the sides, and god knows how many coats of mascara. Her skin even to her own critical eye looked good with whatever base they’d used, bronzer on her cheeks and nude lip stain, all geared to putting the focus on her wide blue eyes, she had to admit she looked pretty good, and she needed all the courage she could get.
The seldom used entry phone buzzer sounded and she got up to check it was Max, and buzzed him in.
“Oh my god Jen you look beautiful, absolutely stunning.”
Jen blushed in surprise, “Hi Max - It’s good to see you,” she gave him a brief welcome hug and ushered him inside. “It means a lot for you to take the trouble to come, you look very handsome.” Max had come straight from the hotel and was already wearing his tux as per the dress code.
“I’m glad to be here, I’ve brought my camera so if it’s ok with you I’ll be able to do some work tonight?”
“I don’t mind, I checked with Sean and he said you wouldn’t be stepping on anybody’s toes if you did. Gosh I’m actually having proper butterflies now; it suddenly seems more real with you stood here all suited up. But please do me a real kindness and don’t go out of your way to take photos of me!”
“Now that’s not fair, as good as you look it would be a crime not to take your picture, you’ll be fine tonight, better than fine I’m sure.”
Jen gave a wry smile and then looked more than a shade awkward, “Just to be clear Max, I’ve not asked you here tonight to make Todd jealous. I’m not looking for you to put on a show in front of him. I just need to know there’s someone there that’s just for me, someone with no ulterior motive of having Todd’s back or wanting more from me, if that makes sense? I know it’s unfair to ask so much when we hardly know each other.”
“Sure I can do that, it’s not a problem. If it makes you feel more comfortable I’ll think of this evening as me doing Aunt Iris a favour then there’s no pressure on you,” he put a reassuring hand on her arm.
From the open doorway a noise very much like an angry bear intruded.
Jen’s anxious tummy roiled in response. Now there was a man who knew how to fill out a tuxedo. Life was so shittily unfair - there was no way Todd with his massive torso and his thickly muscled legs should look like elegance personified in a dress suit. He was clean shaven for the first time in a while, and heart stoppingly handsome.
His frame and his aura filled the doorway and Max dropped her arm and approached to shake Todd’s hand.
“Max Turner, good to meet you.”
“Yeah right - Jen you should get dressed, it’s about time to go. Lily, Ben and I are setting off now.”
He brushed past Max and pulled her board stiff noncommittal body into his arms. In a voice only for her ears he whispered, “You know, you just take my breath away whenever I see you – dressed up, dressed down, it doesn’t matter. So whatever is going on in that thick head of yours can you just try and have a little faith in me? In the end I won’t let you down.” Todd rocked her gently as he spoke, soothing her - almost hypnotizing her, the urge to snuggle into his strength almost painfully overwhelming.
“Try and enjoy yourself tonight, I don’t want to scare you but so many of the people will be there just to get a good look at you, my little ass kicker.”
He pulled away leaving her swaying on her feet, and Max stepped to her side to steady her. “I’m watching you buddy,” Todd snarled. “Whatever Jen thinks, she is taken, so keep your hands to yourself,” and with that he left.
Max’s complexion had paled. “Jen, you could have mentioned that your Todd happened to be Todd Baker. I sure hope he’s got better impulse control these days than he did in the ring, anybody took a cheap shot at him in a fight, the guy went apeshit on their ass and 9 times out of ten they ended up eating canvas.”
Jen was still watching the open doorway and didn’t answer him, her head was too messed up to talk sense, so she stumbled off to change into the dress Sean had given her to arrive in.
****
The atmosphere was electric outside the hotel, the evening was a sell-out and there were local dignitaries and TV celebrities as well as one or two genuine movie stars in attendance. Some were there as new clients of Sean’s and others as patrons of women’s charities, it was very exciting even to an out of her depth Jen.
Microphones were pushed under her nose, “Jennifer, Miss Harris, who is your handsome date for this evening, did you dump Todd already?”
“Who’s the lovely blonde Todd is with this evening, the two of you seem to have hooked up with new partners very quickly?”
Jen almost started hyperventilating then remembered Lily was blonde - it could have been her they were talking about. She felt the welcome weight of Max’s arm wrap around her shoulder and squeeze gently in reassurance; it helped her find her voice.
“I’m just here to support my friend Sean Jackson, who is the featured designer tonight and for the charity of course,” she stuttered uncertainly. “I can’t comment on my personal life.” Yeah right because she didn’t know what the hell was going on with it.
For a moment the crowds on the red carpet parted and just like in the best soppy movies, there was Todd looking directly at her. His face slowly lit up as he scanned her from her head to her feet, taking in the shimmery turquoise green mermaid shift dress. The diagonal neckline that left one shoulder bare, the neckline just high enough to cover her scar, the bodice tight enough not to slip and risk revealing her insecurity. Sean was a devilishly clever man.
What Jen didn’t know was that it was no romantic accident that she caught Todd watching her; he’d simply been glued to the spot, waiting for her to arrive and hadn’t moved his eye-line from her since. Todd’s eyes continued to linger on her body and for a moment she reluctantly returned his wide easy smile, as a flush of pleasure at just simply being the focus of his attention filled her with a deep & dreamy sense of contentment.
Lily stood at his side in a black cocktail dress; she looked immaculately groomed and sleekly elegant. She waved at Jen madly and instantly transformed into young and goofy again.
Jen’s eye was drawn back to Todd but his gaze was now focused behind her and glinted with some unfathomable emotion. He suddenly raised his arm and Seb jostled her from behind propelling her at speed inside the building even as he gathered Max up on his other side.
“Seb, hang on a minute I’m going to get my heel stuck in this dress - what’s wrong?”
“Just keep moving Jennifer, you may as well go straight backstage.”
“Sean told me I had to stay outside for at least 15 minutes so the outfit could be photographed, I don’t want to get in trouble with him.”
“Change of plans, who is this with you?” He indicated Max who leaned across and shook hands introducing himself.
“Good to meet you, even if I don’t understand what the hell’s going on, come on we’ll find your table and you can take a seat while
Jen works.”
“Actually I’m going to go back outside for a few minutes, might as well get some shots, will you be ok Jen?”
“Yeah fine I guess, just a little knee knocking to worry about.”
At least Sean and Seb would be backstage; she just hoped she could avoid bumping into Todd before the show started. It was just too damn confusing.
****
“Shit, I’m sorry Todd she slipped away in the crowd,” Ben apologised.
“It’s not your fault; it’s obvious she’s determined to just keep popping up. I’m going to have to talk to hotel security about her, and I hate to involve outsiders despite everything.”
“Come on let’s go inside and get a drink.”
Todd, Lily, Ben, Max and Seb were seated at the same table, with seats for Sean and Jen to join them later. At an adjacent table Todd was ticked to see that jackass Detective Brader, and it made his fists bunch.
The evening kicked off with a quick warm up set from a well known comedian who was Bloomington born and raised, then the show sponsors made brief speeches thanking everyone for coming and hoping they enjoyed the show. The room lights dimmed and spots lit up one by one on the runway. Todd’s heart kicked up a notch, god he hoped Jen was going to be ok. It reminded him of the build up to a big fight when he’d have to make a grand entrance, he could feel his palms getting sweaty on her behalf.
Music blasted out from the speakers as the first models hit the runway. The girls were a mixture of professional models and real women, some of them survivors of major injury or illness. None of them seemed any taller than 5ft 6 or so, in line with Sean’s vision of dressing petite women. The atmosphere was amazing as the crowd roared for each girl. At times it was hard to tell the models from the amateurs, the dresses were innovative and elaborately detailed, and it was easy to see that the women felt a million dollars in them.
Then with a little buzz from the crowd - there was Jennifer, a little hesitant at the head of the catwalk, the smile a little forced if you didn’t know her. Then with her first stride she was away as her head tilted up in defiance at her own trepidation.
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