by Ruby Dixon
Rukh is silent. I touch his leg in a caress, worried about how he is handling this. Overnight, our world is turned over, and now to find he has a brother? This has to be difficult.
“You have a healer?” Rukh’s abrupt words startle me. There is no mention of family.
“Not with us.” Raahosh’s eyes narrow again, and he looks ready to scowl at Rukh. “She does not leave the caves. There are too many that require her assistance.”
“Then we take Har-loh to her. We leave now.”
My eyes widen and I stare up at Rukh in surprise. “We what?”
He turns back to me and his hand goes to my head, caressing my hair. “You are my mate. We go to see the healer.”
“I’m fine,” I protest, ignoring Liz’s snort.
“You are not fine,” Rukh says firmly. “We will go.”
RUKH
I do not trust any of this. I am full of suspicion despite the fact that my father has another kit living, and the man looks like a scarred version of him. My father mentioned him often, though I was too young to picture him. But there is no doubt in my mind that Raahosh is of my father. I imagine I look similar in his eyes. Seeing him makes me long for my father, long dead, but it is not the sight of him that made up my mind.
It was Har-loh’s soft hand on my leg, a reminder that she is not well.
I will give up everything for my mate and my kit. It no longer matters what I want. All that matters is Har-loh. So I will swallow my worry and take her back to the caves, so the healer can ease the hurts from her belly and make her feel better.
And then we will return here, to our home, and raise our kit alone.
I do not want to stay with the bad ones. That has not changed.
Off to the side, Raahosh argues with his mouthy human mate. They are arguing over when to travel, and who will go back. I fill my worn shoulder sack with dried meat and other small comforts, even as Har-loh folds furs quietly in our nest. I won’t let her get up so she does what she can within reach. All the while, the other two squabble and I cannot tell if they are truly angry at each other, or if this is like when Har-loh teases me with words and then reaches for my cock. I suspect they like to argue about everything, even in the furs.
“We can all go back,” Leezh says again. “Safety in numbers. We all have to go back at some point, right? And the others are going to want to meet Maarukh and see Harlow.”
The man called Raahosh – my brother – crosses his arms over his chest and scowls down at his mate. “She is ill. We need to travel fast, and the others still wish to hunt and collect salt for cooking. There is still much to do.”
She makes a face. No one has asked me if I wish to travel with the entire hunting party. I do not. “They can come back some other time,” Leezh retorts. “No one is going to die if they don’t have salt on their food. Most everyone’s eating raw at this point anyhow. Harlow is more important.”
“And a smaller party will move faster.”
“Not if we have a travois!”
I do not know what a trah-voy is. I just want them to cease talking, both of them. I want them out of my cave. I glare at both of them, but they seem oblivious to my expression, caught up in their argument. It is definitely sexual. Leezh’s chest is panting and she looks as if she’s ready to smile despite her sharp words. “I will carry my mate,” I say, interrupting their love-talk. “I no want travel with all . Raahosh is right. We go fast with small group.” The thought of walking with many of the bad ones makes my stomach roil.
“I agree,” Har-loh says, adding her voice. “Let the others stay and hunt. We can travel back. And I can walk, I promise.”
I turn to glare at my mate. “I will carry you.”
She sticks her tongue out at me.
“Fine,” Leezh says, and crosses her arms over her chest. It makes her own rounded stomach stick out. “But we need to talk with the others. They will be wondering where we have gone.”
Raahosh grunts and looks out at the skies. “It will be dark soon. We will meet with the others and explain to them we are splitting off. We will return here in the morning to travel. Is that acceptable to you?” His gaze moves to me.
I nod. He’s right. As much as I want to leave right now, it is smarter to wait until the morning. Har-loh can rest tonight.
Eventually Leezh and Raahosh leave, Leezh looking hesitant as if she wants to fuss over my mate. I won’t let her stay, though. That is my job. Her mate eventually herds her away and then Har-loh and I are alone again. Some of the tension in my body eases and it feels as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
“So we’re really leaving?” Har-loh’s voice breaks through the silence of the cave. It feels unnaturally quiet now.
I move to my beloved mate and kneel next to her. I study her face, now so dear to me that I cannot imagine being without her, even for a moment. “Leezh is right. You are not well. I want healer to help you. If it means we travel with the bad ones, then we will.”
“You don’t want to go.”
I am silent. It’s not a matter of wanting to go or not. I will not allow anything to risk her.
Her eyes fill with tears. “I don’t want to go. I like our life here.”
I cannot stand the sight of her crying. It makes me feel almost as helpless and frightened as when she was unconscious earlier. I move closer, pulling her into my arms to comfort her.
“I’m scared,” she admits, wrapping her arms around me. “I feel like everything’s changing and I like it the way it is.”
I stroke her soft, orange-red hair. “I know.” But I won’t change my mind. I’m too aware of her faint earlier, her clammy skin and pale face. Leezh’s radiant health only makes it worse. I see how my Har-loh should feel and does not. I want to fix that for her.
“Promise me we won’t change?” She burrows her face against my neck. “No matter what?”
“I will tear khui from my chest before I leave you,” I tell her. “We are together. Always.”
She lifts her head and parts her lips in the way that tells me she wants to kiss. I hold her gently against me and brush my mouth over hers. Tonight is our last night alone. I want to claim her as my mate, but not if she’s feeling unwell. I pull back, uncertain.
Har-loh grabs me by a handful of my hair. “I’m not broken, Rukh. At least, no more than last night. I want to make love to you. Here, in our cave.” Her voice catches. “In our home.”
I will be careful with her. I nod and ease her gently back into the nest of furs. We will have to leave some of these behind, and this might be the last night with a comfortable bed like Har-loh likes it. I resolve to add a few of the leather puffs to my shoulder bag for her comfort—
She taps my cheek. “You’re thinking about tomorrow.”
“I am,” I admit, and nuzzle her neck.
“Are you worried about the others?”
I’m not. I worry about Har-loh. The others don’t matter. So I shake my head and lick the base of her throat, in the sensitive spot that always makes her shiver. She moans and presses against me, and we both work on pulling the laces of her tunic free for the next moment. She undresses and then I do, and then we are naked together. I pull a fur over us so Har-loh doesn’t get cold. I want to cover her body with mine, but her big belly prevents that. I lie beside her instead, caressing her. My mate loves for her soft skin to be petted, and I stroke my knuckles in the valley of her teats and down an arm.
She shivers and puts her hand on my cock, her thumb stroking along the underside of my spur. The breath hisses out of my throat at the small touch, and I grip her hand in mine, roughly stroking into the tight grip. It feels achingly good, but I don’t want to spend there. After a few more tugs, I take her hand in mine and link our fingers together. I push her arm back into the blankets, pinning her there, and claim her mouth. Her tongue strokes against mine, greedy for more.
My Har-loh. My mate. I never get tired of touching her.
We kiss, tongues playing, and
my hand caresses her sensitive breast. Har-loh sighs and arches up on the furs, pressing her nipple against me. I break the kiss and move down, trailing the tip of my tongue across her chest and then down to one teat. They’re bigger now that the kit is swelling inside her, and I love how full her body is getting. I carefully lick one tip, then nuzzle it. The mewing sound she makes in reaction makes my cock jerk, and I tongue her breasts over and over, my hands roaming her soft skin.
“I love you, Rukh,” she breathes. “So much.”
“My mate,” I say softly. “My woman.” I kiss the rounded mound of her belly, and the little bump of her navel that now protrudes outward. Then I move further down, to her thighs and her cunt. Her legs spread open eagerly, and I can see she’s wet with anticipation for my mouth. She moans when I lick her folds, her body shifting on the blankets. She is mine. The thought is fierce in my head as I lick her clit the way she likes, and her hands go to my horns, holding me there.
I attack her with my mouth, using everything I have to bring her pleasure. My tongue flicks her clit, my fingers go deep in her cunt, and I stroke her as I work her with my mouth. She moans and wriggles on the furs, but I won’t stop until she comes.
Her moans turn into soft, keening little cries, and her hips push against my face. I move my fingers faster, determined. A moment later, she chokes out my name and her fluids drench my tongue. Her body shudders with pleasure and my cock aches and aches.
But I lick her until she pushes my face away. Instead of asking her to get on her hands and knees, I lie next to my panting, sated mate and hold her against me. I wrap my arms around her, mindful of her fragility.
“What about you?” she asks, breathless. She reaches for my cock again.
“Shh,” I tell her, and push her hand away. “Let me hold you. You are tired.”
She protests a little, but I can hear the exhaustion in her voice. I ignore the needs of my own flesh and hold her closer, and she’s content to lie in my arms. Her head rests on my chest and her fingers lightly stroke my arm.
I imagine them stroking my cock the same way and it takes everything I have not to come right then and there.
“The kit is dancing in my stomach,” she says after a moment. “Want to feel?”
I move my head down to her belly and lightly press a hand against one side, my ear and cheek on the other. There is movement in her stomach, though I’m not entirely sure it sounds like much. Then, something pushes against my face and I feel her entire belly ripple.
She giggles as I jerk back and mock-shields her face with her hands. “You nearly got me with a horn there.”
“It just…startled me.” I move down to her belly again, my mind full of wonder. My kit is in there, bouncing and lively. The moment I put my ear back to her stomach, it moves again, and I imagine a smaller version of myself, tail flicking with irritation at being trapped in such a small space.
I…have never seen a kit. I try to picture it but I cannot imagine how the horns do not tear her belly up. Maybe it is like my soft mate and has no horns. I picture a little girl kit then, with freckles and reddish hair, a smaller version of my mate.
I like that thought.
Har-loh’s hand plays with my hair, smoothing it back. “I’m still worried, you know.”
I caress her belly. “The healer will take care of you.”
Her chuckle is soft and she gives my hair a tug. “I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about you and me.”
I lift my head then, surprised. I take her hand in mine and kiss the palm. “You and I are for always, Har-loh. There is no need to worry.”
Her smile is soft and sweet. “It’s going to be a lot for you to take in. Just promise me you’ll be open-minded about everything. That you won’t attack anyone.”
“I will not attack them if they are helping you.”
She raises an eyebrow. “You looked ready to attack Raahosh earlier.”
Raahosh. The one that looks like my father. I grow silent at the reminder. I have a sibling. “I did not know what to think,” I admit.
“It was a lot,” she says softly, and pats the blankets, indicating she wants me to lie down with her again. I do so gladly and she moves into my arms. “So your name…Maarukh?”
“I do not recall.” I stroke her back as she tucks herself under my shoulder. “My only memories are of my father calling me Rukh.”
“But it is your name. Just part of it.”
I grunt agreement.
“Are you pleased to have a brother?”
“I do not know.”
“It’s a lot of change for one day,” she says again. “Earlier today, it was just you and me and the beach. Now we’re leaving and everything is changing.”
It’s obvious I’m not the only one worried. I hold her close to me.
RUKH
Har-loh sleeps heavily through the night, and the next morning, she looks more tired than usual. She rubs her side when she thinks I am not looking, and swears she is fine.
This only reinforces my desire to take her to see the healer. It is the right thing to do. Before, I was angry that the bad ones showed up on our beach. Now, I am grateful. It feels strange.
As Har-loh nibbles on a bit of dried meat and sips water, I pack up the last of the things we will need for our journey. More meat, more water skins. More furs for Har-loh, and the puffs she likes. Her tunics, the soft wraps she’s made for the kit, and everything I can think to carry. By the time Leezh and Raahosh show up, my pack is bulging.
But I will not leave behind anything that my mate might need.
In the morning light, Raahosh looks even more like my memories of my father. When he turns to the side and his scars are hidden, his profile looks just like Vaashan. I’m hit with a bolt of remembered loneliness so strong it staggers me. My father has been gone a long, long time and yet I still miss him. Perhaps I will always miss him.
Does Raahosh feel the same? Does he remember him like I do?
As I watch, Leezh settles in next to Har-loh and eats her own food, chatting. I study my brother, then set my pack down. “Come.”
He glares at me, his own pack on his back. “Why?”
“I will show you something.” I wave him forward. “Come.”
He looks to his mate, clearly uneasy about leaving her. It’s a feeling I understand. Leezh, though, waves him away and leans forward to whisper something to Har-loh that brings a small smile to her face. It is good she has a female friend, one that is also with kit. It will relax her. I know she worries. And then I feel shame and guilt that my mate worries and I cannot soothe her.
But Raahosh is waiting for me, and so I push aside my misery. If he is my father’s son as he says, he will wish to see his final resting place. With one last look at my beloved mate, I grab a spear and head out. After a moment, the stranger follows me.
We are a silent party as we head down the beach. True to his word, though, no others are nearby. No one stops to talk to us. It is as if we are alone, though I know many bad ones are waiting close by, just over the next set of cliffs.
Then we are before my father’s cave. I hesitate for a moment. This feels very…personal. As if I am about to expose my entire world to this stranger that I don’t know but who shares my face. Thoughts war within me. He is a bad one…yet my brother. Would my father not want this? With a heavy sigh, I lay my spear against the cliff wall and crouch low to enter the cave. “Come,” I tell Raahosh, my voice harsh. Whether or not he chooses to follow is up to him.
I crawl into the small room and crouch next to the pile of rocks that covers my father’s bones. I still remember the day I dragged his dead body here, the long hours it took, the endless trips to collect more rocks because the thought of scavengers tearing at his bones was more than I could bear. I was just a kit myself, then, and completely alone.
The sorrow of that day fills me and I bow my head. My father.
I hear a small hiss of breath and look up. Raahosh is there, his long body folde
d over to crawl into the cave next to me. His scarred face is turned toward me, and he stares at the neat, orderly pile of rocks that is our father’s last resting place. His gaze turns to the necklace hanging from the jut of stone, and raw sorrow creases his face.
“That was my mother’s,” Raahosh says after a moment. “Our mother’s. I remember him putting it around his neck after she died.”
My heart aches. “I no have memories of her.”
“Her name was Daya.” There is a rasp in his voice, and he will not look at me. “I have very few memories of her myself, just that her belly was rounded with you when father took us away. She resonated for him twice. The first time with me, and then five years later, with you.” His gaze flicks to me. “She did not love our father.”
My brows draw together. “But…they resonated.” I think of Har-loh, her chest purring under mine. It fills me with such contentment and joy. I cannot imagine anything but.
“She loved another. I remember that very clearly. She did not like Vaashan.”
Vaashan. Father’s name. Raahosh’s words fill me with anger, but I want to hear more. He knows things of my family that I cannot, and I am hungry for answers. “But I am here.”
“No one can deny resonance,” Raahosh says flatly. He reaches forward and touches one of the rocks on father’s grave. “Hektar – Vektal’s father and then chief – decided that they must have the kit for the sake of the tribe, but that she did not have to live with him. She could return to her heart-mate.”
My mouth thins at the thought. No wonder my father hated them so. They kept his mate from him.
“Our father decided that was not a good enough answer for him. He took mother and I out with him on one of his hunts…and then never brought her back. He just took her further and further away from the tribe. Not here.” He lifts his head. “I would remember the salt smell. But he kept her and hid her. She was not a hunter and did not know the way back to the tribe. I remember many days and nights of her crying. But father would not change his mind.”