by Ava Jae
“I’m not sure why you bothered coming out here,” I say, ignoring that last bit. “I obviously haven’t had enough time to do much yet and you’re just repeating what we already agreed out in the desert.”
“Think of it more as a reminder.” Shaw smiles. “Both that we expect you to hold up your end of the deal and that we’re willing and ready to make good on what we promised, too. We’re watching.”
I bite my tongue. Do my best to keep my face expressionless. “I’m aware. Look, I haven’t forgotten our deal and I haven’t forgotten about trying to make life better for humans, either. You know I’m just as invested in that as you and the rest of the Remnant are. But I can’t just do it overnight. I’m not forgetting about our agreement—I’m even moving to end slavery—but I need some time.”
“How much time?”
I run my hand over the back of my head, touching the buzzed hair at the nape of my neck. “I’m not sure. I’m still learning how everything works and I’m already making some big changes but I can’t do everything all at once. I’ll probably need at least a cycle just to stabilize before I keep expanding the laws. And I obviously can’t touch government structures before I even learn how they work.”
Shaw snorts. “Well you better learn the robes fast because we’re not giving you a cycle. Even if you don’t do anything right away, we need to see you talking about reworking the government publicly and clearly making moves toward that goal.”
Heat creeps up my neck. “I can’t restructure the whole government right away—they’ve barely accepted having me as Sira. They’ll toss me out if I try to completely revolutionize their government the way you want on set one. C’mon, Shaw, I have to be smart about this—”
“Listen, kid.” Shaw crosses his arms over his chest. “How you manage it politically isn’t my problem. We don’t want your time as Sira to be a nightmare, but while you’re learning how to do things, humans are dying.”
He’s right. It’d be so easy to dismiss him, to brush him off like sand on shoulders if he was just being an ass for the sake of it, but he’s right. This world has been shit to humans for so long, and I’m finally in a place where I can do something about it.
But I barely know where to even start. Or how.
Shaw shrugs, as if reading my mind. “Figure it out. This visit is just a courtesy call—our terms aren’t up for negotiation. Not anymore.”
I snort. “You were never interested in a negotiation to begin with.”
“Nope.” Shaw smirks. “So what do you say?”
I shake my head. “I’ll do my best, like I said I would, and I will fight for humans, but I can’t promise you immediate changes.”
“Shame. And I was just starting to like you.”
I scowl. “Guards!”
The door slips open and the four who dragged Shaw in enter, eyeing him suspiciously.
“Escort him out,” I say. “And make sure he leaves Asheron. For good.”
5
Kora
The suns are high overhead when Uljen finds me in the garden, gently running my thumb over sands-soft flower petals. I close my eyes and smell their sweet scent, letting the memories the scent brings unfurl in my mind.
Like our seventh birthday, when Dima and I flash-froze fallen petals and made each other bracelets and headscarves.
Like collecting petals with Mamae to tint a bath.
Like hiding in flower bushes to jump out at Dima when playing Amari Hari when we were twelve.
“Did you ever collect fallen petals?” I turn to Uljen and smile at him.
He blinks and scratches his temple. “I don’t think so? Not that I remember, at least.” He pauses. “My sister does, though. For garnishing plates and sweetening desserts.”
“Oh, you have a sister? How sweet.” I smile. “Do you two get along?”
“I like to think so.” He offers me the glass he’s holding. “I apologize for abruptly changing the subject, but Eros is trying to contact you. I thought you might want to see before the communication request expires.”
It takes me a breath to process his words. Eros is trying to contact me? I don’t mind—of course I don’t, I’m always happy to hear from Eros—but given that I was just in Asheron the other set, I hadn’t expected to hear from him in some time, if at all.
I hope everything is all right.
“Thank you.” I take the glass. “I can handle this alone.”
Uljen hesitates. “While I’m sure you’re more than capable of taking care of the situation without aid, I’d like to remind you I am your advisor and should be included in political matters.”
Heat prickles my cheeks. He’s right. Of course he’s right. I’m just … still not quite used to having to share these meetings and decisions with someone else. Dima was my second before Uljen, but he rarely demanded an audience to my meetings or stood by my side. He was too busy with Jarek, and, apparently, plotting to take my throne.
But I have to trust Uljen. I can’t use him as my advisor if I don’t fully trust him to do his job. And part of that job is being at my side when I speak to other leaders—especially when that leader is the Sira.
Even if that Sira is Eros.
“Of course,” I finally say. “I apologize, you’re right. Come join me.” I slide aside on the bench I’m sitting on to make room for him then balance the glass in the air ahead of us. I gently place my palm on the glass then pull my hand away as Eros’s projection appears over the glass.
“Kora,” he says, “good to see you again.”
“Likewise,” I answer as Uljen sits next to me. “I hope everything is all right; I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.”
“It’s …” Eros shrugs. “It’ll be fine. I do have to talk to you about something that I suspect you’re not going to like, though.”
I purse my lips. I suppose a conversation like this was bound to happen eventually. “Go on.”
Eros sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “It’s about Dima. I need him brought to Asheron so he can be tried for inciting a war crime or whatever they’re calling it.”
My stomach swoops. Dima tried in Asheron? “What?” Why would they want him tried in Asheron? That doesn’t make sense, unless—unless they want to make an example of him. “This is an Eljan matter,” I say quickly. “He’ll be tried here in Elja, through the Eljan court system, where he will answer to the Eljan people.”
“It’s not just the Eljans he hurt, though,” Eros says. “By pushing Roma to order the extermination of humans, he created an inter-territory incident that killed people around the planet. This is bigger than Elja.”
I shake my head. “I’m well aware of the scope of Dima’s actions, but he also committed crimes against the Eljan people specifically during his short time as Avra here. It’s my territory’s responsibility to try him—not yours.”
“Like I said, I knew you weren’t going to like this, but this is how I have to handle it. I’m doing you a favor—if Dima isn’t tried in Asheron, the Council wants all of Elja punished instead—”
“Punished for what?” The outburst is louder—more incredulous—than I intended, but I can’t believe he just—is he threatening me? “Are you even listening to what you’re saying? The Eljan people had nothing to do with Dima’s actions—in fact, their protesting his actions resulted in some of them getting executed, which is another reason Dima must be tried here in Vejla.”
“I can’t just do nothing. The Council—and the people, not to mention the humans I promised to protect—expect me to make an undeniable statement about how Dima’s actions will not be tolerated—”
“Dima didn’t order the genocide, Eros. That was Roma. Who, I’ll remind you, you have in your custody.”
“Dima pushed Roma to make that decision by lying to him—”
“I can’t believe you.” I stand and the glass shifts up to keep me in view. Dima can’t be tried in Asheron—there isn’t a chance he’d get a fair ruling there, especially gi
ven the way they can’t try Roma. And yet, that’s likely exactly why they want to try Dima—as a stand-in for Roma. So it appears they’re taking action. So it appears Eros is taking action. “I’m aware of the difficulties of ruling and trying to appease your people, but you will not use my brother as a sacrifice to—to save your reputation!”
“Are you kidding me?” Eros scowls and his background shifts as he stands, too. “This isn’t for my fucken reputation, Kora! Your brother incited a war crime!”
“And I told you, he’ll be tried. Here. In Vejla. Not in Asheron to use as some kind of example. Kala, since when are you so weak willed?”
“Weak willed?”
“Sha!” Heat builds in my skull. “Only a weak ruler would cave so quickly to their Council for the sake of looking good, knowing full well it would cost someone their life.”
“Sands and stars above.” Eros runs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath. “I’m not trying to look good, I’m trying to make the right decision. Dima’s actions affected way more than just Eljans, and this is the only option that doesn’t involve unnecessarily hurting your people.”
My eyes narrow. “Unnecessarily hurting my people?”
“I’m just telling you how it is, Kora. If we don’t get Dima tried here in Asheron, the Council wants—”
“I don’t care what the council wants!” The words explode out of me. “It doesn’t matter what the Council wants, Eros, you are ken Sira. You overrule the Council, you overrule everyone, and you can tell them naï to punishing my nation for no good reason just as easily as you can tell them naï to trying my brother in Asheron when he should clearly be tried in Vejla.”
“The only clear thing to me right now is you’re clearly too biased to make sure your brother—who tortured me and wanted you dead—is tried fairly.”
I can’t handle this—him—anymore. And I have never been happier that our romantic relationship didn’t work out, because if he’s this infuriating to try to work with on a political level, I can only imagine how nightmarish it must be to try to work with him as a lover.
Naï, I’m done with this conversation. And with him.
“Goodbye, el Sira,” I say stiffly. “And good luck to you when Invino and Sekka’l secede.”
I end the connection before he can answer and throw the glass on the bench beside me. My skin is burning with the words I wanted to say building up behind my lips and trickling back down my throat.
“Kafra,” I swear, my heart vibrating in my chest. “He’s going to take Dima.”
Uljen grimaces. “You have a solid argument for keeping Dima in Elja. He may reconsider once you’ve both … calmed down.”
I press my hands to my face and take a long, steadying breath before looking at Uljen again. “He’s Sira now, Uljen. You know as well I do that he can and will do whatever he wants.”
6
Eros
“What did she just say?” My heart is a fist punching its way out of my chest. My voice is strangled, tight with the vice of her words still gripping my mind.
Did she just?
“Something about … secession?” Deimos frowns. “I hadn’t heard anything about that. Although Sekka’l and Invino didn’t send representatives to the coronation, which was incredibly disrespectful, but I didn’t think …”
“Can they do that?”
Deimos sighs. “I don’t know. But I don’t think that’s a priority right now—we don’t know that she has any real indication they intend to secede. She was angry and probably just saying whatever felt good.”
“Like she has the right to be angry.” I scowl and stand, pacing across the warm tile. “What in the Void am I going to do if she doesn’t cooperate? I thought she was just—aren’t they supposed to listen?”
“Well, shae, actually.” Deimos leans back on his arms and sighs. “To be true, Kora’s refusal could cause a war if neither of you wavered, and it sets a bad precedent. She’s an Avra, and the Avrae are supposed to obey you. Not to mention she’s supposed to be your closest ally—if not even she listens, it doesn’t really set an encouraging example for the rest of the territories who don’t have such a good relationship with you.”
“I wouldn’t call our relationship good right now.” I run my hands through my hair and grip it tight. Why does she have to make this so blazing hard? “Kafra. I don’t want to start a war over this. Or over anything right now. It’s literally the last thing we need.”
“I wouldn’t recommend that either, but on the other hand, her refusal makes you look bad if it goes public.”
I pace and pace and my heart pounds harder—harder. The tightness in my throat spreads to my chest, builds in my face. I grip Aren’s bracelet and run my thumb over my ink. This room is a fucken sun and I can’t—I can’t—
How am I supposed to rule if my own allies don’t even work with me?
If my supposedly closest ally doesn’t work with me?
How can I expect anyone to take me seriously as Sira if Kora goes and fucken ignores me when I try to make a move? She’s supposed to be my friend, my ally, and I’ve barely started and she’s already sabotaging me.
Can’t breathe. My head hurts and everything is tight and my ears are roaring and I can’t—
I can’t breathe.
“Ej, Eros, Eros, look at me.” Deimos is in front of me. Close. He was across the room before. When did he get so close? Deimos grabs my hand and pulls it against his chest. “Breathe in.” He inhales. “Out.” He exhales. “With me. Come on. Breathe in.”
I do. His heart beats against my palm, steady, smooth, strong. His eyes bore into me and his skin is warm and we breathe together. In. We’re so close. Out. Together.
“Whatever happens, I’m with you.” Deimos smiles weakly. “We’ll handle this together, shae?”
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I whisper.
“That’s okay.”
I arch an eyebrow. “It is?”
“Sure. Because I know you can, and I know it strong enough for the both of us.” He says it so genuinely, it’s hard not to believe him. Deimos lowers my hand but laces his fingers with mine and pulls me back to the bed. My hand prickles where my skin touches his as he flops back on the bed and pulls me down with him.
We lie on our backs and stare up at the ceiling. Slowly, the tight, can’t-breathe heat drips out of me as I mirror my breaths with Deimos’s. We lie on the bed, looking up at the tiled ceiling, Deimos’s thumb softly running back and forth over the back of my hand.
That’s it. That’s all we do and it’s—it’s nice.
I can breathe again.
“You know,” Deimos says after a while, breaking the quiet. “I never noticed this before, but the pattern of the gold tile on your ceiling looks like a giant penis.”
A laugh bursts from my lips before I fully register what he just said. “What? Naï it doesn’t.”
“Sha it does, look.” Deimos grins and points with his free hand. “That there is the tip, shae? And then it thins out there, and down there it becomes a circle …”
“A penis with one ball, maybe.”
“Well I never said it was perfect, but you shouldn’t judge someone for only having a single—”
I roll over on top of him and cover his mouth. His eyes light up and crinkle with the laugh bubbling out of me, then my face is in the crook of Deimos’s neck and we’re laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
Until the laugh dies away, and, well.
If I’m being honest, shutting him up was really only an excuse to do this. Get close to him. And it seemed like a good idea at the time, like something I could completely get away with in a not-obvious way, except now that the laughter has faded and Deimos is looking at me and his hard body is pressed against mine and my one leg is between his and my fingers are breaths away from slipping into his thick hair—
I kinduv can’t breathe again. Not in a panic-y way like before, but in a what am I fucken doing? way. Because look, I’ve thou
ght about messing around with guys before, but like, in an abstract, this’ll-get-me-off-even-though-it’ll-never-happen way.
But this is different, and real, and here. I’d hardly call myself experienced with girls because no one ever wanted anything to do with me. I’m definitely not experienced with guys. But Deimos probably is. Deimos is magnetic, and unfairly attractive with a personality that makes him doubly impossible to ignore. There’s no way he hasn’t messed around with guys before—there’s no way he’s half as inexperienced as I am.
So what I am doing?
“You’re thinking too much,” Deimos says softly. He touches my cheek and my face is instantly on fire. “Which is understandable. I know this is all overwhelming, especially alongside the Sira stuff, so there’s no pressure, shae?”
I want to smile back at him. I want to be ready and I don’t want to be thinking—I want to press him against this bed and kiss him like I’ve been itching to kiss him for what feels like forever. I want to kiss him the way I think about kissing him when I’m alone in bed. And I’ve never worried about whether I sucked at kissing or how to move and where to touch, and I’ve never worried about how experienced the other person was or wasn’t and it never mattered before but right now, even with everything else going on, it’s the only thing I can think about.
What if I kiss him and it doesn’t do anything for him? Or worse, what if I kiss him and it’s so bad he laughs at me?
“Where’s Mal?” I hate myself for saying the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth. But if Deimos is disappointed, he doesn’t show it.
“Exploring the grounds,” he says casually. Even though I’m still on top of him. And our faces are really blazing close. And I’m a fucken coward. “I’ve assigned a guard to shadow him, just in case. But he’s in the most secure palace complex in the safest city on the planet, so I wouldn’t worry.”