“Oh, can you put this with it?” With shaky hands, Henry handed her the envelope with his letter in it that he had been clutching the entire time.
“Certainly, Mr. Daniels.” She smiled at him, and he nodded. “They will be delivered first thing in the morning. My driver is booked all day today. I will make sure yours goes out first since it’s urgent.” She smiled at him again.
“Thank you so much.”
“Have a nice day. And I hope they work.”
“Me, too.” He knocked on the wood countertop.
Henry left the florist and headed back to work, only to spend the day in agony, worrying that he had lost Elaina forever.
After the long day at work, he went home and ran to the fridge to make sure the injection was still there. He breathed a sigh of relief and decided to take a quick shower. After standing in the closet doorway for what seemed like an eternity, he put on his dark gray Armani suit pants, then pulled out one of his many white dress shirts. He threw that on, grabbed the matching jacket, checked his mug and hair in the mirror, and left the apartment.
Henry pulled up to Cam’s, the swanky bar that he frequented. The very same bar he had brought Elaina to on their first real date.
He decided he was going to get wrecked. Shitfaced. Completely fucked up. F.U.B.A.R’ed. They were going to have to carry him out of there because he wasn’t going to be walking on his own. He walked in and noticed that Philip was working, as usual.
“Mr. Daniels, pleasure to see you again. Are you alone tonight, sir?”
“Ah, yeah.” The word alone made him want to put his fist through the wall.
“Your usual table, then?”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Henry grumbled. He walked in behind Philip, and he noticed that a couch full of women was staring at him like he was a piece of meat. “Fuck me,” he mumbled to himself. He knew at least one of them would be coming over to him at some point. That was one reason why he loved the small table in the back, near the dark back corner. He felt he could hide himself there.
“Here you are, sir. I will notify Mr. Williams that you’re here.”
“Thank you, Philip.” Henry pulled a hundred out of his pocket and palmed it to him. He loved to take care of Philip since he had put up with his drunkenness more times than he would care to admit. And, as he pocketed the cash, Philip knew it would be another one of those nights.
“Thank you, sir.” Philip shuffled off.
Henry sat back in the posh chair and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He pulled up Elaina’s contact picture. He rubbed his thumb over her face, and felt that lump in his throat come back.
“Damn it, woman.” He opened the gallery app and started thumbing through the pictures. There were so many of them together, and a few of her alone.
“Henry Daniels!” He was startled by Cam’s booming voice, and the firm hand he laid on his shoulder. “Sorry, bossman. Everything alright?”
“Ah, yeah. Yeah.” He shut the screen off on his phone.
“Where’s that fox at?” Henry’s chuckle was laced with sadness. “Oh, I see.”
“We had a major fight this morning, and she said she needed some space.”
Cam sat down across from him. “I can see this is weighing heavy on you, my friend.”
Henry nodded. “Yeah. She’s amazing. We’re just not seeing eye-to-eye on a few things.”
“I’ve been there.”
Henry looked up at Cam. “I love her. I have never loved anyone like this before.” Henry cleared his throat, worried that he would make a fool out of himself and burst into tears right there in front of Cam. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bringing up my personal business.”
“I never mind listening to you, Daniels.” Cam stood up and patted him on the shoulder. “I’m going to go get you the good stuff.” He walked away toward the back of the bar. Henry rubbed his eyes and sat there for a moment with his face in his hands.
He felt gutted. He felt empty. He felt alone. He didn’t want to exist without Elaina. Henry heard the distinctive click of high heels coming up behind him, and he grumbled to himself.
“Well, hello, handsome.” He felt a gentle hand move across his wide shoulders. He shut and rolled his eyes at the same time. “You alone tonight?” He looked up at her, and she sat down across from him. Henry stared at her. She was cute, but she didn’t compare to his Elaina. No one did. Sparkly dress, deep cleavage or not, he wasn’t interested.
She gasped when she saw the sparkle of his emerald-colored eyes.
“You’re eyes… They are gorgeous.” They were like a drug to women. Times like those made him want to gouge his eyes out or, the very least, wear sunglasses all the time, making him look like a pompous ass.
“I’m not interested,” he muttered, and she chuckled.
“Not into women?”
“Uh, yeah, I am. Very much so. As a matter of fact, I will show you.” He pulled up his gallery, and scrolled through the pictures of him and Elaina and found one of them kissing. “This is my girlfriend. We are fighting right now, and I came to the bar to have a few drinks to sort out my thoughts…alone.”
“Right. Well, I’ll leave you be then. But just so you know, every woman’s jaw hit the floor when you walked in.”
“Yeah. Great, thanks. I don’t fucking care.” He rolled his eyes. Before he met Elaina, he probably would have taken one or two of the women out back and fucked them both. He wasn’t a stranger to that scene. But not anymore. He only wanted one woman.
“Well, if you change your mind, handsome, I will be more than happy to show you a good time.”
“I’m pretty sure he won’t.” The woman glared at Cam as she rose from the chair. He chuckled as he set down two glasses and a bottle of the best whiskey he had. It was from his personal stash. “Women drop their panties when you walk past them. You need to teach me that trick.”
Henry looked up at Cam. He pegged him at about forty-five. He had thinning hair, a small potbelly, and a few scars on his face, presumably from bar fights before he opened Cam’s. He wore the face of a man who had lived a hard life.
“Yeah, it’s fucking great.”
“Talk to me, my friend,” Cam said, as he sat down and poured the whiskey.
“Not much to tell. She’s pissed that I haven’t had her over to my place yet.” Then Henry started rambling. “The night I brought her in here, that was our first real date. She invited me back to her apartment, and she fucked my brains out. I have been hooked ever since.”
“A little bit of pussy can do that to a man.”
Henry took offence to Cam’s statement. “She’s more than that to me,” he snapped.
“Alright, I get you.” Cam held his hands up in a defensive position. “I apologize. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Henry slammed his drink. Cam refilled it right away. “What else is going on with you? You seem really off.”
“Work stress. No big fucking deal. Same old bullshit.” He took another swig.
“You know what you need?” Cam leaned his elbows on the table and took a sip of his drink.
“What’s that?”
“A vacation.” Henry burst out laughing. “What?”
“I’m not that lucky.” He leaned back in the chair, and spun the glass around a few times.
“You obviously have the cash flow for it, or you wouldn’t be tipping my boys C-Notes every time they breathe. You should go take a jaunt across Europe, or even go camp out on a Caribbean island for a month.” Henry loved the sound of that. A month long island trip with Elaina would be a dream come true, but it wasn’t feasible.
“Wish I could. You’re right. Cash flow is not an issue for me. My issue is no one can cover for me at work. I can never get away from it.” Wasn’t that the truth? His job would always be the proverbial monkey on his back for the rest of his so-called life.
“I hear that.” Cam sighed and sipped his drink. Henry finished his second.
Cam continued to refill Henry’s glass until the b
ottle was gone and he was shitfaced. That was exactly what Henry wanted. He tried to stand up to leave, and he almost fell over.
“Whoa, partner. Let me help you out,” Cam said as he got up and grabbed Henry’s arm. “Let’s get you home.”
“Yeah. Good idea.” Henry smiled with heavy-lidded eyes, and clapped Cam on the shoulder. “Cam…you’re…a fucking great…friend.” Every word came out staggered and slurred.
Cam laughed. “You’re drunk, my friend.”
“That…I am.” Cam signaled to Philip, and walked Henry out to the valet area.
“You know the routine. Stand here against the building while I get my car. Don’t fall over.”
“Got you.” Henry chuckled.
Cam drove him home, followed by Philip in Henry’s Tahoe. He felt bad for putting them out, but he lived only a few blocks away. He walked home one time, but got into a fight with some punk ass kid trying to mug him. He decided that walking home alone and drunk off of his ass was no longer an option. It would just get him into more trouble than he needed.
Cam walked Henry up to his apartment building, and nodded at the doorman. Soon enough, Cam would develop a tight friendship with him if Henry kept his drunken escapades up.
The elevator ride was a little shaky. Henry nearly fell over when it stopped at his floor. When they finally made it to his door, he struggled with his key.
“Here, bossman, let me get that for you.”
The next door neighbor peeked out of her door. “Ahh, drunk again, I see.”
Cam shot her a look. “Leave him alone. He has been dealing with some heavy shit.” She slammed her door shut. Henry chuckled. Cam unlocked the door. “You want me to make sure you get to your bed, or are you good on crawling there?”
“I’m fine. Thanks.” Henry stumbled into his apartment.
“Listen. Send her flowers or something like that. Tell her how you feel. You’re a good man. She will take you back.”
“If…you only knew, Cam. I have…a lot of…skeletons.”
“Don’t we all? Go get some rest. Philip’s parking your truck in the garage. I will have him leave the key with the doorman.”
“Thanks.” Henry closed the door and locked it. He staggered over to his fridge and checked for the injection. It was still there.
He weaved down the hall to his bedroom, running into the walls on both sides. He tripped over the ottoman, and laid his jacket on the chair. After he lay down on the bed, he yanked his shirt out of his pants and unbuckled his belt.
Henry reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his phone. He debated whether or not he should call Elaina. He decided that it wasn’t a good idea since he was drunk and, more than likely, would probably dig the hole deeper after some intense groveling.
After scrolling through the pictures again, the one that struck him the most was of Elaina just standing there, facing the camera with her hands on her hips. He captured her full attitude as she stood there in one of those tight tank tops and shorty shorts that he loved so much. He loved her attitude and her body. What he wouldn’t give just to hold her, let alone make love to her again.
“Christ.” The tears stung his dry, whiskey-laden eyes. They began to roll down his cheeks. His hand slid over his eyes, and the sobs poured out of him.
His life, or so-called life, was a wreck. All he wanted was to leave his past in the past, and walk forward with Elaina. But, somehow, he had fucked that up, as he did everything else. He knew his past was going to catch up to him, but he didn’t know when.
Henry reached over to his nightstand and pulled one of his Sigs out from the drawer. His hands shook as the thought of pulling the trigger ran through his mind. It would be so easy to just end it and not worry about anything ever again.
All the horrible things that he had done -- all the plotting, all the deception, and all the hurt Elaina would experience, regardless of whether she decided to stay with him or not -- ran through his mind. If she only knew how fucked up he really was. He held the gun to his temple and took a couple of deep breaths, looking for the courage to end it. One quick squeeze was all it would take.
There was no courage. Not even a flicker of courage. Only a weak-minded so-called man, who lived with many dark secrets.
His eyes closed, and he pictured Roger screaming at him. The fists connecting with his face. The blood pouring out of his nose and mouth. The degradation and humiliation. The tasing. The beatings. The life-changing injection. The pain. The vomiting because of the pain. It was all right there in the forefront of his mind.
Henry shuddered. He put the gun back in his nightstand.
He fumbled with his phone and pulled up Sophie’s contact again. He hit the CALL button. He had no one else and needed to talk. She was the only one who could fully understand him. She answered as soon as the call connected.
“Henry?” No words left his mouth. “Henry? Is everything okay?”
“Sophie…” he whispered.
“Henry, what’s wrong?” He wiped his face and a few more uncontrollable sobs embarrassingly snuck out of his throat. “Henry, talk to me.”
“I can’t…do it.” He wiped his face with his shirtsleeve.
“Can’t do what?”
“End it.”
“End what, Henry? Talk to me.” Her concern was evident.
“This.”
“Henry, have you been drinking?”
“What the fuck does it matter?!” he yelled. If he had the capability, he would have thrown something.
“You’re scaring me.”
“Sorry. Yes, I have been…drinking.”
Sophie sighed. “I thought you put that behind you.”
“I tried, but…I’m weak.”
“You are not weak.”
“I am.”
“Henry…please, talk to me.”
“I tried to…pull the trigger…and I couldn’t.” He continued to cry.
“Christ, I am so bloody glad you didn’t.” There was a heavy silence. “Henry?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you send her flowers and a nice note?”
“Yeah.”
“I know that she will come running back to you. You’re a great guy, and she is lucky to have someone like you love her.”
“I’m not that great. Look at all the…horrible things I have done.”
“Henry, don’t do this to yourself. You know your past is not your fault.”
“I love her so fucking much, Sophie.” He wiped the tears that were still flowing from his eyes.
“I know you do.” She was a little hurt by Henry’s love for Elaina.
“What if she doesn’t take me back?”
“You’ll have to move on.”
“I can’t. I would wait…an eternity for her. I’d rather die…than not be with her.”
“Don’t say that. You are such a sweet man. Any woman would be lucky to have you in her life.”
“Thanks, Sophie.”
“She will come back.”
“I hope so. If she doesn’t…I’m not sure what I will do.”
“Stop talking like that. You need to sleep off some of that whiskey. Let me know what happens.”
“Okay.” There was another long, heavy silence.
“Henry?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.” Sophie’s love for him went far deeper than just a friend.
“I love you, too.” He hit the END CALL button, and laid the phone on his chest. The whiskey wrapped around his brain, and he passed out.
***
The alarm on his phone scared the shit out of him the next morning. The whiskey had a death grip on his brain, squeezing it so hard that he thought it was going to be crushed.
“Damn…” He rubbed his head. He was slow to sit up, working up the courage to open his eyes. Once he was able to do that, he took his time to stand up. “Fuuuuck.” He rubbed his sandpaper-lidded eyes, tripped over the ottoman again, and just about took out his closet door.
&nbs
p; Henry stripped naked and headed to the shower. He stepped into the spray without waiting for it to warm up.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” he yelled. His spine jacked straight up, and his muscles contracted. Hello, instant sobriety. He shivered all over and, finally, the water went hot.
He grabbed his shampoo and made a quick job of that. He reached for his body soap, and realized he had forgotten to get a washcloth and a towel. He squeezed some into his hands and rubbed them together. He started with his face and worked his way down. As his hands ran across his relaxed flesh between his legs, it jumped to life.
“No…shit. Bloody hell!” He stood there for a minute, trying to think of everything repulsive and ugly that he had ever seen. Didn’t work. “Fuck me.” He washed down to his toes, trying to keep his mind off the rock hard pole that was mocking him between his legs.
He sighed and decided to just get it over with. He closed his eyes and pictured Elaina’s beautiful, long, straight black hair running over his body like a silky curtain. He groaned and palmed himself. He worked it slow, running his palm up and down his shaft, making sure that he squeezed his tip hard every time. He visualized her taking him into her mouth. As she ran her hands over his thickness, she sucked the life out of him.
“Fuuuck.” He stroked faster. He leaned up against the light blue glass tile wall, pressing the side of his face into it. He swallowed hard and his lips parted. In his mind’s eye, she was naked and kneeling below him, much like the first morning that they woke up together.
“Oh, god…” He stroked harder. He groaned so loud, it was like a quake in his chest. Elaina mouthed, Come on me, lover. Henry moaned and cried out her name. He exploded all over her neck, chest, and stomach.
He stood there, pressed against the tile with his eyes closed, while he continued the slow palming of himself, milking himself dry. When his panting finally subsided, he still didn’t want to open his eyes. He knew if he did, Elaina wouldn’t be there.
“Get a grip, mate,” he said out loud. He opened his eyes and saw that he had come all over the shower wall. “Perfect.”
Broken Dreams Page 24