Broken Dreams

by Rissa Blakeley

  “Precisely. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I love you so much.” He was looking for permission to get close to me. I wiped my tears on my sleeve. “Elaina, you mean everything to me. You’re the only person that has kept me sane in this entirely mental, fucked up life of mine. Please…” His words were getting caught in his throat.

  “I need to say a few things.” Henry nodded. “I’m so angry right now. I’m so hurt right now. I always knew you were hiding stuff from me. I mean, why would you never let me into your apartment? I only ever knew a part of you. I’m…”

  His desperation was evident. He was going to fight for me tooth and nail. “Love, please. I love you so much. I was just protecting you by not letting you completely into my life and my home. I would die for you. I would fight to the very end for you. Haven’t I proven that?” I nodded. “I know I should have told you all of this, but I was afraid you would leave me. I was so scared that I would lose you. But you have every right to leave me. You still do. If you want me to, I will leave right now. I’ll pack a small bag and leave you with the truck, along with a majority of the weapons. I will walk out that door right now if that’s what you want. I’ll understand if you want me to leave, but you have to understand. I will fight until the very end to have you in my life. You’re the only thing that makes it tolerable. I beg you not to walk away from us.” I couldn’t take it anymore. He was right. He would die for me.

  I grabbed him and latched on to him. “Stay. I can’t live without you. I can’t.” I don’t think I had ever held Henry that tight before. I needed to hold him together. I didn’t want him to shatter all over again.

  He kept whispering how sorry he was. I didn’t care. He was broken because he had been through so much abuse. His entire body trembled with fear. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sophie approach us.

  “Henry…I want to apologize for the both of us.” He looked at Sophie, who was shattering, as well. “I realize how much I’ve hurt you. Please forgive me.” I was hesitant and afraid of how Henry would react.

  He stood glaring at her for a moment, then embraced her. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you?” She questioned as she pulled away. He wrapped his big hands around the nape of her neck and held her face in his hands.

  “Yes, thank you for helping me get it all out there. I was just kidding myself. I would never have been able to build up enough courage to tell her. I’m glad she knows, and I no longer have to live with the burden and fear.” Sophie didn’t know what to say. She broke their embrace, turned around, and ran up the stairs.

  ***

  There was an uncomfortable silence that filled the house that evening. Henry finally sat back down at the table. It was Nick’s turn to glare. He stood up and pointed in Henry’s face. “Just because my sister forgives you, doesn’t mean I do.”

  Claire grabbed Nick’s arm. “You have to forgive him. If Elaina wants us to continue to accept Henry, that’s what we have to do. We cannot be divided. It will only cause us to fall.” She turned to me. “Elaina, please accept my apology. I shouldn’t have gotten angry with you earlier.”

  “I accept,” I quietly said.

  “Okay. Well, let’s make some plans,” Claire said with a genuine smile. I think she realized how broken Henry was. She had witnessed so many of his outbursts of self-loathing misery as of late.

  “Shouldn’t Sophie be involved?” I asked.

  Henry cleared his throat. “I think she needs time.” He poured us all more drinks, and unfolded the maps to begin pointing out the different routes that we could travel. Between, Henry, Nick, Claire, and I, we ended up finishing that bottle of whiskey, then we killed one more.

  Chapter 30

  I

  woke up with a groan and could feel the sun coming through the window, creeping up on my body. There was no way I was getting up. I heard Henry yawn. I tried opening my eyes, but they were not cooperating.

  “Morning, my sexy love.” His voice had that rasp that I loved so much. I felt his naked body against mine, which made me realize that I was naked, as well. He was aroused, as usual.

  It dawned on me that I was hung over, and I think I did things with Henry the night before that I wouldn’t normally do. My entire nether region was a little achy. I got up the courage to open my eyes, as I rolled over to face him.

  “Is the wild beast tamed within you?” I squinted. “If it isn’t, maybe I can try to tame it again?” He had an evil grin plastered on his face, and he started to kiss my neck.

  “You are so not funny right now, Henry Daniels.”

  He laughed. “No? I kind of like that untamed beast that lives deep down inside of you. Quite frankly, it’s fucking sexy as hell.” He stretched in a very cocky manner. I continued to squint. “What do they say? ‘In wine, there is truth’? Maybe, in this case, in whiskey, there is revelation. It surprised me. You discovered new things that you fucking loved.” He grinned with pride.

  “Oh, my god, Henry.” I smacked his chest. He laughed again. “We should get up and get going.” I tried sitting up, but my head wanted to split open. “How can you drink so much all the time? You rarely seem to get a hangover.”

  “Lots of practice conditioning the liver.” He kissed my forehead. “Just rest. I’ll take care of it.” Henry crawled away from me and got out of bed. I peeked at his body while he dressed. I couldn’t help but smile. Pulling his shirt over his head, he headed toward the door, but he looked back at me once more.

  “Just so we are clear…even if you don’t remember our little adventure last night, I do, and it was absolutely brilliant.” He winked at me and left the room.

  I was so embarrassed that I pulled the covers over my head. I only remembered bits and pieces so I wasn’t even sure what he was talking about. What adventure? I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to know.

  I reluctantly rolled out of bed and started to get dressed. I discovered that I had another sore spot that I would rather not discuss. I felt mortified.

  While trying to shake the whiskey fuzzies and wandering thoughts of my brain, I glanced out the window and was shocked at what I saw. There had to be at least six inches of snow out there, and it was still falling at a heavy rate.

  “Shit!” I stumbled over my shoes, trying to get dressed. I leapt out of my bedroom and started pounding on doors. “Get up! Everyone up! There’s snow on the ground!” I heard some mumbling and groaning behind the doors.

  I ran downstairs while buttoning my jeans. Henry was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking out of the window in the dining room.

  “Well, at least we have four-wheel drive.” He turned around. Everyone else was filing down the stairs, all gasping over the fresh and continuously falling snow. “Let’s dress appropriately for the weather and pack up.”

  Henry started rummaging through the bags and boxes that Sophie, Claire, and Thomas had brought back from his apartment. He pulled out his ball cap and found his winter coat. He tossed an extra coat to my brother. I watched Henry meticulously load up his vest and put it on over his t-shirt.

  I ran upstairs and rummaged through my parent’s closet, pulling out a couple heavy coats, along with hats and gloves. I searched for boots and winter clothing, as well. Luckily, my mother and I wore the same size. Sadly, our styles were on opposite ends of the spectrum. I wasn’t an Ann Taylor kind of girl…more like a Gap kind of girl.

  I heard someone at the door. I looked and saw Claire standing there. “Claire…here.” I tossed the clothing at her.

  “Thanks,” she said. “I’m going to go search through the rest of the closets and see what I can find. Extra linens and such. Nick is going to go to the garage to look around for anything survival related.”

  “Okay.” Claire turned around to walk away. “Claire, wait.” She stopped and looked at me. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” she asked, confused.

  “For a lot of things, but specifically for making Nick happy.” She smiled. “You both deserve happiness.”
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  “Yeah. A little happiness in this crazy, fucked up world is hard to find, but I think we have.” I laughed. Claire sounded so funny when she swore. I was pretty sure I would never get used to hearing her say it.

  I grabbed what I could and headed back downstairs. I passed out items to everyone. Henry and Nick were already outside getting things together. We all looked somewhat funny in my parents’ expensive coats. Sophie grabbed the fur, of course.

  “Fitting, yeah?” She twirled around. “Oh, is there a muffler to go with this? I definitely think it needs one.” I threw one of my father’s plaid wool scarves at her. “Oh no, love. This absolutely does not go.” I rolled my eyes and continued passing out items. Then I got myself all bundled up and headed out the door.

  It was a heavy, wet snow. I had a moment of pause, then I grinned. I thought about all the snowball fights and sledding trips Nick and I had taken. Mom and Dad would take us skiing in the Catskills. We would stay in lodges, roast marshmallows, and drink hot cocoa into the night. I felt a sudden playfulness rush through me.

  I bent down and made a nice heavy snowball, squeezing it tight, and smoothing any bumps. Then I threw it, hitting Nick right in the back of his leg while he was helping Henry load the truck.

  “Hey! What the…?” They turned around and saw me grinning from ear to ear. “You little bitch!” Nick yelled. He and Henry started making and throwing snowballs at me while I dodged them. I ran behind the big maple tree in the front yard. Every time I peeked out, one of them would just miss me.

  “And you call yourself a sharpshooter, Henry?!” I shouted playfully from behind the safety of the tree.

  “Quit being a chicken and come on out!” Henry yelled. I saw Claire and Thomas come out of the house. I waved Claire over, and she ran to join me. Naturally, Thomas joined Henry and Nick. Both Claire and I were getting pelted left and right. We didn’t care. We were laughing so hard.

  Sophie finally decided to grace us with her presence. She walked across the yard in my mother’s best fur, not a single snowball hitting her. It was like she parted the seas. She joined us in our pursuit of defeating the men.

  I saw Henry stop, listening. He held his arm up for the rest of us to be quiet. Then I heard it. “Is that a plane?” I asked.

  We were all looking at the sky. It was hard to see with all the snow coming down, but the sound was getting increasingly closer. All of us were motionless. I felt a moment of excitement.

  “Henry! Maybe there’s help coming! Maybe there are other places in the States that aren’t infected! Maybe we should drive to the airport!”

  “No. That can’t be it or they would have flown over ages ago.” Henry listened closely. “That’s a military jet.”

  “That’s good news then, right? Maybe they’re looking for survivors.” Claire was trying to sound positive, but she felt the same unsure feelings that Henry had. Then we heard an explosion and felt the ground rumble. Another plane flew overhead.

  “Come on! Let’s roll! We need to get the hell out of here!” Henry and Nick ran around, getting the trucks packed.

  I ran to him. “What’s going on?” I said, panicking.

  “They’re bombing!”

  “What?”

  “Whoever is flying those planes…they are bombing!”

  “But what about survivors?”

  Henry grabbed my arms, shaking me. “They don’t care, Elaina! Now move! We need to finish getting packed so we can get the hell out of here!” My heart was pounding. We heard more planes and more explosions.

  I stood there, frozen. My feet wouldn’t move, my muscles were stiff. Fear had taken over my body.

  “Elaina! Come on!” I watched everyone running around, trying to pack up. “Elaina! Snap out of it! We need you!” Henry ran past me with the trunk of weapons and ammo.

  Finally, I was able to move. I ran into the house and collected what I could, and then ran it out to the truck. Nick was still bringing stuff out from the garage: axes, chains, and a carrier for the roof of the truck. He fastened it to the top of Henry’s Tahoe and began loading it with the dry wood.

  Claire ran past me with extra blankets. Thomas was carrying out boxes of food. Everyone was moving at warp speed. More explosions sounded in the distance, but closer this time. The ground rumbled.

  Finally, the house was cleared of everything we thought we needed. I ran into the living room and grabbed the photo albums. Nick came flying downstairs with his guitar, and a couple other treasured childhood items from his room. I ran upstairs and paused at my parent’s bedroom.

  I am not a praying kind of girl, but I grabbed my mother’s gold cross necklace. She treasured it. Her mother gave it to her as a gift on her sixteenth birthday. I stuffed it in my jacket pocket. I knew that could very well be the last time I ever saw my family home again. My jaw trembled.

  “Elaina! Where are you?! We’re leaving!” I heard Henry running up the stairs. He ran up behind me. “Love…do you have everything you want to bring with you?” His voice was very calm and smooth. I nodded, crying. Henry rubbed my shoulders with his gloved hands. “Hey…hey, hey. Listen. If we can, we will come back. Okay?” He pulled me in tight.

  “It’ll be too dangerous, and probably will be burned to the ground by then.” We heard another explosion closer than the last. It felt like a small earthquake.

  “We have got to go.” He grabbed the photo albums out of my hands and we ran out to his truck.

  Thomas had already taken a spot in the back seat. There was just enough room in there for him. Sophie was siphoning some of the gas out of her truck to put in Henry’s. I got in on the passenger side, and hung the cross on the rearview mirror. Henry got in, looked, and touched it curiously. Then he looked at me in the same way.

  I looked down, nervously fiddling with my fingers. I saw Henry engage the four-wheel drive, and then he put the truck in reverse. I couldn’t look at the house anymore. It was the last piece of normalcy that I had.

  “Turn on the walkie talkie. It’s in the glove box.” I didn’t move. “Love…?” He touched my leg, and I jumped. “Can you grab the walkie talkie out of the glove box and turn it on?” I nodded, and did what I was told, handing it to him.

  “SJ, you got me?”

  “Loud and clear, HD.”

  “Just follow me. If we can’t get through, listen for further detail.”

  “Copy that, boss.” Henry drove as fast as he could in the weather conditions. Not only was there snow on the roads to deal with, there was still a significant amount falling, as well as black clouds of smoke in the background from areas that were bombed. Could it possibly get any worse? I was doubtful.

  More planes were dropping bombs all around us. My hands were shaking. I unzipped my coat. I couldn’t tell if I was sweating from fear, or just from being overheated.

  “It’s going to be okay, love.” Thomas laughed. He obviously had a different opinion. “Shut up, Thomas!” Henry barked.

  Henry reached into his jeans pocket, and pulled out his iPod. He opened the center console, pulling out the car charger. “Can you plug this in?” I took it from him. The first track was from The Killers.

  We drove about twenty miles, with only the iPod breaking the silence. Thomas had nodded off in the back. I had no idea how he could sleep. I was too jacked-up. We came upon a congestion of cars. It was still snowing like crazy, and we could hear the planes and explosions off in the distance.

  “Bloody hell,” Henry grumbled as he reached for the walkie talkie. “SJ, do you copy?”

  “Loud and clear.”

  “In about three hundred meters, there’s some congestion. Going to pull over and check for gas. Let’s see what we can do.”

  “Copy.” Henry pulled up close to the vehicles, and Thomas stirred.

  “Have your weapons at the ready. Thomas, you come out and cover. Elaina, stay put.” I frowned at him. “You’re to stay put unless I say differently.”

  “Fine.” I folded my arms and looked the other
way.

  “Christ, Elaina. Cut the shit,” he grumbled, opening the door and hopping out.

  “Be careful,” I mumbled. He grumbled something else, then closed the door. I watched him and Thomas slowly walk toward the traffic. With all the snow that was still falling, they pretty much disappeared. I saw Sophie walk past, still in my mother’s fur. She waved at me as she went by.

  ***

  Henry treaded through the snow, Thomas following obediently behind him, watching their surroundings. Henry held up his hand to stop. He was listening for those horrible, familiar sounds. All he could hear were the two trucks running, the snow hitting softly all around them.

  He approached the first car. With some hesitation, he wiped the snow off the driver’s window with his gloved hand. He breathed a sigh of relief. Empty. Sophie knelt down and tapped on the gas tank and, lucky enough, there was plenty in it. Henry tried the handle and it was unlocked. Then he looked for a trunk button. When he found that, Sophie searched it and pulled out a gas can.

  “Check it out! Got us a gas can.” She pulled the siphon out of her pack, which she had on under the fur coat. She siphoned out as much gas as the can would hold.

  “I’m going to walk ahead a bit, see how far this traffic jam goes.” Thomas looked between Sophie and Henry. He wondered if he should follow Henry or stay back with Sophie.

  “Go with him! I’m fine. I’m going to fill our tanks, then check this other car.” Thomas walked off, catching up with Henry. Sophie headed back to the trucks. As she put half of the can in each truck, more planes flew over, dropping bombs in the distance.

  “Keep close, Thomas, so we can see each other,” Henry commanded.

  “Alright.” Thomas was right up on him when he stopped so he ran right into his back.

  “Christ, Thomas! Not that close!” Surprisingly, the little waif almost knocked Henry over.

  “I was doin’ wha’ you said.”