Despite the fact that we are moved by those who stand in the Truth, ultimately any sage will tell you that you cannot learn the Truth from him or her. There is only one passage, and that is the silence within you, now. We do not understand spiritual Truth. We die into it. When you want the Truth no matter what the price, and are willing to sit at the door of emptiness not arguing against your thoughts, but making them irrelevant, until the Truth of your nature is revealed, you cannot miss it. Who are you without thought? Find out. The Truth is always there waiting for you. Just be quiet. Be willing to live in the unknown.
When The I Steps Aside Spontaneously
It happened to a woman called Suzanne Segal as she raised her foot to get into a bus in Paris. She later wrote a book she called “Collision with the Infinite.”
It happened to Robert Adams when he was only 14, and was entering silence to concentrate on a math test. Eventually he became a non-dual sage and mentor.
It happened to a woman who called me to inquire why it was that when she sat down to pray a veil fell over her mind and she could not think. Everything was blank and she could remember nothing to say. There was only stillness.
It happened to a man who thought he was dedicated to a kundalini master, and then looked into the eyes of a Buddhist sage, and everything he believed in fell away.
There is no logic to explain why it is that the “I” drop outs of the picture, either momentarily or permanently, other than to say it is evidently your time. Like birth and death, it happens when it is your time for it to happen. Some people struggle for decades to touch this stateless-state of no-me, and fall into the silent vastness that exists before there is thought and identification with it. Others slip into this space as a child, or at some unguarded moment in their adult life. If there is no understanding of it there can be a long search to find out what it means. If you talk with a mainstream therapist or doctor about it, they may call it disassociating. Your family may worry about it. No casual friend will understand it. But the fact is, it is returning to your home, your source, and that which is eternal in you.
Non-dual sages have claimed that no one exists. The mind cannot even begin to grasp how this could be. But when one shifts out of identification with a personal history and collection of beliefs about oneself and the life around them, they know intuitively that what remains is what is real. That is, what remains in stillness has always been present, and will always be present, and is thus unchanging and permanent, and therefore is the most real of anything in existence. Everything that changes over time, whether in a minute, or a billion years, is recognized as unreal, a form that arises and falls.
What is real is the vast and indescribable spaciousness within which this arising and falling happen. When thoughts stop cold, and the I fizzles out because there is nothing to hold its illusion together, we realize this ground of being from which we were created. Who are you without thought? Find out. The Truth is always here waiting for you. Just be quiet.
Chapter 10
Reflections on Liberation
While it is clear that awakening is both sudden (a quantum leap in perspective and sense of who I am), and gradual (the rest of the psyche and body/mind catching up to support the changes), what is more rare and usually takes a long time is liberation. Self-realization liberates us from certain constraining belief systems and emotional patterns, but true liberation is the embodiment or the living of this realization.
When someone wakes up, they see the entire world as one divine dance, coming out of nothing, ever fresh and new, and it seems as if the old life was nothing but a dream. It is like arriving suddenly on another planet, and knowing nothing of the territory. There can be a lengthy period of orientation. Zen Buddhists have called it being a baby Buddha, and some say it can take as long as 12 years to learn to live from this new place that is not reliant on old habits of the mind.
As realization becomes embodied, there is also a return to the world as part of the natural flow of things. A few greatly introverted types may stay in caves, but the pull, if one stays on the path long enough, is usually to return and to be of some service. This is not an injunction or a mental attitude, but more of a leaning, an urging of the heart. If one has to escape from the world in order to be free, one is not really free. If one can only abide and be happy in the emptiness and the spaciousness, they are as stuck as if they could only enjoy what is worldly. Both sides are part of the dance of the whole.
So there are two steps of completion needed for liberation: re-orientation and return. But of course nothing is ever final. The journey is often described as a spiral, where consciousness keeps returning to collect more of itself into the freedom of awakening. But after realization there is no drive to collect experiences, or to go anywhere beyond where you are.
Awareness Awakening Itself
After a true realization of Self, there can still be hurdles for the individual to deal with. Awakening does not change the circumstances of the physical life or heal a person from all his or her personal or physiological wounds. Here is a comment from a man who has had a deep awakening to Truth, and yet struggles because of an environmental sensitivity that has greatly impeded his freedom to live where he chooses and be with his family. His heart is telling him it is time to move out into the world; his body has a different agenda.
The vastness is right there and so apparent and so full and so clear. I know that the nothingness and the everything are who I am, just god arising, and the emptiness just manifesting in this moment, bursting into form, and who we are is just the point that is happening moment after moment. The living of that is the question. And the circumstances of my life seem to present some very unique challenges. I have environmental sensitivities that are pretty severe and they really limit what I can do and where I can be, to the point I have had a hard time finding a place to live that isn’t toxic for me.
From the inside what it feels like is there's been a lot of resistance coming up in last few months to the way it is. Before this there was a lot of equanimity, but the last few months I've been really angry and really anguished. Yes I am attached to having a place to live, to being with my wife, and being with my friends. What it feels like from the inside is a longing to be intimate with each moment... a knowing that just wants to unfold. My experience is that this is just not possible when I am constantly slammed up against the wall. The body is constantly having the experience this is not allowed, not okay – environment is saying no you can't go there, no its not okay to do this. It's so extreme these past months that I was living in a carport in Arizona to have a place to live.
I’ve done everything under the planet in terms of healing the body and it just keeps happening. So the moment when that’s happening there's having to figure out what to do next, there's a lot of mental activity of trying to figure out what to do because otherwise there s just a sinking into a sort of helplessness. Yet in the doing of all this mental activity there's more and more of being pulled out of the flow, being pulled out of the experience of flow. There is also a sense of saying yes to all of this – to the anger, the fear, the anguish, to the way it is. I often feel terribly isolated and cut off from other people, being pushed out by life, more and more there is no place where this body belongs which is in some way a reliving of early childhood experiences in some mysterious way I don’t understand.
And at the same time there is sort of – always a knowing that this is just happening to the body-mind, that who I am is not this – both feelings are happening simultaneously. And also a feeling of there's this incredible wisdom that’s been realized here that wants to be shared and the incredible frustration of being me with this circumstance which doesn’t allow that to happen – you could say even love wants to be shared, but here I am living in this carport all by myself. It feels like being thrown out to the periphery of life – into the hinterlands, the wilderness.
Adyashanti has talked about karmic residual moving ahead after realization, like a train that co
ntinues moving downhill even when the energy of the engine has been turned off. There are often conditions that for mysterious reasons continue to be played out until completion. This is a major challenge that follows awakening, because it feels like life is challenging the potential to be free, and it is easy to feel split and divided. At the time the person knows he or she is not divided, is part of the whole, is already free. The mind naturally wants to solve the arising problems, and it may be essential to follow practical guidelines or medical advice. At the same time it is very clear that the tendency to worry and plan can absorb consciousness in such a way that the greatest realizations of our life are being pushed down and suppressed. The emotions that may surge in response to painful circumstances can cloud the capacity to fully express Truth.
The only answer I know to this great dilemma is to meet it directly, and accept the feelings and challenges with love and compassion for oneself. It may be necessary to take practical steps, follow intuitions, allow the heart to break open, allow life to be as it is. It will demand patience and perseverance and trust, even when there is no understanding of the reasons behind the disturbing or painful life events.
Adyashanti has said that in these circumstances “The key is always bringing what's unconscious into consciousness. I suggest that people who have something they cannot get beyond go home and write down everything it believes until its exhausted itself. The whole point is that what is unconscious is manifesting the life that’s hidden. To get into that place is what's essential. It’s deeper than just knowing...it is the willingness to really embody that story in such a way that you become it inside… so thoroughly that it can become fully conscious. You know there is an old saying that ‘There’s a Buddha in every hell realm’ which is a way of saying if you can enter into that hell realm consciously, fully, it is the only place to find what unlocks it. To embody it is the practice." (Quote is from an Adyashanti retreat recording).
I have known awakened people dealing with serious illness, family tragedy, the loss of close and loved friends, and other heart-wrenching circumstances. It is a myth that no feelings arise in the awakened heart. I have seen yogis and masters cry over the loss of a loved one. Great compassion, a longing to be available to the world, a sensation of the heart breaking open -- all of these occur. The difference is that after self-realization a person does not carry these events like a story that colors all aspects of their life. The emotions rise, are met with love, and move.
It is possible to sit with a great wave of loss or pain, and meet it whole-heartedly, imagining you can strip away each layer, feel it completely, then strip away the layer below. Once when I was dealing with the loss of a family relationship I loved, and I felt grief and anger, I met it in meditation this way, feeling all the pain in my heart. When I got to the core it broke through into waves of love, and I saw that it was love I really felt, and the pain was because of the blocking of this natural love I felt for this person. The felt sense of this love was much easier to carry than the grief. We have to meet ourselves in order to know ourselves.
Siddhis and Powers
In the yogic and Tantric traditions liberation is sometimes equated with non-ordinary powers, called siddhis. A tantric kundalini master once told me a person who is liberated can use practices that will move consciousness into astral form, and separate from the body. He said that a developed and trained adept can live in both astral and physical planes at will. But he believed it is the will of God that determines this ability, the choice to be in one or another form, not any personal desire. He described consciousness moving into the causal plane (which he said is located ten finger lengths above the head) then flowing into an open space, where the astral body is freed from the physical. He added that anyone who can live on that plane has transcended karma and will retain the body only for the convenience of working in it for humanity. He described the causal body as transparent, yet iridescent, like a giant soap bubble.
In the yogic model certain secret brain centers are described that can open up during an awakening, and produce specific siddhis such as clairvoyance, healing abilities, astral traveling and other non-ordinary functions. Also when needed they can allow connection with universal wisdom. Several of the people who have contacted me through the years have found themselves becoming healers, or channeling beings who exist on astral planes. Here is a description from one woman, who channels an ancient pre-Christian Mongolian healer while helping people who are ill. She feels her consciousness move aside as he guides her hands and tells her about the underlying issues. She believes this work is not about healing so much as upgrading vibration so one is more available to healing spiritual energy. Here is her story.
I was going to an acupuncturist who was working on my crippling back pain and she said there was a Qigong master from China who might be able to help me. I invited him to do a workshop at my house. At one point he basically hit me on the back and gave me shaktipat. In addition to doing this workshop I had been doing yoga and also worked with a visiting yoga teacher who had active kundalini, although I didn’t know what that was at the time. Shortly after this I went to Hawaii where I had a major energetic eruption of energy lasting for five days, and my body spent hours expelling fluids. It was very frightening and yet something in me knew I would be okay. After returning home my long-term back problems and migraine headaches permanently disappeared. I began having frequent spontaneous movements. It was suggested to me that I not resist any activity and I was able to trust that advice. It was also suggested that I hold still and not try to wrap my mind around it. I decided to let it marinate and allow my body to adjust to the new vibration that I felt continuously. I also noticed that I always had hot hands.
After a year or so I was drawn to close my practice of psychotherapy so that I could explore healing work. I had 13 years of experience working with hospice patients so I was familiar with the physical body and changes that often occur. I took a year long class in energy healing and I was shocked to find right away I could have healing experiences with clients I could not explain. After some time it came to me that someone from the other side was working through me. I inquired and got the response “Yes, my name is Leen. I was a monk and shaman in Mongolia.” From that day forward I talked to Leen often, like a friend. He could identify the location and source of a problem specifically, identify the time it started, and work with it directly. My job was to “hook up” and get out of the way for him to do the work. I noticed that frequently he seemed to be making a shift in the person’s vibration that upgraded it. Recently I was asked by a group of women to teach them how this works. I was surprised to find that Leen could be activated in them and they can use this energy as well. Leen also seems to have the capacity to remove attachments that are ready to move on after some resolution.
If capacities like these arise spontaneously in a spiritual evolution they may have a function at a certain point in time, or reflect a connection or training from a previous lifetime, but they tend to rise and fall, come and go. They may hold a teaching or a direction for you (i.e.healing, teaching, prophecy, lucid dreaming, astral travel) that is useful in some mysterious way but also, in most cases, temporary, so it is best not to be attached to them, not to re-identify as the person with these skills, and to hold them lightly with wonder and gratitude rather than passion. If no "powers" emerge this is not a sign of a lack in your awakening. It does not mean a person is not liberated. Many liberated people do not feel an inclination to acquire or use “powers”. They function more from wisdom or love. These experiences are uncommon and probably related to genetics, energies triggering particular areas of the brain, or extensive practices, commitments and training in this or a previous life.
In Buddhist and Christian stories of awakening the development of siddhis is not encouraged, and the emphasis is more on a return to an ordinary life, service to others, simplicity and love. (In Christianity only Jesus and saints are reputed to have access to "miracles") It is considered true emb
odiment when the awakeness infuses the life and guides the person in a more intuitive way, while any desire for power or more abilities is attributed to ego. The desire for power as a motivator for the spiritual path is considered a dead-end. However these abilities may be used in service of the greater good when there is no ego attachment to the role.
The Ox-herding images that are part of Zen teachings illustrate the optimal conclusion of awakening from a Buddhist perspective -- a returning back home, being at peace with what is. These are likely cultural variances, as India has an ancient history of belief in the powers of gods and goddesses, as well as past masters, to influence lives, while Japan and China, which have their own adaptations of Buddhism, have a greater historical tendency to value simplicity, inner strength and humility in spiritual leaders. China has a long history of working with subtle body energy (callied Qi or Chi) for strength and healing with techniques such as Qigong and Tai Chi. While in some of these traditions there is a recognition of “spirit” as part of our human experience, there is no particular emphasis on spirituality or religious beliefs.
Expressions of Liberation
The Awakening Guide: A Companion for the Inward Journey (Companions for the Inward Journey Book 2) Page 12