The smile disappeared and Abby with it a moment later. Thank Christ. He turned to Helen.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you’d called Davies?’
She sighed. ‘Does it matter? I thought maybe he could help.’
Dai bloody Davies. Jesus.
‘You slept,’ Helen said. ‘I lay beside you all night wondering how you could do that. How could you sleep, Kevin, when this is happening to us?’
She broke off with a sob. Kevin wanted to put his arms around her, comfort her and tell her he was sorry, so very sorry, but before he could do any of that, Finlay appeared in the doorway.
‘Has something happened?’ the boy asked, edging his way into the room.
Helen wiped her face and stood up. ‘Nothing, darling. Are you okay?’
‘Dad?’
Finlay looked at Kevin so innocently, like he still believed his father was capable of doing something good and worthy of his admiration, even after everything that had happened. Kevin felt a sudden rush of love for this boy-man. His son. Not his son by blood, just as Jodie wasn’t his biological daughter, but surely the love he felt for them was as much as any parent could ever feel for their children?
Helen lifted the remote control and aimed it at the TV mounted on the wall above Finlay’s head. Jodie’s face filled the screen, smiling down at her family sitting around the kitchen table. When she appeared, it felt like Kevin’s insides were being vacuumed from his body.
‘Police are still no closer to finding the whereabouts of ten-year-old Jodie Hudson, who disappeared on her way to school in Lee, South-East London yesterday morning.’
After reiterating the police plea for anyone with information to come forward, the report ended.
Helen flicked the remote and Jodie’s face disappeared. Kevin wanted to ask her to leave it on but when he tried to speak, he couldn’t.
That photo of Jodie was his favourite. Until recently, it had been in a frame on the mantelpiece. It showed Jodie on Christmas morning, right after they’d opened their presents. She was sitting, surrounded by wrapping paper, posing for the camera. In the photo itself, you could see all of her. She was still in her night-dress, her Hannah Montana one. In the photo on TV, the image had been resized so all you could see was Jodie’s face, smiling at you like she was the happiest little girl in the whole wide world.
Finlay started crying, his head bent, shoulders shaking as sobs racked his body.
‘Oh Fin,’ Kevin murmured. He went over to the boy and wrapped his arms around him. ‘We’ll get her back, son. I promise.’
He would have said more, but just then bloody Abby appeared. And she wasn’t alone, either. Beside her stood the woman detective they’d met yesterday. Ellen Something.
Kevin’s heart lurched, but as she started to speak, he realised it wasn’t the news they were waiting for. Anger replaced hope. They wanted to question him. Again. With a lawyer.
Damned police. He hated them. So predictable. So utterly lacking in imagination. Just because he’d fucked up once, they assumed he was capable of something like this. And all the time they wasted on him, was time they could be spending finding Jodie.
When the Ellen woman took his arm, Finlay jumped forward, crying and grabbing hold of Kevin, begging him not to go. Gently, as gently as he could, Kevin prised his son’s hands off him. And when he’d done that, he did something he swore he’d never do. He lied to his boy.
‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘It’s okay, Fin. I’ll be back soon. There really is nothing to worry about. I promise.’
12:05
‘It’s only me, Marion. Okay if I come in?’
I want to tell him to go away, but my voice won’t work. My throat is sore from all the vomiting, but it’s not that. There’s all this stuff in my head, but when I try to speak, I can’t get my mouth to work. Later, after he’d cleaned up all the sick and went away, I tried saying my name. It’s weird. In my head I know what my name is, but when I try to speak, it’s like I forget right at that moment.
The room smells of sick. He was angry about it but tried to hide it. The way Mum does sometimes. Like, you can see she’s really annoyed but she puts this stupid smile on her face and when Dad asks if she’s okay she says: ‘Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?’ And you can hear the way she says it that she’s not okay at all.
I can hear the key turn and then bolts being pulled back. Click. Bang, bang.
Please God, no. Make him go away.
I’m praying in my head, begging God, wondering what I have to do to get him to listen. He should hear me even if it’s only inside my head, because He is always with you. If you believe in Him. I didn’t but now I do, and I’m begging Him so hard to make him go away.
But He doesn’t listen and the door’s open and his big shadow is everywhere and he’s smiling that stupid smile.
I hadn’t even seen him. You’re not meant to talk to strangers because not everyone is kind and if they try to give you a sweet, then that’s a bad thing and not a good thing and you’re never, ever meant to take a sweet from them.
His hand was on my mouth and I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to scream, but his hand was against my mouth and nose. He put me in a van and we drove for the longest time and there was this stuff over my mouth and I couldn’t scream and I thought, I thought he was going to kill me.
He’s right up close now. Too close. Sitting beside me on the bed, making it rise up. I don’t like his smell. I try to pull myself further into the corner, away from him.
He’s saying something, but it’s not easy to understand the words because he’s got this funny way of speaking. He’s talking about this room I’m in.
‘It’ll be easier in a bit,’ he’s saying. ‘When you can have your old room back. We can’t go there yet, though. There was this other girl, see …’
He shakes his head.
‘No, best not. You don’t want to be hearing about that.’
There’s this funny noise. Like the cat that sits in our garden sometimes at night, wanting to come inside. The noise is me. It’s coming from inside me, but I don’t know how to stop it. He acts like he can’t hear it, but if I can hear it, then he can hear it too, unless there’s something wrong with his ears.
There are posters all over the wall. Fairies and puppies and kittens. They’re all looking at me and him on the bed. Tinkerbell is smiling at me, like she thinks this is really funny.
He grabs my arm. His fingers dig into me, hurting me. I’m crying again and I want to scream at him to stop but nothing works anymore.
‘Marion!’ He’s shouting and the fright makes me stop trying to pull away. I’m frozen.
‘It’s okay,’ he says. ‘It’s me. Brian. Don’t you recognise me?’
I think really hard, but the only person I know called Brian is Ruby Rice’s dad and it’s not him.
‘Marion?’
I’m not Marion! I’m screaming that inside my head but he can’t hear me. He thinks I’m this Marion, but he’s got it all wrong. I concentrate really hard on getting my mouth to work. My lips move, I can feel them. But I can’t get it to do anything else.
I growl, like a dog now, not a cat. Growling when I want to scream. He’s still holding my arm, but I get my other hand to my mouth and push my fingers inside, pulling at my tongue, trying to get the stupid thing to work.
It hurts. Especially when my nails scrape the top of my tongue. I don’t care.
‘Marion, stop it. What the hell are you doing?’
I’m crying now. My whole body shaking and my face and neck and the top of my school blouse are all wet with tears. I want a towel, but I can’t ask for one.
He has both arms then and he’s holding me tight and it hurts, but I can’t tell him to stop. When he speaks, his voice rumbles through my body, like an earthquake.
I hate it.
‘It’s okay,’ he says. ‘It’s okay, Marion. I’m here now and everything’s going to be okay. Daddy’s gone and he’s not coming back. It’s just you a
nd me now.’
13:40
‘Ready?’
Ellen looked through the glass window in the door, at the two men sitting in the interview room. Kevin Hudson and his solicitor, Tom Abbot. Tom was a Lewisham-based criminal lawyer. Ellen had sat across the table from him in countless interviews. He was a good bloke and she’d often thought if she ever ended up the wrong side of that table, she’d like to have Tom Abbot sat alongside her.
‘Ed?’
At the sound of her voice, he jumped, as if it was the last thing he expected.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘What were you saying?’
‘I asked if you’re ready,’ she said. ‘Listen, are you okay? You seem distracted. I’m happy to do this without you, if you’d prefer that.’
Truth was, she’d prefer to do the interview alone. She was certain she’d have more luck on her own with Kevin.
‘No,’ Ed said. ‘I need to be here. Come on. Let’s get this over with.’
He pushed open the door and walked into the room ahead of her, not bothering to hold the door open for her. Ellen had to rush forward to stop it slamming in her face.
Greetings out of the way, Ellen set up the tape recorder and spoke into it, stating the date and time, along with the names of the four people in the room. Then she paused, waiting for Baxter to take the lead.
Baxter placed his hands on the table, palms down, and looked at Kevin.
‘Let’s start with Monday morning,’ he said. ‘Talk us through what happened. From the beginning.’
Kevin looked at his lawyer. ‘Do I have to go through this again?’
‘Just answer the questions,’ Tom said. ‘And remember, you’ve nothing to worry about. Okay?’
Kevin didn’t seem convinced, but after a moment he shrugged and went through the same story Ellen had heard several times already.
‘It was the same as every other morning,’ he said. ‘Helen went to work and I got the kids ready for school. Finlay left at the usual time and Jodie and I left about half-an-hour later. We were late, I remember that. And I remember being angry with her.’
‘Angry?’ Baxter interrupted.
Kevin sighed. ‘Jodie’s a dreamer. It’s always difficult to get her out the door in time. That morning, I had to keep nagging her to get dressed. She just kept saying yes, then going and doing something else.’
Pat was like that. Nine times out of ten, Ellen ended up shouting at him on school mornings. Then hating herself for it for the rest of the day.
‘Do you get angry with her a lot?’ Baxter asked.
‘I don’t think that’s relevant,’ Tom said.
‘Can’t be easy, I suppose,’ Baxter said, ignoring the lawyer. ‘Doing all the childcare yourself like that. Especially when they’re not even your own kids. It’s no wonder you lose it with them every now and then. Can’t say I blame you. Was that what happened on Monday, Kevin? Did Jodie just push you too far? Tip you over the edge? Kids can do that. I remember it with my own. They have this knack of pushing and pushing. And then the red mist comes down and before you can stop yourself – bam! Happens to all of us.
‘See, the thing is, Kevin, if you’re just straight with us, tell us what really happened that morning, you’ll feel a lot better. No one could blame you if you lost it. It’s part and parcel of being a parent.’
Baxter leaned forward, eyes boring into Kevin, face the very definition of empathy.
‘Talk to us, Kevin. She was playing up, wasn’t she? Ten-year-old girl, I bet she played up all the time. Bet she ran rings around you the moment her mother was out of the house every morning. Must have been a nightmare. All sweetness and light one minute, then the devil incarnate the next. And you couldn’t talk to Helen about it, of course. Because Jodie’s her little princess. Her little angel. And you had to go along with that. Didn’t have any choice because if you didn’t, Helen would show you the door and then where would you be?’
Kevin’s face was twisted as if he was in physical pain and even though she knew this was what they had to do, Ellen felt sorry for him.
‘Stop it!’ Kevin shouted. ‘Stop it! You don’t know what you’re talking about. It wasn’t like that. I love Jodie. And Fin. Don’t try to pretend you know what it’s like for me. Because you don’t. None of you do. Watching my wife go out the door to work every morning, knowing it should be me instead. Knowing how she’d much prefer to be at home with the kids but she can’t. Because I’m a no-good loser who can’t even get a job stacking shelves in Tesco because they won’t have me. Because there’s twenty other people applying for every bloody job I go for and none of them has a record so they all get favoured above someone like me.’
Tom put a hand on Kevin’s arm, stopping him in mid-flow. A bit late for that, Ellen thought.
Baxter leaned back and nodded. ‘So,’ he said, ‘now we’re getting somewhere. Why don’t you tell us a little more about your attempts to get a job and how frustrated you got when you were turned down, again and again, for positions you knew you were over-qualified for?’
Kevin rubbed a hand across his face and sighed. ‘Look,’ he said. ‘I know why you’re doing this. You think because I’ve a record, I must have taken her. But I haven’t. I swear to you. And all these questions, you’re just wasting your time. I don’t know where she is. I wish to God I did, but I don’t. You’ve got to believe me. Someone else did this.’
He was telling the truth. Ellen glanced at Ed, but his face gave nothing away. She leaned forward in her chair and cleared her throat.
‘Kevin,’ she said, ‘what happened after you dropped Jodie off?’
He frowned. ‘Are you serious? You want me to go through it all again? Why? What possible good can it do?’
‘Please,’ Ellen said. ‘Just take me through it step by step.’
Kevin groaned, but after a moment he started talking.
‘We got to Lenham Road. I said goodbye to Jodie and left. She likes to walk the last part on her own and I don’t have a problem with that.’
Ellen thought of her own kids, of Pat in particular. Wouldn’t any normal parent wait and check their child made it as far as the school gates?
‘At what point did you leave?’ she asked. ‘How far down Lenham Road had Jodie got before you walked away?’
Kevin shook his head. ‘Not far. I mean, I know I should have waited until she’d reached the school, but I was in a hurry …’
He stopped, realising his mistake. Too late.
‘Why?’ Baxter asked. ‘Where were you rushing off to in such a hurry? We know you didn’t go to the park, so where did you go?’
‘I’ve already told you,’ Kevin said. ‘I went shopping in Lewisham. I was rushing because I wanted to get it over with. I hate shopping.’
‘What did you buy?’ Ellen asked.
‘Nothing,’ Kevin said. The answer was too quick, but he’d had a day to think about it now. To get his story straight. Ellen gave it one final try.
‘Kevin,’ she said. ‘We’ve gone through all the CCTV footage from the shopping centre for yesterday morning. You’re not there. And we’ve shown your photo to people working there and no one can remember seeing you. You weren’t there. You accuse us of wasting time but while you refuse to tell us where you really were, what choice do we have?’
She maintained eye contact with him the whole time she spoke. When she finished, something in his face told her she’d made a connection. She felt a brief flicker of hope that was quickly dashed when he spoke again.
‘I’ve already told you,’ he said. ‘I went to the shopping centre and after that I went home. I can’t help it if no one saw me there, but it’s the truth. I’m telling you the truth. Why won’t you believe me?’
14:35
Kevin shook hands with his lawyer outside Lewisham station.
‘I’ll be in touch,’ Tom said.
Kevin nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
‘It’ll be okay,’ Tom continued. ‘If you’ve got nothing to hide,
then you’ve got nothing to worry about.’
Except he had something to hide. And he suspected his lawyer knew this too. Just like that prick, Baxter.
‘Are you sure there’s nothing else you want to tell me, Kevin?’
Kevin shook his head, desperate to get away from Tom Abbot’s probing stare. Any more interrogation and he’d crack.
Tom shrugged. ‘Have it your way then. Call me if you change your mind, okay?’
After the lawyer left, Kevin looked up, breathing a shaky sigh of relief. The clouds had cleared, replaced by a clear blue sky that offered the promise of warmth but didn’t deliver. As he hurried away from the police station down Lewisham High Street, Kevin wrapped his arms around his shivering body in a futile attempt to stop the icy wind cutting through him.
At this time on a Tuesday afternoon, Lewisham was busy. Kevin pushed his way through the throngs of school kids and shoppers, barely noticing them.
He’d lied to the police. And to his solicitor. It was a stupid thing to do, but he didn’t see that he had any other choice. It was the same lie he’d told the first time he was questioned yesterday. He hadn’t been thinking straight. Thoughts all muddled with what had happened and then the shocking realisation that his daughter was missing. Somehow, in his mind, he couldn’t separate it all. So when the police had asked him where he’d been, his first instinct was to lie. And once he’d told the lie, he couldn’t untell it. Every time he repeated it since, it grew harder and harder to force the words out in a way that sounded convincing.
‘I went shopping in Lewisham.’
Five words. Five simple words that could get him into a whole lot of trouble. Sooner or later, he’d be found out. Tom told him the police would continue to check the CCTV footage. Going through all the cameras in Lewisham shopping centre, looking for images of Kevin from yesterday morning. There wouldn’t be any, of course. And at some point, they’d bring him back in. Ask him more questions about what had really happened the morning Jodie disappeared.
Hunting Shadows Page 7