by Susan Lewis
'How's it going down there?' Marina asked.
'OK. Everyone's very nice.'
'Is there anything I can do for you this end?'
'I don't think so, but thanks for the offer.'
As she rang off she was already regretting making the call, and wondered why she had. It was probably habit, for she was used to turning to Josh when she felt vulnerable and in need of a
shoulder. However, she clearly wasn't thinking straight, for how on earth could he make her feel better, when he was such a big part of the reason she was feeling so bad?
'I ordered a bowl of chips on the side,' Fen confessed as she came to sit down again. 'A day for self-indulgence, methinks.'
Julia smiled. She wasn't going to argue with that, though she had virtually no appetite at all.
'Everything OK at home?' Fen enquired.
'Fine. The kids are a bit concerned about me, and how it's going down here. They were just checking up.'
'How adorable,' Fen commented, taking a sip of her drink. 'I'm not sure I could count on my two for such moral support.' She chuckled. 'Actually I do them a disservice, they're good girls really.'
'What age are they?'
'Fifteen and twelve. They're weekly borders at a school near Truro, and they're both horse-mad, which they get from their mother. Do either of yours ride?'
'Shannon's had a few lessons. Josh takes her when he has time.'
'Josh is your husband? Will he be coming for the funeral?'
Julia took a breath to say no, and to her surprise found she was on the brink of tears. Thankfully, she managed to pull herself back in time - Fen was dealing with enough of her family issues already, the last thing she needed was to have even more heaped on top. 'He'll be here on Saturday,' she said. 'He's bringing Shannon, then taking Daniel sailing.'
'Shannon's coming? Oh, what a pity my girls are going to miss her. My mother's taking them to Italy for the half-term break. She's Italian, you see. She still has family there, so she goes every year at this time, while Rico, her nephew, my cousin, generally comes here to help Dad with the farm and horses. You'll probably meet him over the next couple of days, and I should warn you, he'll probably turn your knees weak because he has that effect on most females who cross his path. He may be my cousin and twenty years younger, give or take, but they don't come much more gorgeous than him - and don't be taken in by his shyness, because it's all a ruse, or that's what I keep telling him.'
Julia was smiling. 'I'll look forward to meeting him,' she commented, glancing up as a barman came to put paper napkins and cutlery on their table. 'But it's a shame about the girls not being here.'
'I know, however, speaking purely selfishly, I wouldn't mind having their father to myself for a while, which I probably would have, if he weren't off to a conference in Salisbury for two days on Monday ... Oh, that was quick, here's our lunch already.'
They continued to chat as Fen wolfed down a beef and horseradish baguette and all the chips, while Julia nibbled at a cheese sandwich, and felt the vodka going to her head.
'I was wondering,' she said, as they strolled back outside into a sudden blaze of autumn sunshine, 'if we could perhaps go to the house now. I need to decide if I'm going to stay there, because if I don't, I should book myself into a B & B.'
'If you don't, my parents will insist you stay with us,' Fen informed her. 'We're very close by. In fact the mill used to be on our land, until Daddy sold it, and half an acre, to your father.'
Julia was surprised, and curious. 'You live with your parents?' she said.
Fen's eyebrows made a comical rise. 'The house is big enough for half a dozen families,' she replied, 'but Bob and I only moved in a year ago, after Daddy's second heart attack. He wanted us to, in order to avoid inheritance tax when he and Mummy finally do pop off, otherwise David and I - that's my brother - would probably end up having to sell the place. David has an apartment in the east wing, but he spends most of his time over at Chapel Amble, where he has a scrummy restaurant and an even scrummier partner called Charles, who's a brilliant carpenter.'
Julia smiled. Everything sounded so idyllic about Fen's life and family that she could almost feel envious. 'I was wondering what my father did for a living?' she said, as they headed back towards Fen's office.
'He had a landscaping business that was quite successful actually. He had to give it up when he became ill, unfortunately, but we sold it for enough to make ends meet.'
'And Gwen? Did she work?' 'She taught at the village school. I think it kind of made up for not having children of her own.' Coming to a stop at her office door, she glanced at her watch and said, i guess the best thing to do now is for you to jump in your car and follow me to Shallard's Cross. Where did you park?'
'Over by the Shire Hail,'
'Excellent. My car's there too, so I'll just pop inside to pick up the file we prepared for you, and we'll be on our way.'
The drive to Shallard's Cross, the village closest to the mill and Bower family estate, ended up taking little more than twenty minutes, mostly on the main road, until they turned off down a narrow, winding lane that was bordered by high hedges and grassy banks for the last three miles. For a while they were trapped behind a tractor and, though she'd have preferred to absorb her surroundings, Julia found herself caught in the overriding fear that Josh might be with Sylvia right now, making love to her and planning how he was going to end his marriage. The dread of it was building to such a pitch inside her that she could feel herself starting to panic. Her chest was tight, her mind was entering a turmoil of horror and fear. Somehow she managed to draw herself back, but then she was thinking of her mother, and how she hadn't even called to check Julia was all right after she'd stormed off in a temper the day before. But what did she expect? Her mother had never shown much concern about her in the past, so she'd be some kind of fool to think she would now.
Fortunately, the blackness of her reveries was wiped away as the tractor turned off into a farm and she followed Fen over the brink of a hill to find herself faced with the most breathtaking vista of gently undulating fields and forests, spreading like a Utopian mirage throughout the valley before her. 'Oh my,' she murmured, feeling the beauty of it stirring inside her. Though the sun was weak
and the sky colourless and low, the air was clear enough for her to see for miles, and the landscape was so graceful, yet rugged, so rousing, yet calming that already she could feel some of the knots inside her starting to unfurl.
She continued after Fen's Volvo, heading downhill towards a small village that clustered at the side of the valley. She found herself remembering a family holiday they'd once spent in Cornwall, when she was just fifteen, and her father had taken her on a tour of Daphne du Maurier's world. It had been so thrilling imagining all her favourite characters on the hilltops, in the creeks and valleys, galloping across the moors, climbing the cliffs and sailing over the horizon. She wondered how often he'd recalled those exhilarating days in the years since he'd left, and if he'd remembered them with as much emotion as she was feeling now.
Noticing that Fen was signalling to go left, Julia hit her indicator too, and looped around a giant horse chestnut to turn into an open driveway where they bumped over a cattle grid and stream. A winding dirt track led on to a rambling old farmhouse with late-blooming roses around the porch, and a roughly tended lawn at the front. There were a couple of cars in the yard, both being washed by a young lad in overalls and wellies, who turned at the sound of someone arriving.
Fen waved out, but kept on going, around the side of the house, past an old wooden barn and a field straggled with sheep, following the track as it snaked off into a small wood. Here it ran alongside the stream for a while, before crossing over a quaint little bridge and emerging into a sweeping
grassy glade where the mill house and its garden nestled in a perfect pastoral setting.
As Julia drove towards it she felt her heart turn over, for she could hardly have imagined anything more picturesque
or inviting than the sleepy, looking whitewashed mill with its grey stone walls and grey slate roof, and magnificent black wooden wheel that churned the water in the stream beside it. Behind was an extremely grand red maple, and a gently sloping lawn that blended into the fields beyond, which stretched on out to the horizon to meet a seemingly endless sky.
Fen came to a stop on a patch of gravel that was laid out in front of the house, where three white wooden steps rose to a white wooden deck with ivy-clad balustrades and brimming pots of pansies, leading to the mill's front door. Julia pulled up beside her, and feeling slightly dazed by the sheer magic of the place, sat where she was for a moment, drinking it all in.
'Gorgeous, isn't it?' Fen smiled, coming to join her as she got out of the car. 'I used to fantasise about living here as a child. I saw myself as Sleeping Beauty, with Prince Charming hacking his way through the woods to find me. Alas, it was only ever my brother David who made it, and as he had his own designs on the place that didn't include a stupid sister, my dreams were shattered at a very early age.'
Julia had to laugh.
'Come on, I have the keys,' Fen said, almost as though they were on an adventure. 'Let me show you around.'
As she trotted up the steps and across the
wooden deck to the French doors that served as an entrance, Julia went after her, looking around at the flower beds that surrounded the house, and then off to the far side where she spotted another barn-like building in the distance, and what was clearly an orchard in the next field.
'Those are the stables over there,' Fen told her, seeing her looking. 'Do you ride?'
'I've been known to.'
Fen seemed delighted. 'Well, if you fancy a bit of a hack while you're here, just say the word.'
Liking the idea of cantering out across the moors with Fen, Julia said, 'I take it the stables belong to the house we passed, which presumably is your parents'?'
'Absolutely. Mum's at the hairdressers this afternoon, and Dad's gone to Truro with Rico and David, but I'll take you over there later. They're absolutely dying to meet you, but don't worry if you're not up to it today ...'
'No, I'd love to meet them.'
Clearly pleased with the answer, Fen jabbed a large, old-fashioned key in the lock and turned it. 'Ef voila!' she declared, moving on ahead and sweeping her arms out for Julia to admire the spacious kitchen they'd entered.
Julia's eyes opened wide with surprise as she took in the immaculate peppermint green cabinets and dressers, with their flowery bone-china tea sets and shining beechwood counter tops. Though not exactly her taste, it was quaint beyond belief and she couldn't help loving it. In the middle of the room was a round pine table with a lavish bowl of fresh fruit at its centre, and a decorative
old coach lamp hanging over it. The floor was laid with old flagstones, the ceiling was striped with gnarled oak beams, and across the back wall was a genuine inglenook fireplace with a cast-iron wood burner in the hearth.
'Amazing, isn't it?' Fen said admiringly. 'It was all Gwen's doing. She loved to cook, so Dougie splashed out on all this for her sixtieth birthday.' Her pleasure became edged with sadness as she added, 'At least she got a few years out of it before she went. Tilde's kept it up to scratch since, though Dougie always treated it gently. He used to say it was a part of Gwen, and she'd want him to keep it looking nice.'
'It sounds as though they were very happy together,' Julia said, wishing again that she could have been a part of it.
Fen nodded. 'Very. Can't you feel it?'
Julia looked around and after a while she thought that, yes, maybe she could.
Fen's eyes showed her delight. 'This place has always had good vibes, even before Dougie and Gwen lived here,' she said. 'They just made them better.'
Julia walked over to look through the cookery books in the deep-set window sill, and a bundle of opened letters that was stuffed inside an old- fashioned rack. Horse brasses and dried flowers hung from the walls, along with amateurish paintings of the spectacular views outside, and one of the mill itself. Everything about the place seemed so perfect that she could almost feel unnerved by it, though she guessed that probably had a lot more to do with her emotional state than any kind of reality.
'Mum said she'd get a few things in for you,' Fen was saying, as she pulled open one of the peppermint green doors to reveal a large fridge inside. 'Ah yes, she has. Milk, eggs, bread, wine, water, ham, cheese, fresh salad ... She seems to have thought of most things, but if you need anything else there's a small shop in the village, or a supermarket about ten minutes away. I'll show you later how to get there. And of course there's always our kitchen to raid.'
Feeling slightly overwhelmed by so much generosity, Julia was about to thank her, when Fen took off along a narrow hallway to one side of the fireplace. 'On your right,' she announced, 'is the bathroom, on your left a study and at the end is a bedroom. We moved Dougie down here after his stroke. It was easier than having to keep negotiating the stairs.'
Julia stepped in behind her to find a room that was sunny and fresh, with pale lemon walls, mustard curtains, and a matching candlewick bedspread adorned with deep lavender cushions and a similar-colour throw. 'Tilde's changed all the sheets,' Fen assured her. 'Everything's nice and clean, even the carpets I think.' She looked down, and seeing a pair of slippers next to the bed she said, 'Oh dear, I don't think those should be there.'
Julia looked at the slippers too, and having detected the tremor in Fen's voice she put a comforting hand on her arm.
'It's OK,' Fen assured her. 'Silly me. I bought them for him, you see. A couple of Christmases ago. He told me they were horrible, then proceeded to wear them every day. I guess we
should pop them away,' and picking them up, she dropped them inside a large hand-painted wardrobe and quickly closed the door. 'Going to miss him,' she said, 'but when you're ready, if you need a hand going through everything, I'll be happy to help.'
Running out of ways to say thank you, Julia merely smiled, and thought how lucky her father was to have known this woman, who must have been like a daughter to him.
'Sitting room,' Fen stated, and leading the way back into the kitchen, she began to mount the wooden staircase that rose across one wall.
The sitting room was another lovely surprise, with its high, vaulted ceiling and criss-cross beams, huge stone fireplace, and three comfy sofas. Clearly her father had used one end of it as a reading area, for beside the window where the mill wheel could be seen going round was a deep leather chair with an Anglepoise lamp behind, and bookshelves full of encyclopedias, gardening tomes, and, Julia noted with a poignant smile, the complete works of Daphne du Maurier. She wondered if she might find a copy of her own meagre effort tucked away somewhere, but there was no sign of it, which, though disappointing, was hardly surprising, when her father had never known her as Julia Thayne.
Spotting a clutch of photographs on a side table, she went to take a look. 'This must be Gwen,' she said, picking one up, and studying the round, open face, with bright, knowing eyes and a laughing mouth.
'Yes, that's her,' Fen confirmed, coming to peer over her shoulder.
'She gives the impression she's flirting with the photographer,' Julia commented.
Fen chuckled. 'That's because Dougie was holding the camera. They hardly ever stopped I flirting with each other, those two. They were a treat to watch.'
Thinking that was how she and Josh had always been, Julia put the photo down and picked up another. It felt strange to see her father looking older in the picture than he had at the funeral home, but she knew that people often appeared younger in death than they had during the last years of their life.
'That was taken about six years ago, at a local wedding,' Fen informed her. 'He was one of the ushers. Looks very smart in his tails, doesn't he?'
Julia nodded.
The other pictures were of people she didn't recognise, except one of Fen with her children, and a few more of Gwen. Then her heart turned over
as she glanced at another table and spotted a photograph she knew only too well. It had been taken not long after Daniel was born, and showed him being clutched in a four-year-old Shannon's arms.
'How did he get this?' she said, going to pick it up.
Fen shook her head, i haven't seen it before,' she answered, i take it they're yours?'
'Yes. But how did it get here?'
Fen was at a loss. 'Could your mother have sent it?' she ventured.
Julia's cynicism came out in a scoff. 'I don't think so. As far as I'm aware she doesn't even know
where he lived. Besides, it's too nice a gesture for her. It wouldn't even enter her head that he might like a picture of his grandchildren.' 'What about another member of your family?' 'There's only my aunt and uncle, and they don't go in for nice gestures much either. Well, my aunt, possibly, but she doesn't even breathe without my uncle's approval.'
Fen was curious. 'So I wonder how he got it? It's not the kind of shot he could have taken himself, and anyway, I can't see him being that furtive.'
'It was done in a studio, as part of a set.' Julia told her. 'Josh and I are in the others.'
'So maybe he got it from the photographer - except how would he know it had been taken?'
'And how long has he had it? You say you haven't seen it before.'
'No, but I'm so used to the photos in here, I don't really notice them any more. He could have put it there last week, or last year.'
'I wonder if he has any others,' Julia said, looking around. Her eyes stopped at one of the deep window sills where several more photos were positioned around a big Chinese vase. 'Oh my God, there's a school photo of Shannon,' she murmured, going to pick it up. 'And one of Dan in his cricket gear. This is amazing, but how on earth did he get them?' Fen was shaking her head. Julia gazed down into her children's faces. 'Whatever the answer, I'm glad he had them,' she said. 'Actually, I'm glad he wanted them.' But even as she spoke the words her heart turned cold, for there could be a horribly sinister reason for them