by Lois Kay
Damn, queers. Should put them all on a ship and sink it. And don’t think I don’t know, Alice. If I see you with that girl again, you’ll be sorry.
Alice winced at the memory and concentrated on her breathing, trying to push away the anxiety that sought to push itself to the forefront.
“Nice picture, isn’t it?” Trishia’s voice broke the silence. “You’ll never guess who took it.” She glanced at Jody who smiled.
“You?” Alice guessed, her eyes traveling between the photograph and Trishia.
“No, unfortunately, I’m not that talented,” Trishia laughed. “Fiona took it.”
“Fiona?” Alice echoed. She leaned forward to have a better look. “Really?”
“Yes, Fiona,” Trishia answered. “She has quite the talent. I know she and Yarra often go out in the bush, to shoot some wildlife, with a camera, not a gun,” Trishia added with a smile.
“Really?” Alice asked again, secretly pleased with the information about her new friends.
“Yeah, she once showed me some of her work and I must say, I was quite impressed,” Peter added. “My oldest kid still keeps asking me when Fiona will take him on a safari,” he laughed.
“You have kids?” Alice could hear herself ask before she could stop the words from tumbling out. Her voice sounded surprised and wistful.
“I have four kids, one girl, and three boys,” Peter answered in a soft voice. “The two youngest are twins, they’re just a little over six months old now.”
“Oh,” Alice responded, staring at her hands that were nervously plucking at the fabric of her shorts.
Jody noticed Alice’s increased anxiety and cast Trishia a look that told her to tread lightly. Trishia and Peter exchanged glances, and by mutual, silent consent, they decided to wait and see what information Alice was willing to share with them. They didn’t have to wait long. After taking a few deep breaths, Alice raised her head and allowed them a look in pain-filled eyes. She blindly reached for Jody, who grabbed her hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze.
“I had a brother,” Alice whispered. “His name was Dean.”
Trishia tried hard not to show her surprise and the compassion she felt for Alice, afraid that it would scare her away again. It was not only what Alice had said that had touched her, but her voice that was laced with such a profound sadness, it made Trishia’s heart ache. “I noticed you talk about Dean in the past tense,” Trishia said gently after a long silence, ignoring the pounding in her chest.
Alice increased her grip on Jody’s hand, holding on like it was a lifeline. “He died,” she whispered. “There was a fire, and he…he died. He was just a little boy. I tried to save him, but I couldn’t.”
Trishia swallowed hard and looked at Peter who was visibly shaken. Even though Peter Jones had been a police officer for a long time and had seen his share of misery, there were a few things that never failed to touch him in the deepest part of his soul; the suffering of the innocent and vulnerable.
“Do you remember what happened, Alice? Do you want to talk about it?” Trishia asked, choosing her words carefully.
“It’s part of what I remember. It’s part of what—.” Alice swallowed convulsively and took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s part of what he did.” She rubbed her eyes and felt moisture coat the back of her hand. Surprised, she looked at the glistening patch on her skin, unaware there had been tears in her eyes. “I can’t remember all of it,” she continued in a strained voice. “It’s so hard, but Lisa said that even though it hurts to remember, I am safe. Mom told me to be strong.”
“And you are,” Trishia spoke up with admiration in her voice. “Your mom would be proud. Because it’s true, Alice Wilson.”
Alice sniffed and wiped her eyes again. She glanced at Jody who gave her an encouraging smile. “My dreams…nightmares,” Alice continued, correcting herself. “They are just images, fragments of sounds and smells and pictures. I remember the dreams because I’ve had them before, but ever since this morning, I can, somehow, fill in some of the blanks. He had left us alone, finally, and Mom was so happy about that, although she was still scared. She told us, Dean and me, that he’d left for Sydney and would not be back again. We believed her. But one evening the doorbell rang and when Mom asked me to open the door…he was there.” Involuntarily Alice shivered, and she clenched her free hand into a fist until her knuckles were white.
Jody immediately scooted closer and rubbed Alice’s arm, silently lending support. The hand in hers was trembling, and she moved her thumb in circles across the clammy skin. Alice had to feel she was no longer alone when facing her demons.
“I tried to close the door, but he pushed me inside, and I fell.” A lone tear escaped Alice’s eye and rolled down her cheek, leaving a wet track in its wake. “First, he hit me, and then he started kicking me. Mom heard him yell at me and came running into the hall, screaming at him to stop hitting me. Dean was crying. He was so scared,” Alice whispered in a broken voice. “He said he’d leave me alone if Mom would just hear him out, so she sent us to our room, I guess so we could be away from him. Mom told me to look after Dean. I tried to read Dean a story so he wouldn’t have to listen to what was going on, but the voices were so loud.”
Unconsciously, Alice brought her free hand to her ear, and Trishia and Peter exchanged a worried look, afraid that the memories would be too overwhelming and Alice would go into shock again. But Alice closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, concentrating on the voice of her mother.
Be strong, Alice. You are much needed and loved.
“You’re safe, Alice.” Jody’s voice was gentle. “But If it gets too much, you can stop.”
Alice shook her head. “No, I have to tell them.” She sent Jody a watery smile and let out a shuddering breath. “After a while, it was quiet again, real quiet and I thought he had left. I was afraid to go downstairs because Mom…I was waiting for her to come and get us. Then I noticed the smoke. I was scared and opened the door, but when I walked toward the stairs, he was coming up. I ran back to Dean, but when I opened the door, he caught me. He hit me across the face, and I yelled at my brother to run. That’s when…when…he tried to choke me with his hands.” Alice paused for a moment, and the silence in the room was almost palpable.
Trishia looked at Jody. Her eyes had turned a few shades darker and were smoldering with anger, standing out in a freckled face that had gone pale. ‘Mama Bear,’ Trishia thought with warmth.
Alice cleared her throat, but couldn’t hide the quivering of her voice. “He was so calm, and he laughed when he said that he couldn’t have me tell the police. He said that they wouldn’t believe me anyway, because…because I was one of them, he said. I… I almost passed out, but then I remembered what my teacher once told us to do when somebody would…she told us to kick them in the crotch and call for help, so I did. I kicked him, but I couldn’t scream because my throat was hurting so much. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to go back into the room and get Dean, but I knew if I’d do that, he would get us both and I needed to get help, so I ran downstairs so I could get to the neighbors. But he caught me and hit me again. That’s when I fell down the stairs and hit my head. When I woke up, I couldn’t see anything. There was smoke everywhere, and I could feel the flames. It was so hot. I couldn’t breathe.” Alice let out a shaky breath, and her hand tightened around Jody’s. “When I fell, I landed on…on something, and now I think—.” Alice let out a sob and rubbed her eyes, looking very much like a frightened little girl. “I think it was my mom,” her voice cracked.
Jody’s free arm slipped around Alice, and she pulled her into a hug. Trishia saw the anger in her eyes was replaced by a mixture of pain and sadness. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. Looking at the devastated Alice and hearing her horrific story broke Trishia’s heart. Not caring that tears were stinging the back of her eyes, she leaned toward Alice and put a hand on her knee. “Alice, I am so, so sorry,” she whispered. “If it’s too hard to go on we’
ll understand, believe me.”
“But I need to tell you this, Trishia,” Alice sniffed, rising above herself in a display of strength and courage. “You need to know why I remember. It was something you said. You mentioned those girls and that they were murdered on the beach, in Sydney, and in Perth. Right?”
“Yes, I said that,” Trishia replied gently.
“I now remember I lived in Perth,” Alice stated, glancing up and meeting Trishia’s startled eyes. “We lived near the beach. Dean and I went there all the time, and I have this memory that I ran there after…after the fire, to get away from him. And I have also been in Sydney, before I came up here. I was sure he couldn’t find me there because it is such a big place and there are a lot of homeless people around. Sometimes it’s safer not to be alone.”
“Do you have any recollection of the time? Can you remember when all this happened?”
“I think I was fifteen when it happened. I know I must have been because I know…I know Dean—,” Alice swallowed, struggling to get the words out. “Dean was five. I know that for sure because he just had a birthday. The balloons were still up, and I remember hearing them pop.” Alice paused. “I’m…I was ten years older.” Alice stared at the floor, and there was a deep crease in her forehead. “I think I’m sixteen,” she finally said. “Maybe seventeen.” She looked up, and her gaze met Trishia’s. “I’m not sure why I think this, but I believe the fire was at least a year-and-a-half ago, maybe closer to two years. Is that something you can check?” she sounded hopeful.
Trishia nodded. “With the information you’ve just given us, I’m sure we can figure out exactly when the fire was.” She nodded at Peter, who grabbed his phone and started to compose a text message. “Do you remember when you were in Sydney?”
Alice nodded. “Last year. I left toward the end of the summer. I wanted to come up north and be warm during the winter. I think I left in February.”
“Where did you stay when you were down there?”
“During the winter, I mostly slept around railway stations. I preferred to crawl through a window and sleep in the basement of this hospital. It was warm and dry,” Alice’s voice was shy. “When the weather was better I usually slept on a beach somewhere, or Wentworth Park, because that’s safer. There’s this one lady who’d let me sleep behind her tent so nobody could see me.”
“Alice,” Trishia started, contemplating the best way to ask the question that was burning on her tongue. “This…person, who did this to you and your family. Can you remember his name? Or what he looked like?”
Alice sucked in her bottom lip and slowly shook her head, shooting Trishia and Peter an apologetic look. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll remember later.” She shivered and leaned in closer to Jody. “His eyes were cold.”
Jody felt Alice trembling, and she caught Trishia’s gaze, shaking her head. Trishia understood the hint. “You’ve done great, Alice,” she said. “You’ve given us something to work with. Thank you,” her smile was warm and genuine.
“I wish…as soon as I remember more, I’ll let you know.” Alice hung her head and let out a shuddering breath.
“Pete and I will go outside for a few minutes, so we can stretch our legs and call our boss,” Trishia said. She stepped around Jody and Alice and paused to gently squeeze Alice’s shoulder. “Thank you, Alice.”
Silently, Peter followed her out of the office and closed the door behind them with a barely audible click.
Jody looked at Alice’s bent head, noticing the tears that rolled down her cheek. She was crying soundlessly, and Jody had to make a conscious effort to keep her own tears at bay. Words would be meaningless, so Jody did the only thing she knew would bring Alice comfort. She shifted until she was kneeling in front of the chair and wrapped Alice in her arms. Immediately, Alice buried her face against Jody’s shoulder and let the grief overtake her. Jody held her close, not aware of her own tears when they escaped her eyes.
*
As soon as they walked through the door, Peter stepped off the veranda and headed to his car. Trishia knew he needed a moment to process what Alice had told them and to get a hold of the anger that she knew was burning brightly. She felt the same. She slowly walked down the stairs and headed for the flower garden at the other side of the house. The sky was clear, and the sun was hot, but she didn’t care. Alice’s story had left her feeling cold, and she was grateful for the way the sun warmed her skin. She strolled to a bench and sat down. She breathed in deeply and appreciated the sweet smell of frangipani in the air. It was one of her favorite scents. Not only because of the delicate, sweet smell, but it reminded her of her grandmother’s house, where the flowering shrub grew and bloomed in abundance.
Trishia was aware of somebody approaching, and without having to look, she knew it was Lucy. A hand was briefly put on her shoulder, a pair of soft lips brushed her cheek and then Lucy sat down next to her. Trishia felt Lucy’s arm slide behind her on the bench, and when a hand settled on her shoulder, she leaned in for a more solid contact. Lucy understood the silent request and pulled Trishia closer. She rested her head against Lucy’s shoulder and closed her eyes. They sat like that for a long time, until Lucy broke the silence.
“Frangipani reminds me of your grandmother,” she said.
Trishia smiled but didn’t move. “I was just thinking the same thing,” she mumbled.
Lucy kissed her forehead and tightened her arm around Trishia’s shoulders. “We haven’t seen her for a while. Maybe it’s time for a visit.”
“I do call her every day.”
“I know, but it’s not the same.” There was a smile in Lucy’s voice.
Trishia shook her head. “No, it’s not.” She raised her head from its comfortable spot and felt her heart rate increase when Lucy’s dark-green eyes were mere centimeters away. She smiled. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Lucy repeated softly. “How bad was it?”
“Awful,” Trishia answered, aware of the quiver in her voice. She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “How did you know?”
“I saw Peter, and he looked completely out of sorts. I think he’s talking to Angela right now.”
“Good,” Trishia said, knowing the best way for Peter to deal with the heartache of their job was to talk to his wife.
“So, that was my first clue. The second one was that I didn’t see you, which could only mean that you’d be right here, where I found you.”
“How’d you know you’d find me here?”
“Because the frangipani reminds you of your grandmother,” was the simple response.
At that moment, Trishia fell in love with Lucy all over again. She looked up, and Lucy’s eyes held a mixture of concern, curiosity, and love. She slid her hand behind her neck and pulled Lucy closer. Her kiss was slow and gentle. “Thank you,” she said when they broke apart.
Lucy smiled. “What for?”
“For knowing me so well.” Trishia put her head back on Lucy’s shoulder, content to be held and comforted. In a little while she would go back to being Senior Sergeant Waters again, right now she wanted to be Lucy’s girlfriend and bask in the love that was so freely offered.
*
Jody had lost track of time. Alice’s tears had soaked through the fabric that was covering her shoulder, and her left leg had gone numb, but she never pulled back from the hands that were clutching her shirt. Alice desperately needed someone who cared enough to be there for her and provide the safety she had missed for such a long time.
Alice’s words kept replaying in her mind. It had given her a glimpse at the horror the teenager had gone through. Alone. Jody knew what it was like to lose everything, but there had been people who cared and had taken her in. Alice had lived on the streets for more than a year, maybe even closer to two. Jody’s experience paled in comparison. Never had she been more grateful for her family and friends than when Alice was telling them her story.
“Jody?” Alice’s voice was hoarse from crying. “What happe
ns now?”
“I believe that Trishia and Peter are able to narrow down their search into your background now they know your name, the name of your brother, where you lived and a little more detail about the fire.”
“Does that mean I’ll have to leave?”
“No!” Jody pulled back a little. “Alice, look at me,” she gently prodded.
A pair of puffy, red-rimmed eyes looked up with so much trepidation it almost broke Jody’s heart. “Alice, no. You don’t have to leave. I promise.” Jody paused for a moment, searching for the right words. She suspected the answer to her next question but felt the need to ask. “Do you think it’s possible you have family somewhere?”
Alice shook her head, without given the question much thought. “No. I know my memory is messed up, but I know it was just Mom, Dean and me.” There was a flash of pain in her eyes. “My dad died just after Dean was born. It was a car crash.” Alice frowned and seemed to think about what she had just said. “How come I remember that, but not the other stuff?”
Jody brushed a strand of blond hair away from Alice’s sweaty forehead. “I’m not sure, Alice. Maybe that’s a good question for Lisa.”
“Do you think it’s because it’s an old memory and it’s safe? I’m trying so hard to remember where I lived. I know I said Perth, but that’s a big city. I want to remember where I went to school and if I had any friends.” She let go of Jody long enough to rub her eyes. “I know they ran my picture through the missing kids’ database, but I wasn’t in it. I don’t think anyone misses me,” she said softly.
“You’ve recovered some important memories already,” Jody said. “Didn’t Lisa say not to force it?” she gently reminded. Jody smiled when Alice scowled. “I’m sure the memories will come when you’re ready.”
“I guess,” Alice said in resignation. “I just don’t want anyone else dying because of me.”
Jody lifted Alice’s chin, so she had to look at her. “Alice, this is not because of you. Please, don’t think that.”