The Not Gate (Tom and Alice #1)

by Tammy Bench

  ‘Lucy, have you had sex?’ Alice’s bed had suddenly become a public meeting area as Cara jumped over in her sleeping bag like she was competing in a sack race.

  Lucy smiled confidently, ‘I have. A few times actually.’

  ‘What’s it really like? Jack and I are planning on doing it soon,’ Cara continued, getting more comfortable on the bed.

  ‘The first time is rubbish. It hurts and it’s just odd really. Then after that it’s pretty great, you’ll never look back.’

  ‘How much does it hurt?’ Alice asked trying to sound casual.

  ‘Not that you’re going to be doing it for a while,’ Lucy mocked but continued anyway, ‘it kind of stings and the stretching aches too,’ she stated as a matter of fact.

  ‘You never know, I might,’ Alice replied smiling.

  Not going to happen…

  ‘Why, are you thinking of taking Steve up on his offer then?’ Ellie asked.

  ‘Maybe… It is my birthday this week!’ Alice tried to sound convincing, they all laughed and she joined in too. They knew her too well… she was the last person that would be rolling around in the woods with a boy.

  No one wanted to go back to their own beds it was just too cold, so for the next half an hour they stayed, chatting on Alice’s bunk about sex, boys and music. Until the beam of a torch flashed quickly over their faces from the doorway.

  Alice could make out his shape instantly. The muscled bulk of his shoulders. His legs slightly apart. As soon as he was near her body went into a heightened sense of alertness, she sat up straighter suddenly and her belly clenched with female awareness.

  Tom.

  ‘Girls, you should be in your own beds and asleep. It’s late you know?’ his accent sang quietly and he moved from the door to where they were huddled.

  ‘I’ve just sent some of the boys back to their dorm. Looks like they were on their way down here… so there really is nothing to wait up for now,’ Mr Chambers sat on the bunk next to Alice’s and he made it look so much smaller than it already was.

  His face was redder from the biting weather and he had a navy lightweight jacket over his shirt now. He looked adventurous, he looked like the kind of man that just handled stuff like bears, hurricanes, hunting and foraging for food.

  ‘We weren’t waiting, sir, honest. We’re just so cold. It’s far too freezing to sleep in our own beds... alone,’ Lucy fluttered her eyelashes at him.

  ‘Yes, well I didn’t think it would be this cold tonight, it is pretty nippy. I don’t want anyone getting hypothermia,’ he looked over at Alice and she wanted to jump out of her skin. He was sitting on a bed opposite her.

  Tom, on a bed…

  She wished her friends away so she could just kiss him and to hell with all the consequences and backlash. She wanted him like nothing before.

  ‘There are some extra blankets down at the teacher’s dorms. I’ll go and get them so you all can get warm and get some sleep tonight,’ Tom said, raising his body from the bed.

  ‘Alice will help, sir. She’s still dressed and has her coat on,’ Ellie offered helpfully.

  ‘No. No, I’ll manage. I’m big and strong,’ he joked kindly.

  ‘We know you are, sir,’ Lucy said regarding his body far longer than Alice was comfortable with, ‘but who will hold the torch while you carry eight big blankets through the woods in the dark, sir?’ she added flicking her hair over her shoulder.

  Mr Chambers looked puzzled and a bit flustered, ‘You make a good point, young lady. Alice, would you mind?’ he mumbled as he was moved nearer to the door. He seemed uncomfortable and very much like he wanted to make a sharp exit from a room full of teenage girls.

  ‘Sure, that’s fine,’ she said, quickly pulling on her boots in the dark. Ellie caught her eye and flashed a smile to her best friend.

  Did she know how obsessed she was with him? Was it that obvious?

  THE DEEP DARK WOODS

  Tuesday 7th November

  Tom stepped outside the girl’s dormitory and rubbed his hand over his face aggressively.

  Fuck.

  Why did he even go inside?

  Now here he was waiting for her to come out. To walk with her in the darkness, alone. It was nearly midnight and the wind was wrapping its way around the trees noisily and there really was no light at all. They would have to stay close to each other.

  Fuck.

  Seconds later he heard her approach from behind. He set his shoulders straight with resolve and turned.

  ‘I’m ready, sir. I just needed to put a few more layers on underneath my coat,’ Alice said, weaving a long red knitted scarf around her neck.

  ‘It really is too cold and dark for you to come with me, Alice,’ Tom tried again to dissuade for from accompanying him.

  ‘I’m fine. Let’s just go. The girls are still moaning in there and it’s getting late,’ she breathed glancing back to the door.

  ‘Okay. Okay, let’s go. It’s this way,’ he motioned to the left with the beam of his torch. They picked their way to the edge of the wooded area and Alice stopped momentarily before they headed into the trees.

  ‘It’s quite scary really, isn’t it?’ her teeth chattered.

  ‘Come on, I’m here you’ll be fine. If we come across any demons or ghosts I’ll exorcise them for you,’ he laughed.

  Then he suddenly thought that she may have meant going into the woods with a strange man was scary, ‘I mean, if you feel uncomfortable with me, I’ll walk you back to your... room, Alice,’ he stumbled on the words. For a confident man he felt so foolish when he was around this little pixie.

  ‘No, I didn’t mean that. I feel totally comfortable with you. I just meant the dark woods,’ she shone her torch at his face as he smiled.

  ‘Good. I’m glad,’ he shone his back at her just to make sure.

  In this bitterly cold and dark clearing, looking at her face under torchlight, she was as enchanting as she ever could be. He would never get over the openness of her eyes, the innocence of her lips and the magic that seemed to be suspended in the small space between the two of them.

  He could so easily forget she was his student. But the attraction, he was sure she felt too, was a forbidden one and the depth of his own desire was dangerous. It almost felt like it was their own little unspoken secret, or again was he just a sick man clinging onto anything that would make his feelings more acceptable?

  ‘It’s a bit uneven underfoot here,’ Tom said, shining his torch downwards as they started walking again.

  ‘Alright I’ll watch it,’ Alice replied.

  ‘Walk directly behind me, Alice. I don’t want you getting hurt,’ he urged again.

  ‘I am, Mr Chambers. I’m right behind you,’ Alice said, but she sounded out of breath with the cold.

  Tom looked around at her with concern. The smallness of her was quite beautiful, the top of her head just clearing his shoulders and the way she had to lift her legs up high to pick her way over the branches and mounds of dirt that he’d made light work of was endearing.

  ‘Do you need a hand?’ he asked holding his own out to her, knowing it was a mistake but not being able to watch her struggle and stumble without offering his assistance.

  ‘Yes please,’ she took his hand and looked relieved as he guided her over the rough woodland bed.

  Holding her. Feeling her small, feminine gloved hand in his own, however innocently, turned him on quicker than he would have ever imagined possible. He knew he had to recover himself quickly because being aroused around her was not only totally wrong professionally, but it was also seriously dangerous.

  ‘Damn it… my… my scarf s caught on the branch,’ Alice’s high pitched concern suddenly cut through the blustery night suddenly.

  Tom swung around to see her half strung up on a tree and quickly moved to her side.

 
‘Don’t move I’ll sort it out. Let’s take the scarf off first then at least you’ll be free to move,’ Tom started gently unwinding the scarf from her neck.

  Alice held the torch up for him to see. He glanced at her face, her eyes watching his own. For a precious moment the attraction burned wildly and free between them, as she let him take the scarf from her. She began to shiver and her lips trembled.

  God help me… don’t do that.

  ‘God, now you’re cold. Sorry, I’ll get this free in just a mo…’ he said, snapping his gaze back to the scarf.

  ‘It’s not the cold,’ she breathed in sharply and shuddered again. The beam of her torch still on his face. Tom froze with his right hand on the tree. He didn’t want to look at her.

  Had she really just said that?

  Tom pulled back his shoulders and gripped the tree hard enough to nearly snap the thick branch.

  ‘You’re shivering, Alice of course you’re cold,’ he said, trying to turn on his teacher voice without looking at her.

  ‘It’s not the cold…’ she repeated, ‘you know it’s not.’

  Tom sucked in a breath. Maybe twenty seconds passed until he turned slowly towards her.

  Oh shit.

  Her face was so full of passion and fear. He couldn’t stand it. It poured from her eyes begging him to yield something, to take the lead, to tell her she wasn’t wrong for voicing her feelings.

  His student had just made a pass at him. No, fuck that… Alice had just told him she cared. How cowardly would it be to deny any emotion he had for her when it was so plain for her to see? Had he concealed his regard that poorly she now stood in front of her teacher declaring herself to him?

  But at the same time how could he confirm any of it in his position and still hope to have a teaching career tomorrow?

  How had he let this happen?

  THE STORAGE ROOM

  Tuesday 7th November

  Alice prayed he would just say something, not quite believing what she had just said to him.

  Her body shook with the intensity of the situation.

  His face was drawn into a tight mask of uncertainty. This was her English teacher for heaven’s sake, not some seventeen-year-old lad. What did she think she was doing?

  She had no experience in what real men felt. All she was going on was gut instinct and absolute madness. She wanted to take it all back, suddenly the courage that had sparked her comment seconds ago was disappearing and in its place a blind, childlike panic consumed her, knotting her stomach violently.

  She watched him closely wondering if this was actually a crazy nightmare. The face she longed to touch drawn into a complex vision of surprise. He had a male energy, she felt it now, close to her, she wanted to harness it and hold it to her. She was so scared though, scared of herself, scared of his rejection. But also scared of him, of this adult, his power and what to do with it if he actually wanted her?

  Did he want her?

  Moments passed in silence.

  ‘Alice… I… I can’t,’ his voice sounded deeper, his accent huskier and in that sound the fight was so suddenly apparent to her.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she shook her head. She wanted to cry but what else could she say now?

  You’re a stupid child!

  Tom levelled his eyes to hers. They seemed so much darker than the cool blue she remembered. His hand reached up to her face, its warmth shocking her cold cheek. His fingers moved to her chin and he rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip. She trembled. She tried to get a handle on her body but couldn’t manage it.

  ‘You see don’t you? I’m not going to list the obvious reasons why I can’t. You’re an intelligent woman, but this…’ he touched her lip again, his thumb pulling at it gently ‘I touch you and that’s the difference between us. Forget about all the rest. I’m an old man compared to your innocence. To unleash how I feel onto you is unfair and irresponsible. I won’t do it, Alice. I won’t ruin you… not for my own pleasure.’

  He was admitting it.

  The wind whipped around them again reminding her they were in the middle of the woods.

  He wasn’t just admitting it, was owning it and his erotic words hit her hard. Their torches shone on the other’s face and the only visible thing was their obvious emotions.

  ‘Listen to me I may not be your age and I may be inexperienced, but I know how I feel, Mr Chambers, about you,’ the words were tumbling from her mouth now and she was so very afraid he would switch back to being her teacher and close the conversation down at any moment because of what was proper.

  ‘Tom. Call me, Tom for Christs sake, Alice. Do you see how impossible this is?’ he cursed, pulling his hand away from her face.

  He started to wrap the scarf back around her neck in silence. He looked away from her gaze. Clearly trying to detach himself.

  He was angry. She could see the muscle in his jaw working, jumping in impatience and his own strong hands were shaking a little.

  ‘I’m sorry… Tom,’ she felt completely done for, ‘I didn’t want to make this hard for you… I’m so stupid,’ she whispered.

  ‘Don’t say sorry, don’t you dare,’ he almost shouted, ‘this is me, I’m the fucking adult. I’m the fucking monster…’

  Tom turned sharply away from her. He paced for a few steps. His face looked like thunder and venom. She’d never seen it in him before, she’d never seen it in anyone before. Suddenly he stopped and punched the nearest tree hard enough that his face scrunched up in pain.

  ‘Tom, please don’t! Shit, are you okay?’ she flinched slightly.

  ‘Sorry Alice, I’m sorry,’ he was back at her side in an instant. He reached out again his fingers cupping the back of her neck sending little spikes of electrically charged sensation over her skin.

  His face was mad or maybe it was something else?

  ‘When you touch me I feel so…’ she stopped unable to put it into words for him, ‘…do you feel it?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘You’re so innocent. Of course I feel it. I don’t even have to touch you,’ his breathing became more rapid as he moved closer to her. God, he was going to kiss her. She felt her eyes drift close. But when it came she felt his warm lips press to her forehead. He kissed her like a parent and when he pulled back his face was stony and determined.

  ‘You know this has to be it, don’t you? This has to be it,’ he whispered solemnly.

  She wanted to scream, ‘no, this doesn’t have to be it. I want you like no one has ever wanted you before!’ but all she could do was nod. He was her teacher, and she was his student.

  ‘We should get the blankets,’ he kissed her forehead again and she breathed in his wonderful male scent, ‘I’m so sorry.’

  He turned reluctantly to start walking again. Taking her hand to lead her as he had before, but she didn’t move, she dug her heels into the soft wet ground, pulled back on his hand and closed her eyes.

  ‘Please kiss me,’ she quietly begged ‘…kiss me just once.’

  She opened her eyes carefully and watched his face, his full mouth and the strong lines of his cheekbones. His eyes told her he was thinking a thousand things in that split second.

  ‘I can’t. I want to more than anything, believe me. But if I kiss you I won’t stop. I won’t be strong enough to stop. I’ll destroy you, me and my career,’ he said honestly.

  ‘I don’t want you to stop,’ she replied flatly, tucking her hair which was being blown wildly by a sudden gust behind one ear.

  ‘You don’t know what you’re asking for, Alice,’ he warned, his voice turning strained, the whistling of the air making it harder to hear him, ‘if you did you wouldn’t ask.’

  ‘Maybe not, but I can’t go another day not knowing what it would feel like to have your lips on mine,’ raising her voice now, her chest lifting and falling desperately and if she were braver she would h
ave reached for him.

  ‘God, don’t push Alice, please,’ he moved in and grabbed her shoulders tightly. He sounded scared, but the look he gave her was intense. It was a look she hadn’t seen before, that she didn’t recognise.

  ‘Tom?’ she questioned quietly.

  Do it, please. Just do it…

  ‘Come on,’ Tom grabbed her hand and pulled her arm hard.

  Follow him.

  He moved fast over the rough terrain, she stumbled a few times but said nothing. She watched his powerful legs cutting up the distance as they reached the clearing that housed the activity store, supply shed and teacher’s chalets.

  Tom let go of her hand and looked over one of his broad shoulders. His face was set, eyes determined, commanding that she follow him.

  There was no light from any of the rooms and Alice was sure it was must have been after midnight. He stopped outside the shed and fished a bunch of keys from his coat pocket, found the right one, inserted it and pushed the door open with his shoulder.

  He stepped inside and pulled a small cord that hung by the entrance. It cast a dull orange light over a really small room lined floor to ceiling with shelves of pillows, blankets, sleeping bags and first aid supplies. Alice stepped in behind him.

  She didn’t know what was happening anymore?

  ‘Sir?’ Alice whispered as she closed the door behind her.

  She swore she heard a low growl from his chest.

  ‘No, Alice not sir,’ he turned to face her and his eyes were swimming with lust, ‘you want me to kiss you?’ he asked.

  Fucking hell…

  ‘Yes,’ she breathed.

  He grabbed her arms and swung her around hard against the shelving unit. Lifting her slightly, he slammed his body against hers. Grinding her further into the hard edges of the chipboard. Alice was suddenly aware of how large his body was compared to hers. His face lowered and his lips captured her forcefully. The feel of him was almost too much for her to understand. He moved his hands slowly from her arms to her face, holding her in place as his lips began to move over her. She tentatively copied what he was doing. His full lips parted and his tongue pushed into her mouth. It was the most sensual experience of her life, she felt overwhelmed with the unrecognisable passion that was building.