He’d built here what he hadn’t had in his own childhood.
How could he leave that to move to a big city, when he’d left the city because he hadn’t liked it one bit? What would he do, become a beat cop? He enjoyed too much respect here to leave it to start at the bottom again in an incarnation of a job he’d never wanted.
“Judging by your silence,” she said on the other end of the line, “you won’t leave Ordinary.”
“Shannon, wait. I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to. You took too long. I know your answer. I— I don’t know what to say. I guess just goodbye.”
She hung up.
“Wait,” Cash shouted, then heard a thump in the back bedroom followed by one of the dogs coming down the hall.
Danny, always sensitive to Cash’s moods, rested his head on his arm.
“I’m not sure what I just did. Either something practical, or something incredibly stupid, and I don’t know how to tell which is which.”
He leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees and hung his head. Danny licked his face but Cash didn’t respond. He stayed that way for a long, long time.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SHANNON LAY AWAKE for hours, a little stunned. No, shell-shocked, if she were going to be truthful.
How had this happened? She’d allowed herself to fall in love. She’d known better, but she’d allowed it to happen anyway, had practically helped it along when she’d taken those few days in Yellowstone with Cash.
What was his attachment to this place? He hadn’t been born here. He hadn’t grown up here.
She knew his background, knew what his father had been like. So what? That didn’t mean he had to hide away in a small town.
Hours later, she still had no answer.
When she heard the house stir and slowly come awake, she went downstairs.
Janey turned from the stove to say good morning, then saw Shannon’s face.
She immediately took her by the sleeve and directed her to the living room.
“What happened?”
“I made a mistake. I fell in love with Cash.”
“He won’t leave here, will he?”
“No.”
“And you won’t stay.”
“No.”
“Oh, Shannon, honey. Come here.” Janey held her and rocked her until they both smelled something burning. Sierra called out, “Mom! The oatmeal!”
Shannon followed Janey to the kitchen. Janey tossed out the ruined oatmeal and plopped a couple of boxes of cold cereal on the table. The children helped themselves.
Shannon got herself a cup of coffee then sat at the table with them. Sierra climbed onto her lap. Shannon poured her a bowl of cereal and covered it with milk.
“Eat, honey.”
Sierra turned around but remained on Shannon’s lap while she ate, and Shannon took comfort from Sierra’s warmth and weight.
She looked around the kitchen and, for the first time in her life, realized that she wanted this for herself. She wanted a home and a loving family, and she wanted it with only one man.
Cash.
* * *
AFTER ANOTHER SLEEPLESS night, Shannon crawled downstairs for coffee.
“I want you eating something this morning,” Janey said, “instead of surviving on caffeine.”
She put a bowl of oatmeal on the table in front of Shannon, who added brown sugar and ate it listlessly.
The children ran upstairs to get dressed for school.
“Auntie Shannon, you’re phone is ringing,” Sierra called. “Do you want me to bring it downstairs?”
Cash!
“Yes.”
She ran to the bottom of the stairs and took the phone when Sierra brought it to her.
She answered, but it wasn’t Cash on the other end.
Her heart plummeted with her mood, but she said yes when the woman asked if this was Shannon Wilson.
A minute later, she ended the call with a whoop.
Janey and a couple of the children came running.
“Shannon? What is it?”
“He’s awake.” Shannon’s voice trembled, afraid to believe it was true. Afraid that it might be a cruel joke. “Tom is alive and well.”
Janey pulled her into a hug, the older sister who had raised Shannon now four inches shorter than her as an adult.
She scrubbed the top of Janey’s hair, then returned her embrace.
Janey laughed against Shannon’s chest. “Can’t breathe.”
Shannon laughed, too, and let her go, wiping her eyes and cheeks as she did. Janey did the same to her own face.
“I’m going to see him,” Shannon said. “Do you want to come?”
“Sure, I’ll call in one of my part-time employees and get her to open today and tomorrow. I’ll go tell C.J.”
She ran out of the house, followed by the children.
Alone in the quiet kitchen, Shannon called Cash.
“Hey,” he said when he answered, his voice full of banked emotion. He obviously had call display and knew it was her.
Her heart reacted to that emotion.
“I’m leaving town today, Cash.”
He didn’t respond.
“It’s Tom. He woke up.” Her initial excitement had turned quiet, had become subdued with gratitude and prayers to the Powers-That-Be, whoever they were, for giving her back her brother.
“I’m happy for you, Shannon,” Cash finally said. “I really am. I had my fingers crossed. I didn’t want to see another death.”
He was thinking of his father.
“Yeah, there’s been enough bad news going around. How’s Austin?”
“Good.”
They were silent for a while, then “When are you—?”
“Janey and I—”
“Go ahead,” he said. “Janey and you…?”
“We’re driving into Billings today.”
“Are you coming back today, too?”
“Probably not. I want to spend time with Tom. Janey’s getting someone to take care of the store today and tomorrow.”
“Give him my best, okay?”
“I will. Thanks for understanding how much this means to me.”
“No problem, Shanny-poo.”
She giggled. “How did you know that name?”
Cash laughed. “Janey told me.”
“I’m going to kill her. Why did she tell you?”
“So you wouldn’t have too much leverage over me while I had nothing.”
“What kind of leverage do I have over you?”
A long silence. “You haven’t figured that out yet?” he asked quietly.
She might have, but was afraid to hope. And why would she hope when it was inconvenient, when it wouldn’t fit into her life?
“I love you, Shannon.”
Joy filled her. His love might be inconvenient, but it mattered to her.
“I love you, too, Cash.”
She heard a long sigh on the other end.
“I’ll be returning to work after I see Tom.”
“No. Come back. One more time. For one more night.”
He hung up, giving her no time to argue. He must have known she would say no.
She kissed and hugged the kids before C.J. drove them to school so Janey could pack.
Shannon threw her clothes into a bag and retrieved her gun from the top shelf of the closet. Once outside, she tossed it into the trunk of her car.
A vehicle came roaring into the driveway behind her. C.J. must have rushed home to say goodbye to Janey before she left.
Shannon turned around to make some kind of joke—Janey would be gone only a couple of days�
�but it wasn’t C.J.
Cash stood beside the open door of his pickup staring at her, looking as handsome as could be in his pressed uniform shirt and black cowboy hat.
He rushed to her, took her in his arms and kissed her.
Don’t!
She struggled, but he kissed her anyway, trying to convince her of his passion.
She pulled away, roughly, because she didn’t want to end this any more than he did.
“Don’t make this any harder, Cash.” Something tickled her cheek. She swiped a hand across it. Her fingers came away wet. “I love you. You love me. But we live different lives and there doesn’t seem to be any middle ground where we can meet.”
His lips thinned. “There must be something we can do.”
“What? Meet in a motel room somewhere between my big city and your small town?”
Judging by the look on his face, Cash understood she hadn’t meant the offer, that the distance between them was about more than just miles.
They had different jobs to do, different lifestyles to live.
“Cash, go.” Her voice sounded shaky. “There’s nothing left to say.” He took his hat off and banged it against his thigh. He cursed, then spun away from her and left without another word.
Shannon turned her back, determinedly. Time to get back to her old life.
* * *
LATER THAT DAY, Shannon walked into Tom’s hospital room with Janey.
He lay with his eyes closed, but opened them when he heard her footfall.
“Shannon. Janey.” His trembling voice sounded clear, unlike the last time she’d heard it.
He was painfully thin, but his pallor good.
She took his hand and squeezed. Janey walked to his other side to take his left hand.
“How do you feel?” Shannon asked.
“Weak.”
“You look well-rested,” Janey said.
Tom’s answering laugh was subdued, but somehow peaceful. “I guess I should. I’ve slept for a couple of weeks.”
“Something’s changed about you,” Shannon observed. “I mean, besides not being on drugs. You look serene.”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“I saw them.”
“Saw who?” Janey asked, but Shannon thought she might already know.
“Cathy, Casey and Stevie.” He looked first at Janey and then at Shannon, squeezing their hands. “I died for a while. The doctor confirmed it. While I was gone, I saw them. They’re happy where they are. When the doctors brought me back, Cathy said they would watch over me.”
Shannon’s vision misted. She wasn’t a woo-woo superstitious type of person. She had her feet planted firmly on the ground, but she believed Tom. At least, she believed that he believed what he saw and that was all that mattered.
“I need to get back to work,” he said.
“Work?”
“Yeah, I need to see whether my boss will give me a second chance. Then I have to do something I’ll need your help with, Shannon.”
“Me? Sure. What is it?”
“I want to talk to high school kids, to tell them how bad drugs are. How they destroy people.”
Something inside of her warmed. “I can help you set that up.”
“It would be foolish, selfish, to wallow in my grief for Cathy and the boys when I could be doing something good with the rest of my life.”
“So…you think you’ve kicked the drugs?”
“My body has been off them for a couple of weeks and I feel good. It’s a fine place to start the rest of my life.”
A place to start the rest of my life.
Where was the rest of Shannon’s life? Working with the DEA, certainly. But what about her private life? It stretched out in front of her, looking emptier than she could have imagined.
She didn’t return to Ordinary.
She went straight to work. That day.
Over the next few weeks, she threw herself into it body and soul. Her boss told her to slow down. The partners she worked with told her to slow down.
She couldn’t. She had to save every last addict. She had to bust every creep and criminal out there selling drugs to innocents.
She had to stop thinking about Cash.
She avoided her apartment because being alone, being independent, was no longer a happy option. Without Cash, it was torture.
* * *
IT TOOK CASH a few weeks to realize that people were avoiding him. Everyone but Austin.
Austin can’t avoid you, can he? He lives with you until his mom recovers.
Austin and he had driven his mum to the detox facility in Billings.
They celebrated Christmas with the Wrights. Cash was miserable there, too, even with C.J.’s great kids crawling all over him and Austin ecstatic about the Christmas present Cash had bought him. New clothes, skateboarding shoes and a skateboard.
Austin called his mother on Christmas Day then went to his room. Cash suspected that he’d maybe cried a little.
If Cash wasn’t careful, he would spoil the kid.
Other than that highlight, though, he was in a lousy mood. For an easy-going guy, it was rotten to feel so bad all of the time. Non-stop. As though a piece of him had been ripped alive from his body.
On the Friday night after Christmas, Cash got ready to take Austin to the movies.
He finished changing after work and walked out of his bedroom to the living room.
Austin sat on the sofa. For the first time, Cash noticed the changes in him.
He no longer wore the perpetual frown. That constant look of fear had been banished from his eyes. He’d filled out, because he ate three meals a day every day, and Cash made sure they were all healthy.
His skin looked better. He was happier, more like a normal kid rather than that serious boy who carried too much responsibility, who’d been called on to grow up too early.
Cash also noticed that he wasn’t ready to go to the movie.
“Why aren’t you ready?”
“I don’t want to go.”
“We go every Friday night. Why don’t you want to go tonight?”
“I want to stay here with you and talk.”
“About what?”
“About Shannon.”
“What? What about her?”
“Sit down, Cash.” Austin patted the sofa beside him and that gesture made him look so much like a miniature mature man, or someone’s wise old mother, Cash nearly laughed. Except that Austin wanted to talk about Shannon.
Perversely, Cash refused to sit on the sofa. He sat in the armchair across from Austin.
“What do you want?” He sounded like a recalcitrant child and didn’t care.
He’d been miserable, aching, without Shannon.
He’d known better than to fall in love with her. He was angry with the world and everyone in it.
“What?” he prodded Austin.
“Why don’t you see Shannon or talk to her? I never hear you talk to her on the phone. You never say you want to visit her. I could find somewhere to stay when you’re gone.”
Just the fact that Austin was willing to let Cash out of his sight was amazing considering that in the first few days he’d followed Cash around like a puppy.
“I thought you liked Shannon,” he said.
Cash shrugged. “She’s okay.”
Austin frowned. “I thought you really liked her.”
He couldn’t lie to Austin. “I do,” he said quietly. “I love her.”
“Then why aren’t you with her?”
“Because she won’t live here with me in Ordinary.”
Austin was silent for a minute then said, “Why don’t you live where she is?”
&nb
sp; “I don’t want to live in the city.”
“Why not?”
Should Cash tell him? “Do you really want to know?”
Austin nodded and hair flopped forward onto his forehead, reminding Cash that he was due for a haircut.
“Let’s go into Haven for pizza.”
Cash had forgotten to pick up groceries—a bad sign. He was usually pretty good in that way, but his mind had been slipping since Shannon left. Everything had been slipping. He was miserable.
He could take Austin into Chester’s in Ordinary, but it would be busy on a Friday night and he didn’t want anyone to overhear his life’s story.
Why not? I thought you’d come to terms with who your father was?
I did.
Well, then, what’s your problem?
Be quiet.
They drove into Haven and found the last booth in the pizza restaurant.
After they ordered, he told Austin how things had been when he was growing up, about the kind of man his father had been, ambitious, crazy to get ahead and have it all.
When he finished, Austin was silent for a long time. Cash could practically see that serious mind of his working.
“So how come you won’t see Shannon?”
“Don’t you get it? She’s ambitious just like my old man was.”
“No way. Not even close. She doesn’t sound like you said your dad was. Didn’t you get to know her at all?”
Yes, he did. That was the problem. He’d gotten to know her too well. He knew how talented and smart she was. And how driven. “She’ll do anything to get ahead.”
“She didn’t help everyone here to get ahead. She was doing it to catch the bad guys. That’s not the problem, Cash.” He took a bite of his pizza, chewed it thoughtfully. “What’s the real problem?”
“Nothing,” Cash answered quickly.
“You remind me of a big turkey with his feathers ruffled. I’ve been paying attention to you lately. You’re afraid of something. It feels real big.”
“You’re a kid, Austin. What do you know?” He had to reel himself in. He shouldn’t let his own unhappiness make him mean to his Little.
Austin shrugged. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Shannon. She’s pretty.”
She’s drop-dead gorgeous.
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