‘So you are determined to go ahead with this idea?’ her father said worriedly.
‘Of course I am!’
She felt elated but nervous because she knew it was a very decisive step she was taking, but she was convinced that it was the best thing to do. She was still feeling unwell and if she was pregnant, then it was best that she moved away from home before it was discovered.
When, once again, her parents tried to talk her out of committing herself, pointing out the many pitfalls and drawbacks she would be bound to experience, she refused to listen.
‘You’ve told me all these things several times before,’ she reminded them. ‘It is something I am determined to do, so please don’t keep putting obstacles in my way.’
The interview was purely perfunctory. They were anxious to find staff for the hospital as soon as possible and even when she explained that she had no previous nursing experience this did not seem to matter.
‘You will live in at the hospital and during your first six weeks you will receive intensive training,’ the matron said. ‘Providing you pass the examination at the end of that period, you will be accepted as an auxiliary nurse.’
When she told her parents her news over dinner that night they were both aghast at the idea of her actually leaving home.
‘We’ve been talking of nothing else for the past weeks,’ she said exasperatedly. ‘Surely you both realised I would be going ahead with the idea?’
‘We went along with the idea only because we felt it kept your mind occupied and stopped you grieving about Philip,’ her mother said quickly.
Christabel felt bewildered. ‘War is imminent, you know that and what I am going to do could be very important,’ she pointed out.
‘If there is a war, then surely you can see that your duty is to stay at home and help look after your sister and provide comfort to your mother,’ her father reminded her.
She looked from one to the other in dismay. Her parents both sounded so old and yet her father wasn’t even sixty. As far as she was aware he’d never had a day’s illness in his life and even though his hair had a touch of grey at the temples, his blue eyes were as clear and bright as her own. As for her mother, she was a few years younger than him and there was no trace of grey in her thick dark hair, and her rounded face was unwrinkled.
It would be at least another ten years before they needed her to be there to look after them and until that day came she wanted to have a life of her own.
Chapter Two
The wards at Hilbury Military Hospital radiated from a central core like the legs of a spider. The entire structure was of prefabricated, corrugated asbestos and tin and when it rained the noise inside was deafening.
The hospital was custom-built and was situated on the outskirts of Liverpool. Apart from the doctors, nurses, clerks, orderlies and those who drove the ambulances, it was staffed by men from the Pioneer Corps. Until it became fully operational, local people were hired to undertake the cleaning and cooking.
At first Christabel found the starkness, the noise as trolleys were wheeled around, and the constant bustle almost unbearable. The strong smell of antiseptic made her feel queasy, especially first thing in the morning.
After the first few bewildering days of settling in, however, she gradually accepted it, even though it was vastly different from what she was used to.
The rules were strict from the moment the new trainees arrived. All thirty of them assembled in the large lecture hall and were told that the next six weeks of intensive training were going to be very hard work indeed. They would be expected to attend lectures every day and there would be severe penalties if they were absent for any reason at all.
At the end of the welcome speech the matron handed them over to the care of Sister Speakley, a grey-haired martinet whose steel-rimmed glasses gave her a sharp, owl-like appearance.
‘Sister Speakley will be responsible for your physical welfare as well as your training so if you have any problems at all, then go to her and she will help you resolve them,’ Matron told them before she left the room.
Sister Speakley took her place in front of the class and informed them in a no-nonsense tone that she expected high standards from all of them and that they must be neatly dressed at all times. She ended her talk by informing them that they would be sharing accommodation and there would be two girls to each room.
Girls who already knew each other immediately paired up and the rest tried to select the person they thought would be most compatible. Christabel had never before had to share a bedroom with anyone, not even for a night, and when she found herself with a plump, bubbly, red-headed girl called Peggy Wilson she felt extremely apprehensive.
In next to no time, however, they had settled in. She found that there was a surprisingly easygoing comradeship between the two of them and that she quite enjoyed Peggy’s company. Even so, she refrained from sharing too many confidences with her.
War on Germany was officially declared within a month of Christabel’s arrival at Hilbury. This factor made those in authority extremely anxious to ensure that the new recruits worked hard to complete their training and qualify as auxiliary nurses, and also that they were prepared to sign an official form to say that they would stay on as permanent staff.
Much as she wanted to do so, Christabel hesitated. She wasn’t sure that she could stay there – at least, not permanently – and she didn’t know what to do or say to Sister Speakley to explain the situation.
Ever since she had arrived at Hilbury she’d felt nauseous each morning and although it wore off during the day she knew now for certain that she was pregnant and that the situation was serious.
She tried to put it to the back of her mind and to concentrate on the training, which, because of the fact that war had been declared, had been extended to ensure that they were thoroughly competent to work on the wards.
They received a lecture from Dr Murray who was in overall charge of one of the sections of the hospital. He was in his early thirties, good-looking, with thick fair hair and brown eyes and, in many ways, reminded her so much of Philip that she found it hard to concentrate on what he was saying.
At the end of the lecture he waited until she was about to leave the room, then called her over.
‘Did you find my lecture boring?’ he asked in clipped tones.
‘Good heavens, no.’ Christabel stared at him, wide-eyed. She wanted to tell him that she had been captivated by every word he’d uttered, but she felt too tongue-tied to do so.
‘You didn’t appear to be taking very much notice of what I was saying.’ He frowned. ‘In fact, you seemed to be in a dream most of the time.’
Christabel felt the colour rushing to her face. ‘I’m sorry, Dr Murray. You are right, but I was concentrating on what you were saying; I didn’t let my thoughts wander.’
Before she could hold them back, tears were streaming down her face and he stared at her in bewilderment.
‘I know my lectures are good, but they have never had this effect on anyone before,’ he joked.
When she told him that his resemblance to Philip, her fiancé who had been drowned at sea just a few months before they had planned to be married, had awakened feelings and memories that she’d tried to put behind her, he looked discomfited.
‘Mop your eyes and then you can tell me about him . . . that’s if you want to,’ he told her brusquely as he handed her a large white handkerchief.
He listened attentively as she told him all about Philip and the plans they’d had for their future together, as well as the battle she’d had with her parents when she’d said she wanted to become a nurse. The only thing she omitted was the fact that she was pregnant; she let him assume that her hesitancy to sign the agreement to stay on at Hilbury was because of the duty she felt towards taking care of her mother.
‘Why let that deter you?’
‘Well, you might not be agreeable to my going home to look after her, especially if I had to do so in a hurry
,’ she said lamely.
‘Nonsense! If she was taken ill, then of course we’d make arrangements to release you temporarily. If that’s your only concern, then you should go ahead and sign on the dotted line,’ he told her emphatically.
Christabel nodded thoughtfully and, for one fleeting moment, wondered if she should also confide in him about her predicament; explain that the real reason for her hesitancy was that she was pregnant and didn’t know what to do about it.
Instead, she remained silent and as Dr Murray started to move away, asked, ‘I wonder how long it will be before Hilbury receives its first consignment of wounded soldiers?’
‘If you stay with us, you will be one of the first to find out,’ he said, smiling warmly at her.
Christabel’s infatuation with Mark Murray grew ever stronger over the next few weeks. No matter where she was working, whether it was on the wards, in the sluice room or in the kitchen, she found herself looking out for him and felt quite disappointed if a day passed and she didn’t see him.
Peggy pointed out that she ought to be careful. ‘People will soon be talking about the way you’re flirting with Dr Murray,’ she warned.
‘Rubbish. I’m not flirting with him,’ Christabel defended. ‘I admire him, that’s all.’
‘You know what Sister Speakley said about fraternising,’ Peggy reminded her.
‘That was with the patients who will all be young soldiers. She said that because they had been injured they’d be very vulnerable and looking for someone to hold their hand. I hardly think Dr Murray comes into that category.’
‘No, but he is a doctor and you are only a trainee auxiliary nurse,’ Peggy rejoined.
Christabel ignored her advice. She continued to make sure that her and Dr Murray’s paths crossed as often as possible. Again she considered whether to tell him that she was pregnant and to ask his advice then she jibbed because she was sure he would be shocked by her behaviour and she hoped that one day they would become real friends.
Her hopes of that happening were dashed when Peggy told her that he was a married man and had two small children.
It was like a slap across the face. For a moment, she didn’t want to believe what her friend was telling her.
She stood there completely stunned then felt herself flush hotly. How could she have ever been so silly? she thought ruefully. Her crush on Dr Murray was suddenly shattered and she wondered how she could have been so deluded as to compare him with Philip. True, they both had a shock of fair hair and deep brown eyes, but there the resemblance ended.
As she made her way to her room, she felt an overwhelming sense of gloom. What was she going to do now? Carried away by her foolish dreams she had lost count of time and she realised with a sinking heart that by now she must be three months’ pregnant. That meant that even if she had contemplated having an abortion as a possible way out of her dilemma it was out of the question now because she had left it far too late.
She would have to act and fast, she thought in dismay. Another month and it would become so obvious what was wrong that she wouldn’t be able to hide her condition.
She felt choked by panic and an inability to think clearly. She daren’t go home; her parents would not only be horrified but would also consider it a terrible social disgrace.
For one moment Christabel thought of taking Peggy Wilson into her confidence, but then decided that was probably very unwise. There was nothing that Peggy would be able to do to help her and there was always the chance that she might gossip and tell some of the others at Hilbury.
Once anyone in authority knew about her condition then Christabel was pretty sure that she would be asked to leave immediately.
She tried to tell herself that she still had plenty of time to make a sensible decision about her future and, even though she had no idea what that would be at the moment, she was sure that she would be able to think of someone who would help her or something that she could do.
Long after she and Peggy had gone to bed, turned out the lights and stopped talking, Christabel found that sleep eluded her. Her mind was a confused jumble of what had happened in the past and how she had come to be in such an alarming predicament.
The next morning she felt heavy-eyed and weary and found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on the lecture she was attending. Twice Sister Speakley rebuked her and when the class ended she asked her to stay behind.
‘You seem to be very distracted and inattentive this morning,’ she commented, her voice sharp with annoyance.
She listened to Christabel’s mumbled apology in silence, studying her so closely that Christabel was certain that Sister Speakley would discern the reason.
As she walked away after she had been dismissed with some severe words of caution she felt a fluttering beneath her ribcage and she thought she was going to faint.
For a moment she thought it was stress because she felt so humiliated at being spoken to in such a way by Sister Speakley. Then she forgot all about that as realisation dawned on her that it wasn’t stress that had caused the flutter but the baby quickening. The child she was carrying was already capable of movement strong enough that she could feel it.
As she undressed for bed that night she surreptitiously studied her silhouette. The belt of her skirt had been getting tighter for days and as she was wearing only a long white lawn nightdress, she could see that her stomach bulged noticeably; her breasts seemed bigger and were quite tender.
As she crept under the covers her fears mounted. She recalled the exact date when she and Philip had made love and worked out exactly how pregnant she must be.
The results alarmed her. She realised that somehow she must have miscalculated. She wasn’t three months’ pregnant but was well over four.
In the small hours of the morning the answer finally came to her about what she must do; she must take her brother Lewis into her confidence just as soon as she possibly could.
She and Lewis had always been very close.
When they had been much younger he had always made a great fuss of her and had been very protective. Whenever she had been told off by one or other of their parents and sent up to her room, he’d always managed to find a way to come up and comfort her. They’d become even closer after their sister Lilian had been born.
At eighteen he’d started work as a junior clerk in their father’s firm and from then on, when he received his pay packet each week, he’d bought her little treats like a bar of chocolate or a comic. When Lilian found out, she protested so much about it, claiming that it was not fair because Lewis wasn’t buying her anything, that in the end he’d been told to stop doing so.
They had still remained close even after he had started going out with Violet, who was now his wife, and she knew that she could rely on him to help her. He was twenty-four, a man of the world, so he wouldn’t condemn her or be shocked by what had happened. He would not only be understanding but he would also be able to advise her about what he considered was the best thing to do.
There were only another few days left of the six-week training course to run. Once it ended and the students had passed their final examination, they would all be given a week off before starting work on the wards.
Even though Christabel’s parents had been against her becoming a nurse, they would surely be proud of her achievement when they heard that she was now a fully fledged auxiliary nurse.
They were bound to make it an occasion for a family dinner to celebrate. Lewis and Violet would be there as well as Lilian so she would have to find a way of getting Lewis on his own so that she could confide in him and ask him for his help.
At all costs she must be careful that Lilian didn’t overhear their conversation. Her sister would be sure to tell their parents and she could imagine the consternation that would cause.
Violet would also probably be taken aback but she could be relied on to be discreet. She would not say a word to anyone if Lewis told her not to. She certainly wouldn’t say anything to eithe
r Basil or Mabel, because Christabel knew that she was far too timid and too much in awe of her in-laws to face them with such news.
Chapter Three
Christabel’s announcement that she was now a fully qualified auxiliary nurse met with a lukewarm reception from her mother because there appeared to be some other exciting family developments that were far more important.
‘Take your things up to your room and then hurry back down because we are waiting to start dinner, and it’s a special celebration,’ her mother told her.
‘Of course.’ Christabel smiled. She thought the family had forgotten all about her birthday, even though it was such a milestone being her twenty-first, but obviously they hadn’t. This was to be a family meal to celebrate the occasion.
‘Lewis and Violet have been here for ages and have some special news but I’ll leave Lewis to tell you all about that,’ her mother added.
‘Heavens,’ Christabel paused at the foot of the stairs, ‘he isn’t going to join the army, is he?’ she asked in alarm.
‘No dear, not as far as I know.’ Her mother frowned.
As she took off her outdoor clothes and put them away, Christabel gazed round the familiar setting with a feeling of nostalgia. It was only six weeks since she’d left home yet in that time her entire life had altered so much and there were even more dramatic events to come, she thought morbidly as she selected one of the many dresses hanging in her wardrobe, changed into it, brushed her hair, and prepared to meet the rest of the family.
They were already seated in the dining room; all of them, except Lilian who was considered too young, enjoying a glass of sherry. She went over to where her father was sitting in his usual chair at the head of the table and kissed him perfunctorily before taking her place facing her sister at the other end of the table. She waited to be offered a sherry and felt disappointed when she wasn’t.
‘Have you heard the latest?’ Lilian babbled excitedly, looking from under her lashes across at Lewis who was sitting on the left of his father. ‘It’s far more exciting than all this gloomy talk of war.’
Whispers of Love Page 2