Several times over Christmas her gloomy little room was so cold and dreary that Christabel wondered if perhaps Lewis was right and she should go home. Then the thought of the shock and horror she’d see on her parents’ faces, the explanations she would have to make and the admonishment she would receive, especially when they heard that she intended to have the baby adopted, stopped her.
She’d stuck it out until now, and there were only a couple more months to go, she told herself. She made a chart of the days left and began marking them off each morning but, even so, the time still dragged.
By the end of January, her only contact, except the fortnightly meetings with Lewis, was with Maggie Nelson when she went down for her evening meal. She felt so big and cumbersome that she no longer had the energy to go into the city centre any more and she still felt nervous of walking around the Scotland Road area on her own.
Lewis was sympathetic, but he was very worried about Violet, who had been confined to bed by their doctor and was far from well. At the end of January he told Christabel that he couldn’t spare the time to meet her any more.
‘You will come to the clinic, though, Lewis, when I have to go in there?’ she asked in alarm.
‘I told you I would, and you know I always keep my promises,’ he said stiffly.
‘Yes, but what about if Violet needs you to be with her? Her baby is due at almost exactly the same time as mine.’
‘Stop worrying! I’ve said I’ll come to the clinic, and I’ll be there. It will all work out and everything will fit in smoothly. Now go and pack a bag with the things you will need to take with you to the clinic and as soon as your labour pains start, call a taxicab. Here,’ he handed her some pound notes, ‘buy any extras you think you might need and keep plenty of change in your purse so that you can pay for the taxi.’
Lewis’s optimism was short-lived. There were serious complications with Violet’s pregnancy and Dr Ferguson, the Montgomerys’ family doctor, warned Lewis that there was every possibility that their baby would be stillborn. Furthermore, he was very concerned about how Violet would react if that did happen, because she was so extremely overwrought.
‘I know you have engaged a resident midwife to take care of her, but perhaps you should also warn your mother; she might want to be with your wife to comfort her.’
‘No, no! Whatever happens I don’t want Mother worrying,’ Lewis told him, ‘so I beg you not to mention it to her, or to my father.’
‘Of course not, Lewis, if that’s the way you want it,’ Dr Ferguson agreed, but he looked rather disapproving.
‘Thank you.’ Lewis held out his hand.
‘Try not to worry yourself too much,’ Dr Ferguson told him gravely. ‘Your wife is in capable hands, remember, and the midwife will send for me if there is any change and she needs my assistance.’
Lewis stayed at his wife’s bedside most of that night; towards dawn the midwife said she thought Dr Ferguson should be summoned. Between them they did everything possible for Violet. Shortly before breakfast time a baby girl was born and Dr Ferguson broke the news to Lewis that it was stillborn.
‘I have sedated your wife to help her recover from the ordeal she’s been through,’ he told Lewis.
‘Does she know that the baby is dead?’ Lewis asked worriedly.
‘No.’ Dr Ferguson pursed his lips thoughtfully. ‘I must warn you, though, Lewis, that I’m worried about what her mental state will be when she’s told; someone responsible should be with her.’
‘I’ll be here; perhaps I should be the one to tell her.’
‘No, Lewis.’ Dr Ferguson shook his head. ‘I think she needs another woman here. As I said earlier, perhaps your mother or even your sister. Christabel could be a great help now that she’s had nursing experience.’
‘No!’ Lewis remained firm. ‘I’ll deal with it myself.’
‘Very well. I’ll come back again in a couple of hours and see how your wife is. In the meantime, think about what I have said.’
‘Yes, of course,’ Lewis assured him as he accompanied him to the door. An audacious plan was already forming in his mind and he wondered if he dare mention it to Dr Ferguson.
Lewis felt that the decision had been taken out of his hands when, an hour later, he received a call from the clinic to let him know that Christabel had been admitted and had given birth in the early hours of the morning. He could hardly believe it when he was told that it was a girl.
Torn between his promise to Christabel and his duty to be with Violet, he told the midwife that he had to go out for a while on urgent business.
‘Are they both all right?’ he asked anxiously when he arrived at the clinic. ‘Can I see them?’
‘Mother and baby are both fine, Mr Montgomery,’ the matron gushed. ‘Of course you can see them. Perhaps you will be able to persuade your wife to cooperate with us. She had a perfectly straightforward delivery but now she is refusing to have anything at all to do with the baby; she won’t even attempt to breastfeed it,’ she went on.
‘Have you made the arrangements for it to be adopted?’ Christabel asked him anxiously the moment Matron discreetly withdrew from the room and left them together.
‘Don’t worry, everything is in hand,’ Lewis assured her.
‘She’s been trying to make me feed it.’ Christabel shuddered. ‘She put her in my arms, Lewis, and she is so sweet and fragile that I found it unbearable to hold her for a single moment. I knew I must have nothing whatsoever to do with her or I would never be able to part with her.’
‘Don’t worry, you just lie there and recover; I’ll arrange the adoption and deal with everything,’ Lewis said awkwardly.
Matron was looking very tight-lipped and rather puzzled as she accompanied Lewis to the door when he left the clinic a short time later. In accordance with her undertaking of absolute discretion, however, she made no comment. She merely nodded when Lewis stepped into the waiting taxicab carrying the newborn baby in his arms, saying he hoped his wife would be well enough to come home within the next few days.
Chapter Six
A week later, Lewis came to the clinic to collect Christabel and pay the bill. Even though she still felt rather shaky, Christabel was determined to put the past behind her and make a fresh start.
Even so, she felt immensely relieved when Lewis said that there was no need for her to go back to Wilcock Court as he had already told Mrs Nelson that she no longer required the room.
‘I’ve booked you into a hotel for the night and then you can return to Hilbury tomorrow,’ he told her.
‘If they’ll have me,’ she said in a cautious voice.
‘I’ve already told them that Mother is better and so they are expecting you in the morning.’
‘You seem to have thought of everything,’ she commented, looking at him in surprise.
‘I’ve done what I thought you wanted me to do,’ he said a trifle impatiently. ‘Now, I’ll put you in a taxicab and then I must get home to Violet and the baby.’
‘Oh, she’s had her baby, has she?’ Christabel said in surprise. ‘You could have told me.’
‘I didn’t want to upset you,’ he said, looking uncomfortable.
Christabel blinked back the tears that were threatening at the memory of the appealing little scrap she had held in her arms a few days earlier. Deep down she knew her decision had been for the best because there was no way she could have looked after it. Not unless she’d involved either her parents or Philip’s, and she felt it wasn’t right for their reputations to be brought into disrepute because of her actions.
‘What has she had?’
‘A little girl,’ he said tersely. ‘We’re calling her Kay.’
‘The same as I had!’
He looked at her quickly, conscious of the wistful note in her voice. ‘You’re not regretting your decision, are you?’ he asked sharply, as he hailed a cab.
She shook her head. ‘No, of course not. You did what I asked of you. Thank you for arranging ev
erything so well, I knew I could depend on you,’ she added with a grateful smile. ‘So, when am I going to see your baby?’
‘Whenever you next manage to get time off and you come home for a visit,’ he told her as he helped her into the cab. Before he slammed the door, he gave the driver directions and then gave Christabel money for the fare.
Apart from an enthusiastic welcome from Peggy, Christabel found that her arrival back at Hilbury passed almost unnoticed. To her surprise and relief she found she was still sharing a room with Peggy and working on the wards supervised by Sister Speakley.
The only difference was that before she’d left there hadn’t been many patients; now the wards were packed to capacity, there were even men lying on makeshift beds in the corridors, and Christabel found being rushed off her feet utterly exhausting.
At the end of the day she felt so drained that all she wanted to do when she came off duty was lie on her bed and close her eyes. A great deal of Peggy’s chatter about all that had gone on in her absence went over her head. Peggy mentioned so many new nurses and doctors that most of the time she had no idea what she was talking about and often she let her thoughts drift.
More and more, she found she was wondering what had happened to her baby. She’d had no idea when she’d made plans for it to be adopted that she would feel the parting so much; there were days when she felt as though a part of her was missing.
Being absent for so long also had an effect on her work. There were so many new procedures and rules that for the first couple of weeks she was struggling to keep up and frequently made mistakes or misunderstood instructions, something Sister Speakley was quick to notice.
‘Your work is far from satisfactory, Nurse Montgomery, so if you are still worrying about your mother, then I suggest that you go home for a couple of days and set your mind at rest,’ she ordered, halfway though the second week.
Christabel was more than happy to comply. She hadn’t been home since October. Although her mother had seemed to accept the explanation of why she couldn’t come home at Christmas and had realised that she couldn’t keep in touch because of the high security measures, Christabel was worried in case somehow or other she discovered the real reason for her absence.
The two days she spent at home reassured her that she need have no worries at all on that score. Both her parents were pleased to see her and when she told them that she was not allowed to divulge what had been happening at the hospital they said they quite understood.
She’d had an uneasy moment when they went to see Violet and her new daughter Kay. Her mother was such a proud grandmother, exclaiming how perfect the baby was, and pointing out that little Kay had the Montgomery blue eyes.
Christabel couldn’t help feeling a twinge of remorse that she’d said nothing about her own baby when her mother had added, ‘My only grandchild, and she looks just like you did, Christabel, when you were that age.’
Lewis handled the situation in his usual diplomatic way and the next minute they were talking about more serious matters to do with the War and its effect on everybody at home as well as the soldiers on the Western Front.
Even so, Christabel was relieved when it was time for her to return to Hilbury. She knew that from now on her work there would be far more demanding than when she’d first decided to become a nurse, but she was determined to focus on nursing to the exclusion of everything else.
On her return, she found her whole attitude to the patients was different. At first, each time a new batch of wounded men were brought into the wards she’d been sickened by the sight of some of their appalling wounds, but now she found she could look at gangrenous limbs, horrendous flesh wounds and suppurating sores with detachment. It was almost as if the soldiers were no longer individuals, merely impersonal bodies that she was handling, and because it no longer worried her she became more dexterous when helping with the dressings.
Sister Speakley was quick to notice this and when casualties started arriving after the second battle of Ypres, she began to give Christabel more responsibility.
Many of the wounded, Christabel discovered, were her own age and those well enough to do so often tried to flirt with her or one of the other young nurses. Peggy claimed that cheering them up was as good as any medicine they could administer. Christabel didn’t agree with her theory and remained aloof and she soon found that the patients noticed this and treated her with respect.
The one exception was Karl Blume, a young German. Blond, with pale-blue eyes and chiselled features, he spoke fluent English. His injuries were slight; a broken shoulder and a flesh wound in his chest. He was not confined to bed and, to her annoyance, he followed her constantly and tried to engage her in conversation, even though she usually ignored him.
Whenever she had any time off duty, she usually took a stroll round the perimeter road and, more often than not, Karl would be there. The very thought that he must be watching and waiting for her irritated her.
When he overheard her telling Peggy that she was going home for the weekend, his eyes narrowed. ‘Take me with you,’ he ordered.
For a moment, Christabel thought he must be joking. ‘Patients are not allowed to go outside the hospital grounds,’ she reminded him.
‘Not officially, so if you tell me the time you will be leaving I will join you along the road.’
‘You can’t do that. You’d be caught. The MPs would spot you in your hospital blue uniform and take you into custody and you’d be severely punished!’
‘I would wear my khaki uniform.’
‘A German officer’s uniform, are you mad?’ She stared at him in disbelief. His nerve astounded her. Surely he must know what the punishment would be if he was caught.
‘Well? Will you let me accompany you?’ he challenged.
‘Most certainly not,’ she told him sternly.
In the two days that followed Christabel went to great lengths to avoid Karl. She toyed with the idea of cancelling her leave, wondering what her own position might be if he followed her and then claimed that she had agreed to his going with her. As she changed out of her uniform into her own clothes, she hoped he’d abandoned his preposterous idea and that he wouldn’t be at the station.
He was and, to her astonishment, he was wearing a British uniform. He nodded but she ignored him even when he raised his stick to his cap in a formal salute as she walked past him.
As they waited on the platform she was conscious of him walking up and down with a measured tread, tapping his stick rhythmically against his trouser leg.
He occupied a different carriage to her, but when she alighted at the Exchange he was right there at her side as she made her way out into Tithebarn Street.
Christabel tried desperately to think of what to say to stop him from following her, but then, when she turned to speak to him, she discovered he was no longer there. She looked around but he seemed to have completely vanished. Puzzled, but nevertheless relieved, she wondered if she ought to report him when she returned to Hilbury or whether it was best to say nothing about it.
Determined not to let it spoil her weekend, she put it out of her mind.
Her parents seemed pleased to see her; her mother thought she looked thinner than when she’d last been home, and worried whether this was because she wasn’t getting enough to eat or whether she was working too hard.
Lilian wanted to know all about the patients and said she wished she could become a nurse because she was fed up with having to stay at home and help her mother.
‘You are too young at the moment,’ Christabel told her. ‘Anyway, think yourself lucky that you have such a comfortable home and time to go out with your friends.’
At dinner, her parents dominated the conversation. Her father talked endlessly about the war and how he would deal with the situation were he in charge. Whenever her mother managed to speak, she bemoaned all the shortages of food and everything else. Lilian said nothing and although Christabel found their conversation tedious she tried hard not
to show it.
Neither her parents nor Lilian had any idea about what it was like to go short of anything, she realised. They lived in the lap of luxury, she thought, as they enjoyed an excellent meal and generous helpings on all their plates. Her mother complaining so bitterly about shortages made her want to tell her about the squalid poverty she’d witnessed in Wilcock Court, but she knew that she couldn’t do that without revealing why she had been living there.
As her father settled down to read the Liverpool Evening Echo, she could almost hear Maggie Nelson saying, ‘I never buy a paper because they’re a waste of money. You can read all the latest news from the lurid headlines on the placards for free.’
She remembered how Maggie had shopped, buying a joint of lamb for Sunday roast, having it cold on Monday, minced on Tuesday, in a pie on Wednesday, and with an assortment of vegetables as scouse on Thursday. Then it had been fish and chips on Friday and bread and scrape on Saturdays – or sausages and mashed potatoes, if she had enough money before it started all over again.
Maggie had been forced to be frugal yet she rarely grumbled, Christabel recalled, even though she had no luxuries at all in her life and had to make every penny do the work of two.
She was so kind, and looked after me so well, yet I never even thanked her, she thought guiltily. I left Lewis to tell her that I no longer wanted the room.
When Lilian began talking about the new baby it made her feel uncomfortable. She had not intended to visit Lewis and Violet this time but Lilian was insistent.
‘It’s months since you last saw her and you’ll be amazed by how different she looks,’ Lilian enthused. ‘I had no idea that babies grew so quickly.’
Whispers of Love Page 5