“Shit.” I felt like a complete amateur. “You’re right. Everyone is right. Cripes, I wish I was normal.”
“Self-pity is G-D embarrassing for both of us,” said Ruby. “No point in bemoaning your lot in life. We’ve got work to do. Pull over into that parking lot.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to know who’s following the ghost car.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yep. White Honda Civic.”
“Oh Jeezis,” I said under my breath as I pulled into the parking lot next to a 7-11. “That’s friggin Marnie Brindle.”
“Who’s that?” She looked out the rear window of my car. “She’s a cop?”
I gripped the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles turned white. “Nope. Just a big pain in the ass.”
The ghost car passed us and headed up the boulevard as Marnie’s Honda Civic made a hard right turn up an alley. I cut the engine and then heard something hissing from the front left side of my car.
“This day just keeps getting better and better,” I grumbled.
“How come?” asked Ruby.
“For starters, I’m getting dumped on by a little old lady with blue hair who should be vacationing in the Bahamas or sitting on a rocking chair with her knitting. The cops are following me, Marnie Brindle has it in her head that I’m a superhero and now my car has a flat tire.”
“Please tell me you know how to change a tire,” she asked, trying not to laugh.
“Yeah, I do.” I stared at the steering wheel.
“Well then, get out and change the G-D tire for crying out loud!”
“I can’t,” I mumbled, my face burning.
“Dear God, why?” Her sly smile had turned into a full-blown grin.
“No jack.”
There was silence for about ten seconds and then she broke into a roaring fit of laughter. “Okay,” she said between giggles. “I understand this isn’t exactly the Batmobile, but for shit sake, what kind of crime fighter doesn’t have a functional jack?”
“One who is having the worst day he’s had in years.” I wished I could shrink into my seat.
“Go get your spare out of the trunk and grab a tire iron.”
“Why, so you can club me with it?” I muttered. “It’s pretty obvious you dislike me for some reason.”
“I didn’t say that I don’t like you.” Ruby rolled her eyes. “I said I hate Vanguards. Actually for a novice, you have many redeeming qualities. Go get your spare tire.”
“Ruby, we don’t have a jack.”
“You don’t need one,” she said as she reached into her purse and pulled out a pair of red leather gloves. “Level fifty Chieftain, at your service.”
I gave her an incredulous look. “Wait a minute, you can’t lift up my car. People might see.”
“Big deal. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them you’re my son and you’re having chest pains. People always believe that family members can summon Herculean strength when a loved one is in peril. Besides, I’m not going to lift it over my head.”
“Fine.” I opened the door and headed to the back of my car. Ruby got out and walked over to the front bumper as I rolled the temporary spare to the front of the car and leaned it against the passenger door.
“A screw. I drove over a screw and it got stuck in the tire,” I said, as I pulled the hubcap off with the tire iron and loosened the four lug nuts.
“Coast is clear,” said Ruby as she discreetly slid her left hand under the front bumper. “Slap that tire on quickly in case anyone sees us.”
The car creaked loudly as she pulled up on the bumper, raising it about four inches from the pavement. I quickly unscrewed the lug nuts and pulled off the flat tire. “I need new brakes,” I muttered.
“Hurry up,” said Ruby.
I slid the new tire over the hub and screwed in the lug nuts, then gestured for her to lower the car. She let it go and my car bounced as the tire hit the pavement.
“Thanks.” I tightened the lug nuts and replaced the hubcap. “By the way, what’s a level fifty Chieftain?”
She took off her gloves and opened the passenger door. “Someone who is as strong as a Vanguard but less impulsive.”
I threw the flat into the trunk and closed the lid when I noticed Marnie’s white Honda Civic parked behind a dumpster adjacent to the 7-11. “Sheeeeit,” I grumbled, as I got back in the car and started the engine.
“What now?” asked Ruby.
“Marnie Brindle is parked over there,” I said, pointing at the dumpster. “She probably saw us.”
Ruby coughed and then pulled her flask out of her purse. “You going to fill me in on this woman or shall I go over to her car and smash it into a million pieces?” She took a slug.
“She’s my neighbor,” I said. “The condensed version is that she had a stalker, and I saved her life. She identified me as I questioned the guy, and when she confronted me, I took off into the sky.”
Ruby burst into another roaring fit of laughter. “Is that all?” she asked. “You’re a Vanguard. Just hit her with a mind whammy and she’ll forget everything.”
“I don’t know how to do a mind whammy. I don’t know how to do anything, it would appear.” I said. “Some nut from the unseen world named Grim Geoffrey is going to tear up everyone in Greenfield and now I’m told we have to go into the Netherworld, whatever the heck that is.”
“Stop your bellyaching—you’re a gifted Vanguard, so cut yourself some slack,” she said, in about as close to a consoling tone as she could muster. “The Netherworld is a very real place, but it’s nothing like what you’ve been lead to believe.”
“What do you mean? No eternal damnation?”
“Not in the traditional sense.” She looked out the window at the customers exiting the 7-11. “The residents don’t carry pitchforks, and near-world residents who were assholes in life don’t go there after they’re dead.”
“So what is it?”
“If the unseen world has a bad side of town, then the Netherworld would be it. There’s no lake of fire or bottomless pit, but there’s a lot of brimstone, burning sulphur and a shit pile of powerful demons and other nightmarish creatures.”
“I take it you’ve been there before?”
“A few times,” she said. “Right now there is a kind of civil war going on as the various entities duke it out with each other for influence and power. That could be why Grim Geoffrey is moving out and taking his followers with him.”
“Moving out?”
Ruby looked at me and her frown returned. “It means that the cost of remaining in the Netherworld isn’t worth anything that Geoffrey is prepared to pay when there’s a whole world full of free land and about six billion inhabitants to graze on.”
“That’s it? This isn’t a sinister plan at all, this is about friggin Real Estate?”
“Could be.” Ruby took a last shot of Rye from her flask. “Of course, there is a negative side effect, should he succeed.”
“What’s that?” I asked, as Marnie’s car pulled away from the dumpster.
Ruby’s face became grim. “You can’t have two hells—it upsets the balance of life as we know it.”
“And?”
“Let me put it this way.” She stuffed the empty flask into her purse. “If he is successful, it means that humanity as we know it will cease to exist because every spectral entity and his dog will occupy this plane of existence.”
Chapter 20
The sun was setting as Ruby examined the spiral engraved rock we’d found lying on the top of the mailbox. “I have to admit, this is new, even for Grim Geoffrey.”
“What is?”
“These rocks. This is something entirely different.” She tossed it to me, and I added it to the ten other rocks we’d found since changing my tire outside the 7-11. We’d been driving around town for three hours. My stomach growled loudly as my nose caught a whiff of pizza coming from De-Niro’s restaurant down the block.
“I take it that we’re following the
rocks, is that it?” I asked.
“Yes and no,” she said, staring at a vacant lot across the street. “I have a hunch the rocks are meant to be like thumbtacks on a map.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ever been to a strange place and lost your sense of direction?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Given that you’re a man, I know that you would never consider stopping to ask for directions, and it’s like that with creatures from the netherworld. They would be lost without the spiral stones offering directions.”
I followed her across the street to get a closer look at the vacant lot. The streetlights were out and the fading sunlight gave the lot a sinister appearance. I’d just crawled through a hole that had been cut in the chain-link fence when my eyes flared into brilliant white light and a pain shot through the center of my brain, causing me to double over.
“Ahh, seeker’s light,” said Ruby, as she looked at me through the corner of her eye. “You getting a psychic visual on something bad about to happen, but if that’s the case, I need to put on my gloves.”
“No, I’m not seeing anything in my mind.” I winced. “Just be on your guard because my eyes don’t flare up of their own accord.”
She knelt down behind a pile of discarded refrigerators and slipped on a pair of red leather gloves.
“We have company,” she said, gesturing toward the rusted-out hulk of a van. “I hate cats. They always look right at home whether sleeping in a basket or hanging out in a spooky place like this.”
I directed my gaze over to where she was pointing and wasn’t at all surprised to see Walter sitting on the roof of the rusted-out car.
“Cripes, that’s Walter,” I whispered. “Jeez, I haven’t seen him since yesterday.”
“You’re acquainted with that fat feline, I take it?”
“Yes, that’s my cat,” I said, as I rubbed my temples. “Well he’s half my cat and half Stella’s I guess.”
“Who is that?”
“Oh, just a witch I consult with on a regular basis. Walter is her familiar and he seems to be the only one who knows where the third body is hidden.”
Ruby cocked a wrinkled eyebrow. “You lead an interesting life, Marshall,” she said quietly. “You sure she hasn’t put some spell on you? Because people like us don’t normally associate with practitioners of magic.”
“Stella Weinberg is a good person. She’s an archivist and she’s partially responsible for uncovering the mystery behind the rocks.”
“Take it easy,” said Ruby, motioning for me to calm down. “We’re going to be in need of her assistance if we want to take down Grim Geoffrey.”
A cool breeze kicked up the dust in the vacant lot as we turned our attention back to Walter. His unblinking gaze seemed to be fixed on the darkest corner of the lot.
“You’re certain of that cat’s loyalties, right?” she asked.
“Why?”
Ruby grunted. “It just seems odd that he’s living with two people. A familiar can only serve one master, not two.”
I shot her an accusatory glare. “What are you getting at?”
“Never mind,” she said, dismissing my question with a wave of her hand. “That cat hasn’t moved a muscle in the last five minutes. Focus your mind on whatever it is he’s staring at, and tell me what you see.”
“I don’t know how to do that,” I said. “Jeez, you make everything sound so freaking easy and you’re forgetting that I’m a novice.”
“I don’t have the G-D time to be your wet nurse,” Ruby said. “Either focus your abilities or get your skinny ass over to that cat and put your hand on him. I G-D guarantee you’ll see everything he can see. Now make up your mind!”
“Fine.” I grumbled as I closed my eyes and began to concentrate on Walter. In an instant, I could feel Walter’s heartbeat throbbing in my temples. My senses became supercharged and I noticed a sudden drop in the temperature as the wind shifted direction. I opened my eyes and could clearly see the dark corner of the vacant lot that Walter was staring at.
“What do you see?” she asked.
“A leg,” I whispered. “It’s poking out from a shallow grave, I think.”
“Third body. Do you see anything else?”
“No, just the leg. What do we do now?”
“Look for clues and tell The Guild. They’ll let the authorities know about the...”
Before Ruby could finish her sentence, the ground shook violently and the next thing I knew, I was sailing through the air and landed upside down against the rusted-out car. I opened my eyes and gasped as I witnessed the size of what had just hit me.
“You’ll die in the dirt, oldsy woman!” the creature screamed. It nailed Ruby in the chest with what appeared to be a large tree limb. The force of its blow sent her reeling backwards a few feet, but amazingly, Ruby appeared unharmed.
“The Vanguards can’t protects you!” it howled in a booming baritone voice. It raised the club high in the air directly above Ruby. “I’ll pick my teeths with your bones!”
“Dennis, how good of you to come!” Ruby shouted, as she picked herself up off the ground. “I figured that an Ogre would be involved in this at some point.”
Just then, the beast’s giant club slammed downward to smash Ruby into a pulp, but she stopped it with her tiny hands as easily as a left fielder catches a fly ball.
“Dennis, you should know better than to take a swipe at me when I’m sober.” Ruby calmly stomped her foot on the ground, causing a concussion wave that staggered the creature and sent him tripping over the pile of abandoned refrigerators. I slowly got to my feet. My shoulder was throbbing from being hammered by the Ogre’s club. Ruby walked over to the creature and smashed the giant club into its ribs, which made a sickeningly loud crunching sound that echoed through the lot.
“You can surrender peacefully, Dennis, or I’ll sick the Vanguard on you— what’ll it be?” Ruby asked.
The Ogre smashed its fists into the ground and bounced back to its feet, but Ruby slammed her hands together causing another shock wave that blasted the empty refrigerators in every direction, stunning the Ogre. “I’m G-D warning you!” Ruby shouted. “I know your wife, Dennis. Does she know you’re involved in this?”
“Leave her outs this!” the Ogre screamed, as it made a giant fist and prepared to strike Ruby. I stared at its massive clawed feet that dug into the ground, astonished by its size.
I glanced at a pile of rusted out water heaters, then thrust out my hand and made a snatching motion. One of the water heaters floated into the air and hovered about a foot above the pile. I made a throwing motion and it sailed across the vacant lot, smashing right into the creature’s mid-section and sending him careening into another abandoned car.
The Ogre stood up, ripped a door off the car’s hinges and prepared to throw it at me. I snatched the water heater off the ground and again sent it smashing into the creature, this time hitting him in the head. The Ogre fell backward over the rusted out car and landed on his back with his feet in the air.
“Since when do Ogres do the dirty work for hell-spawn?” Ruby shouted. “Your race is far too proud. Did Grim Geoffrey send you?”
The Ogre groaned loudly as it slowly stood up. “I must kill the old woman. You don’t understandsing,” it cried, defeated.
“Are you responsible for the body in that shallow grave over there?” Ruby asked, pointing at the third body.
“N-No,” the Ogre sobbed.
“Do you owe Geoffrey anything, Dennis?”
“Y-Yes.”
I walked over to Ruby, shaking my head in disbelief. The gray-skinned creature fell to the ground, drew its muscular legs to its chest and wailed uncontrollably.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I said, in a half-disgusted tone “This smelly hulk of God-knows-what is a freaking crybaby?”
“Shut up, Marshall,” Ruby scolded. “An Ogre would never attack a Chieftain and a Vanguard unless he was desperate.”
; “Fine,” I grumbled. “You obviously know what the hell is going on.”
The Ogre looked up at Ruby with what I swear were puppy dog eyes. “D-don’t telling my wife,” it pleaded.
“Are you gambling again?” asked Ruby.
“Y-yes.”
“How much do you owe Grim Geoffrey?”
“Three deaths,” it sobbed.
“Oh for crying out loud, Dennis, your wife is going to take it out on your ass if she finds out.”
“I know.”
Ruby shook her head, walked over to the creature and helped it to its feet.
“Dennis, you know there are people who can protect you from extortion,” Ruby said. “Don’t you think your wife deserves a nice quiet cave where you can both live in peace?”
“Y-yes,” it whimpered.
“Did Grim Geoffrey kill the person in this lot?”
The Ogre nodded silently. Its thick lips formed a deep frown, adding to its already pathetic appearance. “I made to kill you boths because of the long day,” it said.
“The summer solstice?” I asked.
“Yes. The long day makes the fields ripe, and more peoples have to die first.”
“Is Geoffrey half-in?” asked Ruby.
“Yes, and he gots a lots of othery types coming for the long day, too. Are you tellsing my wife?”
“I won’t tell her on one condition. You’ll tell me where to find a portal to Grim Geoffrey’s realm and then you head straight home,” she insisted.
The Ogre nodded in agreement. “Portals surrounded by the dark magics.”
“What the hell does that mean, Dennis?”
“You needs a dark spell before you finds it,” he said.
“What’s he talking about?” I asked.
“He means that Grim Geoffrey is using dark magic to conceal any portals that lead to his realm,” said Ruby.
“So how are we going to find a portal, then?”
Ruby’s eyes narrowed and her face took on the haunted appearance of someone who’d witnessed an act of pure evil. “I’m not sure,” she said. “All I can say is that our job just became much more difficult.”
I decided against pushing for more information. Ruby was supposed to be the expert on the supernatural and if we had any hope of finding Grim Geoffrey, it was starting to look like Ruby Thiessen would be the key.
Marshall Conrad: A Superhero Tale Page 12