He’d been tough to reach as he went through a two-day interview in Chicago for the promotion, and as rattled as she was by the summons, she didn’t think it was right to throw him off his game during the stressful process. Rather than texting or calling him to ask about it, she waited until she could talk to him in person and see his face. Griffin had mentioned that he’d be getting back to the apartment as Justine was leaving, so they planned to connect for a quick drink before she left for Rexford. She wanted to spring it on him once they were in public.
She knew he couldn’t be serious about it given what they’d shared in Maryland, but she also couldn’t figure out why he’d sent it in the first place. Was it a bad joke? It didn’t seem like his type of humor. She tried to figure out how she was going to greet him when her excitement about seeing him was overshadowed by the shrapnel in her pocket. And then there was the gift she’d gotten him a week prior, still packed away in her purse.
When Spencer dropped the bone he’d been gnawing on and cocked his head, she knew Griffin was close. The sound of his thundering footsteps a few seconds later made her stomach twist. She wanted to be subdued when he walked through the door, so she could figure out exactly what was going on, but a part of her still wanted to leap into his arms the minute she saw him, summons and all.
Spencer was at the door wagging before his key hit the lock.
“Hey, buddy! Hey there,” Griffin said as he struggled to hold on to his luggage and an oversized bouquet of flowers and pet the whirling dog at the same time. “Okay, okay, let me say hi to your mom.”
He looked ridiculously, adorably gorgeous, as usual. Her heart surged at the sight of him.
“Hi, you,” Griffin said shyly, still bent over and petting Spencer by the door.
“Hi yourself.”
Justine restrained herself and gave him the tiniest grin and wave. She watched his face fall in response.
“These are for you,” he said quickly, holding a bouquet of sunflowers and yellow roses wrapped in cellophane and green tissue paper.
“Thank you, that was really sweet of you.” She took the bouquet and gave him a quick hug. It made her ache to let go after only a few seconds, and his confused expression twisted the pain a little deeper. “I’ll put them in water.”
She headed for the kitchen and felt Griffin staring at her.
“Are you okay?” he asked, still in his jacket by the door.
She couldn’t wait another second. She placed the flowers on the counter and walked back to him. “No, actually, I’m not.” Justine reached into her back pocket and thrust the envelope at Griffin.
“What’s this?” He unfolded it and stared at it for a moment. “Oh, no way. How did this happen? This was mailed to you?”
She nodded and pointed at the canceled stamp. “It was. Are you really trying to take Spencer from me, or is this a crappy joke?” She struggled to keep her voice even.
“No, no, I swear this is just a stupid mistake . . . but I don’t know how . . .” Griffin went silent and Justine watched as his face cycled through a variety of expressions until his eyes went wide. “I know exactly what happened! I accidentally left a stack of paperwork at a client’s office a while back. They called me to say they had it and that there were some stamped letters with it. One of them was my mom’s birthday card, so I asked them to mail everything in the pile for me, and I guess the summons was there too.” Griffin looked at the envelope. “Check the postmark.” He sounded triumphant. “It was mailed in California.”
She grabbed the envelope out of his hands and squinted at the postmark, and sure enough she could barely make out “Santa Ana CA” in the smudged ink. The twist in her stomach loosened slightly.
“But that doesn’t explain why the thing was there in the first place. You went through the steps to start this process to get Spencer back. Why?”
“That wasn’t supposed to be mailed. I never intended for this to happen, I swear.” Griffin finally took his coat off and draped it on the back of one of the bar stools. “I wasn’t in a normal frame of mind right after the first time I met you and got to see Leo again. I mean Spencer. I wasn’t thinking. I never meant for it to be mailed. Please believe me.”
“But you did start the process.” Hurt burned through her chest at the thought that he was willing to fight her for Spencer. “You got me to meet you and said it was just to check on him, but you knew then you wanted him back the whole time.”
“Initially, yes. I’m sorry I lied to get you to come to the city.” His face looked pinched at the memory of it. “But everything changed when I saw how great you and Spencer were together, and when I got to know you. Hell, everything changed the first time I saw you.”
“That I don’t believe. At all. I overheard you on the phone. You called me a less-cute Reese Witherspoon.”
His jaw dropped. “Shit, Justine. You heard that? I wasn’t saying that you’re not attractive. I meant that you’re beautiful. Not cute. Beautiful.” Griffin paused and his eyes went soft. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful I can barely concentrate when you’re around.”
She didn’t respond.
Griffin walked over and gently took the envelope out of her hands, then went to the stove and flicked the burner on. He held the letter and envelope over the flame and let them burn for a few seconds. The paper caught fire quickly and within seconds Griffin was holding on to a mini inferno.
“Ouch, ouch, ouch,” he said as he ran to the sink to douse the flame.
Justine bit back a grin.
“Do you believe me now?” Griffin asked as he ran cold water over his fingers. “I just scorched myself trying to make it right. Justine, I swear I wasn’t going to pursue getting Spencer back. I don’t know what else I can say to convince you.”
“Okay. Bodily harm to make a point means something. I believe you.”
Now that she had an explanation, Justine was desperate for a real homecoming. She expected Griffin to rush over to her and sweep her into a “this is how nice it is to see you” kiss, but it didn’t happen. Instead, his face looked ashen, and he kept his distance in the kitchen. Justine felt like she needed to do something to lighten the mood after accusing Griffin of lying.
“I have a present for you,” she said, beaming at him.
“Why would you do that? What’s the occasion?”
“No occasion. I saw it and thought of you. One sec.” She ran to her purse by the door and fished out the oblong box. Of course Ruth’s shop had the perfect wrapping paper: navy blue and dotted with constellations. She’d finished it off with a sparkly silver bow.
“Here.” She practically danced in place as she handed it to him. Griffin shook his head, then tore into the package and tossed the wrappings on the counter.
“What the . . .”
The watch was still in its original container, a colored metal bas-relief version of the Galaxy Force logo. He ran his finger over the lid with his mouth hanging open.
“Are you kidding me?”
“Open it, it gets even better!”
“No, you don’t understand. I always wanted one of these watches. My parents wouldn’t get it for me; they said it was too expensive. Where did you find it?”
She shrugged. “I have my ways.”
Griffin popped the lid, then shut his eyes in disbelief. “You found the Captain Zaltan one?”
“Look closer!” She clapped her hands. “Anderson signed the band!”
Griffin pulled the watch out of the case and inspected Anderson’s scrawl in silver Sharpie along the plastic navy band.
“Are you kidding me? This is seriously the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”
Griffin finally pulled Justine into a real hug and her lips found his mouth. She felt herself becoming a little demanding and was shocked when he backed away from her.
“Thank you. I love it, Justine.” H
e made a show of taking off the watch he was wearing and putting the new one on his wrist. Justine tried not to feel insulted that he didn’t seem interested in the only type of thanks she wanted.
“Looks good, right?” He held up his wrist.
Justine laughed. “It looks like you’re going to a Comic-Con, but if you can own it I’m fine with it.”
Griffin stared at the watch for a few minutes and his face shifted back to the worried look he’d had since he walked in. “It’s getting late. Do you mind if we don’t go out to get a drink? There’s some stuff I want to talk to you about.”
The knot in her stomach returned.
“Sure, I’m fine to hang out here. I left a six-pack in the fridge for you. And some chips and salsa.”
He gave her a half grin. “You think of everything.”
Justine made a show of setting out the chips and salsa on the counter while Griffin opened beers for them. At first she worried that he’d been put off by the summons, but she could tell by the way he seemed jumpy that something else was on his mind. They settled on the bar stools and Griffin fiddled with the label on the beer bottle before he started talking.
“I have news. Good news.” He paused. “I got the job.”
Justine stopped midchew. “Are you kidding?” She accidentally spat out chip crumbs in her excitement. “Boom, trajectory! Congrats!” She leaned over and held her beer out to him and they clinked bottles; then she hopped off the stool to give him a peck on the cheek. “That’s amazing.”
“Thank you.” He took a long drink.
Justine studied his hunched posture. “Why don’t you seem happy?”
“Oh my God, I am. I’m thrilled. I’ve been working toward this for such a long time. Better title, more money.” He paused. “Much more money.”
Justine clinked his bottle again. “Cheers to that.”
“But I’ll be more tied to HQ now.”
Justine stuck out her bottom lip. “Aw, poor guy’s going to have to commute into Manhattan a few times a week?”
“No. Headquarters are in Chicago. The Manhattan office is a satellite.”
She froze. “What does that mean? Do they want you to move?”
“No, they knew that wasn’t an option before they even considered me for the position.” He frowned. “But it does mean that I’ll be spending a lot of time there. I have to head there for training in a few weeks.”
“Well, Spencer and I can hold down the fort for you while you’re gone. I’m sure I’ll be here for a few more shoot days while you’re away.”
“Justine, it’s a monthlong training. They’ve got me shadowing people and taking meetings out the ass. It’s nonstop.”
She slid her thumbnail under the label on her beer bottle and tried to get it off in one piece, but it tore irregularly. She smoothed her finger along the remaining part, which now said “Lo Do.” Lost Dog, Griffin’s favorite import, the kind he’d given her the first time she met him.
“But it’s just a month,” Justine offered hopefully.
Griffin drained his beer and set it on the marble counter with a thud that sounded like it cracked the bottom of it. The noise brought Spencer over to them with the bone hanging out of his mouth like a cigar, as if to make sure that neither one needed his intervention.
“They’ll want me in Chicago a lot, plus I’ll still have obligations on the road.”
Suddenly, everything Griffin wasn’t saying filled the room.
Not only would they be long-distance; they’d be part-time at best. Justine knew that the joy of their mini reunions would only carry them for so long, and when she needed Griffin to be there for her, or for Spencer, there was a chance he’d be halfway across the country. She realized that he’d probably pulled strings and called in favors to be as available to her as he’d been for the past months, and that with the new job even those small doses of togetherness weren’t going to be an option. And most of all, Justine knew her heart well enough to understand that it still wasn’t strong enough to weather a Griffin-sized hole.
Unfortunately, it felt like it was too late.
“Your face is scaring me,” he said softly.
She shook her head and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Just thinking, that’s all.”
“About us?”
Justine nodded.
“Don’t say it.”
She leaned back against the chair and closed her eyes. When she opened them Griffin was staring at her.
“You’ve thought about it too; I can tell by the way you’ve been acting,” Justine said.
“I have. How could I not?” His voice was raw. “I’ve been through this before. You get . . . invested in someone; then work gets in the way. And it feels like there’s no possible way to balance the two. Hell, when it comes to you, ‘balance’ shouldn’t even enter into the equation. You deserve to come first. You should always come first.”
Her vision swam, but Justine let out a humorless laugh. “I knew hating you was the better option. You missed a great way out, Griffin. You should’ve said you just sent the summons; that would’ve sealed this up nice and tidy.”
“Damn, if only I were better at being ruthless,” he replied with mock disappointment.
Justine caught him swiping his thumb across the watch face, and a heavy silence settled between them. She swore she could hear the seconds ticking away as they each tried to avoid saying the thing they both knew was coming.
She finally spoke up in a voice that was stronger than she felt. “I guess we should pretend like Maryland never happened? I mean, that’s what I’d prefer. Everything we talked about in the car on the way home . . . that didn’t happen either. It hurts less that way.”
The dull ache in her chest made it clear that she was lying.
“Yeah,” he said softly, staring at the watch. “I guess you’re right.”
“Spence and I can find somewhere else to stay. I’m not sure I can handle coming back here, and you probably don’t want us around.”
He jolted like she’d slapped him. “No, please don’t. You and Spencer are always welcome. It makes me happy to think of you guys here.”
She felt a chill pass through her, and she hugged her arms around her body.
“There’s no chance we could make this work, right?” Justine asked in a nervous rush. “Should we try?”
Griffin didn’t answer for a long time, and she felt a spark of hope as she tried visualizing how the two of them could fit into the spaces of each other’s lives.
He met her gaze with sad eyes. “You’d get tired of waiting for me to show up.”
And in her heart she knew it was true.
Justine choked back the lump in her throat. Crying would undoubtedly lead to comforting, and she worried that if Griffin touched her she’d shatter.
The best course of action was walking out the door, before she could think too much about what she and Griffin were agreeing to. Because seeing him right in front of her made her think that giving up before they even began was a stupid idea.
“We should probably go,” she said, standing up slowly.
“If you want to.” His eyes were darker than usual, and he had a determined set to his jaw.
But before she had a chance to say anything else, his mouth was on hers, demanding and a little angry, and within seconds they were peeling off clothing and tripping toward the loft. Her shirt on the floor, his button-down on the stairs, still half-buttoned, her bra hanging from the railing. They fought with each other’s pants as they hit the top step, barely pulling their lips apart until they were both finally naked. Griffin wrapped himself around Justine and for a little while she was able to forget that it would be the last time.
chapter thirty-six
We ain’t coming back from this,” Anderson said as he kicked at a pile of splintered wood. “It’s over, Myrn
a. Stop cleaning.”
Claire swept up a pile of glass shards. “Nonsense, Izzy. We’ll be fine. Move those for me, would you?” She gestured to the three front bar panels that were strewn across the floor. “They didn’t have to be quite so violent, now, did they?”
Anderson shoved his hands in his pants pockets and closed his eyes, overcome by the aftermath of the speakeasy raid. “You never stop, do you? You never stop believing in me, or this place. How do you do it? You naïve? Or stupid?”
The room was silent as Claire gathered her strength for the speech that would end their three-episode run. Myrna was the only character who could stand up to Izzy and live to tell. When she finished speaking, her face was angry, defiant, wounded.
There was a beat as Anderson and Claire stared at each other; then Ted’s voice echoed through the silent soundstage. “Aaaand cut. That’s a wrap on the first three episodes of The Eighteenth, people!”
The room exploded into applause, and more than a few tears. Justine clapped and high-fived a few of the electrical and sound guys she’d gotten to know.
Malcolm crossed the room to give Justine a hug. “Hey, girl, glad you made it today. Where’s my dog?” He looked around for Spencer.
“He wrapped right after Maryland, remember? I just wanted to be here for the last scene and say good-bye to everyone. But Spence sends his regards.”
The truth was that she didn’t feel ready to go back to Griffin’s apartment with Spencer. It had been three weeks since the last time they spoke, and she couldn’t bear the thought of reaching out to ask for yet another favor. She still wrestled with the idea of staying in his apartment if the show got picked up. It felt weird now that they were back to acquaintances, but it also felt like a tenuous connection to Griffin that she wasn’t ready to let go of yet.
Ted picked up a megaphone and walked on set. “Hey, everybody?” The hugging and chatter quieted. “Just wanted to take a minute to thank every single one of you for stupendous work. We’ve created something beautiful, and you should be proud of what you did.” People applauded. “I do want to let you know about a change, though. We’re not having a wrap party tonight.”
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