by Malone, Nana
Scooting marginally closer to him, she called out again, “Alexi. Alexi, it’s me Abbie. I need you to wake up. It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here, but you need to open your eyes now, okay?”
His head shook violently from side to side. “No, no, no, no, no. What have I done? What have I done?”
All right. That was enough. She had no idea what he was dreaming about, but she wasn’t going to watch any longer. With a hand on his shoulders, she shoved him…hard. “Alexi, wake up!”
He sat up with a jolt, eyes wide and panicked. He stared at her, blinked several times, then sagged into the pillows.
Abbie inched closer to him. “Are you okay?’
He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Fine? I hardly call that fine.” She gestured to the tangled sheets around his legs along with his sweat-soaked T-shirt.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Sometimes I have nightmares. It’s fine.”
She frowned. That was no regular nightmare. “How long have you had them?”
He shrugged. “Since I was a kid. It’s no big deal. I’m sorry you had to wake up to that. I usually sleep alone.”
She tucked that bit of information away. Him sleeping alone was a very good thing. Although, that could also mean he kicked out his sexual conquests after the deed was done, which was bad, but she’d worry about that later. “I was really worried. How often do you have these nightmares?”
“It used to be only every once in a while with stress, then in the last couple of months, they’ve been coming more frequently. A couple of times a week. Sometimes more than once a night.”
“And you don’t know what they’re about or what’s triggered them?”
His eyes shifted away. “No. I’m sorry I woke you. Let me make you breakfast.”
She stiffened. She knew a dismissal when she heard one. He seemed so relaxed now. No, scratch that, more like resigned. “Look, you don’t have to talk about your nightmares with me, but don’t act like I’m crazy, okay? I’m only trying to help, but I guess talking about you isn’t part of the package.”
He quirked a brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I get it. You want me, but you don’t actually want to have to talk to me.”
“Shit, Abbie, it’s not like that.” He yanked his shirt up his back, then over his head.
She tried to focus on his eyes and his words, not his six-pack. “Then what is it like?”
“I don’t know why I have them, and I mostly just deal with them. Don’t be mad. Please. I’m not shutting you out. I’m not used to sleeping with anyone. So, I’m not used to anyone asking about them. If we’re going to be sleeping together, I need to figure out what triggers them so I don’t wake you or I stop having as many, but perhaps that’s something we can figure out later?”
Abbie bit her lip. Maybe he wasn’t ready to have this conversation, but they’d have to have it eventually. Just not today. “Okay. I can live with that.”
He immediately changed gears. “So how about I make you breakfast?”
* * *
An hour later, she smiled up at him. She could get used to this. Sexy shirtless Alexi, making her breakfast. It really should be a crime to have him walk around like this. If she didn’t have her camera in her hands, she’d be tempted to forget all about taking it slow with him.
He looked up from the sizzling sausage in the pan and gave her a devilish grin. “What are you staring at?”
“You.” She snapped a photo, oblivious to the light or the surroundings or the composition. She only wanted to capture him as he was. She held up her camera. “Do you mind?”
Something flashed in his eyes, but then he shook his head. “Not as long as you’re my photographer.”
She giggled. “This could get very dangerous, very quickly. There’s nothing sexier than a man cooking. Add to that he looks like you and he’s running around shirtless, and…”
He raised a dark eyebrow. “And what?”
Abbie grinned. “And you’d probably burn your sausage.”
Laughter burst out of him, and he tossed a dishtowel in her direction. “You have a dirty mouth, Abena Nartey.”
“You know, it’s weird, you are not the first person to ever tell me that.”
“Somehow, I had a feeling.” He cracked eggs into a bowl one-handed, and Abbie could only stare. Evan had never lifted a finger in the kitchen. Neither had her father, for that matter. Her mother had forced her and her sisters to watch her cook from the moment they could sit in the highchair, so they would eventually be able to make Okra stew, Kankye, and Oxtail, for their husbands.
He checked the fridge. “Do you have any mushrooms?”
“Oh, no. I’m allergic. EpiPen and everything.”
He winced. “Got it. No mushrooms in your omelet then. I’ll tuck that away for future reference. Is it bad? Like do you need the hospital or anything?”
“Not if I use my EpiPen right away. I usually just need to rest for a bit.”
“That’s pretty scary, Abbie.”
She shrugged. “It’s not so bad. Mushrooms are pretty easy to avoid.”
She studied him intently and snapped another photograph.
“You keep staring at me like that, and I’m likely to forget I promised to nourish you.”
“I can’t help it. You’re beautiful.”
His skin flushed, and she snapped another photo. Was he embarrassed? “This can’t be the first time someone has pointed out how good-looking you are.”
He shook his head slowly. “No, not the first time. But it’s the only time it’s come from someone who mattered or didn’t want anything from me.”
Abbie bit her lip. “Well, given last night, I want all kinds of things from you.”
He groaned. “Jesus, Abbie, you’re killing me. We actually have to leave the flat today, okay?”
“Why?”
He stalked toward her, then looped an arm around her waist and nearly crushed her camera between them as he kissed her. When he backed away, he ran his hands through his hair. “Because if I keep thinking about the fact that I have you here to myself, those pictures you’re taking will get a whole lot more naughty.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” What was wrong with her? She was never this open with anyone. Sexual banter wasn’t exactly something she did. With Lex, it came naturally, easily.
Alexi’s smile sobered as he leaned forward on the kitchen counter. “So what are we doing here, exactly?”
Abbie froze. “Wasn’t that supposed to be my line?”
“When I want to know the answer to something, I ask.”
Abbie used her camera like a shield. This was not a conversation she’d mentally prepared for. “I’m not exactly sure.”
He nodded. “Okay, then let me be blunt. I’m falling hard for you. I know it’s soon. I know you are just coming off something, but I want you to be aware. You can take your time to figure things out. I’m not going anywhere.”
He was falling for her? She shook her head, trying to right the fantasy. But all she saw was this half naked, sexy, god of a man standing in her kitchen, making her breakfast. Everything inside her wanted to say yes. God, yes. That she wanted to be with him. But she didn’t have a clue how.
“Alexi, I want you.” She licked her lips nervously. “You’re like this fantasy come to life for me. I’m having a hard time believing this is real. That you exist. That you want me. I—is it okay if I go a little slow? I’ve had crappy instincts for years. I want to be able to trust them again before I jump in with both feet.”
Alexi turned down the stove then flipped the omelet. Slowly, he sauntered over to her with a smile. “Like I said, we’ll take this as slow as you want. I can wait for you to figure out how to trust me.”
“It’s not that at all. I trust you. It’s me I don’t trust.”
“Hush.” He kissed her forehead. “It’s okay. Just know that I care about you. We can figure out the rest as we go.”
>
“You’re sure about that? Our friends, at least Sophie and Tamsin, will start dissecting you and us with a microscope and very sharp scalpel. Can we just keep this between us for now?”
He studied her, his face inscrutable for a long moment. “As long as I get to see you, and I get to be with you, I don’t care if you never tell them.”
As man lotteries went, she’d won the freakin’ jackpot. But she didn’t want him thinking she was trying to hide him. “I’ll tell them. I just need to sort through everything first.”
“Fair enough.” He nodded. “Actually, I’m thinking, why don’t we do something out of the ordinary.”
“Like what?”
“Have you been to Paris? We could catch the train, spend the night. Catch a flight back in the morning and I’d have you back before your class.”
Paris? He was kidding right? “You’re not serious.”
He shrugged. “Why not? I could use a trip out of town for a bit. And it is the most romantic city in the world. And I’d love to show you some of my favorite spots. What do you say?”
This was his version of going slow? Except, Paris. The longing to live a fuller, more adventurous life pulled at her. But reality crashed in. She couldn’t exactly afford Paris. If even for a night. “I wish I could, but funds are a little tight right now. I still don’t have a job so it’s not the best idea for me. But I would love to see Paris with you. I’ve never been.”
He chuckled. “Silly, beautiful girl. I’m asking you to go to Paris as my guest. Think of it as our first date. How long will it take you to pack?”
As first date ideas went, okay, that was kind of baller. But a niggle of unease tickled the nape of her neck. “Alexi, I love the imagination, but that’s too much. I can’t let you pay my way to Paris.”
“Why not?” His brow creased. “I owe you a proper first date. Where I take you out and we eat and we can explore.”
“And I don’t object to that. Or ultimately to Paris. I just object to you paying for it.”
“It’s not a big deal. I want to.”
And she wished that for once she could take the generosity and not think about it, but she couldn’t. “I’m sorry. It would make me feel funny. Like I’m being kept or something. I’d rather go somewhere on my own steam. Ya know?”
He nodded, but his frown remained. “It’s only money, Abbie. I don’t mind.”
“But I do. Maybe we can have fun in this city instead. There’s still so much I haven’t seen or explored.”
For a second it looked like he wanted to argue with her. But then his brow smoothed out and he kissed her softly. “Fine, have it your way. Now, go get a shower woman. Breakfast will be ready soon, then we’re going to go out and have some fun.”
“We could have fun—”
He laughed as he shook his head while waving a spatula in her direction. “We’re going to have fun outside, so I don’t lock you in this flat and torture both of us by taking my time with you over and over again until neither one of us can walk. Now go.”
He swatted her on the ass before turning back to his cooking sausage. She could get used to this feeling. Freedom and excitement and longing.
Chapter 25
Anywhere but here.
After a cozy holed-in weekend with Alexi, Abbie was not ready to get back to reality. In fact, she would have paid cash money to be anywhere else but class. A Russian Gulag, running the New York City Marathon in the dead of winter. Anywhere else.
But no.
After spending the rest of the day yesterday with Lex exploring St. Albans village and having late afternoon tea, and him stealing kisses like a love sick teenager, he’d taken her to campus and helped with her prints. She’d seen the photos then, so she knew what was coming.
She hadn’t had the good sense to get her pain over with early this time, so instead, she was last for critique. When Xander pulled up her images, she slunk down into her seat. She knew they weren’t great. She knew they were only pretty pictures with no depth. She’d managed to find one or two from the previous assignment that she’d dropped in there, but as a whole, the images were from that god-awful garden party. There was one of Lex thrown in that she’d taken in St. Albans. He’d been reaching out his hand to her before entering a church.
That photo was cheating though. That wasn’t love in his eyes, but it was a great photo. It was the only one in the bunch. She knew the rest were bad. She didn’t need anyone else to tell her they were.
Ilani, bless her, leaned over in her chair. “They’re not so bad. Really.”
But Abbie knew she was just saying it to be nice.
When Xander spoke, Abbie wished she could just run and hide. He met her gaze directly, and she couldn’t read anything in his stare.
“I’m going to open up the floor for your thoughts on Abbie’s photos this week.”
Shit. Her friends were going to rip her a new one. No matter that she took care with their feelings for each of their critiques. They had no loyalty to her. They only cared about scoring points with Xander.
One person said, “Flat.”
Another called out, “Boring.”
One even asked, “Did Abbie do these? Last week’s were so good. These are just…” His voice trailed off.
Ilani tried to come to her defense. “C’mon guys. They’re not that bad. They just need a little oomph. I mean there are those ones with the kid krumpers and the one with the hot guy at the end. That captured the essence of the assignment.”
Xander glared at Ilani, and she immediately shut up, sliding Abbie an apologetic glance. And so it went for the rest of ten minutes. For Abbie’s part, she took it like a woman. Chin up, back straight. Well, as much as she could straighten her back while trying to crawl under her desk and hide.
At the end of class, she’d never been so relieved in her life. Ilani handed her her scarf. “C’mon. Let’s go get you a drink. I think you could use it.”
“Not so fast, Miss Bruce. I need to speak to Abbie for a moment.”
Xander’s voice was neutral, but still Abbie’s heart hammered against her ribs. This couldn’t be good. Hell, it wasn’t like she’d had the worst review in the class. Roger’s critique had been far more scathing.
She slunk up to the table at the center of the small auditorium. “Yes, Xander?”
He folded his arms across his chest. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
She swallowed. “I-I’m not sure—”
He interrupted. “Abbie, your photos are better than this. Even your portfolio you sent for admission was better than most of these. I know you’re capable of more, so why are you aiming for mediocrity?”
She rubbed her forehead. What the hell was she supposed to say? She certainly wasn’t going to make excuses for herself. “They’re not my best. I know I can do better.”
“Whatever’s distracting you, get rid of it. Even if it’s my brother. It’s compromising your work. I would hate to waste my time with you all term and have you not turn out how I expect. No more distractions.”
Damn. How the hell could this be her life? She wasn’t the one who got scolded by the teacher. She’d always prided herself on doing better than expected. Exceeding expectations was her special talent. And she’d failed. All because she’d been too caught up in Lex to do her job properly.
“I won’t let you down again.”
“Assure me. You have a promising career. I’d hate to see that thwarted.”
She nodded stiffly. “I understand.”
“You’re a better artist than this, Little Bird. I want to see your best from now on.”
Finally, as he released her from his reprimanding session, she trudged out of the class to find Ilani waiting for her.
“Well, how did it go?”
Abbie shook her head. “I’m far too sober to be able to talk about it yet.” She would have to make some changes if she wanted to survive another critique.
Chapter 26
Abbie didn’
t really have the time to call home, but after the last few days, she needed something familiar. Something to steady her.
Tams called her from down the hall. “Abbie, get a move on. Max will be here to pick us up any minute.”
“I’ll be right there, Tamsin. I just need to make a quick call.” Calling home shouldn’t make her feel lightly nauseated. But it did. Though it wasn’t like she was calling her mother, who would in all likelihood, tell her to call Evan.
“Hello?” The moment, she heard her father’s lilting accent, a sense of calm washed over her. He’d always had that effect. He had a way of keeping her focused.
“Hi, Daddy.” It was hard to keep her voice from wavering, but she put in a good effort.
“Abena, is something wrong?”
“No. I uhm, hadn’t talked to you in a while, and wanted to hear your voice.”
There was a beat of silence. Maybe she’d made a mistake? Perhaps she should have called her sister Ama for reassurance.
“Well, now you hear it. Is everything well?”
Abbie wanted to laugh at their stilted conversation as she remembered why she usually spoke to her mother. “Yes, fine. Just, uhm fine.”
He cleared his throat. “You never were good at masking your emotions. You might as well just tell me.”
“I’m afraid you’ll just tell me to come home.”
Another beat of silence. “Abena, you’re an adult. I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. You made the decision to go. So you must want this enough. What’s troubling you?”
Exhausted, she exhaled and slumped her shoulders as she sank onto her bed. “I just, I had a bad critique, and it’s messing with me a little. I’m starting to wonder if you were right. If I should have gone to law school instead. My professor’s pissed. And I feel, I don’t know. Lost, I guess.”
The one thing she always appreciated about her father is he took his time to choose his words.
“Are you giving your all?”
“Of course I am, Dad.” Except she could have worked harder on the last one if she hadn’t been distracted by Lex drama.