by Malone, Nana
His father vibrated with anger. “You’re a slippery git aren’t you?”
“Well this git just earned his freedom.”
Reginald stepped into his space, and for the first time, Lex realized he’d edged out his father in height by an inch.
“You think this is over? You’re still not touching that trust fund.”
Lex merely shrugged. “The good news is, I don’t need it. I can actually work for myself doing something I love. And be paid handsomely. In case you hadn’t heard, I’m rich. Not as rich as I would be, but honestly, I don’t need much.” He glanced at his mother who’d gone pale. “Besides, you can’t keep it from me forever. I have plans for that money. There’s a youth center in Brixton that would be happy to have the funds.”
In that moment, as his father glared at him, Lex saw how much the old man despised him.
“I knew I should have sent you off to school with your brother. I was a fool then to listen to your mother. After all, she was the reason there was a scandal to begin with.”
His mother’s gasp of shock made Lex contemplate beating the older man to a bloody pulp again. Grief tore through him as he said, “You leave her out of this. Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage today without going after Mum too? Why can’t you just care about our happiness? I love Abbie, and you did your level best to run her off.” The admission tore through his chest and left him bereft. For several seconds, he wasn’t sure he could breathe.
His father raised an eyebrow. “I’m talking about how your little deal has crippled my reputation, and you’re talking about a girl?” He scowled. “I should have seen then what I see now. You’re not worth it.”
Lex glared at his father’s retreating back as his mother sobbed quietly behind him. When he turned to face her, he tried to soften his voice. “Mum, are you okay?”
His mother’s hands shook as she placed them over her heart. “Lex, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know he would be home or how angry he’d be. I would have warned you.”
“How could you know? I knew he’d be pissed about the sale, but I never thought he’d say those things. Dredge up the past like that. I mean you should have seen the look on her face.” He shoved a hand in his hair. Fear chased the disbelief. Then the dread settled in around him. Abbie was really gone. His heart squeezed. In the back of his mind he’d known this would happen when she found out. But he’d dared hope. After the dread came the panic. He wouldn’t ever get to hold her again.
His mother’s hands trembled as she reached for him. “Lex. Maybe we can fix this. Maybe if you told her what happened that night.”
He shook his head with enough force to bring his hair onto his brow. “No. I lied to her. She has no reason to ever believe anything I say. I’ve fucking lost her.” The hollow thud of his pulse drummed between his ears as his knees wobbled. He’d really lost her.
“This is all my fault.” His mother paled and braced herself on the arm of the couch before she sank into it. “I was so selfish I couldn’t see the devil and protect my own children. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret not protecting you enough. I wish I’d been the one to do it. I dream about it every day. I wish I could resurrect him just so I could have a mother’s pleasure of tearing his wretched flesh from his bones. I would kill to protect you.” Tears rolled down her face. “I would die to protect you.”
Lex winced. He didn’t need her reliving her guilt about what that asshole had tried doing to him and his brother. “No, Mum. This isn’t your fault. I should have found a way to tell Abbie. I know she has trust issues. Dad’s right. I’m the one who blew it.”
His mother’s dark brown eyes shimmered with tears. “You really do love her, don’t you?”
“Yes. I do.” But that didn’t matter now.
Chapter 38
Abbie rolled her shoulders as she trudged up the stairs to her flat. Through the door, she could hear Sophie and Tamsin laughing about something. She briefly considered going out somewhere so she wouldn’t have to explain, but she was exhausted and just wanted her bed.
Her hands shook as she thought of Alexi and what his father had said. She couldn’t believe that he’d deliberately killed someone. He might be keeping things from her, but he wasn’t a killer. She knew him well enough to know that. So what the fuck was going on? What had happened?
When she opened the door, Tamsin gave her a cheery smile. “So how did it go with mummy? Does she love you as we all do?”
Abbie’s glance skipped over her friend’s sunny wholesome smile and landed on Sophie’s concerned one. Mimicking Tamsin’s accent, she said, “Mummy was lovely, but Daddy was a pill and sent me packing. He aired all the family’s dirty laundry. And said some horrible things about Alexi.”
Sophie’s face fell. “Abena, I’m so sorry. From what I’ve heard, his father is awful.”
“That he is.”
Tamsin looked back and forth between them. “So what did the old geezer say exactly?”
Abbie didn’t know how much to share. He might have lied to her, but his business was still his business. She didn’t want to be the one to put him and his family in the crosshairs again. “Turns out, Lex is still lying. Protecting some family scandal.”
Sophie’s eyes went wide. “A scandal? Honey, that’s what Google was invented for.”
Abbie winced. “I dunno. That feels somehow icky. I—”
Sophie handed her the laptop. “Look, you guys have been through enough. You can either get to the bottom of it, or you can let him go. Sooner or later, you have to make a choice. You’ve been looking for a reason to run from him. Any reason. And while lying is a legit reason to not be with someone, you haven’t exactly been all in. You’ve been waiting for him to disappoint you like Evan did. And he’s a different guy.”
Tamsin shrugged. “I’m shocked to say it, but Sophie speaks sense.”
Sophie swatted her with a pillow. “Shit, I hate that he makes you hurt, but maybe he hasn’t told you everything because he knows you’ll run.”
Abbie shook her head. “No, that’s bullshit. He could tell me anything. I wouldn’t judge him.”
Sophie wrapped an arm around her. “But how is he supposed to know that? You’ve run from this thing the moment there was trouble.”
“I’m not running. I’m just…thinking.”
Tamsin tapped the laptop. “Well, think fast. Because you seem happy with him. The faster you guys work out your issues, the sooner you get to the making up portion of the fight. And I want a play by play.”
Sophie laughed, and Abbie turned on the laptop. Alexi wasn’t Evan. She knew that. Alexi had always taken care of her. Treated her like she was special. Taken his time with her. The girls were right. If she wanted him, she needed to trust him. Which meant finding out what he was trying so hard to keep buried. But she wasn’t going to dig it up. She didn’t want some bullshit spun story on the Internet. She wanted him to tell her. She wanted him to trust her. But what would she do if he wouldn’t? Could she walk away from him?
Chapter 39
Lex turned off the video of the interview he’d done with BBC One that would air tomorrow. In less than twenty-four hours, he’d be a multi-millionaire. All on his own, without a dime of his father’s money. And he’d have no one to share it with. Not that Nick hadn’t already called to gloat over how good they looked on television. But the person he wanted to share it with was Abbie. But he’d ruined that. She wasn’t coming back.
With the ringing of his doorbell, he checked the time. Ten thirty. It was far too late for a delivery. He’d just talked to Nick, so maybe it was Gemma needing someplace to crash. When he opened the door, his heart seized. Abbie stood on the threshold, sopping wet under her leaking umbrella.
Automatically, he held out a hand and helped her onto the barge. “Abbie, what—”
She put up her hands. “Wait, before you say anything. I have to say I’m sorry. I ran. I couldn’t take the secrets, and I ran. I have no idea how to trust any
more.” Her tears mingled with the rain drops and streaked down her face. “I’m so sorry. I should have just stayed and listened, but I was scared that I was stepping back into an old pattern of lies. I—I shouldn’t have run. I always run. I don’t want to run anymore.”
Lex watched her expressive face as she cried, and explained, and babbled. Her eyes widened, and she nervously licked at her lips with the tip of her tongue. She rubbed at her temples like she always did when she was having a full scale meltdown, and he loved her.
She’d chased him down. She’d recognized the pattern and she’d broken it all on her own. She’d come back to him. Without thought, he pulled her into his body and kissed her, cutting off her stream of consciousness. With her still-dripping umbrella and her soaked-through coat, and with rain dripping off the ends of her braids, he kissed her with all the pent up frustration and shame and love he had. He loved her. More than he deserved to, more than he dared to, but he loved her.
And regardless of what his father had said, she’d come back for him.
His hands shook. “I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again.”
“I need the truth, Alexi. I don’t want us to keep doing this. Please. Can you tell me?”
A harsh chuckle ripped out of him. “I’ve been so worried I was going to lose you when you found out, I ended up pushing you away by hiding the truth.”
“Your father didn’t run me off with what he said about you. The only reason I ran is because I couldn’t stand you lying to me, hiding from me. Nothing you’ve done can scare me off as long as I know that you’re open with me.”
He trembled. No, it’s not true. She’ll leave, and when she does, it’ll break you. No. He wasn’t going to lose her. Not for anything.
“Mum and Dad split up when I was about three or four. She started seeing someone else a couple of years later. At first, Silas was the television dad you see. Played games with us. Took us to the park for a bit of footie. That sort of thing. You’ve met my father. Even then, he wasn’t particularly warm.”
Lex ran a hand through his hair. He was desperate to get it all out so there wouldn’t be anything left hanging between them. “Everything changed when he asked Mum to marry him. Xan and I were ecstatic. We were finally getting a real father. Someone to love us. But that’s not what we got.”
Lex shivered as his memories weaved into the forefront of his mind. “Mum started working more international charities and traveled more, leaving us with the nannies and Silas.” His voice broke, and he loathed the weakness that he heard in himself. “She didn’t know that he used to sneak into mine and Xan’s bedroom at night and put his hands on us. When we fought back, he beat us. Never anywhere visible. He was apparently too smart for that.”
Abbie gasped and whispered, “Oh, God.”
“We had five different nannies in the fourteen months he was with my mother, each of them too scared to help two little boys who couldn’t help themselves.”
“Alexi—”
“No, Abbie, you need to hear it all. One night, while my mother worked downstairs, he snuck into our room. Xander ran away from him, and he was going after him to make sure he didn’t find the nanny or Mum. I knew if he caught Xander, it would mean another beating. I didn’t want him to hurt us anymore. I couldn’t take it. So I ran after him. When he caught hold of Xander’s T-shirt, I only wanted to get him off my brother. I—” His voice shook. He prayed that he could stop the pain, but he had to get it all out first. “We were at the top of the stairs, and I pushed him. Hard. With everything I had, I pushed him. I wanted him dead.”
Her voice was whisper soft. “Oh, Alexi.”
“And Dad was right. Even at six, I understood that what I’d done was horrific. I understood what I was. I knew they’d send me away, but I didn’t care.” He sniffed and wiped at his nose. “But instead they sent Xander away. We told them it was an accident that we’d heard him fall, but the way he protected me, they assumed he’d done it. He made me promise I’d never tell. He just stepped right in front of me and shielded—” His voice shook. “And I let him.”
Abbie placed both palms on his chest. “Enough, that’s enough. I don’t need to hear any more. I’m so sorry.”
He couldn’t meet her gaze. “I don’t know how you can stand to look at me. My own father can’t. I tried to talk to him then. He blamed us. We tried to make him understand, but as far as he was concerned, we’d tarnished the family name with the scandal of it all.”
“You were a child, protecting your brother. They were the adults. They were supposed to protect you. It was your mother and father’s job to protect you. None of what happened was your fault.”
“Mum didn’t know. I think after it happened, when they sent Xan to a string of therapists, she suspected, but she didn’t know the kind of man she was about to marry. She would have killed him. Dad, well, after the fact, he covered everything up. Xan was sent to boarding school. I’m pretty sure he looked into Silas’s background. He was so careful, he’d probably done something like that before.” He dragged in a shaky breath. “Xan and I never stood a chance. We’re completely fucked up.”
She placed a hand on his cheek. “Stop. You’ve grown into an incredible man who’s kind and loyal and smart. Don’t let those shadows take any of what you’ve become away from you. I will help chase them off.”
He blinked rapidly as emotion overwhelmed him. She really wasn’t running from him. He dared to hope, dared to hold on to the thread that she was his. “You really don’t hate me?”
“No, Alexi. I’m going to keep telling you how much I love you until it finally sinks in.”
Desperation dripped from each word as he held her close. “I thought I’d lost you for good.”
She clung to him, her hands threading through his hair. “I’m so sorry. I should have trusted you.”
“I didn’t think you would still want me after what he said to you.”
“Yes.” She kissed him softly, her full lips feeling like heaven against his. “I still want you. I’ve wanted you since you saved me from death by Mini Cooper. I wanted you that first time we danced. I wanted you at your party. I wanted you when you showed up on my doorstep. Even when the paparazzi were camped out on my lawn and making me miserable, I wanted you. There is nothing your father could say to me to make me not want you. There’s nothing you can do to make me not want you. There’s nothing in your past that can scare me off.” She shivered in his arms.
Lex crushed her to his chest, unwilling to let her go. “Abbie, I love you. I’m not even sure when I started falling in love with you. Maybe it was Brixton. Maybe it was the first time I saw you sitting in that massive puddle drenched and trying to save the camera instead of yourself.”
“I love you.”
The glowing warmth started in his chest and started to thaw the icicles. But he frowned. She couldn’t possibly love him if she knew what had happened. What he’d done. “Abbie, I—”
She pressed her fingers against his lips. “Shh. Do you think that I wouldn’t love you? That it matters to me? You were a child when it all happened, and you’ve been carrying that guilt all on your own for years. When you had nothing to feel guilty for.”
She pushed the braids out of her face. Just having her close, made the blood rush in his ears and he wanted to kiss her. She licked her lips, and he bit back a moan.
As if sensing the change in him, she whispered, “Alexi.”
“Shh, let me get you out of these wet things.”
First, he slid her sodden coat off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. She followed suit and toed off her wool-lined boots. Right there, he peeled of the rest of her wet clothing and carried her naked, lithe form to his bedroom.
He swallowed around the lump in his throat as he drank in every inch of her soft flesh. He knew how she tasted, how she felt in every nook of her body. He knew her heart. Knew her fears. It was the first time he’d ever let himself know anyone. Let anyone know him. And it felt liberating. A
nd terrifying. And right. “I love you, Abena.”
She pressed her body into him and every nerve ending howled to be inside her, to fit their bodies together and drive into her until they both found peaceful oblivion. He gently tucked her in to his bed, then stripped off his own clothes.
Unmistakable heat flashed in her eyes, and he couldn’t help a quick grin. Sliding in beside her, he tucked her against him so they spooned with his hand cupping her breast.
“Lex, what—”
“I’m going to hold you, if that’s okay. You know how much I want you.” He dragged in a sharp breath. “Hell, you can feel it.” His cock twitched against the soft globes of her ass. He paused and kissed her shoulder, gritting his teeth against the onslaught of lust as the satin skin of her backside wiggled against him. “But I need to hold you more than I need to make love to you.”
It took him an hour before he was able to fall asleep, but he hadn’t been that at peace in longer than he could remember.
* * *
Abbie moaned into Lex’s chest. She was awake enough to know she was having either the very best of dreams or one hell of a wakeup call. Lex kissed her as his thumb and forefinger rolled one of her nipples. Sighing into the caress, she let herself relax into the kiss. His expert tongue caressed and teased hers into playing.
God she relished what he could do to her body. The way he made her pliant. He never rushed her even when she wanted to hurry. He always took his time with everything, even kissing her, like they had all the time in the world. Like his erection wasn’t straining.