“That’s a tough one, my friend,” Jonathan acknowledged.
Ben shrugged his shoulders. “I thought by coming up here we could talk it through, but all I got was the silent treatment on the way here.”
“And then we showed up,” Marie interjected.
“Well, there may be a silver lining here. I haven’t seen Rachael this enthusiastic in a long time.” He turned toward Marie. “Thanks to you.”
“Me? I really haven’t done anything.”
“She can’t stop talking about you.”
“So what’s going to happen tomorrow afternoon when the three of us leave? Will you and Rachael stay here?” Claire asked.
Ben shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll have to figure that out.”
“When will she turn thirteen, Ben?” Claire asked.
“Christmas Eve. Why?”
“Just curious, that’s all.”
The next morning, Marie was awakened by a knock on her bedroom door a few minutes before seven. Half asleep, she shuffled over to the door and opened it. There stood Rachael, fully dressed and sporting a big smile. “Wanna build a snowman?”
Marie rubbed her eyes in an effort to conceal her smile. “Give me ten minutes.”
For the next hour, Marie and Rachael rolled a big, bigger, and bigger yet ball of snow for their work of art. After they put the smallest one on top of the other two, Ben came out with an old hat, two Oreo cookies for the eyes, and a cigar for the mouth.
While Ben placed the hat on the comical snowman’s head, Rachael wadded up a hard-packed snowball and hit her father square on the back of the head, which started an all-out war. Not wanting any part of it, Marie went back inside where she joined amused onlookers Jonathan and Claire.
Claire watched the two of them fiddle with the snowman’s hat. “She seems like a changed girl, Marie, and Ben thinks you had a lot to do with it. What did you two talk about when you were alone with her this morning, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“Oh, just girl talk. Turns out Rachael and I have a little something in common.” She tilted her head. “Maybe more than a little.”
“Well, Ben is very pleased to see the change, but we’re all a little concerned that it may be short-lived.” Claire’s gaze strayed back to the window. “Look at those two.”
“I know. Me too. I can’t believe two weeks have passed,” Marie said to Claire as they prepared lunch for everyone. “It seems like I just got here.”
“You can stay longer if you want.”
“Oh no. I couldn’t. Claire, will you be coming with us tomorrow when Jon takes me home?”
“I thought about it, dear, but I think it’s better you have that time alone with him. Time to wrap up any loose ends you two may have. Maybe next time.”
After lunch, Marie and Claire tidied up the kitchen. Rachael asked her father if she could ride back with Marie and the Brookses instead of him. Ben gave her a disappointed glare. “Damn, Dad. She’s leaving tomorrow. I may never see her again.”
“What have I told you about that language, Rachael?”
“But it’s okay when you say it.”
“You’re not me.”
“Thank God.”
“Alright, that’s enough.”
Rachael left the room.
Ben let out an audible sigh. “One minute she’s okay, and the next minute she’s impossible.”
“It’s okay for her to ride back with us,” Claire said.
“Not after she acted like that.”
“Aw, c’mon, Ben. Let her come with us. She’ll be fine.”
“Okay, but if she acts up, you have to promise me you’ll tell me.”
“We promise,” Claire said.
Rachael was nowhere to be found. Finally Jonathan opened the front door and looked outside.
“She’s in our car, Ben. Must have overheard us talking.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with her.” Ben shook his head. “I have some things to do here to close up the house, so I’ll pick Rachael up at your place on my way home.”
As Jonathan would later tell Marie, he and Claire weren’t sure who more enjoyed the ride home in the back seat of their car, Marie or Rachael. They talked about every subject imaginable and like two schoolgirls, they laughed at the silliest things.
When Ben showed up at the Brooks’ home, Rachael’s pouty face was back on.
“Did you behave yourself?”
Rachael, who had behaved herself just fine, was about to say something when Jonathan jumped in. “Ben, why don’t you two join us for dinner? We were planning on going to that new Italian restaurant on Main that just opened up.”
Rachael clasped her hands. “Please, Dad? Please?”
Ben rolled his eyes and smiled. “I can see when I’m being railroaded. Okay, we’ll go.”
“Ben, can I talk to you for a minute…in private?” Marie asked. They disappeared into Jonathan’s office.
When Marie and Ben emerged several minutes later, Rachael had a scared look on her face.
Marie looked at Ben. Ben looked at Rachael. “Maybe we should tell her now,” Marie said.
“Tell me what?” Rachael asked.
“Well, we weren’t going to say anything until it got closer to the date,” Ben said, “but we want you to know that Marie is coming back here for Christmas, and…”
“Really? What a gas!”
“What?”
“A gas, Dad.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s great.”
“Well, excuse me, Miss Almost Teenager. Anyway, here’s the deal. If you want to, you can ride to Atchison to pick her up and…”
“What? I can do what?”
“If you keep interrupting me, you’ll never hear the rest of this.”
Rachael rolled her eyes and pretended to zipper her lips.
“As I was saying, Marie has invited you to stay overnight with her and then ride back here the next day.”
Rachael stared at Marie. “Really? But ride with who? How would I get there?”
“By limo, of course.”
“Are you kidding?” She made a face. “Me, in a limo?”
“Now I may bring my girlfriend, Karen, back with me. I haven’t talked to her yet.” Marie paused. “You’ll like her, Rachael. She’s a lot of fun. Sound like a deal?”
“Are you kidding? I’m all fired up and ready to go.”
“Okay, young lady. That’s enough.” Ben turned to Marie. “‘Fired up’? I don’t know where she gets this language.”
The Brooks children and grandchildren came by the house for breakfast the following day to say goodbye to Marie. Walter arrived mid-morning.
Marie waited for the right moment to thank Claire when they were alone. “I don’t know how to thank you,” Marie said in a tight embrace. “I had such a nice time.”
“I told you this before, but it bears repeating. You are always welcome here, Marie. You’re family now.” Based on the look on Claire’s face and hitch in her voice, Marie was fairly certain she meant it.
The snow had let up from the previous day, but the roads were still hazardous, making the ride home longer than normal. “So what are you thinking, dear daughter?” Jonathan asked after they had ridden the first mile or so.
“What am I thinking?” She turned her body toward his. “I’m thinking you have made me a very happy person. You have no idea.” She held his gaze. “I mean it.” She reached out for his hand. “My life has changed. I mean really changed. But it’s going to take me awhile to process it all.”
“Tell me more.”
“For starters, I have a family now. Mom has been gone for almost eight years. That’s a long time to be without family. Well, except for Karen. She’s like a sister to me. But other friends and the people you work with come and go. A family is there forever.” She heaved a heavy sigh. “For me, family is everything.” She paused to reflect. “I have to say, these past two weeks I have felt stronger and more confident than I ever have before. And safe.” Sh
e nodded. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that.”
“You don’t feel safe back in Atchison?”
“It’s just that there’s this constant kind of underlying anxiety I have, like something bad is lurking around the corner. Even though I know in my brain I’m safe, I still don’t feel safe. I don’t know exactly how to explain it.”
“I think I may know what you mean.”
“And then there’s the emotional security, like I felt with Richard—during the good times, I mean. I felt that again these past two weeks, and I have to tell you, it felt good.”
“But you’re a successful businesswoman. That must have taken a certain amount of strength and confidence.”
“Maybe so, but I never felt it. Everything I did was a struggle. And, then of course, there’s the identity factor. For years I knew just half my identity. I had practically no family history. Now I feel a connection.” She paused. “I know all about your God-given identity. But knowing who your parents are, well, that’s a whole other layer.”
Jonathan stared out the window. “When I think of identity, I think of what makes a person an individual, what a person does with his life, what gifts they have to offer. But I hear you saying it’s much more than that.” He glanced at Marie and smiled. “I understand that, which proves you can teach an old dog new tricks.” His face turned serious. “Claire and I want to help you with this. You deserve at least that much from us. I just hope it’s not too late.”
“No, it’s not too late.” She gave him a big smile. “Just knowing you is a major milestone for me. And the more I know about you, the more I know about myself.” She thought through her next words. “What do you think Claire really thinks about me?”
“Hmm.”
“And be honest, please.”
“Honestly…I don’t think she knows yet how she really feels. She goes from feeling empathy toward you and harboring no ill feelings, which she knows is the right thing to do, to being angry about the whole affair. And unfortunately, I think the more she thinks about it, the more questions she has about our own relationship.”
“I must have really messed things up by coming into your life. Everything was probably perfect before I showed up.”
“No, far from it. We’ve had our share of family issues just like anyone else. Claire will be fine. I’m sure of that. In fact, I noticed a change in her attitude toward you during your stay. Did you sense a change?”
“Yes, I did. I was just hoping it was real and not because she felt she had to.”
“Let me tell you something about Claire. She doesn’t do or say very much just because she has to. Look, I don’t want you to worry about her. You let me do that.” He looked out the window. “It won’t be long before you’re home. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”
“As a matter of fact, there is. Two things, actually.”
“Go ahead.”
“When Claire and I and the girls were at the Hotel Baker, the other patrons looked at us like we were from some other planet. Claire said it was because they were curious, but I wasn’t so sure. Exactly how are you treated by the whites in this town? I mean, what do you think when people stare at you like that?”
Jonathan sighed and stared out the window for a few seconds. “I think it’s easier for me than it is for Claire. With me, I gained a good reputation selling horses before anyone even realized I was a Negro. So when they did find out, I was already established in the business community. But with Claire, it’s a whole other matter. She can’t join the afternoon tea clubs or go to lunch with ‘the girls,’ so to speak. There’s no one for her to relate to in this town.”
“She said most other Negroes here are poor and keep to themselves.”
“Not most. All of them. But Claire is strong-willed. If she wants to have lunch at the Hotel Baker, then by God, she’s going to have lunch there. And unlike in the South, she can.”
“I guess I understand that.” Marie paused. The next thing she was about to say was more difficult. “There’s something I need to get off my chest.” She took in a deep breath. “Mom always told me you loved us very much but couldn’t be in our lives. I believed her, but that didn’t mean I didn’t still feel abandoned by you.” Her voice cracked. “And when I was pretty sure you were a Negro, which was long after she died, I felt betrayed by her as well. Maybe there was no other way, and I’m sure she thought she was doing the right thing…but I just had to tell you how that felt for me.”
Jonathan squeezed her hand. “I know, Marie. Believe me, I know.”
Walter dropped Marie off at her apartment and then drove Jonathan to Rita’s Bed & Breakfast where he would stay the night. Marie had made the arrangements for him. She had stayed there while looking for a permanent place to live, and Rita had been her friend ever since.
The last thing Jonathan said to Marie was, “‘Til next time, sweetheart.”
CHAPTER 6
Library Cards
“Okay, start at the beginning. I don’t want to miss even one small detail,” Karen said. “But first, do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you? Can’t tell you how many times I went to the phone to call you, and then stopped short when I remembered you weren’t there.” She paused to take a breath. “What did I do before you?”
“I missed you too. And I kept a journal so I wouldn’t forget anything.” Marie got up to get the journal and came back with it, two glasses, and a bottle of red wine. “I have a second bottle…I have lots to tell.”
The two women talked well into the evening hours, Marie doing most of it. A bottle-and-a-half of wine later, Marie finished with her account.
“So I’m getting some mixed signals from you. Are you happy about the way it went?” Karen asked.
“Yes, all in all, I am. Melvin actually apologized for his behavior. I forgot to tell you that. And Claire…well, I think Jonathan knows her best, and he said to give her time.”
“But she was better by the end of the visit?”
“Definitely. Maybe not all the way, and who knows, maybe she’ll never be. I wouldn’t blame her.”
“So you learned more about Jonathan’s relationship with your mother, more about his family, his roots.”
“Yes, and they are the most beautiful people, Karen, and the way they all welcomed me into their family, into their lives really, just makes me feel so good.”
“So do you think being with them has changed you?”
Marie thought about her question for a few seconds. “No. It hasn’t changed me. But being part of their family has changed how I perceive myself.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know. Just the fact that I feel like I’m part of a family now. That makes a big difference.”
“So do you have this whole thing figured out now?”
“No. I don’t have anything figured out. I just feel better somehow, like I belong somewhere.”
“As long as you’re inside their home.”
“What do you mean?”
“The same old world still exists outside of their home,” Karen pointed out.
If she wasn’t such a good friend, Marie would have challenged her statement. “My trip was just a beginning. I’m not going to abandon my idealistic dreams just yet.” She thought about the Serenity Prayer Claire had left on her pillow and wondered if Claire and Karen were more alike than she and either one of them. “But I didn’t tell you about the best part of my visit.”
“What?”
Marie told Karen about her plans for Christmas and that the invitation had been extended to include her.
Karen’s head jerked backward. “You’re kidding! They want me to come too?”
“Yes. And so do I. I’d like you to meet them.”
Karen hesitated. “I don’t know, Marie. I’d feel so out of place there.”
Marie looked at Karen without saying anything.
“You know what I mean. I’d be the only…”
“Nothing I’ve said has
had any affect on you, has it?”
“C’mon, don’t be mad at me. I just see things how they really are.”
Marie sighed.
“Okay.” Karen relented. “Count me in.”
“Good. Now tell me about the things you wanted to talk about while I was gone.”
“Oh, nothing really.”
“They must have been important then.”
“Well, maybe one thing. Remember Maurice Cooper?”
“The lawyer next door to your shop?”
Her face flushed. “Well…we sorta went out.”
“What?! You waited all this time to tell me that? You louse! You went out with him? Where? And how did that come about?”
Karen pulled out a piece of chocolate from her pants pocket and popped it in her mouth.
“Okay, so one day I was locking up the back door of my store, and he was leaving his office the same time, and we kinda bumped into each other. Our cars were parked side by side, so we walked over to them together, just passing the time of day kind of thing. I was unlocking my door, and he said, ‘Are you hungry?’ I said, ‘Yeah, kind of.’ And he said, ‘Want to grab some dinner with me?’ And I said, ‘Okay.’ So we went to Mario’s and had pizza.”
“What’s he like? When I talked to him in his office that one time, I remember thinking he was kind of stiff. I don’t remember him ever smiling, even once.”
“I know he gives off that first impression sometimes. But he’s nice, actually.”
“So are you going to see him again?”
She grinned. “Already did.”
Marie threw up her arms. “Okay, tell me more.”
Karen pulled another piece of chocolate from her pocket and ate it. “Well, while we were at dinner, he asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving, and I told him I wasn’t doing anything, and he said he wasn’t either, so we ended up at his house cooking a turkey.”
“You’re kidding. What else? Wait a minute. I rarely ever see you eat candy, and now you’ve shoved two pieces of chocolate in your mouth in the last two minutes. What’s with that?”
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