by A B Turner
"Are you okay?" he asked, obviously concerned, I nodded,
"I was miles away," I replied, while consciously trying to erase the frown my thoughts had obviously etched on to my face.
"It obviously wasn't a very happy place to be," he said quietly, pulling me still closer to him, "But you're sure you're alright?"
I nodded and smiled in an attempt to offer some kind of reassurance,
"That's okay then," he replied, "You had me worried there for a moment."
He held my face in his hands and gently kissed me, before resting back on the pillows. As we lay there in silence, I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, I could only hope he wasn't trying to formulate some vaguely convincing reason why I had to leave very soon as he allegedly had something planned. My own thoughts were just too confused now, veering from a longed for dream to the potential harsh reality. Finally, I came to the inevitable conclusion, there was no way of knowing how this was going to turn out, so my only real choice was to just wait and see. It could be this was going to mean nothing more than a night of enjoyable yet ultimately meaningless sex. But as I glanced up at him again, even the most cynical part of my brain had to accept, there was a chance maybe this time would be different.
Some time later, I happened to glance at the clock on his bedside table and realised it was now late in the afternoon.
"I have to go, Tom," I said quietly, "We both have work in the morning."
Tom grimaced at the mention of the word 'work', before throwing back the covers,
"Let's get dressed and I'll get you home."
As I pulled on my clothes, I shook my head,
"It's fine, I can get a bus or something."
He looked steadily at me, almost as if he was studying my face,
"You don't seriously think I'd let you do that, do you?" he sounded hurt, even slightly offended, which left me feeling decidedly guilty,
"I just didn't want to put you out at all," I answered weakly, he shook his head, sighed and took me in his arms,
"I like you, Carrie, I like you a lot, so I'm going to make sure you get home safely, so no arguing, alright?"
I looked into his eyes, the warm hazel seemed to have an almost golden glow in the half light,
"Thank you and, just so you know, I like you too," I replied softly. The slight frown faded and was replaced by a broad grin,
"Well, that's good to know, seems you really haven't taken advantage of me."
I chuckled,
"As if I would, Mr Garrison, I am a respectable lady," I saw his eyebrows raise in apparent disbelief at this statement, so I added, "well, sometimes I am."
He roared with laughter,
"As long as it's only sometimes, we will be fine!"
We dressed and he drove me home, as before the radio blared and we sang along with every song, ignoring the disdainful looks from some of the other drivers as we sped past. When we pulled up outside, he looked at me expectantly, I knew I should offer to invite him in, but I also knew I wasn't ready to allow someone else into the place which had been exclusively Lainie's and mine for so long.
"I would invite you in, but, as we said before, we have work tomorrow..." I said, hoping this would be enough because I really didn't want to hurt his feelings. I noticed a flicker of disappointment but then he sighed,
"You're right, of course," he leant across and lightly kissed me, he looked deeply into my eyes before suddenly breaking away,
"Go on, you'd better get inside before I change my mind," he then smiled mischievously, before adding, "or better yet, change yours."
I smiled back, before answering firmly,
"I'll see you tomorrow, Tom."
I stepped out of the car and watched him roar away, the music so loud, I saw a few neighbours peering out of their windows. I waved cheerily at one particularly grumpy looking woman before finding my keys and going inside. After the warmth of being with Tom, the house felt cold and lifeless, so I quickly switched on the heating and turned on the lights. I tossed my clothes into the laundry basket, showered and slumped down on to the sofa, only to realise I hadn't checked my phone for almost 24 hours. Fortunately I had thrown my bag down when I'd come in, so I didn't have to move too far to retrieve it. Almost as soon as I started to scroll through the messages, it was clear Kat was especially keen to hear from me. She had guessed both what had happened and where I'd been, we had often joked she had some kind of weird psychic ability to know when I was in some kind of sexual situation, from her increasingly frustrated texts, it clearly hadn't failed her this time.I read them aloud to myself, for no real reason other than my own amusement,
"So where are you? Not with Tom I hope," said the first, shortly to be followed by,
"OMG you're with him, aren't you? What happened to restraint?!"
Then,
"Do you even know what that means??"
I smiled, as several others followed in the same vein, the last ones having been sent earlier that day,
"Well, I'm guessing you've spent the night with him because that's the only reason good enough for not answering your phone."
Her final message expressed her hope I was alright and she wanted to hear all the sordid details when I 'came up for air.'
As I read her words, I thought about calling her, but I still wasn't entirely sure how I felt about what had happened. I knew I liked Tom, it certainly felt like that feeling was mutual, but there were those nagging doubts at the very back of my mind. All I was really sure of, was I didn't want to acknowledge them today and I knew talking to Kat might force me too. So I opted for sending her a quick message just to assure her I was fine, alive and well. I had only just pressed the SEND button when another message appeared, this time from Tom,
"Had a great time but it ended way too soon, hope you feel the same way x."
I tried to think of something clever or witty to say as a reply, but whether through tiredness or anxiety, nothing sprang to mind. After a few tense minutes, I thought of Kat's favourite answer and typed that,
"Absofuckinglutely," adding a smiling emoji and a heart, almost as soon as I sent the message, I regretted it, believing it sounded at best cheeky or at worst, kind of rude. I stared at my phone, willing it to respond, until after what seemed like hours, but was actually only minutes, another message appeared from him,
"Hahahaha...and you're that respectable lady, see you soon xxx."
I sighed with relief and laughed, both at myself and his answer, I offered my thanks to Kat before heading off to bed.
Chapter 5
It felt as if my head had barely hit the pillow, when the deafening tones of AC/DC woke me up, causing me to almost fall out of bed. I cursed Lainie for setting the rock music as my alarm, as I struggled to find the 'off' switch so I could return to sleep, even five more minutes seemed like a welcome option. But as soon as I put the clock down, my phone rang, for the briefest of moments, I thought about ignoring it, but when I saw Kat's name flashing on the screen, I sighed heavily. I knew from experience there was no way she wouldn't keep calling until she received some kind of response. So after settling back on my pillow, I answered,
"Morning Kat, you're up early, is everything.."
"Don't even try it Sweetcheeks," she interrupted, "What did you do?"
I laughed,
"Me? I have no idea what you mean," I replied with feigned innocence, knowing this would mildly irritate her, as I heard her snort with derision, clearly it had worked.
"Yeah right Carrie, enough of the bullshit, I just need to know you're alright," she insisted firmly.
"Oh that's different," I replied," for a moment there, I thought you wanted to hear all about my night with Tom..but obviously you're only concerned for my wellbeing. So as that's the case, I'm fine and thank you for calling."
I left my last comment hanging in the air, but not for a longer than a moment before a now very frustrated Kat snapped,
"You're hilarious, you know that?" Seriously, you should go
on TV."
Despite ourselves we both laughed, so I rested back and told her everything, although I knew she was listening carefully, I also knew as soon as I stopped talking, she would have plenty to say in response. As I predicted, she quickly made her opinion known to me, and, as any dear friend would, she advised extreme caution and reminded me of how emotionally bruising my time with Jay had been.
"I just don't want you getting hurt again, that's all, I've got nothing against Tom, I barely know the guy, but just be really careful," she said quietly.
"Tom is nothing like Jay, I will be fine," I insisted, "...and anyway, sweetheart, I have no idea if anything else is going to happen."
I heard her sigh heavily, it was obvious, she was far from convinced,
"There's something else though, Carrie," She continued, her voice suddenly seeming to sound even more serious,
"Be careful who you tell at work, Diana really doesn't like relationships going on and you've only just started working for her."
This last comment made me sit up, ignoring the pillow falling on to the floor, I asked her to explain.
"Diana is a great boss, don't get me wrong," Kat began,"But her whole life is about work, and she expects not much less from everyone else. She sees relationships at work causing nothing but problems and I guess she's right in some ways, don't you think?"
She paused, my mind flitted back to my old job, where who was with who had somehow become part of played everyone's lives, even if you weren't directly involved. In the worst cases, there had even been times when most of the staff had been forced to take sides between the warring factions of the broken relationship.
"She sees them as a distraction, what you do away from work, well, I doubt whether she cares at all, but you and I both know, Carrie, things can rapidly get out of control when you have to work with someone who you're seeing or rather not seeing, don't you remember the whole Mia saga?"
Once more, I thought back, it was true, we had worked with Mia when she started dating a guy, who we later discovered had been cheating on her. I doubted anyone who had been there could have forgotten the time she had walked into the staff canteen and threw an entire bowl of steaming hot, spaghetti at him. He was left sitting in a gelatinous pool of thick tomato sauce, looking as if he had received multiple stab wounds, I shivered at the memory of her wild-eyed state as she slammed her way out of the stunned room, leaving her victim dripping and shocked. My thoughts were interrupted again by Kat's concerned voice,
"You still there sweetheart?"
"Yes, sorry," I stammered, "I was just thinking about what you said."
"Well, I suppose there's a first time for everything," she joked, before her voice changed tone again," Look, I don't mean to rain on your parade, sweetheart, but whatever this is with Tom, well, think before it goes too far, that's all I'm saying."
As I promised again to be careful, my eyes drifted back to the clock and I quickly realised I had to get moving otherwise I was going to be late for work. After a rushed goodbye to Kat, I raced off to the shower, thankful I had little time to make any kind of decisions.
After an uncomfortable train journey into work, where I had been sandwiched between a heavily pregnant woman who looked as if she could give birth at any moment, and a particularly sweaty man who, every time the train jerked, felt it was acceptable to fall into me, grabbing on to me, as he apparently tried to steady himself. On pulling into one station, he fell even harder, just in time, I saw one nicotine-stained hand heading for my breast, so I quickly side-stepped. Obviously not expecting me to move, he had genuinely stumbled and bumped into a huge, muscular man wearing a hard hat and a high-visibility vest. The first man anxiously glanced up, but the builders' face showed no real expression other than a scowl,
"Sorry mate," the sweaty man gasped, the second man remained impassive, even when the first quickly took a step backwards, almost touching me again with his out-stretched hand. As our eyes met, I glared at him,the rogue arm quickly dropped to his side and he stared intently at the floor for the rest of the journey.
So even though I had showered before I left home, when I finally got off the train, I felt slightly sticky and uncomfortable, thankfully, even though the sun was shining, there was a definite breeze which, by the time I reached work, had cooled me down and left me feeling infinitely fresher again.
As I had barely taken a step out of the lift, when Jacquie appeared at her office door,
"Morning Carrie, just to say, staff meeting first thing in the conference room..."
She turned away and then spun on her heel,
"Sorry, I forgot, you haven't been to one, it's down to the very end of this corridor, turn left and it's the second door, don't worry, you'll find it, everyone is heading that way."
Before I could ask anything, I heard her phone ring and she scampered back into the office. I followed her directions and, as she had said, when I reached the end of the corridor, a steady stream of people were ahead of me, some talking quietly, while others maintained consistent eye contact with their phone screen. As we walked into the room, I felt my stomach leap slightly, I suddenly felt inexplicably nervous as my earlier phone call with Kat came to mind. As I looked for a seat, it felt as if people were staring at me, which I knew was ridiculous, but when my gaze did lock momentarily with someone else, I found myself either guiltily looking down at the floor or at the large clock on the wall. I was relieved when I finally found a seat by the wall and could regain some kind of composure. I kept reminding myself, it had only been the night before I had been with Tom,so the possibility of anybody in this room, knowing anything was, to say the least, remote. I reminded myself, I hadn't actually done anything wrong, so there was really no need to feel uncomfortable at all. After several anxious minutes, I felt myself start to relax, although I opted to retrieve my phone from my bag and stare intently at the screen rather than risk any more eye contact.
Suddenly the door burst open and Diana strode down the centre steps to the small stage, after adjusting her glasses, she momentarily scanned the room, seeming to be carefully registering every face. Almost as one, people put away their phones and the murmuring fell silent, I stuffed mine back into my bag and waited for her to speak. She tossed a sheaf of papers onto a small table next to her in the stage and was about to speak, when the door burst open again, causing everyone in the room to jump and then turn to face the cause of the interruption. A slightly-disheveled Tom stood awkwardly in the doorway, his tie hung loosely around the collar of his shirt and his jacket was slung carelessly over one shoulder,
"Sorry I'm late Diana, I overslept." he explained meekly, I glanced from him to her, she shook her head,
"Well at least you got here eventually, Tom," her response sounding more weary than angry. As he looked around the room for somewhere to sit, Diana audibly drummed her nails on the desk, clearly her patience was swiftly running out.
Finally, after a few more moments, she snapped, "Oh just sit on the stairs Tom," I noticed a small, bespectacled man start to stand up as if he had something to say, but the icy glare she shot in his direction, made him instantly regain his place without speaking. Diana sighed heavily, shook her head again and addressed the man,
"I know, Maurice, sitting on the steps is a health and safety violation, but I don't have all day. So should this room inexplicably spontaneously combust, consuming us all in the ensuing flames, I shall make sure my dying words are, it's all Tom Garrisons' fault, so people know who to sue, okay?"
The man nodded an acknowledgement quickly, a few people, including me, struggled to stifle a giggle at her remark, but one look at her face, soon made it clear, she was in no mood for humour. Meanwhile Tom had plonked himself down on the steps, he glanced across at me, smiled and winked. I was about to reciprocate, but Diana seemed to be looking straight at me, so I did nothing. I suddenly felt crushingly immature, as if I was back at school, facing a terrifying head teacher.I wasn't even sure she'd seen the wink or the smile, but I co
uldn't take the chance, so I stared ahead and tried to put the fact he was there at all, out of my mind. The meeting began with a few opening remarks from Diana, who turned to Maurice and asked him to make his report, there seemed to be a collective, but barely audible groan from the audience,
"Oh fuck, this is going to take all morning now," I heard someone whisper behind me.
"Tell me about it, once he gets going, we will be lucky to get lunch," someone else replied.
As Maurice began talking, I tried hard to concentrate, but my eyes kept flitting to Diana, who was seated at the right side of the stage. She sat, her hands folded neatly on the laptop which was resting on her lap. Her expression seemed calm, her eyes focused firmly on the speaker and in no other direction. After almost an hour, Maurice finally stopped talking, there was a universal sigh of relief when he returned to his seat. Diana thanked him and took centre stage, the whole room which had been only moments before, awash with apathy suddenly seemed to sit up and start paying intense attention.