Left early to join the search. I’ve got my mobile. Thought I’d let you sleep it off. Call me when you wake up.
He has not left a kiss.
‘Shit.’ I mutter to myself bunching up the note and throwing it into a wastepaper basket, trying to ignore the feelings of guilt.
‘Come on, Lib, I really think we should get down there.’
‘Right, yes.’ I am trying to think clearly. I’ve never been a morning person. ‘Let me just have some water then we’ll go.’ I head into the kitchen. ‘What did you see? What’s going on?’
‘I dunno. Just saw a cop car rushing past the house and ducked out to see what was happening. I followed it round and saw it had stopped outside Amit’s shop. There were cops banging on his door and then a team showed up in white suits. Something’s happened.’
My stomach does a somersault and I finish the glass of tepid water.
‘Let’s go.’ I grab my keys and sunglasses from the kitchen table and lead the way.
We step back into the bright morning light and I pull the door closed with a thump before we set off towards the scene.
Amit’s shop is about seven hundred yards from my front door and we race along the street half walking half running. My heart is going at a thousand miles an hour and I feel sick.
As we near the corner of Frogge Street and Church Street I see a police car pulling away with Amit in the back. He does not see me but his face looks pale. I don’t like what I am witnessing. Something is very wrong.
Seconds later the shop comes into view. A crowd of neighbours have gathered outside and are watching the police tape off the area around the shop.
Dashing towards the nearest officer I am aware that all eyes are on me.
‘What’s happened?’ I ask the stony-looking man securing the perimeter. ‘I’m her mother. Hope’s mother. What’s going on?’ the panic in my voice stops him dead in his tracks.
‘You will need to speak to the detective, ma’am.’ His expression is grave and I fear the worst.
‘Have you found her? Have you found Hope?’
‘I will get the officer in charge to come and have a word. Please wait here.’
I am aware Mike has caught up and is standing beside me.
‘What is it?’ he asks.
‘I don’t know. They won’t tell me anything yet. Someone is just coming to talk to me now.’ My voice is shaky and my legs feel like jelly.
‘I really think you should call Dan.’ Mike encourages gently. ‘He should be here with you.’
‘Yes. You’re right.’ I fumble in my pocket for my mobile phone. ‘Shit. I must have left it at home. Can you call him, please? Tell him to get over here as fast as he can.’
‘OK, Lib. Will do.’ Mike steps away to make the call as an officer steps out of the shop and approaches me.
‘Mrs Bird?’ The fat man in his fifties removes the blue latex gloves from his large hands.
‘Yes.’
‘I’m Dale Roth. I’m the crime scene manager.’
‘What’s going on?’
‘We were called here this morning after the refuse collection reported making a discovery.’
‘What does that mean?’ I hold my breath not knowing if I want him to answer my question.
‘A child’s shoe was discovered in a bin belonging to this shop. The shoe is a pink plimsoll that matches the description of the shoes your daughter was last seen wearing.’
‘What does that mean?’ I stand there with my arms folded across my chest. My words are shaky.
‘The shoe will go to the lab for testing.’
‘Then what?’
‘Well,’ Dale peers over his glasses at me. ‘We need to confirm whether or not the shoe belongs to Hope.’
‘I understand that.’ I am trying to remain calm. ‘But then what? Have you found anything else?’ I feel the colour drain from my face.
‘We are doing a thorough search of the property. We will know more soon.’
‘And what about Amit?’ Danny appears and interrupts.
‘He has been arrested. You will need to speak to the officer in charge.’ Dale’s face was sympathetic but he wasn’t being much help.
‘This is a waste of fucking time.’ I grab Danny’s arm. ‘Let’s go to the station.’
Danny nods and we leave Dale standing there, watching us walk away from the busy crime scene.
‘I’m sorry about last night.’ I say, as we are almost halfway home.
‘I know. Just don’t fall apart, Lib. I need you, too. We all do.’
‘I know. I’m sorry.’
We walk at such a quick pace that we both break out in a sweat. I feel it dripping down my neck from my hairline. The muggy summer weather is only half responsible for this. Fear and worry are the real cause.
As we let ourselves back into our house I make a dash for the kitchen. I’m parched and have an urge to splash cold water on my face.
‘I’ll call Mum and let her know what’s going on.’ Danny picks up the house phone and starts to dial as I lean into the gush of cold water pouring from the tap and let my face get drenched. Today is not going the way I hoped it would. No day since she disappeared has been right. Everything feels wrong and now, since the discovery of her shoe, things feel suddenly worse. I am doing my best to ignore the fact that it was found in a bin. The thought makes me want to curl up and die. Nothing that belongs to her should ever be left in a bin. She loves those shoes. I bought them for her in the spring. We went shopping together in Cambridge. Then I took her to pizza express. She ate the largest slice of chocolate cake I’d ever seen. It was a fun day we spent, just the two of us.
If her shoe was in a bin it must be bad news. I want to ignore that but I can’t. And not just any bin. It’s Amit’s bin. Amit, the man who has a record for sexually abusing girls.
I don’t hear because I’m not listening to the conversation Danny is having with his mum. I know if I listen that I will hear his pain, and hers, translated through his voice. It’s bad enough managing my own horror. I’m not sure I can spread myself that thin.
After drinking a pint of water quickly, I dash upstairs to my bedroom to change out of the clothes I was wearing yesterday. A clean but wrinkled pile of clothes sits piled on a faded blue velvet chair. Tipping it over in a hurry I scrabble through looking for something cool.
‘Come on Lib, let’s go!’ Danny calls up the stairs as I pull a green cotton maxi dress over my head.
‘Coming!’ I bundle my dirty clothes into the overflowing laundry basket and rush out of the room, not giving a seconds thought to the mess I leave behind. Matters such as keeping a tidy house have gone out the window since Hope disappeared. She is the only thing I can focus on.
‘Right.’ Danny has the car keys in his hands and I follow him out of the house leaving my stomach upstairs in our bedroom.
When we arrive at the police station we are greeted by a whirlwind of press all eager to know what is happening.
Pushing our way through the crowd, refusing to answer any of the morbid questions being shouted at us, we make it into the reception area. Immediately my eyes fall on Kerry, who is standing there as if she has been expecting us.
‘This way,’ she beckons, leading us down one of the corridors and into a family room.
‘I want to know what’s happening.’ Danny remains standing as I perch on the edge of a scratchy fabric seat.
‘Mr Chadrad has been arrested for the abduction of Hope. Inspector King is questioning him as we speak. We’ll know more soon.’
‘What about his shop? Have they found anything else?’
‘As far as I know,’ Kerry comes and sits down next to me and rests her hand on top of mine, ‘the shoe is the only thing so far. It’s been sent to the lab. We should have the results back shortly.’
‘Can you tell me,’ my voice is quivering, ‘what state the shoe was in?’
Kerry removes her hand from mine and straightens her back.
‘There
was no blood on the shoe.’
I look up at my husband wanting to share the relief I feel but he looks destroyed and close to tears.
‘Why would he have her shoe? He must know where she is. He must have taken her.’ Danny wipes his eyes and compiles himself. ‘If he is here then she is out there somewhere on her own. We need to find her. You need to search his house and shop.’
‘The scene of crime officers are doing everything they can. If anything else shows up, you will be the first to know. If Mr Chadrad has taken Hope I think it is highly unlikely he is keeping her near his shop. There are houses right next door and of course he has a wife and young baby. The inspector is doing everything in his power to get to the bottom of this. I know this is hard but for the moment you just have to keep calm and remain patient.’
‘We’ve been doing that for the last eleven days. Where has that got us? You had him and you let him out. Fuck knows what he’s done to her now!’ Danny is shaking all over as I get up and go to him, wrapping my arms around his tense body and trying to soothe him.
‘Don’t freak out. Please. I need you to be strong right now. We’ll find her. I’m sure of it. I’d know if…’ my words trail off.
Kerry stands up and excuses herself, leaving us alone in the room with nothing but dark thoughts.
SEPTEMBER 2013
Libby
It has been a long and painful thirty-six hours since the discovery of the shoe in the shop wheelie bin. Kerry, who has been at home with us for most of the day, receives a call confirming the plimsoll belongs to Hope. When she breaks the news to us she cannot hide her concern.
‘The shoe will now go for a chemical treatment in the hope that it shows up some print markers.’ Kerry’s professionalism never wavers. ‘If we can link the shoe to Mr Chadrad then he will be charged. The officers have already been given an extension to hold him for longer.’
‘I think I am going to be sick.’ I stumble out of the sitting room and into the kitchen to hang my head over the sink. I close my eyes to try and stop the world from spinning. A moment later I feel a warm hand on my back, gently rubbing it.
‘Take some deep breaths, Libby.’ Kerry’s voice is calming.
I stay hanging over the sink for a while before I’m sure the nausea has passed, then sink to the tiled kitchen floor in a heap.
‘I’ve been so sure she is OK. All this time I believed we were going to find her. But I’ve lost that feeling now. It’s gone. And I don’t know what to do.’
Kerry hunches down onto her heels so we are on the same level.
‘You don’t know anything yet. Keep on being positive. It is so important that you don’t stop believing.’
Just then Danny appears in the doorway. Kerry does the honourable thing and leaves us alone to digest the troubling news.
‘Why only one shoe? Where is the other?’ Danny comes and sits on the floor next to me.
‘I don’t know, Lib.’ He closes his eyes and rests his head against the cupboard. ‘I don’t know what to think now.’
‘I know we sent her away but I wish Gracie was here. I just want to give her a hug. I feel like I’ve lost both of my children.’
‘Don’t speak like that!’ Danny jumps to his feet. ‘You were the one who sent her away. You didn’t stop to think what I wanted. This isn’t about you, for fuck’s sake.’
‘No, you’re right! It’s not!’ I feel my own temperature rising. ‘It’s about our daughter who has been missing for nearly two weeks, and no one seems to have a clue where she is or what has happened to her!’ My anger and the tears that come seconds later make me feel dizzy. ‘This can’t be happening to us.’ I begin to sob. ‘I just want her back where she belongs.’
‘Me too.’ Danny softens. ‘I just feel so bloody hopeless. I can’t stand all this waiting around.’
‘OK.’ I wipe the tears from my cheeks and start to formulate a plan. ‘Let’s go and pay Simran a visit. If Amit took Hope she must know something. Maybe she knows where he’s taken her. She’s his wife. She’s got to know something. I’ve had enough hanging around. Let’s go and find our daughter.’
I stand up, take Danny ’s hand and we slip out of the front door before Kerry has returned from her latest telephone call in the spare room.
‘Come on.’ Danny takes my hand as we step out into the muggy summer weather. Above us low dark clouds linger, threatening rain.
We walk in silence along the road that leads to the shop. My mind is whirling. I don’t know what we are going to ask her, or if Simran will even agree to see us but we have to try.
‘Let me do the talking,’ I tell my husband firmly. ‘She is more likely to be receptive to another woman. Besides, you might scare her.’
‘I’m not going to scare her,’ Danny scoffs.
‘Not deliberately, but you might. You’re angry and it shows.’
‘And you’re not?’ He spits his words.
‘Of course I am! But just let me do the talking, woman to woman. I don’t think you should even come in.’
‘We don’t even know if she will agree to talk to you.’
‘No we don’t. But we are going to try.’
The last few hundred yards I can’t get the image of Hope’s shoe out of my head. I keep picturing it lying in amongst the garbage. Questions keep swirling around and around; why only one shoe? Where is the other? Where is she?
As we approach the shop we see that a few journalists have gathered, waiting for their pound of flesh. Determined not to be distracted, we walk right past them and towards the wooden side gate to the left of the shop front. I’m surprised to discover it is unlocked and we let ourselves in, forcing the gate shut behind us to keep out the looming press.
Neither of us has ever been into the place this way. We’ve never seen Amit and Simran’s garden before. We have no idea what the flat above the shop looks like inside and it feels strange walking into their private home without an invitation.
‘Right,’ my breathing is quick, ‘you stay here.’ Danny and I are standing on a concrete patio at the back of the shop. Weeds and grass have pushed their way up through the slabs making the space look shabby and uncared for.
Danny nods as I go to the back door and knock. I wait for a moment, holding my breath, hoping for an answer. There is no sound or movement from inside so I knock again. Still nothing.
‘Simran,’ I take a step backwards and call up, ‘it’s Libby. Please let me in. I just want to talk to you.’ Upstairs I see the net curtain twitch and realise she is at home. ‘Please Simran, just a few minutes. I’m not here to cause trouble. I just want to talk to you.’
The curtain doesn’t move again, and I stand there wondering if she is going to respond.
A minute later the back door opens an inch and I see Simran through the crack.
‘I don’t want any trouble. My baby is sleeping.’
‘Hello, Simran.’ I step forward slowly keeping my voice low. ‘I just want five minutes of your time.’
‘I don’t know anything about what is happening. I am scared for myself and my child.’
‘I know. So am I. My little girl has been missing for a week. I just want her home safely. Please talk to me. I just want to ask you some questions.’
‘But I speak to police already. I don’t know where she is. I am so ashamed that my family is being under investigation. We are good people.’
‘I know you are, Simran. I know you would never do anything to hurt a child. You’re a mother; you must understand how desperate I am. Just five minutes and then I’ll leave. I promise.’
Simran opens the door a fraction more and peers out at Danny.
‘Just me. Danny is going to wait out here.’
‘OK.’ Simran takes a weary step back and lets me pass before slamming the door shut and dashing up the stairs to check on her sleeping child.
I can’t explain why, but a burst of adrenaline starts to flood around my body. Looking down at my hands I can see they are shaking and I f
ollow her upstairs to the flat.
Once up there I see that the police have ransacked everything. Her life has been literally turned upside down and for a second I am glad. Now she knows how I feel. Then I stop myself and remember she is not responsible for Hope’s disappearance.
Simran returns from what I presume is her daughter’s bedroom and gives a nod of satisfaction. The child is still asleep.
‘I promise I won’t be long and I’m not here to cause any trouble.’
‘I don’t know what you want me to say. I can’t believe that Amit would do anything to hurt your little girl. He is so good with children. He’s a decent man. I would know if he wasn’t.’
‘But what about the shoe?’
‘Anyone could have put that there.’
‘OK. That’s a fair point, but what about his past?’
Simran fixes me with her dark brown eyes. She is a very attractive woman and the red bindi on her forehead suits her.
‘His criminal record. You can’t ignore that.’
‘I am not going to. That is our private business.’
‘Simran,’ I move over to the sofa and perch beside her. ‘Did you know about it before?’
‘It is private. I don’t want to talk about it with you.’
‘I need to know. Anything that might help us find Hope. Surely if he’s innocent you want to help find the person who is really responsible. Anything you know could help. Please.’
‘Amit is not a pervert. That is all I am going to say.’
‘Simran, my little girl is missing. I don’t know if she is dead or alive. Your husband has been taken to the police station and arrested. This is not going to disappear. Why won’t you help me?’
Simran adjusts her turquoise sari and looks down at her hands.
‘I was that girl.’
‘Pardon? Sorry, I don’t understand.’
‘I was the young girl Amit was accused of raping.’
‘He raped you?’ I sit back, speechless.
‘No. Never. He is a good man. I was fifteen when I met him and he was thirty-two. We were in love. My parents didn’t approve. They wanted me to marry someone from a better family, so when they discovered us they reported us to the police.’
Frailty: a haunting psychological page-turner Page 7