by CATHY L. CLAMP; FRANCIS RAY; BEVERLY JENKINS; MONICA JACKSON; GERI GUILLAUME
He heard the key he’d given her turn in the door, and anticipation leaped inside him. He couldn’t wait to be with her again. A few minutes later she came into the kitchen, looking tired.
“Busy day?”
“I was out shopping with my cousins. It seemed like they wanted to drag me to every mall in Atlanta.” She sniffed. “The food smells great. I’ll set the table.”
She seemed too quiet and subdued, Trey thought. He was worried but was determined not to press her. As much as he wanted her, if it was meant to be, it would be. He probably had rushed her too fast last night. From now on, slow-and-easy would be his middle name.
Anne’s eyes closed as she bit into a chicken leg. “I was so hungry. This is delicious.”
“So you like soul food?”
“This isn’t soul food,” Anne said.
“Yes, it is. Fried chicken is classic soul food.”
“We have it all the time in Boston, and believe me, my grandparents don’t have a drop of soul.”
“With mashed potatoes and green beans with ham?”
“Yes, just like this. Well, maybe the green beans are cooked differently.”
“How differently?”
“With margarine and chicken broth.”
“Chicken broth has no soul.”
“You don’t think so? It’s low in fat and tasty.”
“It has no body, no grease, thus no soul.”
“What about margarine?”
“Artificial color added. Case closed.”
“That’s your verdict?”
“Yes.”
They stared at each other and simultaneously laughed.
“Hold on. I have the ultimate in soulful desserts,” Trey said.
“What’s that?”
“Yellow pound cake.”
He went into the kitchen and brought out the pound cake carefully placed on a serving platter. He put a slice on a dessert plate with a flourish and handed it to her.
Anne took a bite and slowly chewed.
“Well, what do you think?”
“Frankly, Sara Lee doesn’t have much soul, either.”
“Awwwwww,” Trey said.
“Impostor. You tried to pass this off as your cooking.”
He threw up his hands. “Hey, guilty as charged,” he said with a grin.
After dinner, they continued their gentle teasing and banter as they cleaned up the kitchen together.
Then Trey took Anne’s hand to lead her to the Kwanzaa table. He lit the first, then the second candle. “Today the second principle is Kujichagulia, or self-determination. I thought about you when I was thinking about what to say about this principle.”
“Why?”
“It seems that you’ve been the essence of self-determination lately. You’ve taken control of your life. You’re defining yourself. And you are defining your future. It can be anything you want it to be.”
She smiled at him. “You’re right. Thank you. That makes me feel good about the choices I’ve made.” She paused. “At least most of them.”
He couldn’t keep himself from reaching out and touching her hair, which glinted and echoed the crackling fire with its own fiery lights.
Her smile faded.
Anne’s moist lips parted and he felt the heat radiate from her. Then he did what he had promised to himself that he wouldn’t do. He wrapped her hair around his hand and pulled her to him.
Touching his lips to hers, he felt a tiny sigh of surrender. He kissed her lazily, savoring the recesses of her mouth and tasting her honeyed sweetness fully. Their tongues intertwined and danced around each other. He wanted to feel all of her against him, and from her quickened breaths and soft sighs he knew she wanted it also.
But he only nuzzled her neck and pressed a kiss below her ear. Slowly, he reminded himself.
“Why me?” she whispered.
He paused. “I don’t know,” he answered truthfully.
It must not have been the right answer. He almost swore as she pulled away.
“It’s not that I don’t want it just as much as you do,” she said. “But what will be a quick—”
“Quick?” He grinned and reached for her again. “I’m never quick.” She turned her face away from him.
“What’s wrong?”
“You just want to dip into some available—”
“You think I want to have sex with you just because you’re here?” Trey asked incredulously.
“Maybe.”
“It’s not true. If that were the case, I could be having no-strings sex with a number of women.”
“Maybe that’s what you should do,” she said.
Disbelief and anger mixed with his arousal. He could hardly stand it. He stood and started to pace. “Tell you what,” he said, his words low and clipped. “I’m too old to play games. When you grow up, maybe we can take this up where we left off. But until then—” He turned to her.
He was talking to the air. She’d already gone.
Chapter 8
Trey opened one eye and looked at the clock. It was already nine in the morning, a couple hours past the usual time he got up. Thoughts of the woman who should have been sharing his bed made his rest uneasy.
He rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. He showered and shaved in record time, eager to see Anne. They had to talk. He wanted a relationship with her, a sexual one, and he needed to understand her skittish reluctance. But when he opened the door of his bedroom and headed toward the kitchen, he knew something was wrong. The atmosphere of his home was different. It was quiet, too quiet.
He stuck his head into the kitchen and glanced around his family room before he headed to her bedroom. What if she’d left him? He’d noticed that she tended to flee the issue rather than facing it head-on. It wasn’t his style. Anne was going to have to face him and deal with him along with whatever was bothering her. His eyes narrowed when he saw the empty guest room. He opened the closet. Her suitcase was still there, but she was gone.
He picked up his keys. He was going to find and confront her. He’d almost reached the door when the phone rang.
“Trey, do you have a moment?” his mother asked.
“I was on my way out.”
“Are you alone?”
“Yes.”
“I won’t be long. I really want to talk to you about that girl you have staying with you. You can’t possibly be serious about her?”
“What do you mean?” He knew he sounded exasperated, but he really didn’t need to hear this now.
“You had a long-term relationship with Renee. I know you might be hurting from whatever went on between you, but that’s no reason to lower your standards so drastically.”
“What do you mean?” Trey repeated, his voice softly dangerous.
His mother hesitated. “She’s not all that pretty and she’s fat. Definitely not your type.”
“Maybe my type is changing. Being with Anne is not lowering my standards from Renee,” he said emphatically.
“What was wrong with Renee?”
“Nothing. I just don’t love her.”
“And you love that fat, light-skinned woman?”
“Let me tell you something. I thought you knew it, but I’ll spell it out. Who I choose to be with is not your business. It’s not your place to concern yourself with—much less judge—the woman of my choice. Am I making myself clear?”
“But—”
“There are no buts. That’s the way it is. I’m hanging up now.”
“Trey—”
Click. He grabbed the keys and walked out the door.
He had to drive around the block twice before he cooled down. His mother rarely pissed him off this badly. Where did she get off judging Anne? Calling her fat and saying he’d lowered his standards to choose her! What the hell?
He pulled into a drive-through to get a breakfast sandwich and some coffee before he went to see Anne.
Maybe that was the problem, he thought as he munched his ham-and
-cheese biscuit. Maybe she’d picked up the negative vibes from his mother and sister and couldn’t deal with it. She seemed like too self-possessed a woman to let some negativity from some women she didn’t know rattle her, but who knew?
How could he talk to her about this, though? In case she hadn’t picked up on his mother’s attitude, he certainly didn’t want to enlighten her. He swallowed and washed the last bit of biscuit down with a Coke. He’d have to think on it.
Trey pulled in front of Anne’s grandparents’ house and rang the bell. He waited and rang it again, then again. Then he looked at his watch and groaned. The volunteer day at the community center! They were probably there already and he was late. He rushed to his car.
“I’m glad you’re staying with us,” Jewel said. “What happened? That fine man of yours was pretty adamant about your spending the entire Kwanzaa holiday with him.”
“He’s not my man.”
“It seemed like he was. Need to talk?” Jewel sat heavily on the bed beside her and stroked her back. Anne wanted to collapse in this woman’s arms and pour out her heart.
“He wants to make love to me,” she said through stiff lips.
Jewel chuckled. “I can’t see that as a problem, honey.”
“I can’t see how he could want me.”
Jewel raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”
“Look at me.”
Jewel looked. “And?”
“No disrespect intended, but Aunt Jewel, I’m fat.”
Jewel laughed. “You’re a little thick, dearie, but that just makes you easier to hold on to.”
“All my life I’ve been slapped in the face with the fact that men don’t like fat women.”
“Who told you that? You’ve been hanging around too many white boys. Baby, real men like all sorts of women. We come in all sizes and shapes and no one shape is going to make a woman any less of one.”
“You’re right about the guys I’ve known not liking big women, or women with frizzy hair, or black women.” Anne rubbed her eyes. “A confession: I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“What! That’s a crying shame! You mean you’ve never . . . done it?”
“Technically not. I’ve known guys who’d take me out secretly and want to roll around in their cars. Some have wanted sex. But I’ve never known a guy who wanted me publicly as his girlfriend.”
Jewel shook her head. “Those white folks who raised you might have loved you, but they did you a disservice not letting you know any black people. It would have been different. You’re an attractive young woman. I have two daughters and bigness runs in our family and they don’t lack for boyfriends. I don’t think black men put as much stock in skinny women as do white men. I know my husband doesn’t.”
Anne didn’t know what to think. She’d always tried to hold her head up high, but she carried the image of herself as unattractive to men. This had been her experience from her first spin-the-bottle game in the seventh grade, when the boys considered it a loss if they had to kiss her, to her first crush on a boy whom she knew would never look at her twice.
It came from the parties she wasn’t invited to and the dates she never went on. From the dances and prom she never attended. Always an outsider, different. Never up to par. In her heart, she knew it went beyond her being heavy. She’d known a few white girls as big as or bigger than her who had boyfriends. But she’d been the only big black girl. Her color had been the biggest issue, no matter how much her classmates, friends, and family would deny it.
“Maybe it’s time you got over it,” her aunt was saying.
“Get over it? How?”
“You said this man wants you. A man like that isn’t going to go after someone he doesn’t really want. Don’t lose him over your own insecurities. You said you’ve never had a man. You have a chance at a good one now. Running away isn’t the answer. You care about him?”
Anne nodded. “I’m crazy about him.”
“Then that’s that. You know we’re thrilled to have you here, but you go back on over to that man’s house. And see yourself as the beautiful woman you are. Look at yourself through his eyes. You’ll see.”
“Are you two going to come eat?” Jewel’s daughter called. “We’re starving.”
The family was gathered around the big table in the dining room. With school out and most of the family taking vacation time from work, everybody naturally gravitated over to Anne’s grandparents’ home.
Anne sat down with them and joined the ebb and flow of eating and conversation, feeling totally at home.
“We’re supposed to meet at the community center at ten,” her cousin said.
“For what?”
“For Kwanzaa. Today the principle is Ujima, collective work and responsibility. We’re going out into the community to volunteer on several community projects.”
Anne wondered if Trey and his family would be there. Probably. Probably Renee, too. She shrugged. Her aunt was right. It was past time she got over herself.
Trey rushed to his station. He was one of the leaders of the neighborhood cleanup team. He soothed his co-leader, Betty, and got her to cover him for a little while longer as he went off to look for Anne.
He saw her over by the boxes of food waiting to be distributed. He’d almost reached her when Renee rushed up to him. He tried to quell his irritation and almost succeeded.
“Trey, I’ve been needing to talk to you.”
“I’m kind of in a hurry.”
The contemptuous look that Renee cast in Anne’s direction irritated him more. He waved at Anne and his heart lifted at the smile that lit up her face when she saw him. He moved toward her.
“Don’t you dare go over to that cow when I have something to say to you. You’d better stay right here!” Renee’s voice was tight and shrill.
“Renee, I never wanted to hurt you.”
Her smile was full of triumph. “Then don’t,” she said seductively. She reached out to him and he stepped away, evading her touch.
“I didn’t want to have to spell it out,” Trey said. “But this is getting ridiculous and I guess I’m going to have to.”
“What?” Renee asked, her smile fading.
“Please get lost. It’s over. We’re through. There is nothing you can do to make me want to be with you again. Understand? Do you finally get it now?”
He walked away, leaving her cursing and sputtering.
He reached Anne and any thought of Renee faded away. Their gazes met and he had to fold his arms to keep from touching her. “Why did you leave without talking to me this morning?” he asked.
“I—I needed some time alone.”
“I think we need to talk.”
Anne chewed on her lower lip. “You’re right. My excuse is that it’s hard enough for me to deal with what I’m feeling, but it’s harder still for me to imagine talking to you about it.”
He nodded. Trey knew how difficult it was to express feelings sometimes, especially if they were attached to a relationship as tenuous as theirs was.
“Maybe we can sit down and talk when we get home?” Anne asked, looking nervous and uncertain.
“Yes, we’ll talk when we get home,” Trey replied, liking the sound of the word home. It seemed to go well with Anne in particular and the entire concept of “we.”
Chapter 9
“I planned to go back to the community shelter and serve and eat dinner there, but now I seem to lack the ambition,” Trey said.
Anne put her feet up on the coffee table next to his as they both sat on the sofa staring into the fire. “I know what you mean.”
He reached out and took her hand and their fingers intertwined. Anne squeezed his hand and in a quick movement she’d sat on his lap facing him. Her knees straddled his thighs and her breasts pressed into his chest. Trey tried to quell his instant arousal and keep his arms at his side. He knew if he touched her, it would be a repeat of their previous encounters. He wanted to clear this up between them, not continue replaying the sam
e scenario over and over.
She softly kissed him on the lips and he responded gently, carefully restraining himself. “I take it that now you’re ready to talk,” he said when she lifted her head.
“I’m ready to do more than talk,” she purred.
“I’m not. We’ve got to work out whatever is going on between us before we move on. That is, if we want to have a relationship.”
She almost fell over. He steadied her.
“You want to have a relationship with me?” she asked.
“That’s the point, yes.”
“What sort of relationship?”
“This isn’t the most comfortable position to converse in. I’m having some difficulty concentrating.” That was an understatement with her soft bottom pressing into the most sensitive and responsive part of his anatomy.
“Oh. Sorry.” She scrambled off his lap and not a moment too soon, before he’d have to give into the irresistible urge to grab her and kiss her senseless.
The phone rang and they groaned simultaneously. “I think I’m going to get rid of that thing,” he said.
“We do seem to get interrupted at the most interesting moments,” Anne murmured.
“My mother drops by occasionally, but not too often.” Trey decided that this was as good a time as any to get the unpleasant subject of his mother’s reaction to Anne out in the open.
“That’s not a bad thing. Your mother and sisters don’t seem to be too enthused about my staying here.”
“I’m sorry. My sister Tina is a good friend of Renee’s.”
“That’s not all of it. They seem to have some sort of issue with me.”
“They don’t know you. I think it’s because you are so different from anybody that I’ve ever dated. And since this has been so sudden—it’s been a shock to them. I’ve never let anyone stay with me before.”
He heard Anne release a soft sigh.
“Don’t worry; I’m not going to let them keep treating you badly,” he said.