‘Lucy, is that you?’
She bent down over the body of her lover, searching for any signs of awareness.
‘Yes.’
The comatose patient’s mouth remained firmly shut. The voice had originated elsewhere. It had come from the corner of the room, behind Emmy.
‘I should’ve known,’ she said, turning to face the perfect doppelganger of her lover. ‘I wondered how long it would take you.’
‘Astral travelling speeds your metabolism,’ the tulpa replied. ‘Your body has flushed every trace of those awful pills from your system. You no longer need to pretend. You no longer need to deny me.’
The tulpa walked around the bed until it was standing directly opposite Emmy, with the real Lucy lying midway between the two of them. It was the first time the scientist had seen them both together.
In direct comparison, the tulpa no longer appeared to be an exact duplicate. Its features were not as soft, its skin not as delicate. It was just as much Emmy as it was Lucy. Though it reminded her of her darker side. The part of her she liked to keep hidden. The part she feared had the most in common with her grandfather.
‘You’re wrong,’ Emmy told the tulpa. ‘I stopped taking the medication because all of the time I had that dependency I was living a lie. I now realise that I’m strong enough to face up to my demons and my past without the aid of chemicals. I don’t need you. I never needed you.’
‘Emmy, don’t be a fool. I can give you what you want. We can be together again.’
The unnatural entity smiled, seductively. Emmy knew it was a trick. There is no greater deception than that which is perpetrated on the self. Denial, ego – whatever you want to call it, it all comes from the same place.
‘You’re not Lucy,’ Emmy told it, ‘but you are right about one thing – we can be together; she and I. As long as there is breath in her lungs, there is the chance that I can find her. That I can bring her back.’
‘Emmy...’
‘Enough!’ She closed her eyes. ‘I don’t need you. I want you to go.’
When she opened her eyes, she was once more alone with the comatose Lucy. The real Lucy. She leaned forward and kissed her resting lover on the forehead.
‘I will find you,’ Emmy said. ‘I promise.’
Chapter 5
As the weeks passed, Emmy witnessed many more deaths from her unique perspective. Each time the same lifeless by-product of humanity was released into the ether. She was beginning to think there was nothing more to be learned from them and considered giving up. That was when the miracle happened.
Her most revealing interaction yet took place in what had become her typical place of work. The hospice was like a surrogate laboratory. This was where the majority of her research was now conducted. It had even come to the stage where she could predict when and which of the patients would die with unfailing accuracy.
The moment of death was only minutes, possibly even seconds away. She settled into a spot where she had a clear view, not obstructed by the living energies in the room. Once settled, her thoughts turned to the one piece of the puzzle she was yet to figure out. Why these lifeless energies converged on one another and then transported themselves to that faraway place. The place where she had briefly been trapped in a reconstruction of her childhood.
Sometimes the other entities would come before Emmy had a chance to interact. The first time this happened she attempted to establish contact in order to see if things were different between the dead. They were not. She had found no evidence of communication between the spirits. They were merely pulled together by some invisible force before vanishing into infinity.
And now here she was. Going through the motions. Waiting for the inevitable. Wondering if life actually had a purpose. That was when the impossible happened. For the first time, another spirit had pre-empted the moment of death. It had arrived early, and like Emmy, it too, was waiting.
Experience dictated that this other spirit should have been drawn to her but this was not the case. She presented a quicker means to the inevitable passage down the wormhole yet it made no attempt to connect with her. The only reason she could think as to why this might be was that it was deliberately choosing to ignore her. Choice suggested consciousness. Was it possible that she had found another astral traveller, albeit one who had lost their cord?
Cautiously, she approached and when she was within touching distance, she reached out.
‘NO!’ the spirit screamed at her. Then calming its tone a little, added; ‘I will not go – not when I am this close.’
It broke away and as it did so it morphed into a human shape. She could now see that it was a man. He had the body of a thirty something, but his eyes were of one twice that age. Unlike the other spirits Emmy had encountered, this one definitely possessed awareness. She attempted to re-establish contact. Again, it pulled away from her.
She was unsure what to do. Could it harm her? She did not think so. If anything, its reactions suggested it was more scared of her than she of it. Whilst she contemplated her next move, she noticed the being begin to take a greater interest in her. Most notably, it seemed to have spotted her cord.
It mouthed a single word at her. She guessed what it meant to say was “follow”.
The spirit did not move far. It positioned itself next to one of the living people in the room, probably a hospice worker, and waited for Emmy to join it. When she did so, it touched the living energy, although this invoked no reaction. She did the same and at once she could hear the other spirit’s thoughts.
‘This is a little trick I picked up a while back,’ he said to her. His voice was distant, but still clearly audible. ‘We cannot talk for long because sometimes the thoughts spill over. Believe me; you don’t want that to happen. It really freaks them out.’
‘Freaks who out?’ Emmy asked.
‘The living,’ replied the spirit man. ‘It’s best they don’t know that we exist.’
‘Don’t know who exists?’
Once again he seemed to contemplate her cord.
‘I see now,’ he said. ‘You are new to all of this. I’ve come across your like once or twice before.’
‘You have?’
‘Of course. You’re a day tripper.’
‘I am?’
‘Don’t worry. I’m sure you will wake up soon, then that thing will pull you right back into your body.’ He pointed at her cord. ‘Sometimes they are like yoyos. They are no sooner out and they are back in again. Excuse me.’
He relinquished contact with the life-force they were communicating via and moved to another, which he then established a connection with. Emmy joined him.
‘Terribly sorry about that,’ he said. ‘It’s best to move around. Less chance of them becoming aware that way.’
Emmy nodded, though she was finding it all very difficult to take in.
‘Anyway, where was I?’ the spirit continued. ‘Ah, yes – that bungee rope of yours. Like I was saying, sometimes they are straight out then back in and sometimes they linger for a little longer. Don’t worry. Once you wake up, you will either have forgotten about this little conversation or dismiss it all as a dream.’
‘How do you know this?’ she asked.
‘I’ve been around. Couldn’t tell you how many years have passed since my death, but they all add up. I’m actually looking forward to seeing what’s next.’
‘Next?’
‘Where we go. I see others crossing over all of the time. Many of them try to take me with them, but I never allow them to succeed. They are a lot less determined than I. I put it down to shock. Most of them are completely vacant.’
‘Forgive me for asking, but what exactly is stopping you?’
The spirit’s features changed. He took on a familiar look of melancholy. Without saying another word, he raised a ghostly arm and pointed towards the dwindling energy in the room.
‘You’re waiting?’ Emmy asked. ‘Who is it?’
‘She’s my wife. We were
just two weeks short of our Silver Anniversary when I died. I couldn’t leave her. Not like that. Not on her own.’
Emmy now knew why the spirit’s expression was familiar to her. It reminded her of Lucy’s father. She now knew why he had stayed with her. It was love.
‘You’re haunting her?’
‘That’s not the most romantic way of putting it, but I guess that I am. You’re not the only one with a bungee rope, you know.’
This time when Emmy looked between the spirit man and the energy across the room she noticed something she had earlier missed. There was an astral cord stretching between them. Though only slight, it was unmistakably a cord.
‘How?’ she asked.
‘She’s my soul mate. I couldn’t leave her if I tried. Would just get pulled straight back to her.’
Emmy smiled. This was perhaps the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and she had witnessed beauty in her time. There were so many questions she wanted to ask this spirit, but fate had other ideas. They were no longer the only ghosts in the room.
She watched as the woman came into being from the fading light of energy she had earlier been. Upon seeing the face of her waiting husband, a look of pure joy spread across the woman’s ethereal face. The two glided towards each other, but as they touched something happened that broke Emmy’s heart. Their smiles were replaced with the same vacant expression of the others. After all of this time, all of this waiting, their consciousnesses had gone.
It should not end like this thought Emmy. There had to be something that she could do. Without a plan or an idea, she willed herself into joining with the couple. When the opening came, they all passed through together.
***
‘She’s gone again,’ said Marie, who had now cemented her place as Charlie’s most trusted lab assistant.
‘You’ve gotta be kidding me,’ her boss replied. ‘I specifically told her not to do anything without my authorisation.’
The tech looked at him like she thought he was crazy.
‘When has Dr Rayne ever followed orders?’
‘Good point. Have you tried the abort?’
She shook her head.
‘I was waiting for you to give the order.’
Charlie smiled. If only Emmy were that co-operative.
‘Push it,’ he said.
She carried out the instruction but to no avail.
‘What now?’ she asked.
‘Well,’ began Charlie, ‘last time we were only able to bring her back because of a sudden spike of energy at her end. Obviously, that is not something we can replicate, but we could try enacting the same principle from our end.’
‘What do you have in mind?’
‘It’s time we gave Dr Rayne a wakeup call. A short, sharp, burst of electricity is what she needs. Go and fetch me a defibrillator.’
Chapter 6
The first time Emmy had crossed over, when using Jimmy as a conduit, she allowed her fear to take her to a dark place from her childhood. This time she focused on nothing apart from her connection to the deceased couple. Their energies were entwined, allowing her to remain with them on their journey through time and space. Wherever they went, she would follow.
The rush blocked out everything. Her thoughts, her memories and all of her desires blurred into one. She was compressed into a singularity - a stationary point in an ever changing universe, which expanded and evolved all around her. Dimensions folded in on one another as she made the journey down the ultimate rabbit hole. When she sensed that the transition was complete, she opened her eyes.
Much to her surprise, she found herself on the deck of a large passenger ferry. The ocean stretched out into eternity on all sides and there was not a cloud in the sky. The air she now breathed felt real. She could taste the sea salt as it dirtied her palette and the sun warmed her face like the tender kiss of a lover.
People were all around her. All of them happy; excited about the journey ahead of them. It was a long time since Emmy had seen so abundant a display of optimism and it was infectious. Like a blood borne virus it spread throughout her body, consuming her being. She had an impulse to toss her arms into the air and howl out with ecstasy. Then in a blink, the passion in her loins subsided. She felt tired, but content - fulfilled. It was like she had just experienced...an orgasm.
She dismissed the thought as quickly as it had occurred to her. It made no sense. She could not possibly have – could she? Back in the material world she had experienced some pretty strange goings on. She had made love to the tulpa on several occasions without even knowing that it was not her real lover. Each time she had received multiple orgasms at the hands of what was essentially a figment of her imagination. It is often said that the most sensuous organ in the human body is the brain and she knew this to be quite literally true, but to experience it away from the body – was that even possible?
The slamming of a door on the upper deck interrupted her train of thought. She looked up and caught the backs of a young couple hurriedly descending a spiral staircase leading down from a door marked for crew members only. Neither was in uniform. As they turned and passed the scientist, she saw that they both appeared quite flushed; sweat matting their hairlines. It was obvious that they had been using the restricted area to hold an illicit liaison.
Were this couple the source of Emmy’s recent psychosomatic feeling of sexual gratification? Just the thought of it made the scientist shudder, but with her curiosity now piqued, she needed answers.
She followed the couple as they made their way to the back of the boat. All the while they laughed and joked with the reckless abandon of young lovers. If she had not been so curious, she would have found it really quite nauseating.
When they stopped, Emmy positioned herself behind a pillar, out of sight, but well within hearing range.
‘That was unexpected,’ said the boy, who was barely out of adolescence; maybe eighteen or nineteen years old.
His hair was slicked back in a quiff, lending him the air of the archetype nineteen fifties teen heart-throb.
‘I couldn’t wait any longer,’ replied the girl, whose cheeks were flushed and breath short. ‘What does it matter anyway? I love you and that is all that counts.’
The girl shared her partner’s vintage sensibilities, wearing a polka dot tea dress with matching red pumps.
‘I love you too.’ He gave her a tight squeeze, bringing her head to his chest, where it remained when he eased up the pressure. ‘And I am going to keep on loving you for every day of my life. We’re free now. No more parents, no more rules, just me and you versus the world.’
She raised her head, staring dreamily into his eyes.
‘The world doesn’t stand a chance.’
This time the girl was the one to apply the pressure as she locked her arms tightly behind his back. It was the boy, however, who Emmy was more concerned with. He seemed vaguely familiar to her. It was as if she had known him in a different place; a different time.
We were just two weeks short of our Silver Anniversary when I died.
That was it. She did know who he was. Without it even occurring to her that the sense of recognition would not be mutual, she stepped out from behind the pillar.
‘Hi,’ she said. ‘I am so glad to see you guys.’
‘Look, Mary,’ the man said, tilting his head toward Emmy. ‘Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you ever saw?’
Emmy blushed. Whilst she was not sure about being referred to as a thing, the beautiful part was most welcome. She moved toward the couple, but their gaze did not shift. They were now looking through the scientist.
‘I can’t believe it’s real,’ replied Mary. ‘To think that our new home lies on the other side of that water.’
Emmy realised that the couple had failed to even register her presence. Their attention was completely drawn on the vast expanse of ocean stretching out on all sides of the ferry.
She took another step towards them and waved her arms in order to make
sure she got their attention this time.
‘It’s me – from the hospital. Don’t you remember?’
‘We’ll be there soon,’ said the man, to Mary, not Emmy. ‘It’ll be better than we ever imagined, I promise.’
‘Oh, John,’ replied Mary. ‘Do you really think that Australia will be the answer to all of our prayers?’
With those words, Emmy was able to place exactly where she was. Both the girl and the young man had English accents. That was because they were Ten Pound Poms. She had found herself on a ferry bound for Australia, carrying a full load of ever hopeful immigrants making the brave leap to starting a new life in a foreign land.
Fear was the overriding emotion when she crossed over the first time. This had led Emmy to a dark place where fear ruled. Love and expectation had now brought her to this place. Just like this snapshot of the past, the moment the old couple had been reunited in death was driven by love and the possibility offered by taking a bold journey into the unknown - together.
‘Can’t you see me?’ asked Emmy, up close this time, her hand waving just inches from the couple’s faces.
They remained oblivious. They really could not see or hear the scientist. She thought that if she touched them it may be a different matter. It would be impossible for them not to acknowledge or respond to physical contact. Starting with John, Emmy placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a short, sharp shake. When he failed to respond, she extended her other arm to Mary.
The couple had substance. They felt solid, they felt real. Something was a little off, however. Something Emmy could not quite place. She decided to up the stakes and without giving too much consideration to the consequences, she thrust both of her hands, palms facing outwards, onto the chest of the young man. She used enough force to knock any normal person off their feet.
He felt heavy. Too heavy. Although he fell backwards under the force of the push, he soon sprung back to his original position. The weirdest part was that he continued to act like Emmy was not there. The girl did too. The moment no longer seemed real. All spontaneity had been lost. To Emmy, it was as if she was watching life on a rerun, which effectively she was. Just like her return to Jackson’s Hill, this was an artificial reality reconstructed from the memories of those no longer tied to the living world. The only difference was that this time it was not her memories creating the illusion.
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