‘No thanks,’ replied Lucy.
She was clearly troubled. Not angry or disappointed, just confused.
‘You may as well tell me and get it over with,’ said Emmy.
‘Huh?’
‘Well, I’m guessing you have a reason for coming here. A really good reason, too, judging by this late hour.’
Lucy nervously raised her head, but kept her eyes facing downwards.
‘This thing that you thought was me.’
‘The tulpa.’
‘Yes, this...tulpa.’ The word felt strange and unnatural as she spoke it. ‘What became of it? I mean, did you stop loving me and one day it was gone or did you figure out what it was and purposefully make it go away?’
‘I never stopped loving you. The problem was that the tulpa wasn’t you. No matter how much I deluded myself, at some subconscious level I must have known. When I left Jackson’s Hill I was completely messed up. Over time, the emotional and the mental scars healed alongside the physical ones and I guess that I no longer needed that crutch. I had to return to civilisation and it was impossible to do so with a figment of my imagination by my side. Once my mind was made up to return, it just kind of faded away.’
‘And that was the last you saw of it?’
‘No. Its hold over me was strong. Every now and then I’d think I’d spotted you. It was always vague and in the peripherals; a lock of blonde hair in the corner of my eye or a familiar silhouette over my shoulder. Then when my life was in grave danger, it came back to protect me.’
‘How could I offer any protection?’
‘By this time it had become a monster. It was a raging maelstrom of psychic energy. It could smash through walls and tear apart anyone or anything that threatened me. I never would have survived Tibet without it.’
This most recent revelation did little to calm Lucy’s nerves. Talk of a monster capable of smashing through walls and tearing people apart sounded even worse than the earlier threat posed by the military.
‘Where is this monster now?’ she asked.
‘That’s a little complicated,’ replied Emmy.
‘No, it’s actually very simple. You created this thing and now I want to know what you’ve done with it.’
Emmy stood and walked toward the window, keeping her back to Lucy. She then placed her finger between sheaths in the blinds and opened a crack. It was a typical clear outback night. Stars freckled the sky; perfectly masking the vast emptiness of deep space. The vista spanned a depth of thousands of light years. Close neighbours compared to that distant star where she had learned of Lucy’s fate.
She had always suspected that heaven was nothing but an elaborate fantasy and going there had only confirmed this. Like the tulpa, it was both real and imagined at the same time. It did not contain life, merely a simulation of life - a pretence; a deceit. There was no future there; just a permanent reminder of a past forever lost. What Emmy had done she did for Lucy. There was no other way. The alternative was oblivion. Slowly, she turned back to face her would-be-lover.
‘Your flame had been extinguished so I reignited it with a spark from my own,’ she said. ‘I put the tulpa inside you.’
Chapter 18
There was a monster inside her.
She could barely even process what that meant.
Could this tulpa control her thoughts? Was it driving her actions? Or was it literally hiding under her skin, ready to burst forth at any moment? Her mind briefly harked back to a horror film she had seen as a teenager. It featured an acid blooded alien that gestated within the human body, waiting for the moment when it would violently burst forth from its host’s chest cavity before going on to massacre the crew of the spaceship, which had been unfortunate enough to pick it up.
This was not a movie. She was not on a spaceship. More importantly – Emmy would not deliberately put her in harm’s way. Would she?
‘Do you still have the power to control it?’ Lucy asked, not yet afraid, but concerned. Really, really concerned. ‘Can you control me?’
‘No,’ replied Emmy, her voice honest and tender. ‘I would never attempt to control you. The tulpa was simply a means to an end. Think of it as a form of recycling. A trade off. I took the energy I had been using to create the tulpa and used it to return life to your body instead. It actually worked better than I could have hoped. I mean, look how strong you are – how quick your recovery has been.’
‘So am I still me or am I this tulpa thing?’
‘You are definitely you. You still have the same memories and feelings that you had before. It’s no different than if I had given you a blood transfusion. The only distinction is that instead of giving you my blood I gave you a piece of my soul.’
Lucy closed her eyes and tried to block out all sensory perception. She wanted to feel nothing but her consciousness. She wanted to make sure that her mind still belonged to her. So far as she could reliably discern, nothing was any different to how it had always been. There were no other voices in her head. No memories that did not belong.
She could feel a slight pressure drawing a delicate line down the side of her left cheek. Lucy reached up to feel Emmy’s hand on her face. The touch was tender and reassuring. She closed her hand around Emmy’s and brought it to her chest, placing it over her heart. Then reaching out with her other hand she slowly guided it towards Emmy’s heart. Emmy, too, clasped her free hand over the one on her heart.
Both women’s hearts beat as one. They sounded in perfect unison. Lucy opened her eyes to see Emmy staring at her, both fearful and vulnerable. It was at this moment Lucy realised it was she who held the power. Everything that Emmy had done was for her. Not through desire, but due to dependency. Emmy needed her.
‘I have no memory of being dead,’ she said.
‘The dead are not conscious,’ replied Emmy. ‘You were gone.’
‘What about Dad? I saw him – we both did.’
‘Your love kept his energy close to you. His spirit was bonded to yours in a way I could not begin to explain. It was one in a million.’
‘And now?’
‘And now he exists only in the memories of those who knew him. In here.’ She rubbed her thumb over Lucy’s heart in a circular motion. ‘Not everybody gets a second chance. Whatever happens, I do not want you to waste yours.’
‘I won’t.’
Lucy moved Emmy’s hand a couple of inches along so that it cupped her right breast. She then began to slowly massage it using Emmy’s fingers.
‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ Emmy asked.
Lucy nodded. Then she turned to the side, allowing Emmy to position herself directly behind her. The scientist leaned forward and traced a line of kisses from Lucy’s shoulder to the nape of her neck. She then withdrew her lips just long enough for Lucy to slip her blouse over her head. She was not wearing a bra and Emmy clasped both hands more firmly on her lover’s breasts. As the intensity of Emmy’s kisses increased, Lucy leaned her head back so that they could lock lips, gorging themselves on more than three years’ worth of pent up desire.
***
When Emmy started work the morning after her night with Lucy, she could not hide the massive grin, which had taken up permanent residence on her face.
‘Either you’re an impostor and the real Emmy is tied up and locked in a closet somewhere, or you got laid last night,’ said Charlie.
‘Well, you’re wrong on both counts,’ replied Emmy. ‘This is the real me and nor did I “get laid” as you so eloquently put it.’
‘No way would you be this happy unless something happened between you and Lucy. So unless you want to undergo a DNA test, you’re gonna have to admit it.’
‘I don’t have to admit a thing.’
‘But you are lying. Whatever it is that you girls do for kicks, you did it last night. I can tell. What is it that you actually do anyway, I’ve always wondered?’
Emmy laughed off her friend’s question. In the corner of her eye she noticed one of the te
chs, Marie, attempting to convey a mime to Charlie by forming her index and middle fingers into interlocking V’s. She quickly put her hands back down by her sides when she realised Emmy had clocked her.
‘The professionalism on display here astounds me,’ she said. ‘If we do find extra-terrestrial life, I cannot think of better ambassadors for Planet Earth – “Hey, E.T., how do you do it?”’
‘You know, that’s not such a bad question,’ replied Charlie. ‘Not just with aliens either. We’ve spent so much time focussing on the moment life leaves the body that we haven’t even considered the moment that it begins. How do you think that would look from an astral perspective?’
‘Like glow-worms on pogo sticks. Why exactly are we having this conversation?’
She glanced around and noticed something that had not registered when she first entered the lab. Constance was not there.
‘Where’s Dr Constipated Shark at?’ she asked.
‘She’s not coming in until after lunch,’ replied Charlie. He then gently took her by the elbow and pulled her to one side. ‘You probably shouldn’t call her names like that, you know. Not in front of the techs anyway. I know you don’t like her, but that doesn’t give you the right to undermine her authority. She brings a great deal of experience to this project.’
‘She brings a great deal of age to this project. It’s not the same thing. You convinced me to allow her onboard to help with the coma patients. She’s no longer required in that regard so we’d do well to let her go.’
Charlie quickly checked to make sure none of the techs were within earshot. The earlier levity had subsided and they were all now engrossed in their work.
‘Unfortunately it’s not that simple,’ he said. ‘The more money invested in this program the more assurances those supplying that money will need. I’ll never be completely forgiven for defecting to the Chinese and as for you. Well, let’s just say they think you’re somewhat of a maverick, to say the least. The politicians trust Constance. You do the maths?’
‘Okay, but try and keep her involvement purely tokenistic. I don’t want her getting too involved with our baby.’
‘She won’t. Just promise me that you can keep it civil when she’s around.’
‘Cross my heart.’
She swept her index finger across her chest in two elaborate strokes.
‘Okay, let’s get to work then,’ said Charlie. ‘Where is Lucy, by the way? I thought you might have brought her in today. I know how you like to show off and all.’
‘She’s with the doctor this morning. They have more tests they want to run and then this afternoon she has rehab. Besides, I’m not sure she trusts the work we do. Bringing her here would stir up too many unpleasant memories.’
‘You’re probably right. How is everything else with you – all going okay, I hope?’
‘Er, specifically?’
He glanced down at his feet.
‘Are you still taking your pills?’
Emmy stiffened, but Charlie was trying too hard to avoid eye contact for him to have noticed.
‘You don’t have to worry about that,’ she told him. ‘Now I have the real thing, I can assure you there’ll be no return of the imitation.’
‘I’m glad to hear it.’ He then placed his hand on the top of her back as they walked toward the projection chamber. ‘You know, it’s really good to see you happy for a change. I’m feeling really positive about what lies ahead.’
‘Me too,’ she replied. ‘Finally our work will mean something. You and I are going to change the world.’
Chapter 19
The roadhouse was located on the main highway, which meant its clientele was predominantly transient. Unfamiliar faces were the norm. A steady stream of truckers, tourists, backpackers and sales people provided a surplus of easily forgettable faces into which the two strangers could seamlessly blend.
A tour group comprised of five Irish, six British, four Germans and a bemused Japanese backpacker loitered around the bar and in the grounds outside. They pointed, posed for photographs and generally behaved in a manner suggesting they had never come across a roadside service station before. They were both an irritation and a convenient distraction for the employees who would be far more likely to remember the loud behaviour of the foreigners than that of the two middle aged women discreetly sat in a corner booth, should they be later quizzed on the day’s custom.
The Irish gathered by the bar’s only pool table to engage in a game whereby the losers would have to contribute an item of underwear to a display covering a far wall of the building’s interior. In the back of beyond where each business occupied an identical stretch of road to the next, it was only by resorting to the basest form of gimmickry that they were able to compete for custom.
‘You’re probably wondering why we called this meeting,’ said one of the women. They had arrived separately but convened in the car park before entering the roadhouse together. ‘Suffice to say, the department is pleased with the progress you’ve made so far.’
‘I wouldn’t crack out the champagne just yet,’ replied her associate. ‘I’m not entirely sure that I have made progress.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘Well, Professor Nguyen is straight up and honest to the point that his naivety blinds him. It isn’t hard to present your most respectable face when that’s all someone is capable of seeing. Dr Rayne, on the other hand – she’s smart. She is also paranoid, but justifiably so, which makes it rational. Any hint of betrayal and she’ll shutdown the whole system. To tell the truth, she makes me nervous. She’s been at the centre of more than one massacre and emerged unscathed each time.’
‘We are well aware of what Dr Rayne is capable of. Tell me how she is dealing with the return of her friend, Ms Skye.’
Constance smiled as she stirred her iced tea with the small plastic paddle it had come with.
‘I think you know as well as I that those two are more than friends. From what I’ve seen so far it seems to be having a positive effect. With Lucy by her side, Emmy is more likely to stick to the mission brief and not do anything stupid.’
‘And what do you think of Lucy?’
‘I don’t know her. One thing I can tell you, however, is that she is strong. I looked over her file. Her astral readings are nearly as high as Emmy’s. They both have highly elastic auras.’
The other woman raised an eyebrow.
‘We’re having to define things that haven’t been encountered before,’ continued her associate. ‘Some of the nomenclature is a little crude. Basically, the less rigid a person’s life energy is, the more autonomy exists between mind and body.’
‘And the real world implications of this – can they use it to benefit them outside of the astral realm?’
‘Possibly. The stronger the will, the stronger the will to survive. When one gains mastery of true mind over matter, things like pain and even physical injury can be easily overcome.’
‘Excellent. This is even better than we had hoped. It will make enacting the final stages of our plan much easier. We have one more task for you and if you can pull it off, we can guarantee you a place at the forefront of the most advanced research project the world has ever seen. What do you say, Dr Stark - are you in?’
Constance glanced away and out of the window at the backpackers enjoying themselves in the grounds outside. She knew that whatever would be asked of her was going to be big. It was likely to affect everyone in the world. Would those people still be smiling when she was finished?
Due to the security level of the task under discussion she could not be given any information until she agreed to the assignment. Once she offered her consent there would be no opportunity to back out. These people were not flexible.
‘I’ll do it,’ Constance said.
The woman finished what was left of her drink and then stood to leave.
‘We’ll be in touch.’
Constance was taken aback. It was not the reaction she had b
een expecting.
‘So what do you want me to do?’ she asked.
‘Like I said – we’ll be in touch.’
The woman left and so as not to draw too much attention, Constance finished her drink before following her out the door. She wondered if perhaps she had said or done the wrong thing, but once she got inside her car she knew that was not the case. A small, unlabelled package the size of a pack of cigarettes was resting on the front passenger seat. She peeled back the brown paper wrapping and unsealed the box to take a peek inside. Her suspicions were confirmed. She was now fully committed and there was no turning back.
Chapter 20
Emmy stared at the sun. A different sun. She was so used to seeing the universe from an astral view that her mind was beginning to compensate for the limited perception that it provided. It was translating the code. Showing two overlapping realities. One composed of matter and form. The other composed of nothing but pure energy, raw and simple. It made the job ahead much easier.
Her first observation was that the planet was solid. This was a positive sign. Gas giants were unlikely to contain life in any form that would be identifiable to a human. A rock, on the other hand. Well, that was just like home.
She let her essence drift high above the ground, chasing the highest points on the horizon from pinnacle to pinnacle. Astral minutes were real world seconds – she could afford to take her time.
A widened search zone yielded no signs of life. Conducting a full planet-wide search was unfeasible as it would take up too much of her time even allowing for the extreme dilation in the temporal flux. What Emmy needed was a more practical test to preclude a wasted visual pass on the surface. One such idea came to mind. It was something she had discussed in depth with Charlie throughout the planning of the mission.
Of the many factors required for a world to sustain life, temperature and water were the most important. In her astral state, Emmy was unable to tell if the planet she was on had an atmosphere, but there was another way to test for factors that contributed toward surface temperature. She knew that like the Earth, she was on a rock. The question was if this rock also had a molten interior.
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