by Robin Martin
‘Mike and I didn’t go. He said we’d have more fun at that games arcade we went to before, and even though I wanted to go to the party, I actually had fun. I’m really getting the hang of a few of the games there.’ She looked at me. ‘What’s up? You seem down.’
‘You know I had to babysit last night.’
‘Yeah, that’s too bad, but at least you earned money, right? And parties aren’t really your deal either.’
‘No, you’re right. I really didn’t want to go, especially with Jas and her groupies there.’
‘So, what’s the problem?’
‘Rion went. It’s okay,’ I added as Lou gave me a surprised look. ‘I was cool with it. He didn’t go to have fun or anything. He just went to keep an eye on Pandora to see that she didn’t get into trouble.’ Even as I said the words, I realised how ridiculous they sounded. Lou had no idea that either Rion or Pandora were aliens, and it wasn’t information I could share. I scrambled for an explanation. ‘They knew each other from before, when Rion was travelling with his uncle. I think they met in France or something. Anyway, they’re just friends, and Rion said she was a bit wild at times, so he wanted to go and make sure she was okay.’
Lou nodded, but I could see she wasn’t convinced.
‘And I was fine with it, really. It’s just that…’
Lou looked at me sympathetically. ‘Maybe you wished he missed you more?’
‘He called me and everything, but he seemed, I don’t know, just distant. And we’re not even going to see each other this weekend. He’s working today, mowing some neighbour’s lawn. Tonight he said he had to write his physics assignment. You know he could pass physics with his eyes closed, and it’s Saturday night! It’s the one night of the week we can actually have off from all this craziness that is year twelve. Tomorrow Mum and Dad are driving to Gympie to visit Aunt Karen for her birthday. I tried to get out of it, but you know what my parents are like about family time and stuff like that. Anyway, I won’t see him until Monday, not that he seems to care.’
Lou squeezed my hand. ‘Don’t worry. I’ve never seen anyone so devoted as Rion. He doesn’t even so much as look at another girl. He’s totally into you.’
‘I know. I’m overreacting. He is a freak about studying and all that. He even gave me a timetable at the beginning of the term, scheduling our studying, exercise, and dating time.’
‘Well then, there’s your answer. He’s probably scheduled tonight as a study night. He’s a bit… different at times. But he’s a nice guy, Zoe, one of the good ones.’
‘You’re right. I’ll go and check that schedule and probably find he’s even put down “do physics assignment.”’
I started to feel better just talking to Lou.
‘So, you and Mike, you’re becoming a thing, eh?’
Lou talked enthusiastically about how awesome Mike was and how great they were together. I listened to her, glad she had someone and was coming out of her shell at last. She was totally over Harry. I knew he’d gotten over his crush on me, but then I thought he might take up with Lou. Seemed unlikely to happen now.
We finished our milkshakes, and then I headed home. I couldn’t help checking my phone every ten minutes. Rion should be finished his lawn mowing job by now. But there was nothing from him. I could text him, but I didn’t want to be one of those girlfriends who had to know where he was all the time. If he wanted space, I could do that. I had a life too. I wasn’t going to wilt just because we weren’t hanging out.
I kept up this positive self-talk while I made the pizza for dinner. It was my turn to cook tonight.
I was happy to do it because, with Mum not feeling the best at the moment, Dad had made a lot of meals. I was getting a little tired of Spaghetti Bolognese, even if it was his Italian grandmother’s recipe.
I was grating the cheese when I had a thought. Maybe I could invite Rion over for dinner. He could go home early and study if he really wanted to. And after all, everyone has to eat.
Popping the pizza in the oven, I whipped my phone out of my pocket. It took four rings before he answered.
‘Hey, how are you?’ I said in a bright, perky voice.
‘Hi, Zoe. I just got out of the shower.’
‘Oh yeah, that’s right, you were working today,’ I said as if I’d completely forgotten it.
‘So, how was your afternoon?’
‘Okay. Lou and I went to the mall shopping and stuff. We had milkshakes at that cute retro place, the one that looks like a scene from Happy Days. I thought of you.’
‘I’m glad you had a nice time.’
I waited for him to talk again, but awkward silence followed. It wasn’t usually this hard to make conversation, even when I’d first known him, even when we were fighting.
I tried again. ‘So, I’m making this ace pizza. You know I’m the best at pizza. It’s pretty big, too much for Mum, Dad, and me, and I was wondering… would you like to come over for dinner? Save you having one of those awful nutritious meals you usually eat.’ I laughed at my own lame joke.
‘That’s nice of you, but you know I have to do this physics assignment tonight.’
Nice? NICE? What was he playing at? ‘You could go home early if you wanted to.’
‘Thanks, Zoe, but I really should get stuck into this assignment. Besides, I’ve already eaten.’
‘Before you had a shower? Like at five o’clock or something?’ I was getting seriously annoyed. ‘What’s up, Rion?’
‘Nothing. I’m just… a little tired.’
I wasn’t convinced by that at all. ‘If there’s something wrong, you need to talk to me.’
I waited. There was silence for a moment. Then he said, his voice all cool and remote, ‘Everything is fine, Zoe. I just need some time to… think.’
My stomach clenched. ‘Think about what? Us? Pandora?’
‘I meant meditate. It’s really good for the mind and body, and I’ve been feeling a little off. Nothing to worry about. I’ll have an early night.’
But he hadn’t answered my questions. ‘You are worrying me. Are you sick or something? What’s going on?’
‘I told you, nothing. Sorry I can’t come over tonight. Have a nice time at your aunt’s tomorrow. I’ll see you on Monday.’
And before I could say anything else, he hung up. He had never done that before.
I waited for him to call again, but he didn’t. And I had my pride. There was no way I was going to call him. When I checked that stupid schedule he’d given me at the start of the term, the activity he’d put down for tonight was ‘date time.’ He even had a smiley face next to it. Then this totally horrible thought popped into my brain. Maybe he was having ‘date time’ but just not with me. Shut up, I told myself. Rion would never do that.
I took the pizza out of the oven, which was burnt by the time I remembered it. But it didn’t matter because I couldn’t eat it. Excusing myself from the table, I headed to my room where I stared at my phone. He hadn’t even texted. Crazy thoughts were running through my head, and unfortunately Pandora was in a lot of them. What had I been thinking to let Rion go to a party without me?
There was no way, no way in this world I was going to cry over a boy, especially an uptight, OCD, uptight, uncaring alien who hung up on me. I went downstairs again and grabbed some chocolate ice cream from the fridge and headed upstairs to watch back episodes of Buffy. Sometimes you just needed the classics to forget that life sucks.
Chapter Seventeen
I knew I was being a jerk, and I wanted to call her back right away. My finger went to press her number, and then I dropped my phone on the bed. I picked it up again. I did this at least three times until I made myself put it in the drawer of the bedside table.
Last night had been a revelation. When Pandora and I touched hands, I realised I was still an alien, even if I was living as a human. Through Pandora, I’d felt the power of our people, remembered my home, as well as the care and regard my parents had had for me. They had not been
warm like Zoe’s parents, but it hadn’t made their feelings any less sincere. I had given up life as an organic on my planet long ago, and my parents had passed away. But even as a bodiless, intelligent entity, I’d felt a sense of belonging, a sense of oneness with my people, a unity of purpose. When I was with my human hosts, I had always felt my otherness from them. I had never confused the line between alien and human, until I met Zoe.
My feelings for her hadn’t changed. I still cared about her more than any other being, alien or human, that I had ever met. But there were questions that had made sleep impossible last night. Was it wrong for me to be with her? I was an experiment. An alien who was trying to be human. Some might even call me a freak. What if that experiment failed? This organic body may not even last the normal course of human life. And there might be other complications later on. What if I couldn’t have children? And if I did, what would those children be?
Zoe had said I had no right to make decisions for her. That I should never have deceived her when I stayed away all those months last year. In the normal course of things, she was right. But this wasn’t the normal course of things, because I wasn’t normal. That was a fact. My supervisor had been wrong when he said I would become completely human. Last night had shown me that. Pandora had shown me that.
And there was something else, something I didn’t want to admit, even to myself. Had I betrayed our people’s mission and the sacrifices made for me when I made the decision to be human and give up my alien existence? Was I being selfish when I could still contribute to our space program? No wonder Archimedes had been angry with me.
Would I go back if I had the chance again? Pandora had hinted it might be possible. It would free Zoe, let her be with someone who was really human. But it would also free me from this inner conflict of who I really was, alien or human. I would be what I was meant to be. It would be a sacrifice, but it would be my sacrifice. I had no doubt Zoe would get over me in time and live a normal life. I knew I’d never get over Zoe and the experience of being with her would stay with me forever, no matter what form I took. I was willing to accept that pain if it was the right thing to do.
I wrestled with these thoughts as the night hours gave way to dawn. But when early morning light finally lit the objects in my room, changing them from shadowy forms into the solid objects, the shadows in my mind also solidified into truth. I had no right to be with Zoe. I never had. And I had been selfish to reject my place in our space mission. It was not about choice anymore. It was about reality, the reality of who and what I was. Pandora said I might regret being with Zoe, but it was the opposite I feared. Zoe might regret being with me. I had to give her up. I had to break up with Zoe. For her sake.
Rion didn’t turn up to school on Monday. What was going on? Confusion and depression hung over me like a black cloud.
It didn’t help my mood that the whole senior school was buzzing about how great Pandora’s party had been, especially since over half of year twelve had been there. When I got to my first class, people were surrounding Pandora like paparazzi around a movie star.
‘Fab party,’ gushed Ceci, one of Jas’s friends.
‘Best this year,’ said Chelsea, Jas’s best friend.
‘How would you know? You spent most of it getting sick,’ said Marco, with his usual bluntness.
‘Did not,’ Chelsea replied indignantly. ‘And anyway, that was Kerri.’
‘Who would have thought—Kerri?’ Ceci rolled her eyes. ‘She’s such a dork.’
‘Leave her alone,’ Pandora said. ‘Kerri’s cool.’ She shot Kerri a smile across the classroom, and Kerri turned bright pink.
Poor Kerri. I hadn’t talked to her yet, but I was determined to find out from her everything that had happened. Interestingly, Jas said nothing, but she watched everyone through narrowed eyes. She wasn’t too happy being eclipsed by the new star.
Mr McCurdy, our math teacher, walked into the room. ‘All right you lot, settle down.’
There was sighing, eye rolling, and shrugging of shoulders, but everyone sat down and shut up. McCurdy wasn’t a teacher you wanted to get on the wrong side of.
At first break, I cornered Kerri. ‘Okay, what went on at that party, and don’t leave anything out.’
If anyone could look guilty, pleased, and a little bit smug at the same time, Kerri did. ‘It wasn’t what I’m used to, but it was exciting.’
I said in my best casually innocent voice, ‘Oh really. What do you mean?’
‘Well, nearly everyone was there, so it was really crowded. And the music was pretty loud, but I didn’t mind, surprisingly. And Pandora, of course, was great. She even got up on the table to dance. She’s such a good dancer.’ Kerri’s eyes shone.
‘What else? Did you see Rion?’
‘Of course. He walked me home. Didn’t he tell you?’
‘Oh yeah. He said you weren’t feeling too well.’
‘It must have been something I ate,’ she said, turning pink again. Kerri was one of the worst liars ever, but I let it slide. No point rubbing it in and saying, more like something you drank.
‘Yeah, you’ve got to be careful about what you have at parties,’ was my diplomatic answer.
‘Pandora was so worried about me. She told Rion to take me home.’
‘Oh, did she?’ I hadn’t realised that.
‘Yes,’ Kerri prattled on, ‘when she and Rion went outside, she told him he should take me home, so he did later on after they finished talking.’
‘So, they were talking outside, were they? Just them? In the dark?’ I tried to stop my mind from racing to all sorts of wild thoughts.
Anyone but Kerri would have picked up on what I was saying, but she was totally unaware.
‘Yeah. They seem good friends, but then didn’t Rion say he knew her from when they were in France together? They kind of held hands, in a friendish way,’ Kerri hastened to add, as if she suddenly realised that mightn’t have been the best thing to say.
I couldn’t talk. Rion and Pandora together talking and holding hands? I felt my heart sinking. I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. But now he didn’t want to see me, or talk to me or anything. Coincidence? I wondered if something more than just talking went on.
I caught up with Harry later on and gave him the third degree too. But he had nothing much to tell me as he’d left early. ‘It was too crowded for me. I’m not really into parties.’
I nodded sympathetically. ‘Not my thing either. But I had to babysit, so I told Rion he should go. No point in him missing out.’
Harry looked at me. ‘That was pretty nice of you, considering he’s your boyfriend. But I wouldn’t have thought parties were his thing either.’ Harry, unlike Kerri, was too perceptive at times, especially where I was concerned.
I shrugged. ‘Maybe not. Did he look like he was having a good time?’
Harry raised an eyebrow. ‘No, not really. He looked as bored as I was. Pandora might be cool, but she’s a bit wild, and so was her party.’
I gave him a smile. ‘So, over your crush on her yet?’
Harry gave an embarrassed laugh. ‘Okay, I’ll admit I did kind of like her when she first came. You have to admit, she’s hard not to notice. But after a while, I realised she just wasn’t my type. As you know, I don’t really like Jas and all the people Pandora is hanging around with.’
‘And just what is your type, Harry?’ I knew I shouldn’t have asked that. I shouldn’t play games with my best friend, just because I was hoping for an ego boost.
‘I think you already know the answer to that, Zoe,’ he said quietly. ‘I gotta go. I’ve got a class in five minutes.’ He turned and walked away.
I deserved that, but it left me feeling even more dejected. I had made my choice, and it didn’t help that the boy I’d rejected last term was also my oldest friend and such a totally decent guy that he didn’t hold it against me. He would never have reminded me of how he felt, if I hadn’t put him on the spot. There was just the smallest part of me tha
t wondered, had I made a mistake? Harry would never, ever let me down. He would have been rock solid as a boyfriend. The thing was, I had thought that about Rion too, until now.
I went home feeling worse than when I set out for school that morning. Rion still hadn’t texted or called or anything. When I got home, Mum wasn’t home from school.
I decided to make dinner, even though it was Mum’s turn. She would probably be tired when she got home, and somehow peeling vegetables and frying chicken seemed the best way to forget everything that had happened.
After dinner, I made up my mind. This silence from Rion just wasn’t good enough. He was my boyfriend, and he owed me an explanation. This was no longer about being needy. This was about where we stood and what was going on and, more importantly, why. If he wanted to break up with me, I wanted to know why. I wasn’t going to wait, all weepy, by the phone.
Telling Mum and Dad I needed to get a book from Rion, I hopped on my bike to make the short journey to his townhouse. It was just getting on dusk, but I had a light on my bike, and the streets in this suburban area were sleepy and quiet.
Everyone, especially adults, thought Rion was living with his guardian, Archimedes. At one time that had been true, but Archimedes had departed a few months ago, returning to his alien bodiless state. Rion still kept up the fiction though, because technically he was still underage—which itself was a joke as Rion had been around in one form or another for about 4000 years. Nobody knew he was on his own except me. Even Mum and Dad thought Rion’s uncle was still around. They thought he was just keeping a low profile because he had disgraced himself when he came to our house for dinner a few months ago. He’d gotten drunk and been totally embarrassing. Dad, especially, was in no hurry to see him again.
So, I knew Rion would be home alone. As I pulled up in front of his place, I saw the light on downstairs. I got off my bike and wheeled it up the path, trying to steady my shaky nerves. Rion and I were usually so close. Once we had even shared our thoughts. Sometimes, even when we weren’t touching, I could sense his heartbeat, and often it kept time with mine. I had never, ever been so connected to anyone in my life, and the thought of losing that, of losing him, was unbearable.