by Liwen Ho
Sam flipped on the wall switch, and light flooded the bathroom. Her eyes met his briefly before she dropped her gaze. “I know. I appreciated it. I just thought it was for the best under the circumstances.”
He grimaced, knowing she was referring to their fight. “About the things I said last time we talked, I was out of line and—”
“What happened, happened. Don’t feel bad. I’m glad you spoke your mind and I did as well. We finally got everything out in the open. It made me realize we’re two very different people who are better off doing our own things. You have your life; I have mine. It’s best if we keep it that way. I think that’s one thing we can agree on, right?” She turned off the light and walked out.
Lucas stood in the darkness for a second, trying to swallow what Sam had said. So she wanted nothing to do with him. She hadn’t even given him a chance to apologize. Or to win her back. He caught up to her and reached for her hand. “Sammie, hold on.”
She turned abruptly, and the heel of her strappy sandal snagged her dress. She tumbled forward, straight into Lucas’s arms.
Her hair tickled his nose and the floral scent of her shampoo filled his senses. He tightened his grip, happy to have her in his arms. “You okay?”
Steadying herself against him, she burst out laughing. “It’s you! I wore these heels two other times this week and nothing happened. You show up and I almost sprained my ankle again! We have proof it’s not safe for us to be around each other.” She stepped back and asked, “Did you want something?”
The front door to the studio opened and Lucas heard people come in. Now wasn’t the right time to talk to Sam. “It can wait. You have guests.”
“Okay. You should go see Lucy’s work. She’s really got potential.” She turned to go, then looked back with a grin. “Thanks for catching me again.”
Lucas nodded, thankful Sam saw potential in his daughter. He could only pray she’d realize the same could be true for them as well.
NINE
“Sam, dear, what a lovely show this is. I love how you hung the artwork.”
Sam glanced up from the platter she was arranging and smiled. From the front desk where she stood, the studio did look welcoming and eye-catching. The nights she spent collecting cardboard boxes and covering them with black fabric had been worth every chipped nail. With the boxes stacked on top of each other at an angle, they were every bit as professional as a pre-made stand, but dollars cheaper. She was also able to display her students’ artwork at different eye levels to accommodate the adults and children who came. “Thanks, Mrs. B. I’m pretty proud of it myself.” Gesturing to an oatmeal raisin cookie, she asked, “Want one? They’re homemade.”
“You bake, too? Aren’t you a catch.” She grabbed a cookie and took a bite. “Hmm. Delicious.”
“Sorry to shatter your wholesome image of me, but my sister’s sister-in-law made these. My hands only work with a paintbrush.”
“Don’t apologize. We’re all blessed with different gifts. There’s no need to be anyone but yourself. I couldn’t paint if my life depended on it. But I do make a mean meatloaf,” Mrs. Benson winked. “Say, you haven’t been over for dinner in a while. How about tonight? I’m sure you’ll be too tired to cook after a whole day on your feet. What do you say?”
“That’s really nice of you, but—”
“If you’re worried about Lucas, I can assure you he’ll be happy to have you over. Lucy, too, of course.”
Lucy passed them at that moment with Lucas in tow. “Cookies! Can I have one, Daddy?”
“Only one. We’ll be eating lunch soon. You don’t want to spoil your appetite.”
Sam lowered the platter in front of the little girl. “Let me guess. Chocolate chip?”
“Yes!” At the sound of Lucas clearing his throat, Lucy added, “Please and thank you.”
“Here you go, girlie. How about you, Officer?” Sam held the tray up to Lucas, careful to focus her attention on anywhere but his face. She’d made the mistake of looking into his eyes earlier and had barely escaped the bathroom before her heart betrayed her. If only she hadn’t fallen into his arms again. At this rate, she might as well flush her plans of keeping her distance down the toilet. Or maybe just these darn heels.
“What’s this one?” Lucas pointed to a golden colored cookie dusted with fine brown sprinkles.
“That? It’s a snickerdoodle. Basically a sugar cookie covered with cinnamon. It’s sweet with a little bit of spice.”
The grin on Lucas’s face widened as he picked up the cookie. “Perfect. Just what I like. Thanks.”
Sam didn’t have any time to process the amused look Lucas gave her before Mrs. B. jumped into the conversation.
“Son, I invited Sam to dinner. She could use a good meal after working all day.”
“Of course,” Lucas replied without hesitation. “That’s a great idea.”
“I haven’t agreed—”
“Please, Miss Sam,” Lucy pled through a mouthful of crumbs.
Three pairs of eyes stared at her, vowing to break down her will. She didn’t know who was more endearing: the older woman with her hands clasped to her chest, the little girl licking chocolate off her lips, or the handsome man making her heart race with his smile. “I really can’t. I need to stay and clean up. Thanks though. I’m going to pass these around so I don’t end up eating all of them.”
Sam had made it around the classroom and was on her way back to the front desk when someone took her by the elbow. She turned, surprised to find Mrs. Benson at her side. “Are you here for another cookie? What’ll it be this time?”
“Can I talk to you, dear? In private?”
“Sure, Mrs. B. Is everything okay? Where’s Lucy?”
The older woman’s smile reached her blue eyes, resulting in crinkles at the outer corners. “She’s fine. She’s with Lucas. I just have a matter I want to talk to you about, woman to woman.”
“Let’s head to my office.” Sam led Mrs. Benson to a small room next to the classroom and gestured for her to sit down. She took a seat on the futon as well. “What’s going on?”
“I need your advice, dear. I haven’t dealt with these things in so long; I don’t know what to do. You see, I have a girlfriend who—”
Sam raised an eyebrow and chuckled. She had heard that line before, even used it a few times herself. “A friend, huh?”
“Yes, a friend. She’s single and interested in a man, but she doesn’t know how to tell him.”
“Mrs. B., you can be honest with me. Are you interested in someone?”
“Goodness, no.” She gave Sam a pointed look over the rim of her bifocals. “I haven’t come across any man who interests me half as much as Mr. Benson did. This really is about a friend.”
“If you say so. Well, is the guy interested? That makes a big difference in how she plays her cards.”
“He is,” she affirmed with a nod. “He likes her very much indeed.”
“Then what’s the problem? She likes him, he likes her. Why aren’t they together?”
Mrs. Benson pursed her lips together as if in deep thought. “That’s a very good question. I think you”—she narrowed her eyes—“have an idea why. Tell me, why aren’t they together?”
Mrs. Benson’s accusation made her laugh, but the sound seemed forced even to her own ears. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sam, dear. It’s plain as day that you like Lucas and he likes you. Why are you holding back?”
Sam rose and crossed her arms. This conversation was getting a little too personal for her taste. “I thought my mom was straightforward. Sorry to disappoint you, Mrs. B., but there’s nothing going on between us.”
“Excuse me for being nosy. I like you, Sam. Ever since the first time I brought Lucy here, you’ve impressed me. Then when I remembered what my daughter told me about you, I had no doubt we were meant to come here.”
“Lauren? What did she say?”
“Not long after she and Lu
cas got married, she called me one day, in tears. They were living in Southern California at the time, so I assumed she was homesick. That wasn’t the reason why though. She had been looking for Christmas decorations and happened upon a box of Lucas’s old things. In that box was a letter he wrote to you.”
Sam sat down again. “To me?”
“Yes. Asking you to the Senior Ball.”
“Wait, he wanted to go with me? But he ended up going with Lauren. He chose her over me. What was she upset about?”
A hint of a smile played on Mrs. Benson’s lips. “She could tell from the letter that he adored you. She was afraid she couldn’t compare with you and your bright personality. She wondered if Lucas would have been happier with you.”
Sam held up both hands in protest. “Whoa, she couldn’t have been more wrong. Lucas married her. I know the guy. He doesn’t make decisions lightly.”
Mrs. Benson nodded, her expression wistful. “That’s what I told her. Lucas is a man of his word and he loved her. He truly did love her until the very end; she knew that. But she never did forget about you. She told me before she passed that she wanted Lucas to meet someone and marry again. She hoped that woman would be like you.”
Sam stared at Mrs. Benson, speechless. “Why would Lauren say that? She and I couldn’t be more different. Why would she want Lucas to be with someone like me?”
“Because Lucas needs someone like you. You bring out a side of him I never saw before. He comes to life when you’re around. Usually, he’s so quiet and serious.”
“Ha,” she scoffed, “he can be kind of a grump.”
“He’s been even grumpier this past month since you stopped coming around. I suppose it didn’t help that I led him to believe you and George were seeing each other,” Mrs. Benson admitted with a sheepish grin. “That got him riled up.”
“You’re not as innocent as you look, Mrs. B.,” Sam scolded in a playful tone. “That must be why we get along so well.”
She chuckled and patted Sam’s hand lovingly. “I wanted to be sure he was still interested in you. I was right. He is.”
Sam took a deep breath as she weighed Mrs. B.’s words. “It’d be great if it was that simple. But being interested in someone and wanting a relationship with them are two different things. Lucas and I might have chemistry or attraction—whatever you want to call it—but that doesn’t equal a commitment. I want someone who wants to be with me for the long haul. Someone who’ll stick around even when I drive him crazy. Let’s be honest, I’m pretty skilled at driving Lucas crazy.”
“Well, someone needs to balance that boy out. Who better than you? You were friends so many years ago and you managed to pick up right where you left off. That’s a rare kind of friendship, if you ask me.”
“It’s only because of Lucy that we get along or try to.” Sam’s heart softened at the thought of the little girl who had touched her life as much as she had touched hers. “Honestly, I would do anything for that girl. She’s one of the best things to happen to me.”
“Speaking of, I better get back to her.” Mrs. Benson patted Sam’s knee and stood up. “Would you consider coming tonight for Lucy’s sake?”
In the older woman’s smile, Sam caught a glimpse of Lucy’s kind and sweet demeanor. She did miss spending time with the little girl outside of class. “I’ll think about it.”
“Come whenever you’re done here. I’ll keep dinner warm,” Mrs. Benson added before she walked out.
Left alone, Sam groaned out loud. Why couldn’t love be simple, the way Mrs. Benson implied? Girl meets guy, they have incredible chemistry and decide they want to be with each other forever through the good times and bad. That’s how it had happened for her sisters; why couldn’t it be like that for her?
Nope, she had to fall for the one French guy she couldn’t have. And the one Chinese guy she drove crazy. She wasn’t sure why Lucas’s comment still stuck in her head. Why did it matter what he thought of her? They had spent all of high school on opposing sides; why change things now?
But something—or maybe someone—had changed. For the first time, she saw a different side to him, an uncertain side. The way he worried about being a good dad made him seem human and fallible. She never expected him to open up about his insecurities, much less reveal them to her. His vulnerability softened her heart. She realized now that she’d rather lose an argument to him than lose him.
Way to go, Sam. It’s too late now. She had to go and open her mouth and criticize him. At least now she knew how he really felt about her. It was time she accepted that he’d be better off without her.
She sighed. If only their chemistry wasn’t so strong. All it took was for him to glance her way and she was like a teenager again being kissed outside the school gym. Nothing else made her feel so alive. Not even the pair of Jimmy Choo heels she had been eyeing online lately. But she had learned the hard way that attraction could only take a relationship so far. She was done chasing a guy who had no patience for her. Her best bet was to avoid Lucas. With Lucy as her student, however, there was no way of avoiding him completely. She could only put on a happy face and hope he didn’t sense her feelings for him. Feelings which had been both a blessing and a curse the last month.
She walked over to the far end of the office where a wooden easel stood. She slowly turned it around, being careful not to disturb the canvas. The pungent smell of turpentine with a hint of herbs filled the air. Bright hues of pinks and blues stood out among the brushstrokes, creating a contrast of colors and textures. A wet sheen still covered the paint, but given another week, it would be fully dry.
She smiled as she thought about the weeks she had spent on this painting. It had been so long since she sat in front of an easel that it took her a little while to get used to holding a brush again. But once she began mixing the paints, her muscle memory and creative juices took over. After that, she got lost in the process of pouring her heart out onto the canvas.
It was her best work yet and her first finished piece since leaving Paris. If she was lucky, it wouldn’t be her last. She had a feeling she had finally found her muse.
- - -
“Sam? Are you there?” Lucas knocked on the studio door, grateful to see a glimmer of light shining through the glass pane. He heard footsteps approach, then the click of a lock.
Sam stood at the door in a simple white T-shirt, grey shorts and sneakers. With her hair pulled back in a ponytail, she reminded him of the girl who made faces at him in PE class. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
“I brought you some of my mother-in-law’s meatloaf. It was getting late, so I thought you might be hungry.”
“I was going to grab a burger, but this is too good to pass up. Thanks. Do you want to come in?”
Lucas stepped inside and handed the container to Sam, along with a fork wrapped inside a napkin. “How’s the clean up going? Need a hand with anything?”
“No, I just finished. It took over an hour, but everything’s back to normal.”
“Good. You can eat then.”
“Yep. Thanks again for this. It’s still warm.”
He nodded. “Do you mind if I stay a while?”
Sam eyed him for a moment before responding. “Sure, if you want to.”
Lucas followed her to the office and joined her on the futon. He crossed one ankle on his knee, his foot shaking nervously in place. He sat for a few minutes listening to the clink of metal against glass as Sam ate. He sensed Sam’s eyes on him, and he squeezed out a lopsided smile. The last time he remembered being so nervous was the day he proposed to Lauren. This was hardly a proposal, but the fear of rejection still lingered in the back of his mind.
“Are you okay?” Sam paused with the fork halfway to her mouth. “You look a little green. It’s not this meatloaf, is it?”
“No, no, the meatloaf’s fine. I’m just not good at this.”
“If you mean making conversation, then I completely agree. You could at least talk about the weather. Anything
would be more interesting than sitting in silence.”
He chuckled. If Sam was good at anything, it was helping him to not take himself so seriously. “Do you remember when we ran laps in PE? You always tried to outrun me.”
“What do you mean tried to? I totally beat you plenty of times.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but I let you win. I was on the cross country team. We used to run a couple of miles a day. One mile was nothing for me.”
A look of amusement appeared on Sam’s face. “You think I didn’t know that?”
“You knew?”
“Of course. Guys do stuff like that when they like—” She ended her sentence with a shake of her head. “Why’re you bringing this up?”
“Because I don’t want to race you anymore. I’d rather you win.”
“I’m not following.”
“I’m trying to apologize. You said you wanted to leave our fight in the past, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Our friendship means too much to me to just let it go. Hear me out.”
Sam set the container of food on the floor and turned to face him. “Go on.”
“First of all, the things you said about me at church—you were right.” With the hardest part of his speech over, he released a deep breath. “I didn’t like hearing the truth, so I went into defensive mode. That’s why I lashed out at you.”
“Excuse me?”
The smirk on her face, one he was familiar with since high school, drove him crazy in so many ways. “You want me to say it again, don’t you?”
“Can you blame me? It’s not every day Lucas Choi admits he’s wrong about something.”
If he could get away with sticking his tongue out like Sam did, now would be the time he’d do it. “Fine. I’ll say it again. You were right.”
“Music to my ears. Go on. Tell me what I was right about. Please.”
“Only because you said please,” he quipped, then sobered as he continued. “You were right when you called me a hypocrite. I thought I was better than you, that somehow I had my act together and you didn’t.”