by E. S. Moore
“I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately,” I went on, feeling the need to explain myself. “We used to be fine with just the two of us. We didn’t need others to help us fight our battles. We should go back to that, just you and I. It’s safer that way.”
“Is it really?” he said, turning back to me. “Is it really safer for us . . . or just for you? I’m not sure I want to be alone again.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. It felt like he had slapped me.
“I understand why you feel like you have to go it alone,” he said. “But I don’t think it’s the best thing for you.” There was a long pause before he added, “I missed you.”
For some reason, the last really got to me. My legs weakened and I leaned against the table. “Yeah,” I said. “I missed you too.”
There was a long stretch of silence; then Jeremy spoke from the stairs. “I’ll call Jonathan.”
And just like that, my rage was back.
“No, you fucking won’t,” I growled, straightening. I glared at him, dared him to disagree.
“I thought—”
“I don’t care what you thought,” I said, advancing on him. Even without an arm, he did good to hold his ground. The Jeremy I’d known before would have cringed and fled. “I’m not dealing with the Cult right now. Do you understand me?”
“The Cult has helped you more than you care to admit.”
I stared at him, so angry I didn’t know what to say. He was standing up to me, defying me in my own home. It was my choice to make. Why did these people think they could tell me what to do?
“Helped me?” I finally said. “You think they’ve helped me?” I laughed. “The Luna Cult has done nothing but get in my way. They’ve nearly gotten me killed more than once. They killed Thomas.” My fangs started to pop through and blood ran into my mouth, further fueling my rage.
Jeremy flinched back and doubt crept into his gaze. “I should call him anyway.” He started to turn away, but I grabbed him by his arm and spun him back around to face me.
“Why?” I said. “Why call him? I’m not going to accept his help, even if he offers it. Besides,” I said, glancing at his side, “what has the Cult ever done for you? They only make everyone’s life worse. Take a look at your arm . . . if you can find it.”
I regretted the words even before they were out of my mouth. Jeremy jerked his wrist out of my grip and stepped back, a wounded look on his face. He stared at me for a really long time before turning and heading wordlessly upstairs.
“Shit,” I said as soon as he was gone. I rubbed at my forehead, a headache coming on.
“You shouldn’t have said that,” Ethan said from behind me.
“No shit.” I sighed. I was fucking everything up and I didn’t know why. My head was so muddled I could hardly think straight. I kept making all the wrong decisions. “I should go apologize.”
Even though I’d been the one to say it, I didn’t move.
I didn’t know what to do. I was making a mess of my home life, ruining any friendships I might have made, and for what? Just because I was pissed off at the world, I had to destroy everything? I didn’t have to be alone. Why was I forcing the issue by being such a bitch to everyone?
I went to the table and sat down. I couldn’t go running off after a vampire Countess with my brain all twisted inside my head. I’d end up getting myself killed.
Maybe that was the point. Did a part of me want to die? Was I pushing everyone away so that they wouldn’t be hurt when I let some vampire take my head?
Ethan sat across from me, setting his coffee mug gently onto the table as if he was trying not to disturb me. “Don’t get mad at me,” he said.
I groaned. “What now?” I said, dreading what he would say next.
“Just promise me you’ll hear me out before you yell at me.”
I looked up and he looked so innocent, so concerned for my well-being, I agreed.
“Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I know we’ve gone over this before, but I really want you to listen and think about what I say.”
“All right.”
“You’re losing yourself.” He took a sip of coffee while watching my face carefully. When I didn’t snap at him, he set the mug back down and continued. “All the death, all the killing, it’s starting to eat you up inside. You’re letting it get to you. It’s making you angry all the time.”
Was that it? Could it really be that simple? “And?” I said, still not sure I wanted to hear any more.
“And I want to help.” He reached across the table and rested a hand on my own. I managed not to jerk away, though I wanted to. “I really think if given the chance, I can find a way so you don’t have to feed. It would take one more thing off your plate, one more thing that is driving you away from everyone who cares about you.”
I closed my eyes. His hand felt so warm, so comforting, it made me want to cry. I’d never end up in bed with Ethan. Just the thought was laughable, but he was my closest friend, my only friend, really.
“I don’t know what you and Beligral were talking about, where you’ve been,” he went on. “I don’t care. But from what I can tell, the place sounds dangerous. Ever since you’ve come back, you’ve been worse than I’ve ever seen you.” He swallowed hard. “And that scares me.”
I clenched my jaw, determined not to interrupt him until he had his say.
“Let me search for a way to curb your cravings. Maybe I can find a blood substitute. Maybe I can find some sort of alternate source that will keep you satisfied without forcing you to kill to get the full effect.” His hand tightened on mine. “Please, let me help you.”
I wanted to object, wanted to tell him to piss off, but instead found myself nodding. I couldn’t keep living like this. Ethan was right. I was losing myself to the vampire in me. I was becoming more and more like the Counts and Countesses I despised.
I couldn’t let that happen.
“I’ll start right away,” he said, pulling his hand away. He sounded happy.
Ethan stood and started toward the stairs leading down into the sitting room.
“I need you to do something for me,” I said, my voice so quiet I wasn’t sure he’d hear me.
He stopped and turned back to face me. “What’s that?”
“Go upstairs and apologize to Jeremy for me. I can’t do it myself right now.”
“Okay.”
“And get his keys. I want to borrow his car.”
Ethan hesitated a moment before heading up the stairs to find Jeremy.
I hadn’t known I was going to ask for the keys until the words were out of my mouth. If I was going to go out and hunt the Countess tonight, I didn’t want to risk trying to drive my motorcycle in the snow.
It took only a few minutes before Ethan was back downstairs, keys in hand. I was surprised Jeremy had agreed to let me take the car after the way I treated him. It made me regret my harsh words that much more. He was a good kid . . . even if he was a werewolf.
“Don’t wait up for me,” I said, taking the keys.
“Be careful,” Ethan said. He was still smiling, though I could see the worry in his eyes.
“I will.”
And then I did something neither of us expected.
I hugged him.
Before I could take in much more than the shocked expression on his face, I turned and headed out into the garage.
Ethan had been right on more than one count. All the death had been getting to me. I might have taken a three-month break from it all, but killing someone wasn’t something that ever left you. It festered.
And I was treating everyone like shit because of it. I couldn’t keep going on like this if I wanted to have friends afterward. It was time I stopped.
Once Countess Baset was dead and everyone I cared about was safe, I could hang up my weapons, put away the leather, and try to live like a normal person for once.
I’d thought of it before, but only in passing. I’
d never taken it seriously those other times because without my work, I’d have nothing.
But this time I was sure. Once Baset was dead and all my other messes were finally taken care of, I planned to put down my weapons and walk away from it all for good.
I was going to retire.
13
Jeremy’s car was a piece of shit.
It took me a good five minutes to get it started, and once I got it going, I quickly learned the heat didn’t work. While the cold might not bother me as much as it would a Pureblood, I did like to be comfortable.
I shivered as I chugged down the driveway and out onto the road. I was surprised the car didn’t backfire or explode when I stepped on the gas.
Of course, it didn’t really speed up either.
The top speed seemed to be somewhere in the thirty-five miles per hour range. If I went above that, the entire car started vibrating. If I was forced to run from House Baset, I wouldn’t get very far in Jeremy’s deathtrap. Maybe the vampires and wolves would laugh themselves to death before they caught me.
But despite the horrible car and the cold, I was feeling pretty good. The moment I decided to be done with all the death and retire, it was as if a great weight had lifted from my shoulders. I felt free, freer than I’d felt in a long time. I could finish this kill and ride off into the sunset . . . figuratively speaking anyway.
I still wasn’t sure what I’d do about Levi and Delai. Once Baset was dead, I’d have to take some time to figure that out. It would come down to whether or not I chose to believe Beligral. I could use the demon’s gift to investigate, or I could simply just grab Ethan and go. I was sure Levi would take him in if I asked.
I pushed any and all thoughts of Delai out of my head and focused on the task at hand. I couldn’t be distracted now of all times. While Baset was no longer a Royal, it was still one of the biggies. The slightest slipup and I’d be dead. Hell, even if I did everything right, there was still a good chance I wouldn’t survive.
Of course, I couldn’t do anything until I found out where she lived. I needed Mikael for that.
I parked in The Bloody Stake parking lot and made sure no one was looking as I got out of the car and hurried inside. I didn’t want to be seen in Jeremy’s beat-up clunker, especially by someone I knew.
Mikael was at his usual booth with a few girls tucked under his arms. Even though it disgusted me, I was glad to see him back to his usual self. He was so involved with them, he never even looked up as I entered. His face was nuzzled up against one of the girl’s necks and she was making squealing sounds that could be heard all the way across the room.
I strode toward him, trying my best not to be bothered by Bart’s glare. He watched me from behind the bar, hands gripping a glass so hard it was a wonder it didn’t shatter in his hand.
I approached Mikael’s booth, steps slowing as I neared. Every time I came in with him sucking on some girl’s neck, it made me realize how perverted he really was. At least this time he was the only one doing the sucking. I’d interrupted him before while he was involved in much more personal business.
“Where is House Baset?” I asked, slamming some money down on the table.
Mikael jerked away from his girl and gave me a startled look. As soon as he realized who’d interrupted him in his fondling, he frowned and shooed the girls away, never taking his eyes off me. The girls gave a collective groan as they scooted out of the booth.
“I said no more money,” he said, eyeing the bills sitting on the table anyway.
“Just tell me where I can find her.”
He looked around the room and, after a moment, nodded toward the empty seat across from him. “This is a Major House, remember. It would sadden me if you were to die for real this time.”
“I’ll manage,” I said as I sat down.
He sighed. “I hoped you would have taken my advice and left. Baset is too dangerous even for you.”
“We’ll see. Just tell me where she is.” I frowned at him. “Unless she has you in her pay?” I made it a question.
“No,” he said. “Baset does not use me or anyone else for her information. Not anymore.”
“Then tell me where she lives,” I said, feeling a little relieved. I wasn’t sure what I would do if he couldn’t provide me with information on her. “I don’t need anything else from you.”
He studied me from across the table. The money still sat between us, untouched. “Do you wish to die?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“A simple one,” he said. “Do you wish to die?”
“No.” It sounded like a lie even to me.
“Because if you go in search of Countess Baset, you will die. She is said to be unkillable. Rumors are she has already died once but did not stay down. She has regained much of her power since her fall. Trifling with someone like that is not good for anyone, yes?”
“And do you believe that she somehow rose from the dead?”
He shrugged. “I do not know. She is the first Countess or Count who I cannot provide sufficient information on. And that scares me. Usually there is always someone willing to talk, but not with her.”
“I don’t need information other than where she lives. I can take care of the rest myself.”
“Can you?” He cocked his head to the side. “I’m not so sure; not any longer.”
My frown deepened. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“I have heard of video footage of a woman dressed in black who made quite a scene in Count Mephisto’s territory. The footage is not good, does not show her face well enough to be recognizable, but I hear it has interested the Count greatly. Would you know anything about this, my sweet?”
I tried to hide the guilty look on my face. “I was hungry.”
Mikael grunted a laugh. “And you risked everything for that meal? It does not seem like you.”
“It was dumb, I admit it.” And I hated to be reminded of it. “Can we get back to Baset? What can you tell me?”
Mikael studied me and then sighed. “All I can say is that she no longer lives where you’d think. She leads a Major House, yes, but she is ostracized, has separated herself from the others. I don’t know why. She lives in isolation, as much as a vampire Countess of such power can.”
“Okay. Where does she live?” I felt like a broken record, asking the same thing over and over again. I just about kissed him when he finally gave me an address.
It appeared Baset lived outside city limits, off where I knew there to be little to no one left living. I didn’t like it one bit. Normally, I might like hunting a vamp where no one else was likely to spot me, but somehow, the thought of going after Baset in the middle of nowhere had my stomach doing flips.
I stood and thanked him, leaving the money on the table for him to decide what to do with. I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked out the door. I slipped into Jeremy’s car, more worried than ever.
The engine coughed a few dozen times before starting and I pulled out onto the road, thankful no one had been in the lot to see me.
I felt like a fool, especially since Mikael had heard about my little escapade at Polaris. He was right, I wasn’t as careful as I used to be. Something was making me stupid.
And that included this hunt. I’d gotten my information like usual, but I’d planned on going straight in and taking Baset out as quickly and as quietly as I could without scouting the place out beforehand.
It sounded like a good plan at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized to go in like that was a sure way to get killed. Was my carelessness a result of something Levi had done to me? Or was Ethan right? Was I losing myself to the vampire part of my mind?
The road got rough and I was glad I’d chosen to take Jeremy’s car, no matter how shitty it was. My Honda never would have survived the potholes hidden in the snowdrifts. I’d have ended up walking most of the way, if I didn’t break my legs first.
While I’d decided I wasn’t g
oing to attack Baset tonight, I did want to at least scout the place properly. I always liked to know my enemy. Often, you could learn a lot about a vampire just by watching their home for a little while. It would help me discern how many wolves and vamps she had at her disposal, as well as how good her defenses were.
Baset lived out of the way like Mikael said. There had been a mini vampire war a few years back that had wiped out the area where she now lived. I didn’t even know the name of the town, if it ever had one. The place had been set to the torch and from what I understood, no one survived, not even the vampires involved.
But obviously something had survived. After traveling down the road for a good twenty minutes, I saw lights in the distance. Tortured trees obscured most of the view. Their branches drooped low where they hadn’t fallen off. A lot of the trees were still trying to recover from the fire. Most of them had died.
I turned off my headlights and continued down the road a little ways before turning around and parking just off the shoulder. If some of Baset’s wolves were prowling around, they’d surely see the car and report back to their Countess. I was hoping the snow kept them inside, or at least closer to the house.
I got out of the car and headed for the house lights in the distance. Even from where I crouched, I could tell it was a good-sized mansion. I used tire tracks in the driveway to hide my passage until I found a small copse of dead trees I could use for cover. They still smelled of ash, even after all these years.
I kept my eyes focused ahead, never letting the lights out of my sight. I’d stand out horribly against the snow. Only the trees provided me any sort of cover. Anyone who happened to glance my way would probably see me.
I was so intent on watching for movement ahead, I nearly tripped over a headstone. I paused and looked around. At some point, I’d entered an old graveyard, though there had been no fence or sign warning me it was coming. A few trees had grown up near the headstones, sprouts struggling against the bitter cold of winter.
It was sad, really. I wondered how long the graveyard had been abandoned. No one would be able to pay their respects to the dead here, not with a vampire Countess living so close by.