by Leigh, T. K.
“No. I’m picking Brianna up at her father’s house and then we’ll be over there. Her mother thought it would look bad if I just showed up there because I’m supposed to escort her, so she let her stay with her dad last night.”
“Well, you should go get her so you’re not late.”
“I’m right behind you guys.”
“Good. See you there.”
Doug led me out of the house and supported me as we walked down the steps of the front porch toward his Pontiac. He opened the door for me and helped me sit down, his eyes lingering just a few seconds longer on my legs.
“See something you like, Douglas?” I asked coyly.
His face flamed red in embarrassment. “I… Well… Yes, Marley Jane. I see something I really like,” he responded. “I see someone I really like.” He leaned down and planted a tender kiss on my neck before closing the door and running around to the other side to get behind the wheel.
Cranking the engine, he turned to look at me. “You look amazing, but I think there’s something missing.”
I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. “What? Did I forget something?” I surveyed my attire and made sure I had all the accessories that Aunt Terryn said she painstakingly selected for me to wear with my dress.
“This,” Doug said, pulling out a small rectangular box.
“What is this?” I asked, my heart thumping in my chest.
“Your something missing.” He beamed at me. “Open it.”
With shaky hands, I removed the beautiful red ribbon that was tied around the black velvet box, gasping when my eyes settled on a breathtaking silver bracelet with emerald stones inlaid throughout.
“Doug,” I exhaled. “It’s gorgeous. You didn’t…”
“I wanted to, Marley. I know today’s difficult for you.”
“What makes you think…?”
“I know you better than you think I do. You don’t have to pretend around me. I’ve watched you since you arrived here all those years ago, trying to finally work up the courage to talk to you. I know when you’re sad, or angry, or upset, or trying to make everyone else happy. So today, and every day forward, if you ever feel like you’re all alone or you need a reminder of the real Marley, look down at your wrist.” He unclipped the bracelet and placed it around me. “And pretend that it’s my hand holding you or my arms around you…reminding you that you’re not alone. That the Marley that is hiding layers beneath this mask you’ve been wearing is the Marley that I…”
“That you what, Doug?” I asked, a quiver in my voice, tears forming in my eyes from his sweet words.
“That I wish more people could see. Because that Marley is worth knowing.”
“Oh, Doug.” I flung my arms around him and hugged him tighter than I can remember hugging anyone in my life. It was one thing for Cam to say something similar, but hearing it from someone who was interested in me in a romantic sense made my heart melt. And it made me hopeful that I could finally bury my past and stop being the girl I had been forced to be the past few years.
“We should probably get going.”
I released my hold on him. “Yeah. You’re probably right.” I readjusted myself and put on my seatbelt. For the duration of the short drive to Brianna’s step-father’s house, my eyes remained locked on the beautiful bracelet around my wrist.
Pulling up in front of the valet stand at the entrance to the gates of their palatial estate on the beach, I stepped out of Doug’s car and he held my hand as we walked up the path toward the entrance.
“You have to go inside the house first, right?” he asked.
I simply nodded and he could tell I was uneasy about everything.
“It’ll be okay, Marley. Just smile and picture everyone naked.”
I laughed heartily, completely not expecting those words to come out of Doug’s mouth.
“I’m not so sure that’s such a great idea. I’d probably be giggling the entire time.” I smirked at him. “Maybe I’ll just picture you naked and leave it at that.”
His eyes grew wide.
“But then my complexion will be all flushed, and my aunt will not be pleased with that. Maybe I’ll just repeat your words in my mind when you were about to tell me that you love me, but chickened out.”
He stopped abruptly as we approached the pillared entryway. “What makes you think that I love you?”
I shrugged. “It’s just a feeling I have, Doug. I guess that when you go so long without being loved and someone finally does love you, you notice it. Like after my dad died and the only person in the world that I felt loved and cared for me was Cam. I studied the look in his eyes. You have that look, too, although it’s more intense and primal. And, no, I don’t think it’s too soon. I mean, we’ve known each other for years now. We didn’t jump into a relationship quickly. It wasn’t hot from the start and then nothing. It’s been warm since day one and has only become warmer and warmer. And that makes your non-declaration of love worth it. For the record, I don’t love you, too.”
He pulled my body into his, groaning, gently caressing my back. “It’s taking all my willpower not to kiss you right now.”
I looked up into his eyes and, for a moment, we were the only two people on the planet. I could forget about my past and my present as I stared into Doug’s eyes.
“Marley Jane, I don’t love you so much.”
I gently brushed my lips against his. “I don’t love you so much, too.”
“Come on, beautiful. Cinderella can’t be late for the ball.”
“Actually, I think she was late for the ball,” I commented, allowing him to lead me into the extravagant house, my heels clicking on the marble tile in the cavernous entryway. “And she still got the prince. At least I got to come with the prince… I mean, I arrived with the prince. Holy hell, I still hate that word.”
He leaned toward me and his warm breath danced on my neck, sending shivers up and down my spine in an exquisite way. “Come. Say it.”
Our eyes met.
“Come,” I breathed.
“Marley!” I heard a voice call. I spun around and saw Mr. Grayson’s imposing figure standing by the staircase. “The girls are upstairs. Your escort will wait for you by the winding stairs leading to the lawn out back.” He raised his eyebrows at Doug as if ushering him away.
He turned to me once more. “See you soon. I don’t love you.”
“I don’t love you, too.”
“Come, Marley. This way,” Mr. Grayson ordered, leading me up the stairs as I giggled at his use of the word.
“Douglas seems to be a very nice boy, doesn’t he?” he commented, making small talk as he navigated through the hallways of his stately home.
“I think so.”
“I’m glad to see you happy. And to finally see Brianna happy, as well. I think your brother is good for her. At least now she’s able to spend time away from her father.”
“What do you mean by that?” I asked quickly.
He stopped abruptly in the hallway. “It’s not my place to say anything. It’s important for her to have a relationship with him, but… I shouldn’t have said anything. Please forget about this.”
“Okay, Mr. Grayson. And, for the record, I’m glad you married Bri’s mama.”
He grinned his dazzling smile at me. “So am I, Marley. Now go wait with the rest of the girls.” He gestured to the door in front of us. “I’ll see you shortly.”
I opened the door and was met with the sound of excited female voices talking about what they were wearing.
“Marley!” Carla and Kristen squealed, running up to me and practically tackling me to the ground.
“Hey, girls,” I responded enthusiastically.
“I am just so stinking happy that we’re all on the court together! It’s going to make senior year so much better,” Kristen began, talking a mile a minute.
I plastered a fake smile on my face, not wanting them to see any displeasure. If they saw it, the gossip mills would be running full
force about how darling Marley Bowen was irritated with the thought of being put on display for all to look at, and then it would get back to my aunt. We certainly couldn’t have that.
“It sure is,” I responded, mirroring her elation at the prospect. I scanned the sitting room, noticing Brianna by herself in the window alcove, staring out at the sprawling gardens down below. I was surprised that Cam had gotten there before me.
“Excuse me for a minute. I need to go powder my nose.”
I walked across the room. “Hey, Bri.”
She looked up at me and I could sense that she was shaken up over something.
I sat down next to her, neither one of us saying anything.
“I wish this house had a catwalk, too,” she said, breaking the silence.
“I’m sorry.”
“Your brother’s too sweet sometimes. I put on my face and pretended everything was okay, like I’m supposed to. That’s what hurts the most sometimes. Having to lie and deceive the people that I care about.”
I nodded, knowing all too well the burden she was carrying. “You’ll find strength to let them in eventually. Like when I told you. That was the first time I had told that story since the trial. It actually felt good to share it. You should try it.”
She took a deep breath. “I wish I could.”
“I get it. Believe me, I completely understand. It’s this fucking town.”
“Not the entire town,” Brianna interrupted. “There are some good people. People you can be the closest version of yourself around. Like you. And Cam. The ones that see this for what it is. A way for our parents to show off in front of each other.”
I glanced down at my arm, feeling the strength and love wrapped around my wrist.
“That’s beautiful,” Brianna commented.
“Doug gave it to me.”
A genuine smile crossed her face. “He’s perfect for you. You should think about telling him, Marley. He deserves to know.”
“I know he does. But I’m just worried that he won’t want to be with me anymore once he knows that I’m not… Well, that I’m…”
She grabbed my hand. “Doug’s not like that. I know that. You know that. What’s stopping you?”
“My guess it’s the same thing that’s stopping you. Fear. Not wanting them to change the way they act around you. Not wanting them to look at you like you’re a victim, the sympathetic looks that you’ll receive once it’s out there.”
“Ladies!” a shrill voice sounded. We turned our attention to the doorway where my aunt stood, as well as a handful of other women that I had seen at functions over the years.
“It’s time to begin. The order you’re to be introduced is on the door. Please line up accordingly. Your escort will be waiting for you at the bottom of the steps leading out to the gardens. You will walk unaccompanied down the stairs. Your escort has been instructed to offer you their arm, then you will proceed up the center aisle and onto the stage. Once you are all introduced, Mr. Grayson will make a brief speech and then you will all be photographed for the area newspapers. Now, remember to smile and make us proud.”
Brianna and I shared a look before we raised ourselves off the bench we were sitting on and walked toward the door, finding our position amongst the twelve girls. I groaned when I saw that I was dead last. I always hated that.
“Marley!” Carla squealed. “You’re the grand finale!”
“I know! Isn’t it great?”
“The judges must really like you,” Savannah, one of the other girls, remarked. “The last few years, at least as long as I can remember, the girl who eventually went on to win this was introduced last. It must be the lucky position!”
“Well, that’s how I feel,” I responded with a fabricated smile. “So lucky to be here.” I was happy that the only person who could sense my sarcasm was Brianna. She turned around and giggled at me before we were led out of the room and toward the back doors, all the important people of our beach community in attendance as they mingled and tried to play the game of who’s better than whom. It always happened at these events. The one-uppers, as I liked to call them.
My mind blanked out as I heard Mr. Grayson begin to introduce all of us girls, one by one, complete with small snippets of information that were supplied to him. I wished that I could have sabotaged what was on those cards in his hand. I was pretty sure that would have made this a much more enjoyable experience…for me, at least.
I could just hear Mr. Grayson’s voice in my head. And next, ladies and gentlemen, is Diana Greene. She is very active in giving back to the community…or at least giving head to the community. She has been very influential in the student body at McMillan Preparatory School, mostly in persuading all the teachers to continue to give her passing grades when she should be failing. Her oral skills are impeccable, ladies and gentlemen.
I stifled my inappropriate laughs just as I felt an elbow nudging me. “Marley,” my aunt hissed. “We’re waiting.”
“Shit. Sorry.”
Forcing a smile across my mouth, I made my way down the steps, my eyes focused solely on Doug as he waited at the bottom. I completely blocked out everything else that was going on around me…the prying eyes, the voices, everything. The only thing that mattered was Doug and being near him. His presence calmed me when I was seconds away from cracking and letting everyone see what lay beneath the façade that had become Marley Jane Bowen.
“Hi, Marley Jane,” he said softly as I approached.
“Hello, Douglas.” I grabbed his arm and allowed him to escort me across the sprawling lawn and up to the stage, my eyes remaining glued to his the entire time. It hit me like a tidal wave. Doug was my peace. He was my calm. He was my home. The look of admiration in his eyes reminded me of the expression on my dad’s face when he would look at me. I never wanted to stop gazing into Doug’s eyes. I never wanted him to stop looking at me with that amount of devotion. With that look, I could get through anything. Finally.
CHAPTER TWENTY
DEMONS
THIS PAST MONTH HAS been one of the best that I can remember. Ever since the Introduction Gala all those weeks ago, I feel like a different girl…a new girl…a changed girl. And I think it’s Doug’s not love that’s done that. I think about him a lot. Probably more than I should, but I can’t help it. Isn’t that what not love is supposed to be like? Aren’t you supposed to have that person on your mind all the time? Because I do! I never saw myself getting close to someone, but there’s just something about Doug that almost makes me want to finally tell him about my past, despite my aunt’s request that I remain silent.
“Almost” is the key word here. I know that, at some point, I will have to. I’m just hoping that it’s in the future…the distant future. I’m worried that the truth will break his heart, and I’m not sure I’m ready to do that.
We’ve been back in school for nearly two months and I’m happy to have that routine in my life. Get up. Get dressed. Go to school. Sit in class. Go to dance. Go home. Go to work when I’m scheduled. Cue heart flutter when Doug unexpectedly walks through the doors of the boutique at which I work. We spend nearly every free moment together, which doesn’t seem to be a lot these days with all of my extra obligations for the Jessamine Court. But when I want to roll my eyes as I listen to the committee speak about what an honor it is for us to be chosen, I look down at my wrist and feel Doug’s not love. His not love is what gets me through those moments.
As I made my way to my Governments class this morning, I grinned when I saw Doug standing outside waiting for me. Walking up to him in his Halloween costume that consisted of hospital scrubs and a stethoscope, I faked passing out as I leaned against several lockers.
“Doctor Mullins, I feel faint. I think I need you to administer mouth-to-mouth.”
He curved toward me, his arm placed against the wall as he hovered over me. “We can’t have you feeling faint now, can we, Marley Jane? We need you to keep breathing.”
His lips brushed mine and spin
e-tingling chills spread through my body. Over the past few months, I had grown accustomed to his kisses, but each kiss was still different and unexpected. Each kiss still made me want to melt into a puddle at his feet, forcing me to become a blubbering mess.
“I’m so in not love with you, Douglas,” I exhaled as he ran his fingers against the contours of my body.
“And I’m so in not love with you. And you look rather hideous today in that getup. You really should not have worn that. I am all sorts of not turned on right now.”
I giggled, my face blushing as his eyes roamed my body in the tight little nurse’s costume I wore. Halloween was the one day of the year that we didn’t have to wear our school uniforms as long as we wore a costume. Pretty much the entire student body dressed up, enjoying the one-day reprieve from conformity.
“Well, good. Because I certainly did not want you to find me attractive today. Because then you would kiss me and I certainly do not enjoy the feel of your lips on mine. It repulses me.”
He leaned toward me again, his mouth just a breath away, warming my lips. “Oh, really?” he asked, his voice husky.
“Really,” I croaked out as the bell rang. He remained unmoving. “Doug, you’re going to be late.”
“You’re worth it.” His lips met mine just as the sound of someone banging on a locker startled both of us. We turned to see Mr. Monroe towering over us, his face severe.
“I’m sorry. Was I interrupting?”
“I apologize, sir,” Doug said, moving away from me.
“Be on your way, Mr. Mullins. Miss Bowen needs to get to class.”
He nodded and left, looking over his shoulder at me and winking.
I couldn’t help but grin in response, my heart ready to burst with not love.
“Miss Bowen?” a voice brought me back to the present.
“Sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.” I tried to walk past him and into the classroom.
He stepped in front of me, preventing me from doing so. “You see, that’s the thing. I have a feeling that it will happen again. And again. And again.”
I looked at him, remaining silent.