She frowned.
Only man she’d ever loved?
Maybe, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t love someone else. She just hadn’t given herself a chance. Ford had bowled her over with his charm and intelligence, and she’d been drawn to his charismatic personality in the same way everyone else seemed to have been, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t love someone else if she chose to.
“I’ll take your silence as a no, and assume you’ve been as unhappy with the separation as I’ve been,” he said, breaking into her thoughts, but not sounding nearly as self-satisfied as she expected.
“Ending our marriage wasn’t an easy thing to do.”
“We didn’t end it, Olivia. We’re still married.”
“Until we can sign the divorce papers,” she said, knowing she sounded truculent and irritated. Ford had a way of doing that to her, his confidence only highlighting her own insecurities.
“If you still want a divorce after we get through Martino’s trial, I’ll give you one.”
“But you think I won’t want one.”
“I hope you won’t. I want another chance, Olivia. I’ve spent a lot of our marriage focusing on things that don’t matter. I plan to spend the rest of it focusing on you.”
They were sweet words. Words that she wished she could believe in, but she knew her husband. Whatever he was feeling would only last until the next big deal. Then, he’d get caught up in his work and forget that he planned to put her first.
It won’t take the next big deal for that to happen. He’ll turn tail and run as soon as he finds out about the baby.
The thought whispered through her mind, reminding her that she was keeping something very important from Ford. Something that would change the way he thought of their relationship and their future. Maybe he did think he’d be willing to devote more of himself to Olivia, but she was sure he’d be appalled at the thought of having to share his time and his love with a baby.
She had to tell him anyway. Putting it off wouldn’t change anything. Ford had a right to know he’d fathered a child no matter how unhappy the news would make him.
She cleared her throat, tried to get the words out. “Ford, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Go ahead. I’m listening.” He glanced in her direction, offering a quick smile before turning his attention back to the road.
This was it. The opportunity she’d both longed for and dreaded since the day she’d found out she was pregnant.
Give me the words, Lord. Help me say what needs to be said without defensiveness.
“That night in December when you came to see me…” Just say it!
“I was an idiot, and I’m sorry. I should never have taken that phone call. No real estate deal is worth losing you over.”
“It’s not that…”
A shrill ring interrupted her words, and Ford pulled a cell phone from a clip on his belt, glanced at the caller ID and frowned. “It’s the FBI.”
“The FBI?” Olivia repeated, trying to switch gears from worrying about how to reveal the news of her pregnancy to worrying about why the FBI was calling Ford.
Not that there was any question about why. Olivia had only met with Special Agent Jackson McGraw twice, but it was enough to know that he was as determined and meticulous as Ford. He was trying to find Olivia, and he’d call until Ford answered, ask until he was given what he wanted.
“I’ll call back later. What were you saying?” Ford slid the phone back onto his belt, apparently determined to let Olivia finish what she was saying. It was a first. Over the course of their marriage, she’d been interrupted by phone calls so many times she’d given up on having meaningful conversations with Ford.
“You pick now to ignore a phone call?” she asked, not sure if she should be flattered or appalled.
“I promised myself that if I found you, I’d do what I should have been doing for the past ten years—put you first.”
“I appreciate the thought, but putting me ahead of work is one thing. Putting me ahead of a phone call from the FBI is something else. You’d better call back and see what they want.”
“I already know what they want. They want me to tell them where we are so they can get you back into the witness Protection Program.”
“They’re the FBI, Ford. You can’t ignore them.”
“I just did.”
“You’re being unreasonable.”
“I’m being cautious. Who’s to say James was right? Maybe the leak isn’t in the marshals? Maybe it’s in the FBI.”
“A leak doesn’t mean everyone in the FBI and U.S. Marshals is crooked.”
“You’re right, but I’ve had federal agents following me off and on since I flew into Billings a few weeks ago. It’s possible the marshals let them know I’d arrived in Pine Bluff and that I was getting close to finding you.”
“You’re sounding a little paranoid, Ford.”
“I’m sounding like a guy who’s been searching for his wife for months. A guy who will do whatever it takes to keep her safe.”
The phone rang again, and Ford frowned, pulling it out and glancing at the caller ID again. “They’re persistent. That’s for sure.”
“They can probably trace us using the signal from your cell phone, so you may as well see what they want.” And while he was talking, Olivia would plan another way of breaking the news about the baby. So far, she’d botched the job, but eventually she’d have to get the words out.
“All right, but we’ll pick up our conversation as soon as I finish.” He pressed the phone to his ear, nearly barking a greeting.
Olivia stared out the window, watching as the dark landscape flew past. She’d driven along this road a month ago, heading from Billings to Pine Bluff, not even knowing her destination. The female marshal who’d sat in the backseat of the car with her had made small talk, but Olivia remembered little of the conversation. Her mind had been on the two witnesses who’d been murdered and on her own mortality. Dying wasn’t something she wanted to do, but she wasn’t afraid of doing it. What she feared was never having a chance to experience motherhood, to hold her infant, play with her baby, watch her toddler explore the world. She wanted those things with a desperation she hadn’t thought possible.
“What are you talking about, McGraw?” The volume of Ford’s voice rose, and Olivia’s gaze jumped to him.
He shot a look in her direction, something akin to horror in his eyes.
Had someone else been murdered? Another witness?
“Give me a half hour. I’ll call you and let you know what we’re going to do.” Ford tossed the phone onto the console.
“What’s going on?”
“Special Agent McGraw wants you back under marshal protection.”
“That’s not news.”
“No. It isn’t.” His voice was tight with an emotion Olivia couldn’t quite put her finger on. Anger? Frustration? Fear?
She didn’t know, but her own anxiety rose. “What’s going on, Ford?”
He shook his head, his jaw clenched as he took an exit ramp and pulled into a rest stop. They were the only car in the lot, but Ford pulled into a spot far from the building and shrouded in darkness.
Obviously, there was more going on than what he’d said. Olivia braced herself as he turned off the car and shifted in his seat, sure that whatever he had to say wouldn’t be pleasant. Silence pressed in around them, carrying its own rhythm and pulse. Olivia could feel it seep into her pores, whisper in her ear. Something was wrong.
Ford’s eyes were black as pitch, glowing darkly in the dim light cast from a distant streetlight. He studied Olivia’s face, his gaze dropping from her eyes, to her cheeks, then to her lips, the intensity of his gaze a heated caress that left her breathless.
Finally, his gaze dropped away and landed squarely on her stomach. “Special Agent McGraw had some interesting things to say.”
“He did?” Olivia asked, knowing exactly what those interesting things must have been.
/>
“He said it’s imperative that we get you back under federal protection. He also said it’s not just your life we’ve got to worry about.” He lifted his eyes, looked into her face, his expression unreadable. The sick hollow feeling Olivia had had for months gnawed at her stomach, but she wouldn’t deny what she knew he was asking, wouldn’t put off the inevitable any longer.
She took a deep breath, trying to fill her lungs with air and her heart with confidence. No matter what Ford’s response, she was having a baby. Finally, after years of dreaming and wishing and praying, she would be a mother with or without Ford’s presence in her life.
She straightened her spine, looked into Ford’s eyes and told him the news that had filled her with joy. The news she knew would fill him with horror. “That’s what I was trying to tell you, Ford. I’m pregnant.”
FIVE
Pregnant?!
Ford tried to wrap his mind around the word, tried to make sense of it.
“What did you say?” he asked by rote, knowing that he hadn’t been mistaken in what he’d heard.
“I’m pregnant,” Olivia repeated, her face pale in the dim light, her eyes wide and filled with apprehension.
“Whose is it?” The question popped out without thought, and Olivia stiffened, her lips tightening into a thin line. She didn’t speak, just stared him down, daring him to repeat the question.
He didn’t.
He knew the answer. Had known it before he’d even asked the question. Olivia wasn’t the kind for one-night stands. Though he’d refused to attend service with her, Olivia had always believed that Sunday mornings were for church. It wasn’t just the place, though, that drew her there. It was a deep-seated faith that he’d only just recently begun to understand. That faith had given Olivia a strong sense of morality and belief in the sanctity of marriage. She’d made that clear when they were dating, told him that she planned to have only one great love. He’d felt privileged to be the one.
Unfortunately, he’d been too much of a fool to act like it.
“I’m sorry.” He issued the apology through the hard, tight knot in his throat. Olivia was pregnant with his child. He’d spent thirty-four years saying he’d never be a father. Now the choice had been taken from him. Whether he liked it or not, he was going to have an innocent life in his hands.
And he’d ruin it just as his father had. Just as his grandfather had.
“You should be,” Olivia bit out, turning away to stare out her window, arms hugged tight around her waist. Her shoulders and back were as slender as ever, the line of her jaw unchanged. If anything, she seemed more slender than when he’d last seen her, but, then, he hadn’t gotten a good look at her stomach, had had no reason to study it. Now he wished he’d looked. Maybe he would have noticed the pregnancy and been spared the surprise. At least then he could have thought through what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. The last thing Olivia needed was to be hurt by his careless words.
“I’d ask you how it happened, but I guess I know.”
“The pregnancy doesn’t change anything, Ford. You’re under no obligation to me or my child.”
“Yours? It’s our child.”
“A child you don’t want.”
It was the truth. He couldn’t deny it. He’d been born from three generations of bad fathering. His great-grandfather was an alcoholic who abused his children. His grandfather abandoned his wife and son. Ford’s father had been no better. By the time Ford was twelve, his dad was gone, leaving his children with a drug-addicted mother who was incapable of caring for her family.
Ford had no plans to continue that legacy.
Yet it seemed he was about to.
“I’ve never made my feelings about having kids a secret.”
“And I never would have purposely gotten pregnant no matter how much I wanted a child. But it happened, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy about it,” she said, not turning away from the window.
“We’ll work it out.” It was all he could manage, and it wasn’t enough. He knew it, but could offer nothing else.
“We won’t do anything, Ford. You’ll drive me to wherever the FBI wants me to go. Then you’ll go back to Chicago and get on with your life.”
“You know that’s not how it’s going to work.”
“Why not? During our marriage, you made it more than clear you didn’t want children. You made it pretty clear you didn’t want me, either. As scary as the past few months have been, they’ve taught me something, Ford. I’m just fine on my own. I don’t need you or our marriage to be happy.”
“This isn’t about either of us being happy. This is about our child needing a father,” he said, gritting his teeth to keep from saying more.
“There are plenty of children being raised without fathers. My baby will be just fine.”
“Our baby.”
She whipped around, her eyes flashing with anger. “You don’t want this baby.”
“The baby is coming whether I want it or not. And I plan to take responsibility for it.”
“It? It! We’re talking about a child,” Olivia responded, her words tight and controlled as if she were afraid to let loose the emotions Ford could see clearly in her eyes. Anger. Frustration. Fear.
What did she think he would do? Demand custody of the baby? Demand she end the pregnancy?
The shrill ring of his cell phone broke through the tension in the car, and Ford grabbed it, happy for an excuse not to ask the questions spinning through his mind. “Jensen here.”
“Special Agent McGraw. Did you two come to an agreement about allowing us to bring you into headquarters?”
“We’re discussing it.”
“Discuss it quickly, because the longer you’re out on your own, the more likely it is Martino’s men will find you.”
“Who’s to say they won’t find us anyway? They did show up in Pine Bluff tonight. Or have you forgotten that?” He asked, his gaze still on Olivia. She’d turned to stare out the window again, her hair falling forward to hide her face. Was she crying?
“We’ve been working closely with the marshals to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”
“Were you working closely when they found two other witnesses and murdered them?”
McGraw’s silence conveyed plenty. Irritation for one. Lack of answers for another. Ford waited him out. He’d been dealing with Special Agent Jackson McGraw since the day Olivia had called to tell him that she’d witnessed a murder and was going into the witness protection program. McGraw was professional and thorough, and he wasn’t one to speak without thinking through what he was going to say.
“Look, Ford, I know you’re worried about your wife and your child. I don’t blame you, but we can offer Olivia the kind of protection she needs to stay safe until the trial. I think you’ll agree that you can’t.”
“I can offer her anonymity.”
“Are you saying we can’t keep her hidden?”
“I’m saying what I said before, someone found her today. That makes me doubt your ability to keep her hidden until the trial.”
“You found her today. We’ve got every reason to believe that’s what led the Martinos to her.”
“We can argue all night, McGraw, but facts are facts. No one followed me to Pine Bluff. I’m sure of it. That means that someone leaked Olivia’s whereabouts to the Martino’s.”
“You’re making some major assumptions, Ford. If you were able to find her without our help, someone else could have, too.”
“Maybe.” And if not for Marshal James’s warning about a leak in the marshals, Ford might have been willing to believe that’s exactly what happened.
“Look, this isn’t something I wanted Olivia to worry about, but it’s something you need to know. Word on the street has it that the price on Olivia’s head has increased. Five hundred thousand dollars to anyone who can get rid of her before the trial.”
“How likely is that information to be true?” Ford met Olivia’s eyes, w
ondered if she’d heard McGraw’s words.
“Very. She might be a moving target, but she’s still a target. The sooner you get her back under our protection, the better.”
“Yours or the marshals?” No way would Ford bring her back into the marshal’s care.
“Both. I’ve got a task force assembled that is working hard to keep Olivia safe. She’ll be a lot safer with us than she will be out on the street.”
Ford glanced at Olivia again. She sat tense and still, soft strands of dark hair falling over her shoulders. How many times had he watched her while she slept, traced her delicate features with his eyes? Wondered if he could make what they had last?
He couldn’t let her be hurt.
Wouldn’t let her be hurt. Not if he could help it.
The question was, would it safer to go it alone, or to bring in the FBI?
Ford had never been much for praying or for faith. He’d learned early that the only one he could count on was himself, but lately he’d begun to wonder if unseen hands were guiding him. If perhaps God wasn’t nearly as distant as Ford had always believed. He should have died when Martino’s men had broken into his home and questioned him about Olivia. He’d thought he would die. As darkness closed in, he’d done what he hadn’t in years—called out to God, begged for more time. A second chance.
He’d been given it.
He couldn’t mess it up.
What do I do, Lord? How do I keep her safe?
“You still there, Ford?”
“I’m here.”
“I need a decision, man. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. Olivia and I will fly into Chicago. I’ll call you when we get there. You can meet us at the airport or we can drive to your office.”
“That’s too dangerous. Martino’s men might have the airport staked out. Here’s what I think we need to do. You drive into Billings. Go straight to our district office. We’ll put both of you under twenty-four-hour guard and provide an armed escort back to Chicago. I’m not going to inform anyone of these plans. You shouldn’t, either. No check-ins with the marshals and no phone calls to anyone. We can only keep you safe if we limit the number of people who know you’re coming into FBI protection.”
Deadly Vows Page 5