by C. A. Szarek
“Why?” She forced strength behind her question. Stood taller.
He shifted his feet and averted his beautiful eyes. “It’s wrong.” The repetition was barely a whisper.
Elissa gathered all the courage she had and wrapped it around herself. She approached him. Pled with him silently to look at her again. “Why is it wrong?”
When he finally turned to her, he shook his head, shifting his long dark locks. He backed up two more steps, putting his palms flat behind him, as if feeling for the door. He was still far from it, but if she moved closer, Alasdair would move away.
Elissa stood where she was instead, forcing deep, even breaths and praying she had the strength to show him what she wanted, since telling him wasn’t working.
Maybe he wouldn’t leave her.
Maybe he would want her back.
“Alasdair…”
His eyes widened at her second use of his name with no honorific.
“Lass—”
“I want you.”
Her knight sputtered. Shook his head again. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I do. I’m not innocent, remember?” She wasn’t naïve. Wanted—needed—him to see that. See her as a woman, not a lass.
“Lady Elissa—”
“Do you want me, Alasdair? You’ve kissed me twice. So, I think you do.”
“What I want doesn’t matter.” Alasdair looked anywhere but at her, but Elissa’s heart sang with hope.
He didn’t deny it. He does want me.
She thought of the bold heroines of her favorite stories. Elissa could be like them, couldn’t she? If he wouldn’t come to her, she would go to him. Show him.
Guilt tickled the back of her mind. She’d agreed to marry Lord Cam. She’d told him she wouldn’t consider any other suitor. If she pushed Alasdair, if he gave into what they both wanted, Elissa would be giving her innocence away. She’d no longer be a virgin…pure for marriage.
She pushed all thoughts, reservations away.
I love Alasdair. It can only be him.
She’d worry about Lord Cam in the morning.
“A real man would come take what he wants.” Elissa played with the top button of her sleeping gown.
He was on her in less than a second.
She probably shouldn’t have goaded him, but all thought fled as his mouth crushed hers and she was melded against his hard body. She was getting what she wanted, after all.
Alasdair invaded her mouth, plundering more than exploring. Elissa didn’t fight him.
She melted against him, legs weak. Desire pooled low in her belly and she slid her hands down the back of his neck, over his shoulders, and squeezed his biceps. She clung to him, glad he was holding her so tightly. She would’ve landed at his feet otherwise.
He ripped away on a gasp. “This...isn’t right. I need…to go.”
She looked up into his eyes. Desire reflected in the blue depths, but he was too conflicted. She swallowed and reached for his belt.
Desire would win out. She’d have him. Elissa couldn’t let it matter that he didn’t love her. She loved him enough for them both. “Nay.”
Alasdair groaned and backed up. Her fingers were separated from his buckle before she could finish the task. “I shouldn’t do this.”
Elissa stepped toward him, unbuttoning her sleeping gown as she went. “Why not? You burst into my room. It’s late. Why not make the best of it?” She parted the soft linen down to her navel.
His eyes widened as she bared her naked breasts, but he looked away. Alasdair dragged a hand through his hair. Her stomach roiled. Hadn’t she convinced him yet? He couldn’t leave now. Elissa was throwing herself at him. Her bottom lip wobbled.
Maybe I was wrong.
But then he yanked her into his arms again and kissed her. She got as close to him as she could, feeling evidence that he did want her—at least physically—against her belly.
Thought fled as Alasdair kissed her harder, rubbing his tongue against hers.
He was so warm; Elissa could feel the heat of his chest even through his tunic. The sandalwood of his soap mixed with scents of the forest, and something clean, masculine. It hit her nose and her body hummed, throbbing and warming even more.
Her knight crushed her against him but she only wanted more.
His kiss seared her, heart, body and soul. It went on until she barely remembered how to breathe.
Fingers fumbling, they ripped at each other’s clothing. She got his belt open and tugged at the soft leather ties of his pants. He ripped her gown the rest of the way down, buttons flying. Elissa didn’t care. He pushed it off one shoulder as she made a move to tug his breeches off his hips.
He pulled away, his chest heaving. The top of his tunic was open, the ties listing to the side, offering a deep vee. The sparse dark fuzz on his chest caught her eye.
She buried her fingertips in it without thought. “Please don’t leave me tonight.” The whisper tumbled out of her mouth and her cheeks heated.
Begging? Aye.
One corner of his mouth lifted. “Oh, it’s too late for that, lass.” His eyes trailed her bared breasts as Elissa shrugged out of her ruined sleeping gown.
She shivered as it pooled at her feet, but not from the temperature in the room. Alasdair’s gaze devoured her.
She needed his hands on her. All over her. Inside her.
Elissa stood naked before him and this time, she wasn’t going to let him reject her.
“Lass…” he whispered. Her knight closed his eyes and swayed. Alasdair gestured, as if daring her. His breathing was uneven and his chest moved up and down, beckoning as much as his hand.
She moved closer, until their bodies were almost touching. Elissa reached for his breeches and their gazes collided. The deep blue orbs captivated her, like always. “Elissa,” she told him.
Her steady hands belied her thundering heart and she slowly pushed the leather off his hips. He did nothing to stop her. “Say my name.”
Elissa lifted his shirt to his shoulders and he shrugged out of it, not acknowledging its landing place next to her ruined sleeping chemise on the floor.
“Elissa,” Alasdair whispered.
She let him divest himself of his boots and breeches.
Biting back a gasp, she took in his full nakedness. He was more magnificent than she imagined. His muscles were defined, overwhelming. His trim waist led to the proud erection jutting out toward her. He was large, but he wouldn’t hurt her. Ever.
Alasdair protected. She’d only known that side of him.
Elissa wanted to know him differently, as a lover.
It wasn’t polite to stare, but she couldn’t help it. The man she loved was beautiful. Standing before her as if on display at market.
He stared right back, but the heat in her form was of anticipation, not embarrassment.
Her eyes traced his powerful thighs and she imagined their bodies entwined. Her hands ached to touch him. Caress every line with her fingertips, and then her lips. She wanted to taste every inch of him.
Never being naked before a man should’ve registered, but it didn’t. Elissa was all want and need.
“If you don’t stop looking at me like that, this will be over before it starts.” Alasdair reached for her.
They both gasped when their naked skin came together. He hauled her closer, flattening her breasts against his chest. Elissa buried her face against him, letting her eyes slip closed. His scent enveloped her, but she needed more.
“I want to make love to you.”
Alasdair’s eyes flared at her confession, and his lips parted as he leaned down. Warm breath caressed her face before he took her mouth.
The kiss was just as potent as the others but this time, he was gentler in the way he explored her. She kissed him back with all she was, slipping her hands down his powerful back, following the curve of his buttocks. Elissa pulled him closer, gripping him with both hands, rocking her pelvis into his.
H
e ended their kiss, chuckling. “Eager?”
The teasing she always associated with Alasdair was back and her heart skipped. He was finally at ease with what would happen between them. She managed a nod and her cheeks warmed all over again. There was tenderness in his eyes as she met his gaze. Perhaps he cared for her after all.
Elissa ignored the way her stomach fluttered. She shouldn’t read into anything. “For you, aye,” she whispered.
He swung her up into his arms without a word and deposited her on the middle of the bed she’d slept in since coming to Castle Aldern.
Alasdair lowered himself over her. However, instead of placing his body on top of hers, he settled beside her and propped himself above her on one elbow.
Elissa reached to caress his cheek, smiling as stubble scraped her palm.
“You’re so beautiful.” He dragged his hand between her breasts, his fingertips teasing the underside of one, then the other.
Her nipples tingled and she gasped.
He traced her birthmark and she shivered. “This is the only mark on your skin.”
“My half-moon. I was born with it.”
“It’s perfect. Like you.” His gaze was intense. “Touching you this way…I’ve imagined it dozens of times.”
Her brain was too muddled to focus on his admission. “More,” she breathed.
Alasdair smiled, slow and sexy. “Lass, we’re only getting started.” He cupped her breasts fully, brushing her nipples with his thumbs.
She gasped, thought dissolving as his hand trailed downward. He touched the soft part of her belly, teasingly circling her navel and continuing on, brushing the soft golden curls that guarded her sex. He didn’t linger and chuckled at her whimpered protest. Alasdair caressed her inner thighs, never touching her where she needed him to.
She throbbed at her core, writhing beside him. “Alas…”
Their eyes met as she whispered the nickname his fellow knights always called him. He leaned down and claimed her mouth without a word. Her arms shot around his neck and she arched into his hard chest. She deepened the kiss, needing more of him, needing him on top of her, inside her. Elissa rubbed her breasts against him.
He groaned into her mouth and shifted, his body coming into the cradle of hers as if it belonged. As if things had never been complete until they touched in this manner.
His hard arousal lay against her, burning her thigh. She shivered, and her sex throbbed. Her knight wasn’t in the right place.
Alasdair pulled back, staring down into her face.
“I need you,” she whispered.
His answer was another groan and his mouth slanted over hers again. His hands moved as his mouth did, shooting between their bodies. Alasdair’s fingers pushed into her and Elissa gasped.
“Blessed Spirit, you’re already wet for me,” he breathed.
Heat burned her face and she glanced away.
“Elissa.”
“Aye?”
“I’ll take care of you.” Her heart stuttered.
“I never doubted that.”
He smiled and she had to bite back the sudden urge to cry. Why couldn’t he mean that in more than a physical sense?
Alasdair’s lips came down on hers again, but didn’t remain. He burned a trail of wet kisses down her neck and across her collar bone, stopping to nip and lick between her breasts.
She cried out when he enclosed a nipple in his mouth and began to suckle, massaging the other breast before turning his attention to it. Elissa writhed and her knight continued downward, lathering kisses along her belly. She lifted her hips and called his name when he separated her knees and ran his tongue down her inner thigh.
When he kissed her between the legs she clutched at him, gasping.
“Relax.” Alasdair pressed her back into the bed with gentle hands. “Let me love you, lass.” His eyes were tender, sincere.
She gulped and nodded, laying back, her eyes never leaving his.
He trailed his fingertips against her sex.
Elissa bit her lip to keep from crying out at the mixture of nerves and longing.
Alasdair spread her open again, staring down before lowering his shoulders between her legs. He leaned into her, kissing below her belly button and continuing downward, nipping and licking his way to her most sensitive skin.
His tongue drove her wild, and she arched off the bed until he pinned her hips with both hands. Pleasure rushed her body as never before.
She screamed as he drew her sensitive nub into her mouth and began to suck. Elissa buried her hands in his hair, holding him in place. She threw her head back and rode the unfamiliar pleasure, rocking her pelvis, begging for more. It was almost too much.
Tension built, her muscles tightened and strained.
Elissa needed… Something…
What’s happening?
She wiggled under his hold. Alasdair looked up, meeting her eyes and slipping a finger inside her. Elissa cried out as he eased slowly in and out.
“Let it come, lass. Don’t fight it. Shatter for me.”
Elissa didn’t have a chance to ask him what he meant. Ecstasy charged her. Her muscles clenched and released of their own accord. Her inner thighs shook and she could feel Alasdair’s finger inside her being gripped by muscles she didn’t even know could grip.
He shot up her body and took her mouth. She shook in his arms with another wave of passion, but she kissed him back.
Alasdair parted her thighs with his knee and pressed his hips to hers. His hand disappeared between them and then his erection was there, hot and hard, and filled her with one jolt forward.
Sharp pain made her freeze in his arms. Elissa cried out against his mouth, ending their kiss. Tears blurred her vision. Her cousin had told her the first time would hurt, but after what she’d just experienced with him, worry about her virginity hadn’t even entered her mind.
He pulled back, sapphire eyes wide. His body poised above hers, Alasdair remained still, his expression confused…and strained. His gaze raked her face, his brow furrowing. “You’ve never done this before.”
Not a question. “Nay,” she whispered.
“Elissa.” Her name was all warning.
She wrapped her legs around his waist before he could move away or pull out of her. Wasn’t about to let him leave her now. The movement shifted their bodies and Alasdair groaned.
Elissa shivered. Pain faded, but she was still throbbing for him. “You’re not leaving me now, Alasdair. I still want you.” She wiggled beneath him and they both moaned.
“This is wrong,” he whispered. However, her knight moved toward her instead of away.
“It is not.” She closed the distance between their mouths.
He took control of the kiss and in seconds all remnants of pain faded. Alasdair kissed her harder, rocking his hips, but didn’t start to thrust. Elissa broke the seal of their mouths and looked into his intense blue eyes. She tilted her hips, taking him deeper with a whimper.
“Shhh, lass. Give it a moment. I don’t want to hurt you.” His sincerity flipped her heart.
“You won’t leave me?”
One corner of his mouth shot up. “Nay, I won’t leave you. I’m sorry I took you so roughly.”
“You didn’t hurt me,” she whispered, shoving her hips against his again.
Alasdair grunted and thrust forward. Conversation slipped away as he led their bodies to a natural rhythm.
Elissa moved under him, with him, against him, their legs and arms entwined. She returned his every touch and every kiss. Couldn’t get close enough to him.
Pressure like earlier started to build and she thrashed under him. Her head rolled back and forth on her pillow, until he took her mouth in a heated kiss and drove in and out even harder.
The feelings were more intense than before. She lifted her hips as her whole body tightened, and Elissa screamed his name.
Climax hit him at the same time, his shoulders and spine stiffening. He grunted and stilled above h
er. His erection jerked inside her. The warm, wet rush of his release caused them both to shudder. Alasdair dipped down, fusing their mouths until she couldn’t breathe.
Her muscles went lax into the bed. Alasdair collapsed on top of her and Elissa held him tight, wrapping her arms and legs around him. She wasn’t ready for him to part from her body, now, or ever.
She kissed his rough cheek and forehead. The sweat of their lovemaking was salty on her lips but she didn’t care. Elissa loved this man.
When their eyes met, silence reigned.
“Now what?” she whispered when she worked up the courage to speak.
Alasdair grinned. “Now you let me go so I can get something to clean us up.”
Heat blanketed her neck and face, creeping all the way to the tips of her ears. She forced her arms and legs to fall from his body.
He gently separated them and caressed her cheek.
“You won’t leave me?” She tamped down irrational panic as he slipped from her bed.
Alasdair shook his head. “I’ll be right back, Elissa.” Her name rolled off his tongue with his northern Terraquist accent. The sound was as appealing as he was.
Considering what they’d shared, she shouldn’t have flinched as he tenderly cleansed her with a warm linen square. Her sex throbbed, but the smart felt good. It was a reminder of what she’d given the man she loved.
Elissa bit her lip when she saw the blood on his upper thighs but Alasdair wiped himself without a word. The hard set of his lips made her swallow against a sudden lump in her throat.
She didn’t regret giving him her innocence.
If he did, it would break her heart.
Alasdair said nothing. He tossed the cloth in the basket for linens in the corner, and slid back into her bed, tugging her into his arms. She snuggled into him, more content than she’d ever been. He still hadn’t spoken. Elissa tried to banish butterflies in her tummy.
Neither grabbed the sleeping furs, but she wasn’t cold.
Elissa stared at the contrast of their naked bodies, his skin darker than hers, muscular thighs cradling her pale slender ones. Her femininity was more obvious against his defined physique.