by C. A. Szarek
Somehow, even with all that was before her, her Alas was still wickedly handsome.
She damned herself for the thought.
“I need you.”
Elissa froze. Of all the things she’d imagined he’d open with, the three words emitted from his cracked lips weren’t it.
“I need you,” Alasdair repeated with more desperation.
She gulped as the first tear rolled down her cheek. Elissa cursed it—she’d sworn she wouldn’t let him see her cry ever again.
When he started to close the distance between them, she whipped her head around the warm inviting room. She wanted—no, needed—to flee, but there was nowhere to go. She had to protect herself from him. Couldn’t let him hurt her again. Now she had more to think about than just herself.
“Elissa,” he breathed. His large hand landed on her wrist and she couldn’t pull away even though her mind shouted the command.
Tremors racked her frame as Alasdair pulled her into his arms, but he was shaking as much as she was. Against her will, her traitorous body moved into him instead of away, and a sob broke from her lips as she slipped her arms around his waist.
She could feel his heart hammering against her ear and Elissa crushed her eyes shut as his warmth seeped into her.
Pull away. Shove him away. Tell him to go to hell.
But she couldn’t. Nothing had ever felt so right. Elissa hated that.
She loved him so much. She hated that, too.
Alasdair was talking, but she couldn’t process it as her mind and heart were at odds, screaming opposite orders that did nothing but spin her into chaos.
Tears cascaded and she cursed every one. Again.
“Shhh, please. Don’t, cry. Not because of me.”
“I’m done crying for you.” Elissa lifted her head from his chest and tried to glare.
He smirked at her obvious contradiction and it made her blood boil. She tried to tug away, but Alasdair was too quick. Her knight cupped her face and started to thumb her tears away.
Elissa whimpered. Averted her gaze, but he didn’t release her.
“Even with puffy eyes and pink cheeks, you’re still the most beautiful lass I’ve ever seen.”
Her breath caught and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth to stave off another sob.
“Please. Can I hold you? I just need to hold you.”
She didn’t nod, but her body went soft—still against her will—and Alasdair drew her back to him. Elissa didn’t want to go. She really didn’t. Didn’t want to find comfort against his hard chest, in his strong arms.
Not when he was the source of her pain.
More—stupid—tears were born when he stroked her back.
“What do you want?” she tried to bark. Instead it came out broken. Stammered. She refused her instinct to wince.
Alasdair pulled back. He set his palms on her upper arms and squeezed. His hold was gentle, but firm, the heat of large calloused hands compelled her to look into his handsome face. “Forgiveness.”
Elissa opened her mouth. Nothing came out except a hitched squeal. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Forgiveness?”
He nodded. It was curt, but pain darted across his countenance.
Her heart skipped.
“I was a colossal arse. A wretched fool.”
She didn’t disagree.
“I let you go. I never should have. I said things I didn’t mean.” He flinched.
Elissa clenched her jaw and ordered herself not to react to the agony in his gorgeous blue eyes. She planted her feet so she wouldn’t keel over. “Is that all?”
“Nay.”
“What else?” She arched an eyebrow and tried to look regal.
“I came here to beg forgiveness. To explain how sorry I am, and vow if it takes a lifetime, I’ll make it up to you.”
“A lifetime?” Elissa could only manage a pained whisper.
“You cannot marry Lord Cam.”
“Why not?”
“Because…I want you to marry me. Need you to.”
Her heart didn’t just skip. It stopped, then rebounded off her ribs. This proposal sounded as sincere as the first one. But this time was different, too.
Tears poured all over again. She didn’t fight when her knight’s hands settled around her, urging her back to his chest.
His mouth fitted over hers naturally, and Elissa met his kiss instead of pulling away.
Her brain nudged her, reminded her that he’d not declared any kind of love, scolded that an apology and another marriage proposal weren’t enough. She told all cognizant thought to go to hell and moved closer, molding her body to his, reveling in the feel of him, how much she’d missed him, how perfect he was against her.
He smelled the same, clean, masculine. She scented sandalwood she’d always loved, and forest, too, like the wind was still clinging to him from his ride.
Alasdair slanted for a deeper kiss, burying his hand in the hair at the back of her neck, holding her closer still. His arms were so strong around her, his chest so hard against her breasts.
Perfect. He was perfect.
She loved this man more than her own life.
Elissa met his probing tongue, moaning as warmth spread down her limbs and settled between her legs. Leaving her throbbing with desire for him. Fine tremors slid down her spine, and were only made worse when Alasdair shuddered. He kissed her harder, taking her mouth with desperation she felt, too. She kissed him as fervently, twining her tongue around his, his familiar taste enhanced by longing she felt to her soul. Elissa rocked against him, her pelvis rubbing his, and a thick erection pressed right back.
His arousal reminded her of news he didn’t yet know—their child.
Her belly flipped for reasons other than passion. Nerves inched up and paralyzed her. Her magic prickled at the off-kilter opposite emotions, but she gained control before it pushed hard enough to burst out.
“What’s wrong?” Alasdair leaned back, his blue eyes heavy-lidded, but concerned as he studied her face.
“I’m with child.”
He froze, his kiss-swollen lips parting on a gasp. He panted—she didn’t think it was from their kiss.
When his fingers flexed and released her, Elissa frowned. She backed away. “Blessed Spirit help you if you ask me if it’s yours. I’ll drown you.” She brandished her palm.
His eyes widened. “I wasn’t—” Alasdair sputtered. Shook his head.
If the circumstances were different, she might’ve laughed. She’d never seen him so stumped.
Alasdair’s dark brows knitted, and he reached for her.
She slid further, avoiding his grasp.
It was his turn to frown. “Lord Cam…didn’t….” He waved a white-knuckled fist. “I’ll kill him if he touched you.” He stalked to her, grabbed her forearm.
Elissa laughed, she couldn’t help it. “Funny, he said the same thing about you.”
His frown slipped into a scowl. He cupped her face, forcing her to look at him. “He did, did he?”
She grabbed his wrists and squeezed, but didn’t pull away. “I didn’t tell him it was you. He knows about the child, though. He said he’d marry me anyway.”
Agony darted across Alasdair’s face.
“I’ve never been intimate with Lord Cam, Alas. My child is yours.”
“I know.” He kissed her again, this time something tender that had her heart thundering all over again.
Elissa moved into him, slipping her arms around his neck and kissed him back with all her might. She yelped when he swung her up into his arms. His gaze bored into her.
“You will never be intimate with any other man.” The growl had her belly flipping. “Where’s your room?”
“Alas—”
“I know we’re not done talking, Elissa. But I need you.”
She stilled in his grip. “Say it again?”
“I need you.”
“Not that.”
A slow, sexy smile spread over his
full mouth. “Elissa.”
“Alas.” She grinned.
“I love you.”
Her heart skipped again, making her doubt it’d ever beat normally again. Tears spilled all over and she nestled into his embrace.
He loves me.
Finally what she needed to hear more than anything. Elissa closed her eyes and smiled again when she felt his lips on her eyelids, then on her nose. He pressed a gentle kiss into her forehead, too, and her breath caught. “Alas,” she whispered.
“Aye, lass?”
“I’m not marrying Lord Cam. This morning, I told him I couldn’t go through with it.”
The apple of his throat bobbed and drew her gaze before she could look into his eyes.
“Elissa.” Her name came out a half-gasp. His hold on her tightened as his body stiffened.
“I want to marry you. But—”
“But what?”
“You…haven’t said how you feel about…the child.”
“Lucky,” he croaked.
Her breath caught. “Lucky?”
“I came for you. Now I get you and a precious little one. To love. Hold. Always. You’re both mine.”
Mine. The word reverberated in her head. And in her heart.
Elissa wanted nothing more. His acceptance was hard to believe. Too good to be true. “Even though it wasn’t planned?”
He flashed a lopsided grin. “I planned to seduce you. A child could’ve happened then, too. Blessed Spirit knows I can’t be careful with you.”
She giggled and felt a chuckle rumble in his chest. “Alas.”
“Aye, love?”
The term of endearment stole her focus and made her stomach flutter. She swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat. “I love you, too. And I forgive you.”
He kissed her, hard and fast, making Elissa’s head spin. “Good. Where’s your room?”
Chapter Forty
He kicked the door Elissa’s room shut and set her to her feet impossibly gently. Right next to the bed.
A place he’d join her…as soon as he got his bearings.
Alasdair couldn’t even manage to look around the quarters he guessed to be the duchess’ rooms, due to their size. Right down the hall from the solar the dark-haired lass had shown him to.
They shouldn’t be here right now. He should’ve taken her right to Lord Cam. Should’ve paid the duke his due, not stolen his betrothed.
But he’d had to see her first.
He’d almost collapsed when he’d seen Elissa, her expression forlorn, looking as pale as the ivory gown she was wearing.
Alasdair had ridden as hard as he could. He’d been alone, and left Greenwald the very day Lord Jorrin had shown him the wedding invitation. Even with his infrequent stops, it’d still taken him a damn fortnight to get to Castle Malloch. Tess would probably never forgive him for pushing her so.
All is not lost.
His head spun, and his heart galloped.
She’d forgiven him. She still loved him.
She’d agreed to marry him.
She’s carrying my child.
He swallowed a gasp and made a grab for the thick post at the head of the bed as wooziness threatened to take him over.
“Are you all right?” Her concern had him meeting her beautiful hazel eyes. Her delicate hand landed on his wrist and squeezed.
“Aye,” he croaked. “I…can’t believe…my good fortune.” Blessed Spirit it was true. Alasdair knelt before the love of his life, fumbling for the ring in his pocket and wincing as his knee smacked the stone harder than intended.
“Alas?” Elissa whispered.
Their gazes collided and he reached for her hand. Kissed her knuckles without looking away from her hazel orbs. “Lady Elissa Durroc, will you be my wife?”
She cocked her head to the side, the corner of her mouth twitching as she fought a smile. “I thought we’d already established that. Aye, I’ll wed you.”
He swallowed. Couldn’t help it. “I…failed to give you this.” He slid the modest ring on her left hand and held his breath. It was nothing a lady would wear; didn’t even have a jewel. Only a simple gold band with double hearts finely etched at its center.
Elissa gasped and examined the ring as he scrambled to his feet.
“I know it’s not much…”
“I love it.” Her eyes were misty when she looked up at him and his heart stuttered.
“It’s…” he had to clear his throat, “the only…thing I have of my mother, and I want you to have it.”
“Oh, Alas.”
“If you don’t like it, I’m sure we can get you something with a diamond, or a sapphire—” Words fell from his mouth, a tripping babble that he cut off because his betrothed glared at him.
“I said I love it. I don’t speak untruths.”
Alasdair felt the weight float from his chest, even though Elissa was cross with him, both hands perched on her perfect hips. He laughed. Threw his head back and let loose a deep chuckle. He didn’t bother calling her on that. She’d lied to him, denied loving him. He could tease her later.
“Alas?”
“I’m sorry, love. It’s just…”
She jumped into his arms and Alasdair caught her up so they both wouldn’t fall over.
“I love you,” Elissa said. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry I lied about that before. It’s an untruth I take back.” She punctuated each repetition with a kiss, first to his bearded cheeks, then his forehead, even the end of his nose before pressing her mouth to his.
“I love you, too,” he said into her mouth, pushing her lips wider so he could explore her, taste her. Alasdair groaned when she let him in. He couldn’t get enough of her. He’d never be able to get enough of her.
He deepened their kiss, willing her to feel all his love. Feel the fact it’d always be this way for them, he’d love and cherish her for their rest of their lives.
And the baby she carried.
Alasdair was going to be a father.
One nothing like my own.
She moaned into his mouth, scattering conscious thought as her small warm hands inched their way up inside his tunic. Elissa caressed his stomach, his abdominal muscles jumped with each pass of her fingers. She crept higher, making his nipples taut even before she touched him there.
He groaned, swallowing her whimper as he kissed her harder.
Her hands slid around to his back and down. His little vixen kneaded his arse, making his cock jump and throb. When she tugged him forward and rocked her pelvis into his, Alasdair almost exploded in his breeches.
He broke their kiss and sucked in a breath. Needed a minute—or three.
“Alas?” she whispered, resting her forehead on his chest.
“You’re killing me, love. It’s been too long.” Alasdair cupped her face and tilted up, pressing a fast kiss to the smirk on her delectable mouth.
Elissa’s hair was mussed from his fingers, and her cheeks were flushed the most delicious shade of pink. Her lips were parted and thick, well-ravished. Her hazel eyes glowed with green and gold flecks.
Alasdair had never wanted her more than he did at that moment.
“I want you,” she breathed.
It was almost his undoing. “Believe me, the feeling is mutual.”
“Then take off your clothes.”
He chuckled. “You’ve become a bold little thing, have you?”
She grinned. “I always was, I was waiting for you to notice.” Pain darted across her face and guilt bit at him. “I was waiting for you to want me. Waiting for you to love me.”
“Oh, lass.” Alasdair swallowed against the lump in his throat. “I wanted you from day one. And I’ve loved you for so long. I…just couldn’t see it.”
One tear leaked down her cheek and he wiped it away.
“I thought we were done with that.” He smiled.
“Your child makes me an emotional wreck.” Elissa’s returning smile was wobbly.
Alasdai
r took her mouth in what he’d intended to be a short tender kiss, but Elissa had other ideas. She clung to him, forced their lip-lock deeper, and started tugging at his clothes. His cock threatened to punch through his breeches.
“Love…” he gasped. “Love…” With strength he didn’t know he possessed, he pulled away. “Should we not go to Lord Cam and declare our intentions?”
“After.” Elissa reached for his belt and had it hanging open before he could protest.
“After?”
“I need you.” Her hazel eyes bored into him and an unmanly shiver hit him from head to toe.
“Those are my words.” He fought for a serious expression.
“Doesn’t make it less true for me.” She undid the ties on his breeches and pushed them off one hip, then mock-glared. “I already told you I do not speak untruths.”
He chuckled and gripped the waist of his breeches so his sword wouldn’t clatter to the stone floor and rip his pants on the way down. “All right, love.” Alasdair dragged two fingers down her cheek with his free hand.
She stared up at him with so much love in her eyes his heart—and his stomach—fluttered at the same time. “Get undressed.”
Elissa’s command had him grinning like an idiot.
He nodded and stepped back, making quick work of his breeches and boots, then tugged his tunic up and off. He was suddenly grateful he’d not bothered with a doublet, though it’d made for a cold ride. His breath caught when he looked at his betrothed.
She was naked from the waist up, but wiggled to rid herself of her shimmery ivory gown and chemise at the same time. They pooled at her feet, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Her breasts, which had always been small, high and tight, were larger, even more perfectly round. He noticed her birthmark, the half-moon on her right side, but his gaze didn’t stay there.
Alasdair’s mouth went dry as his eyes traveled downward. There was a definite roundness to her lower belly that hadn’t been there before. Although he’d only had her once, and only seen her naked once more than that, he knew her body as well as his own.
My child.
His vision wavered. Blurred.
“Alas?” Elissa crossed the small distance between them, reaching for his face. Her fingertips came away shiny, wet.
Crying?