Storytelling

by Keith Coleman

  4. Be Witty

  One of the best traits of a charismatic person is how they can make other people laugh without appearing like they try too hard. The humor just seems to flow naturally as part of the conversation, and like everything else that a charismatic person does, it appears almost effortless. People love individuals who can make them laugh. To become more charismatic you need to become someone who can make others laugh without trying too hard, that’s the key. You can learn to be charming and to develop a sense of humor by first learning how to laugh at yourself. Being able to do that lets others know that you are confident and comfortable enough in your own skin, that you don’t mind if people join in and laugh right along with you. Being able to laugh at yourself without feeling uncomfortable is the first step. You can then learn how to attune yourself to what other people’s humor is like, which usually happens after you’ve had a conversation with them several times. Gauge your audience to know the type of jokes which are acceptable. For example, if you are around a group of people who are more sensitive or reserved by nature, then it's better to first be observant and hold back on the jokes, so you don’t risk offending anyone. Don’t try too hard to be funny either by feeling pressured to make a laugh every time. Choose your moments and when the opportunity comes up, use it.

  5. Make the Person You’re Talking to Feel Special

  Conquering small talk means being so good of a conversationalist that you can make the people you are talking to feel special, valued and that their opinions and ideas matter. It’s actually quite simple to do; you just have to start by being respectful. You need to treat everyone like an equal, and nobody should be beneath or above you. Show each person you’re talking to respect, and show them that you’re interested and keen on what they have to say. Ask questions to invite them to open up or share their thoughts on specific subjects. Listen attentively when they are talking and show the appropriate reactions when called for, for example, nodding your head when you agree and making brief interjections to assure them that you are listening. Brief interjections could be along the lines of I see, or I agree with that depending on how your conversation is going.

  And finally, remember that there's a difference between being a charismatic person and being someone who is a people-pleaser. You want people to like you and find you charming, but you don’t want to be someone who bends over at everyone’s will. People who are charismatic are confident about themselves, and they get people to like them for their own personalities. If someone doesn’t like you, that’s okay since you can’t get along with everyone in this world.

  Chapter 5 Summary

  To develop that natural charm that people seem to gravitate towards, here is what you need to do to become more charismatic:

  ● The first and most important step is to keep practicing your small talk skills until you have become a master of the basics. When you can communicate and converse well with just about anyone – and not just the people you are comfortable with - then you are well and truly ready to begin working on your charisma.

  ● Smile genuinely and warmly during a conversation, it makes you appear more charismatic.

  ● Start practicing maintaining good eye contact at every opportunity you get. Remember the mark of the perfect eye contact is to hold a person’s gaze for just one second longer than you usually would and go with that.

  ● Don’t stand uncomfortably during a conversation, you need to be aware of how your body is behaving. Charismatic people know how to display enthusiasm without going overboard, and you need to practice doing the same. If it helps, watch videos online of some successful people you admire and observe their body movements when they’re talking to a crowd.

  ● Learn to be witty, but don’t try too hard to be funny. Let the joke come naturally and flow smoothly with the conversation. A well-timed joke is superior to a forced one.

  ● Make the other person you’re talking to feel special by showing them you are interested in what they have to say, and that their ideas and opinions matter to you.

  Chapter 6:

  Conversational Confidence Is Key

  Confidence is crucial for every conversationalist. It will be hard without it to convince people to believe in you when you don’t even believe in yourself. Even if you have every strategy for success at your disposal, if you don’t have the confidence to back it up, it’s going to be all for nothing.

  Why Is Confidence So Important?

  Here is what happens when you lack the confidence to pull off small talk (or anything else in general for that matter, not just about a social interaction):

  1. Fear Will Always Be What Holds You Back

  If you’re regularly ruled by fear and anxiety of everything that could go wrong, there will be many things that you don’t do or try. You become so afraid of failing that you fail to do anything at all, even if it something that would benefit you in the long run. Something as simple as walking up to someone and saying Hello, how are you? can be challenging to manage since you’re so afraid of being embarrassed.

  2. You’re Going to Miss Out on Opportunities

  Especially at work where small talk is a potential networking opportunity that could lead to bigger and better things for your career. Missing out and letting them pass you by is linked closely with the point above, that same fear is going to stop you and make you hesitant about grabbing opportunities right in front of you. In life, it could prevent you from forging new friendships, relationships and more.

  3. You’ll Find It Hard to be Happy

  Someone who is lacking confidence generally has feelings of low self-esteem, and they are always thinking about their flaws which makes it hard for them to be happy. When all you can think about is your inadequacies, how are you going to concentrate on everything you are supposed to do to be better? Negativity is a powerful emotion, one that comes much more easily than positivity.

  How to Become a More Confident Person

  Do you see how much insufficient confidence can affect you? Confidence is vital, especially when making an impression on someone during a small talk session. Being confident gives you the courage to know that you can manage the situation you are in, that you can control how a conversation is going.

  1. Mind Over Matter

  Confidence begins in your mind, and it's a state of mind that you and only you have the power to change. You must want to change the way you think about yourself, and let go of negative connotations you associate with. There are plenty of ways you can help strengthen your mindset over time. Tell yourself that you are a confident person who is more than capable of handling anything that comes your way. One way of doing this, for example, is through meditation, a good exercise for the mind, body, and soul. Another way is through affirmations or writing it down on little post-it notes and sticking it in places which you can easily see, continually surrounding yourself with messages of positive reinforcement. Again, it's about finding what works best for you, but try to start strengthening your mind to think more positively.

  2. Identify What You Need to Work On

  Self-doubt is one of the most significant mental obstacles to overcome when it comes to building confidence in yourself and what you’re capable of. You’ve been saddled with self-doubt for perhaps a long time, it can almost seem impossible to think in any other way. It will be a struggle in the beginning, but it must be done if you want to begin developing and transforming into a better version of yourself. Begin by making a list of what you think are the areas you need to work on. Once you’re done, proceed to make a list of possible suggestions about what you can do to improve those areas. It doesn’t necessarily have to be massive, drastic changes all at once. It won’t do you any good if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Start small and put achievable goals that you can accomplish and keep repeating that process once you start completing them.

  3. Acknowledge What You Have Done Well

  Did you handle something particularly well today? Even better than you thought? It’s t
ime to start acknowledging it. Make it a habit from today and onward to recognize and congratulate yourself on a job well done each time you’ve made an accomplishment. After all, it's an achievement, and every achievement deserves recognition. For example, if you had a particularly successful small talk session today, fantastic work! Great job. Treat yourself to something good as a reward. You should be proud of what you have accomplished which also helps to build your confidence slowly over time.

  4. Make a List of Your Strengths

  Sometimes, it's easier to believe something when you see it written down in front of you. If you’re having trouble making a list of your pros, enlist the help of family and friends to do it. Ask them to tell you what they admire the most about you, and what they think you’re good at. Ask them to help you identify what your strengths are. It can help boost your confidence too, knowing that this is what other people think about you, things that you may not even have thought about. Once you’ve compiled your list, go through it daily until you firmly believe in each point written down and you feel an increase in your confidence level.

  5. You Need to Look Good to Feel Good

  The way you look and feel about yourself is going to make a difference in your confidence levels. How much time do you spend taking care of your appearance and the way you present yourself? Is your hair neatly fixed? Do you wear clothes that fit well? The way you look is going to be the first thing that people will notice about you when you introduce yourself and taking some time to look and feel your best will help. You don’t have to buy a new wardrobe to look the part, just work with what you have right now. Make sure your clothes always look clean, are comfortable and that they make you feel good. The better you feel about yourself, the more confident you will be.

  Chapter 6 Summary

  Confidence is an important part that you need to work on to become a better conversationalist:

  ● It’s about mind over matter, and it’s entirely in your hands to start changing your mindset. One example of how you can do this is either through positive affirmations or even meditation, but you should find a way that works best for you to get the most effective results.

  ● Congratulate yourself when you’ve done something well. It doesn’t necessarily have to be significant accomplishments. Even the little things you achieved during the day that makes you say I did it! are good. Acknowledging when you’ve accomplished something well will help you to gradually build confidence over time.

  ● Identify the areas you need to work on for improvement and make a list of possible suggestions you can do to better those areas. It doesn’t have to be massive goals. Start with small achievable ones you can accomplish, so you don’t end up feeling discouraged.

  ● Make a list of your strengths which acts as evidence about what positive traits you have that you can utilize. You may not have noticed or thought about these before, but use them to help regain and build confidence.

  ● Devote some time to personal hygiene and taking care of your clothes. Ensure that you feel good about yourself before leaving the house, this will help to build your confidence.

  Conclusion

  You now have everything you need and more to start practicing on improving your conversation skills and becoming better at small talk. It may take time and effort, but if you keep practicing, eventually, you will get there. It’s not a skill or technique you need to be born with, it’s not an exceptional talent you need to possess to become good. Learning great conversation skills is something that everyone can do.

  All it takes is practice. Start practicing the techniques you have learned in this book and putting them into practice at every opportunity you get. The more you practice, the better you’ll become and one day, you’ll master the art of small talk. As your conversation skills start to improve, you will notice that your confidence in conversing with people also enhances in tandem. With enough practice, you’ll have the ability to hold a conversation with anyone, even complete strangers.

  Lastly, if you enjoyed reading the book, please take the time to share your views by posting a review on Amazon. It’d be highly appreciated!

  Conversation Skills

  How to Use Storytelling in Your Communication to Gain Recognition, Be More Likeable, & Connect with People

  Keith Coleman

  Introduction

  Go back to the time when you met someone for the first time and came back completely blown away by the conversation. You were most likely so captivated that you didn’t want the conversation to end. Think about what the conversationalist did to keep you hooked to the interaction? Did they merely state facts, figures, statistics and research to keep the conversation going? I bet not! Chances are they used the power of relatable, compelling and interesting stories and personal accounts to get across their point.

  Who doesn’t love listening to an engaging and captivating personal account of stories? It makes the storyteller more likable and identifiable. While listening to them, you are almost tempted to scream, “Hey, this sounds like me.” As humans, we relate wonderfully well to stories on a deeper, subconscious level. It connects or links us to another person by identifying a common thread.

  Take, for instance, you are struggling to keep a job and constantly switching careers or at a point where you are confused whether to give up a secure job to follow your passion. You share this with an acquaintance. He/she then advises you about following your passion, and it is the best thing you can do for yourself. They go on about how you can build a rewarding and profitable career out of it. You come back even more confused after the suggestions!

  Contrast this with an acquaintance sharing a powerful story about his/her friend in a similar situation which includes everything, why the friends took a tough decision to quit his/her job, how they managed to keep aside some security funds until he/she worked to build a successful career in an area of his/her interest, and finally how they built a solid, sustainable and profitable business in the field. You come back enlightened and informed.

  Which of the two approaches do you think makes a bigger impact on you? Obviously, it’s the one where the acquaintance shared a powerful, relatable story of another person in the same situation. It helped you understand his/her point in a more compelling and effective comparison than with someone who offered plain facts, advice or suggestions. Stories play at an emotional and psychological level to move us. They are highly potent communication and conversation tools because they persuade people through examples. If I simply explain a concept to you, it may not have the same impact if I share an example related to the concept.

  Stories increase your ability to connect with people. By nature, since evolutionary times, humans are wired to be more receptive to storytelling. The simplest way to pull someone’s heartstrings is through storytelling.

  However, through storytelling is a powerful technique of putting across your point more persuasively, not everyone is a wonderful storyteller. The good news is it isn’t an inborn skill. Even if you think you are a ‘low on confidence’, ineffective and a rambling storyteller, there’s plenty of scope for improvement through consistent efforts and practice. You may not be able to deliver the story with the intended impact or may take forever to get to the point. Whatever it is that you are struggling with – I’ve got your back here.

  This book is designed to hold your hand and help you understand the finer nuances of being a master storyteller to increase your effectiveness as a communicator. It’ll take your ability to connect with people in overdrive mode. With practical, actionable techniques mentioned in this book and its practice/implementation, you can be a boss storyteller. Everyone loves to hear stories, and acing this technique in communication can help you become an engaging conversationalist.

  Let’s nose-dive into the art of fine storytelling, and use it as a compelling conversation and communication element.

  Chapter 1:

  Elements of a Compelling and Unforgettable Conversation

  We agreed in th
e introduction how some of the most memorable and compelling conversations are the ones where the speaker strikes a chord with what he/she says. Some of the best conversationalists are those who can move people by sharing meaningful, relatable and identifiable accounts over plain facts and figures (which you can read about anyway).

  What are these elements that make a conversation go from dull to dazzling? What are the elements that transform unexciting conversations into memorable interaction? What are the elements that make you go from socially awkward and ineffective to a persuasive and effective communicator? How can you distinguish between good/effective and bad/ineffective conversation?