At times, stories help make the abstract more concrete. Resistance to change often comes from being unsure of how to proceed. For example, let’s say a person is aware he/she should eat healthy food or exercise. However, it is an abstract piece of information. How can it be converted into something more practical and actionable? A story about how a person’s healthy eating and exercising schedule can show them exactly how to do it, thus clarifying an abstract and vague piece of advice. It puts into perspective or context, how the advice or information can be practically used which bring down inaction barriers.
Conclusion
Thank you for reading or listening to this book.
I genuinely hope it has offered you plenty of practical and actionable pointers to increase your confidence, and elevate your social conversations to the next level through the art of storytelling.
The objective of the book is to help you get rid of your inhibitions and to take on the social world by conversing in a more confident and effective manner by mastering storytelling.
The next step is to start using the strategies mentioned in the book right away to be a powerful communicator, storyteller, and people magnet.
Finally, if you enjoyed reading the book, please take the time to share your views by posting a review on Amazon. It’d be greatly appreciated!
Conversation Skills
Discover the #1 Tactics to Become a Master at Social Communication with Amazing Charisma, & Crucial Confidence. Go From Being Shy to a Magnetic Casanova, & Impress Your Friends!
Keith Coleman
Introduction
“Charisma is not so much getting people to like you as getting people to like themselves when you’re around.”
– Robert Brault
We’ve all met that person who is capable of lighting up a room with his/her presence. The moment they walk, all heads turn in their direction. There is an unspoken aura about the way they carry themselves and the effect they have over people. Though charisma and magnetism often seem like exaggerated and fluffy terms when it comes to describing people, it is the real deal. This unspoken charisma and magnetism can be the difference between success and failure, between living a wow life or an uninspiring existence. Notice how some talk show hosts get paid millions simply because of their charm and ability to make their guests feel comfortable. They have an almost hypnotic effect on the viewers who latch on to every word they utter.
Connecting with people is a real art, which, unfortunately, is realized and mastered only by few. It is no exaggeration that if you master the art of sweeping people off their feet with your charisma, you increase your chances of going places. It’s a people’s world after all unless you are living in a cardboard box.
If you look at the opening quote, you’ll realize precisely what charisma and magnetism are all about. It is more about getting people to adore themselves when they are around you than getting them to adore you. Since they feel wonderful about themselves when they are around you, people love you! It’s that simple. No fluff. Make people around you feel great about themselves, create their comfort, make them feel you are one of them, and so on. You’re sorted!
According to the Urban Dictionary, ‘charisma’ is “having an undescribed magnetism that consistently draws people closer, usually, it cannot be pinpointed or described.” This is exactly what makes it challenging for some people to acquire charisma. They just don’t know what it is. There is this element of mystery around charisma. Some believe it’s some sort of a superpower that a select few are born with. Others perceive it as a possessing power in the form of high status, wealth, authority or attractive looks. Let me break the bubble here and tell you that it’s neither. Charisma isn’t dependent on your fortune or natural predispositions. It can be developed by anyone (yes, just about anyone) with practice, consistent effort, and implementation. Also, being charismatic isn’t limited to being effervescent and bubbly all the time. It can also be demonstrated in a subtle manner. In fact, most charismatic people aren’t over the top. They wield a gentle, understated charm that has people eating out of their hands.
In the next few chapters, we’ll demystify this “x” factor or charisma to learn what exactly it is and how it can be improved through slick conversation skills, non-verbal communication, and rapport building.
Chapter 1:
Secret Qualities of a Charismatic Person
We can all successfully identify a charismatic person but not all of us can tell what makes him or her charismatic. I’ll break it down for you in this chapter. What are the qualities of a charismatic or magnetic person that has people clamoring around them? What makes them stand out from the rest of the pack? Why are some people consistently able to impress others or get them to do things they want them to effortlessly? Once you know what makes an individual charismatic, it isn’t tough to slowly incorporate these communication patterns in your daily interactions. Here’s demystifying charisma for you.
1. They reveal their best version.
Being charismatic goes hand-in-hand with a high sense of self-awareness. Charismatic people know exactly what their strengths and limitations are, and they’ve mastered the art of playing up their strengths in social situations. This powerful self-belief also makes them more poised, self-assured, and confident among other people. Generally, they do not attempt to hijack conversations, dominate interactions, or promote themselves in an aggressive manner to stroke their ego.
One of the things charismatic folks have mastered is the art of determining just how much vulnerability to show in a conversation and how much to hold back. They’ll let you in on a few details to build a connection or feeling of ‘oneness.’ However, you won’t find them sharing intimate details or washing their dirty linen in public. They’ll talk to people they trust over spilling the beans to every stranger they meet for the first time. Typically, their vulnerability will be limited to sharing a humorous account of how they goofed up a presentation or how their butter feet are always making them fall. This is simply to make them more identifiable and help build a connection. For more intimate details, you have to win their trust.
2. They rate high on humor.
A majority of charismatic and magnetic people display a fairly high sense of humor that is clever and non-offensive. They will employ a light-hearted approach to living, and consciously make it a point to identify the humor in any situation. This doesn’t imply that they don’t take life seriously. However, they are serious about lightening things up for themselves and others by unleashing their inner child. All these wonderful vibes that they spread around through their humor makes them fun, enjoyable, and pleasant to be around.
Humor helps others relate to you. When we don’t know a person, he/she appears to have an impenetrable wall around them. However, once the person resorts to humor, the wall is broken and the person comes across as just one of us – light-hearted and fun-loving. Who doesn’t love a bit of fun and laughter in the midst of a stressful day? Use the power of humor to sweep people off their feet. Master timing and delivery while saying something funny! You can seek inspiration from plenty of stand-up comedians, television personalities, and YouTubers. Often, what they say isn’t half as funny as how they say it. Practice being funny and you’ll almost always be surrounded by a swarm of people in any social situation.
3. They throw the spotlight on other people.
If you ask me to pick the single most important trait that makes a person charismatic, I’d say making other people feel special about themselves.
When we think of magnetism or charisma, it seems like it is something that makes a person appear amazing to other people. However, the paradox of charisma is worth noting. Charisma is not about blowing your own trumpet. On the contrary, it is about making others feel special and wonderful about themselves. Genuinely, charismatic people take pleasure in making others feel important after an interaction. When people feel better about themselves than before talking to you, you’ve won their love. Hey, that’s what
makes you charismatic. See the paradox?
If you want to appear more charismatic and magnetic the next time you interact with someone, focus your emotional, physical, and mental energy on making the person feel important. Everyone craves for attention. They yearn to be recognized, appreciated, and acknowledged. If you can give them all of this, they’ll be no one more charismatic than you for them.
Also, to bust another charisma myth, one doesn’t really have to be an increasingly outgoing, exuberant, and uber-social being. Charismatic presence can very well be established by someone who is introverted, intense, intelligent, focused, and attentive. You don’t have to be the life of every party to appear magnetic. Instead of talking to everything that moves, concentrate your attention on a select few. When you practice this, you make people feel remarkably special. Think of charisma as being more related to quality than quantity.
I know a lady who heads one of the world’s largest mommy communities on Facebook. She is a Facebook community leader and enjoys everything from a huge social media following to brands clamoring to her for endorsements to celebs gracing the events she organizes for her community. She isn’t strikingly beautiful nor has a drop dead personality. However, one thing that works in her favor is that everyone loves her.
Her followers swear by her and the community she’s created. This is simply due to the fact that she never fails to make others in the community feel wonderful about themselves. She’s always publically praising her team and community members, she remembers people’s names, applauds them for something they did a few months back (which even they have forgotten about), and identifies the hidden talent in people. Needless to say, people eat out of her hands.
Charisma is not simply about how people feel about you but how you make them feel about themselves. If you can make people feel wonderful about themselves in your presence, you’ve won the charisma battle.
Ask people plenty of specific questions to reveal your interest in them. Be empathetic to what they share even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. Find a common ground while interacting with people. Stay completely present while conversing with a person. Few people are as attractive as those who offer your undivided attention while you speak. Make other people around you matter! This is the biggest secret of being a charismatic and magnetic individual.
4. Their body language is approachable and open.
Ever wondered why when we don’t know anyone at a party, we approach only certain people? How do we make this decision about whom to approach? It is most likely the body language or non-verbal communication a person portrays that helps us determine if he/she is an “open” or “closed” type of person.
Charismatic people almost always reveal a friendly, warm, open, and approachable body language. Non-verbal communication works at a deeply subconscious level when it comes to interacting with people. Our mind receives certain signals at a subconscious level about whether to approach a person or not based on their body language and demeanor.
Charismatic folks generally display a non-aggressive, non-intimidating, and open body language. It’s more inviting and approachable. For instance, their hands and feet will be uncrossed and they’ll keep their palms open. Similarly, they will seldom forget to smile or maintain eye contact while speaking. To boost their connection with other people while talking, they will use a light touch. These signals help them establish both power and compassion, which are vital if you want to enhance your charisma.
One character whose body language you need to study to develop greater charisma is Kevin Spacey’s character, Frank Underwood, in House of Cards. Frank Underwood is charisma-personified in the movie. Observe his demeanor when he’s interacting with other people in the movie. Analyze the way he strides in a confident yet relaxed manner, the way he seats himself in a chair, the manner in which he fluctuates or modulates his voice. Then there is this very peculiar way of speaking where his voice elevates mid-sentence and gradually falls at the end, almost like he’s delivered a judgment or verdict. Even when he is conversing with people, he seldom breaks eye-contact, rarely nods, and pays absolute attention when the other person is speaking. He interrupts someone only when there is some purpose to it.
5. They are gifted conversationalists.
Charismatic people know how to sweep others off their feet by mastering the art of conversation. Now, a major chunk of their conversation skills involve listening to the other person in a focused and interested manner (something that makes them irresistible to others).
If they are not intently listening to others, they are sharing facts and stories about them, which are borrowed from their knowledge, understanding of other people, and experience. They will share engaging stories and anecdotes (charismatic people are often master storytellers) to articulate a point.
They will share their own interests, ideas, purpose, and hobbies with a passion. There is a sense of purpose in everything that charismatic people talk about. You’ll rarely find them discussing lowly topics, controversial issues, and gossip that may offend other people. They are very mindful of how they make other people feel.
One of the traits I’ve closely noticed in highly charismatic and magnetic people is that they are always lifting those around them. They will never bring people down or dish out dirt. Their talks are almost always centered on productive things, which are spoken about with a sense of passion and purpose. You will rarely find them laughing at other people’s ideas or demeaning them.
Being charismatic doesn’t go with discussing the failings of other people. Though most people enjoy a little gossip and dirt here and there, no one likes people who are the source of this gossip. Therefore, if you want to develop greater charisma and magnetism, stay away from talking ill about people, and instead, focus on highlighting their strengths.
The science of interpersonal attraction or the factors that lead people to forge strong bonds of friendships, business associations, and romantic relationships is a huge area of study with social psychology. How people react or respond to you depends on a force between you and the other person that attracts or repels them towards you.
There are primarily thirteen qualities that make a person more charismatic, magnetic, and memorable. These are kindness, willingness, reliability, optimism, responsibility, magnanimity, levity, authenticity, relevance, knowledge, humility, compatibility, and humor. Try to incorporate these elements in your interaction with other people to increase your charisma quotient.
Think of yourself as a personal brand, where you are required to make yourself more attractive, presentable, and marketable to other people. What are the traits that you can adapt to make the brand ‘you’ more irresistible?
The Three Magnetic Attributes of Charismatic People
1. Presence
Presence is one of the easiest yet highly misunderstood factors of charisma. It is simply a matter of being more present and focused during an interaction. Our mind is wandering for almost 50 percent of the time, thus making it challenging to give 100 percent of ourselves to others in any interaction. Master this one art, and you’ll be on your way to enjoying a definite edge over conversationalists with scattered or fragmented attention. Each person wants to enjoy a sense of importance.
If you give them the feeling that they are important through active listening, a keen body language, and mindful attention, they will instantly take to you. Learn to give yourself completely in any interaction, while resisting the urge to check your phone or appear distracted. Your brain should be solely tuned in to what the other person is saying, in addition to what they are not saying. Tuning in to what people leave unsaid is as important as paying attention to what they say.
Listen attentively to what people are speaking. To show your interest in what they are speaking, ask questions related to what they are saying. This serves a two-way purpose. It helps clarify your understanding as well as shows people that you are interested in what they are saying.
Do not listen to cook up a respo
nse to what the person is saying. I know a lot of people who pretend to hear the other person while a prominently thought bubble are circling around their head about what response they are coming up with next.
Avoid this self-chatter from playing in your head, and instead, try to understand what the other person is saying. If you are thinking about what to say next, you are hardly listening to the other person. We all love and appreciate a person who gives a listening ear. It increases our respect and appreciation for them. Leverage the power of presence for increasing your charisma during everyday interactions.
Do not practice selective hearing. Charismatic people listen to everything that’s said closely without focusing only on bits they are interested in hearing.
I like to offer verbal acknowledgments to demonstrate to the other person that I am listening attentively to them. So, it isn’t uncommon for me to use affirmative phrases such as “that sounds like a lot of fun,” “this is exciting,” “I am sure it must have been tough for you,” and “that’s an interesting way to look at it.” This makes the speaker go “wow,” he/she is interested in what I am saying.
Also ask plenty of open-ended questions to reveal your interest, and also increase your understanding of what the person is saying. Another tip is to paraphrase or sum up what the speaker has finished saying, and confirm your understanding by adding something like, “is that right?”
You can’t be fully present if you are physically uncomfortable. Ensure you are wearing properly fitted clothes. They not just avoid distracting you from being fully present, but also boost your confidence by several notches. Other things that can enhance your physical comfort include sleeping well, eating healthy, staying away from caffeine, and adjusting the temperature to a pleasant level. All these, though small and obvious factors, can help the process of stay fully present while interacting with people.
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