“Yeah, I do know, and I understand. Hell, I worry about how it will affect Lisa, too. But listen I’m more worried about JR right now. He’s been on a real downward spiral, even for him, and things don’t seem to be getting any better. Did you notice his right hand? It was all swollen and shit.”
“Dammit. What the hell did he do to it? Do you think he’ll be good for the tour?”
“Physically, I don’t know. Mentally, I doubt it, unless we can do something to help him get things resolved with Samantha before we leave.”
Marcus nodded. “You’re probably right. It’s just so bizarre to see JR all messed up over a woman.”
“Yeah, well, I think he really loves her.”
Marcus raised his brows. “He’s got a real weird way of showing it.”
Dwight gave him a wry look. “Do you really want to go there? After the way things went down with you and Avery.”
Marcus snorted. “Ok, point taken. What do you suggest we do about it?”
“I don’t really know exactly. Getting them talking again would probably be a good start. But I think it’s gonna take more than just the two of us to figure this one out.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Why don’t you talk to Avery? She has a soft spot for JR and we could use a woman’s perspective.”
AS SOON AS Marcus stepped off the elevator, Avery flew into his arms. “How is he?”
“Shit-faced as usual.”
“Oh.” Her face fell.
He moved his hands down and grasped her cute little ass and pulled her closer. He heard her sigh and watched her gaze lower to his mouth. And that was all it took to amp him up for her yet again.
He smashed his lips against hers, moving hungrily, tasting and feasting on those delectable full lips. The ones that had driven him crazy when he’d thought she’d been a man. Even though they’d been together nonstop since his proposal, his craving for her hadn’t lessened. If anything knowing how good they were together just made him want her even more. She was like oxygen to him, if oxygen could be addictive.
Marcus lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his torso. In two long strides he had her backed up against the wall and pinned in place. His hands tunneled through her short silky hair and cradled her face. He brought his mouth down to hers again and began pillaging it with long hot strokes. She tasted exotic like the cardamom and cinnamon in the spiced chai tea she favored.
After giving her mouth the attention it deserved, he began blazing a heated trail down the side of her neck, pausing to spend extra time in the area where her neck and shoulder met. He knew from experience that this was one of those spots for her. She turned her head to give him easier access.
“Oh, Marcus,” she breathed.
His name on her lips like that… it was insane what it did to him. Any defined thoughts he might have had up to that point about JR or the band totally evaporated. He repositioned his hands underneath her and strode down the hall to the bedroom. “Hold that thought Ace,” he told her entering the bedroom and kicking the door closed.
THE NEXT MORNING, Avery was sprawled across Marcus’ bare chest in his huge king sized bed, lazily tracing her finger over the cursive BS script on his shoulder. “Marcus.”
“Hmmm.”
“I’m worried about JR.”
His brow furrowed. “Dwight said the same thing yesterday. He wanted me to talk to you about it, but I got a little distracted.”
She blushed, looking away from him as she framed her thoughts. She knew that when it came to the band it was best to tread carefully with Marcus. “I had a conversation with JR yesterday.” Her tone lowered. “He told me he was going to propose to Sam before the thing with Danny.”
Marcus eyes widened. “That explains a lot. But does anyone know if she feels the same way about him?”
Avery chewed on her lip. “Before the press conference I would’ve guessed she did. Now…” she shrugged her naked shoulders. “I don’t know. She seems really sad, but I don’t know if that’s because of what happened with her father or because she still has feelings for JR.”
Marcus didn’t comment, seemingly absorbed in tracing circles on her back.
She shook her head. “I don’t think either one is going to get over the breakup anytime soon, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
Marcus scooted up in the bed, and pulled Avery closer. She stared at him. She was more enamored with him now than when they had first met. The shoulder length brown hair, the blue eyes, the masculine jaw, and those lips…wow. What he could do with those lips. If she’d known then, what she knew now, she wouldn’t have lasted more than five minutes in her disguise.
Besides the obvious, her second favorite pastime was looking at him like she was now, freely and unabashedly without worry of repercussion. It had become a total time suck for her. She hadn’t written any new material in her journal in weeks. She could easily read his current expression… brooding. He did that one a lot.
“Do you think Sam would listen if you and I went in to talk to her?”
Avery arched an auburn brow. “Probably, but I’m surprised you would want to do that.”
Looking embarrassed, Marcus replied. “Well, it’s adversely affecting the band for one thing. And besides,” he ran a calloused fingertip down her cheek. “I’m starting to see things differently now.”
SAM GLANCED UP from her paperwork to find Marcus and Avery standing in the doorway to her office.
“Can we come in?” Avery asked with a sweet smile.
“Absolutely,” Sam replied easily. She hadn’t been around when Avery had been disguised as a guy, and really didn’t understand how anyone could have been fooled. Tall and thin, her curves outlined in low rise skinny jeans and a long sleeve green Henley, Avery took a seat in the chair on the other side of the desk from Sam. Marcus stood behind her, arms crossed over his chest, his expression unreadable.
Wondering what was up, Sam asked, “Is there something I can do for y’all?”
Avery’s knee started to bounce and she twisted her black wrist band before answering. “We wanted to talk to you about JR.”
Sam stiffened. “Is this a professional or a personal inquiry?” Though she appreciated Avery’s directness in not beating around the bush, JR was a topic that was strictly off limits. Apparently, she needed to make that clear.
“Both,” Marcus interjected.
Sam frowned at him. “I really don’t think that I want to talk about this.”
“Please just hear us out,” Avery urged, covering Samantha’s hands with her own.
Reluctantly, Sam nodded.
Avery let go of Sam’s hand, scooted back in her chair, and recounted the story of her relationship with Marcus, including the details about some obvious difficulties they’d had to overcome because of her subterfuge. Some things Sam had already heard, but others like the fact that Marcus had kicked Avery out of the group after her confession, were news to her.
Marcus was quiet while Avery spoke. He seemed totally absorbed with the woman in front of him, his hands resting on her shoulders. The guy came across as aloof and intimidating, but watching him right now with Avery, Sam realized that she might have misjudged him.
When Avery got to the part about Marcus forgiving her, she seemed to get a little choked up and paused to lean her head back to look at him. Something passed between the two of them in that glance that was so intense it made Sam’s own throat tighten.
Avery returned her gaze to Sam. Her expression was so serious that for a moment she looked much older than nineteen. “Sam.” She sighed. “What I’m trying to say is that Marcus and I…it could easily have gone the other way. And maybe we would have been alright.” Marcus shook his head and Avery must have sensed that because she glanced back up at him again, and squeezed the hand that was on her shoulder before continuing, “But thankfully it didn’t because we are phenomenal, off the chain good together.”
A huge smile spread across Marcus’ face. Avery leaned forward and took
Sam’s hand. “Are you sure, absolutely sure, you are making the right decision about ending things between you and JR? I know without a doubt that he’s still in love with you.”
Sam looked down at their clasped hands and let out a broken sigh. When she glanced back up at Avery, moisture filled her eyes.
“Oh, Sam.” Avery’s expressive emerald eyes filled with sympathy and she stood quickly, and came around the desk. Squatting down beside Sam, she hesitated and then threw her arms around her. “I’m not really good at this girlfriend stuff, but if you’d let me I’d like for us to be friends.” She glanced back at Marcus. “Could you give us a couple of minutes?”
When they were alone, Avery took a Kleenex off the desk and blotted the tears that had fallen onto Sam’s cheeks. “Have you seen him since you broke it off?”
Sam nodded her head, but there was no way she could put into words what had passed between her and JR in the hall the previous day.
“Well, he’s totally miserable without you, that’s for sure. I know he really messed up, but I don’t think that negates his love for you.” She looked away, seeming deep in thought for a moment before turning back. “I don’t see love as some perfect happily ever after thing like it is in books and movies. It’s more like a bumpy road filled with potholes…and detours. Sometimes we even veer off into the ditch. But the places that road will take you, the things you’ll experience, are worth all of the uncertainty. To me, love is caring so much about the other person that you want to be on that road with them all the way to the end. Even if it means that you might risk getting hurt in the process. Does that make any sense?”
Sam nodded again.
“JR’s convinced himself that you’re better off without him. The question you have to ask yourself is… are you?”
Sam dropped her head down on the desk, heart thumping. She felt like she was on the roof of a tall building about to jump off. The room fell silent except for the muted office sounds outside her door. She was afraid to make a hasty decision. He’d hurt her very badly, but on the other hand there was something in his soul that called to hers. He needed her, and she still loved him in spite of everything that had happened. But could the trust between them ever truly be rebuilt? And could they really recapture all that had been lost?
Sam lifted her head and sat up in her chair. She looked Avery straight in the eye and told her new friend her decision.
JR WOKE UP around noon with the acrid smell of vomit wafting up from his trashcan. “Ugh,” he gagged, choking back down bile. Lying still, he waited for the wave of nausea and dizziness to pass. Samantha. His first coherent thought was always of her.
He remembered the storms that had brewed in those grey eyes and knew he was to blame. Remorse filled his heart every time he thought about what he had done to her. Hell, if he’d been half the man she deserved, he would never have doubted her in the first place.
The adulation of the crowd had always been the primary motivator in his life, but now more than anything else he wanted Sam’s approval. He wanted her back in his arms, gazing at him, eyes filled with love and adoration. And he was beginning to be afraid that might never happen.
Staring up at the ceiling, arm thrown over his pounding head, JR made a silent pact with himself. Partying every once in a while with friends was one thing, but trying to drown his troubles every single day wasn’t helping. Marcus, the asshat, was right. He needed to straighten the hell up. He might not ever get her back but if he wanted there to be any hope, any chance at all, he was going to have to take a different path than the self-destructive one that he was currently traveling.
A more constructive outlet was what was needed. Lifting his swollen hand to his face, he grimaced. Though, he could wiggle his fingers a bit more, he suspected his hand was a long way from being fully healed. He’d just have to improvise. It was time to get back into the studio, to get lost in the rhythm, the movement and the pounding of the drums.
Sliding his legs over to the side of the bed, he stood unsteadily as the floor shifted beneath him. Crap. He wasn’t ready. He stumbled into the bathroom and rejected the remaining contents of his stomach. Afterward, he wiped his mouth off and brushed his teeth. Gripping the edge of the counter, he stared at his bloodshot eyes in the mirror and set his jaw before stepping into the shower.
One shower, two aspirin, and three ibuprofen tablets later, JR strode down the hall of Black Cat Records. With determination, he pulled his sticks from his pocket and entered practice room three which contained his favorite drum set. He gave the equipment a visual once over, and then took a deep cleansing breath. Twisting his head in a circle, he loosened his neck muscles before sitting. He ran his fingers carefully around the rim of the snare and tightened the screw on the cymbal. Giving the bass drum a kick, he nodded his head in satisfaction.
Time to play.
JR lost track of time, releasing his anger and frustration in the music. It spilled out of his heart, down his arms, and onto the resistant surface of the drums. With taped up fingers, again and again he pounded away on the equipment. Sweat began to drip down his forehead and slide down his back, soaking into the waistband of his jeans. He peeled off his over shirt and the wife beater he’d worn underneath. Like most drummers, he found the seams on a shirt confining anyway.
Popping back in his ear buds, he scrolled the volume up more and resumed playing. Several times he had to pause to wipe down sweaty hands and blood from the abrasions on his knuckles. About the fifth time he did this, his sticks slid off his lap and onto the floor. “Shit.” Bending over to pick them up, a subtle flash of movement in the doorway drew his gaze. His eyes widened.
“Sam,” he breathed in a reverential whisper, afraid he’d wishfully conjured up her avatar.
“John,” she replied just as softly taking a small, hesitant step into the room.
JR stood, moving quickly across the room, stopping a foot in front of her. His eyes cherished the chestnut curls, sweet heart shaped face, and parted lips. Her eyes were glistening like molten silver.
She took a step closer. His heart leapt at the proximity and soared when she reached out to him. Examining his bloodied hands, she frowned. “What have you done?” For a while she didn’t say anything else as she ran her fingers softly over his knuckles. When she finally looked up, a tear spilled out of her eye and tracked down her still bruised cheek.
“Don’t cry, baby.” Using his free hand, JR gently brushed the tear aside.
Sam closed her eyes, and leaned her face into his hand. “We’re a banged up pair, aren’t we?”
“Yeah,” he replied, his voice sounding husky and raw. “I’ve missed you so much, Sam.”
Her eyes fluttered open and she pulled away. His hand dropped to his side. Gaze frozen on her, he waited uncertainly as more tears spilled from her eyes.
“John,” she tried again and then stopped, looking down at her feet. “I want…” Her bottom lip quivered. She took a deep breath and when she glanced back at him, for the first time since the breakup, he began to hope. Her gaze was steady and he caught a glimpse of something that he’d never thought to see again in her eyes.
The force of it hit him in the chest like an avalanche, making it hard for him to breathe. His eyes burned and tears blurred his vision. Taking a step closer, he carefully reached out, his hand trembling, and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “What is it that you want?” he asked carefully.
She took his hand again and pressed it back to her face. “I want to try again… to start over.”
A smile like the sun rising at dawn spread slowly across JR’s face. “Oh thank God.” He caressed her cheek with his free hand, ghosting his thumb softly across her bottom lip. His eyes searched hers. “I don’t deserve it though. I don’t deserve you.” He swallowed. “Without you, I’m lost, without any direction or purpose. My life was dark and empty before you came into it. You, Sam, are my star. You set my world ablaze from the moment I met you. I will gladly spend every minute of the rest of
my life proving how much I love you.”
Sam’s silver eyes sparkled. She stood up on her tiptoes, closed her eyes and tilted her face up toward his. Heart thudding, JR leaned down and laid his lips softly against hers. It was not a passionate kiss, yet the feel of it… of her… rocked him to the core. Words of love clamored to get out and it was a struggle to push them back down. Now was not the time. She wouldn’t accept them. Later. Another day. Hopefully, soon. Sam was giving him another chance. He wanted to shout his happiness from a stadium stage. He wasn’t going to screw it up this time.
AVERY PULLED MARCUS away from the doorway. “Leave them alone, you lurker.”
He smiled. “Hey, do I need to remind you again just who’s in charge here?”
She threaded her fingers with his. “Yeah, why don’t you do that?” She raised an auburn brow. “Would that be something we’d need to go back to the apartment to take care of?”
He nodded. “Hell yeah.” He took a couple of long strides down the hall, tugging on her hand before veering off. “Apartment’s too far,” he said with darkened eyes. “In here.” He twisted the door handle on an empty practice room. Turning back to Avery with a wicked grin, he said in a low voice, “Good. There’s a lock.”
Avery’s face had drained of color. Her emerald eyes were huge as she stared at something down the hallway.
“What the hell?” Marcus said, looking that way while drawing her protectively close to his side.
“What are you doing here?” she gasped.
(rez’ uh-loo’shuh n)
n.
A course of action determined or decided upon..
“WHAT ARE YOU doing here? Avery gasped, glaring back at the man who stood across from her in Black Cat’s downstairs corridor. He looked so much older and thinner. The thick black hair she remembered had gone almost completely grey.
Love Rock'ollection: The Brutal Strength Rock Star Trilogy, books 1-3 Page 36