by Casey Herzog
He was carrying the light. It was an old-fashioned lamp that had been used for as long as I could remember. It had one battery that lasted for years before it needed to be replenished. Technology was rampant, but everything else was mundane and boring. Life was a series of bland colors with no individuality.
I was still apprehensive about opening the door. I had never been comfortable around people, and I tried my best to stay to myself. My only friend was Julian, and there were times that I thought he was only around me because he felt sorry for me. I didn’t want to pull at that thread. He was my confidant, and it didn’t hurt that he wasn’t bad on the eyes.
I made sure that my robe was cinched tight because I wanted to make sure the Elder could not accuse me of any impropriety. Women were only allowed to expose skin with their significant other, behind closed doors. Outside in public, we were made to dress in clothing that could not be considered tempting to men. Fashion was ordained at the meeting of the Elders.
With shaky fingers, I opened the door to find myself confronted with a man more than six feet tall, weighing more than 200 pounds, baring a gold tooth that shone in the light of the lamp he was holding. He was bigger than life. I hadn’t had that impression when I saw him lecturing in front of his students. He looked small from far away, and he had the tendency to forget his students names.
“Miss Lockhart, I am Elder Masters. I’m afraid I have some distressing news. I know that this is quite unorthodox, but I didn’t feel this could wait until morning.” His tone had an icy edge, and I was certain I saw my own breath.
“My father isn’t here, but I’m sure you can find him in the library. He likes to do his research late at night when he won’t be disturbed. I sometimes don’t see him until morning,” I said realizing that he wasn’t asking for my father. He had specifically mentioned me by name, like it was commonplace for one of the Elders to come to make my acquaintance.
“I don’t know how quite to say this; there is never an easy way. There was a terrible accident. I don’t know all the details, but initial reports state your father was in the library at the time. There was some sort of gas leak and a spark ignited the building.
“I’m so sorry for your loss. Be assured that in accordance with Elder law, you will be taken care of. Of course, you’ll have to pack up your belongings and come to one of the social circles. We will take ownership of this land.”
I had heard about other students in school getting this kind of news, but I never thought it would happen to me. I had heard of the social circles, and they were basically shantytowns for those too young to take care of themselves.
“Have…they found a body?” I had no idea why it was so important for me to see him in that way. I didn’t want to believe he was gone, but he had never been there to begin with. There was never any real love between us. “Forgive me for being so blunt, but I would like to know more details.”
“I would really like to discuss this issue with you, Miss Lockhart, but I don’t have the time. I’ve done my duty by informing you of his passing. There is no way anybody could have survived something like that. Those on the scene say that they heard an ungodly scream coming from inside. Furthermore, the Guardians on duty saw your father enter, but not exit.
“I will need you to vacate the premises within the week.”
“I know the law, Elder Masters. A week doesn’t sound like enough time to go through all of his things. I’m still trying to process this information.” My head was swimming and my legs buckled underneath me. I lost my breath and I found myself on the floor at his feet. Clawing at his pant leg, I looked up and saw what could only be described as indifference.
“Get a hold of yourself, Miss Lockhart. This is highly unusual and unbecoming of a lady. I need to get back to my family. I will send over an emissary to handle things if you are unable. However, it’s been my experience that those who have been through this kind of loss have no interest in somebody else interfering in their business. You have the right to privacy as the last living heir of the Lockhart family.” He showed no emotion as he walked down the sidewalk, away from me, with that lamp guiding his steady hand.
I closed the door and felt the weight of the news slamming down on me like an anvil on my chest. I slumped against the door, put my hand on my chest, and felt my heart beating wildly. I took a few deep breaths as I tried my best to calm the initial need to panic. I was alone. My mother had died when I was young, and I had no siblings to look to for strength.
The only person I could count on was Julian. I was tempted to call him right away, but I felt it would be selfish to show such disrespect by waking him up in the dead of night. I was sure his parents would not appreciate me coming over and laying this in his lap.
There was no way I was going to get any sleep. I had to be refreshed in the morning to tackle what was going to be a very difficult task. I was going to have to make the arrangements, make everybody appear to say some kind words about my father. The speech was going to be the most trying exercise. I couldn’t think of anything good to say about him other than he was the one who brought me into the world.
They had named me Gillian after my mother’s grandmother. I knew my father hated the name, and even more so when the light of his life died. It left him a shell of what he had once been. When I was growing up, people had always told me that my father used to be the life of the party. Something changed when my mother died and he was left to raise me alone. I had to wonder if he blamed me.
I was about to go back upstairs, when I was blinded by a light coming from his study. He had spent most of his waking moments there when he wasn’t at the library. I turned and had to shield my eyes from the bright green glow that looked almost otherworldly. I cautiously took a few steps in that direction and found myself peering through the glass at the many books he had scattered across the floor and on his desk.
Everything was covered in a green hue, but then it was gone as if it hadn’t even been there to begin with. It had to be a hallucination brought upon by my grief. I was losing it. I was going to have to find a way to get in there to pack up his stuff. I never saw a key, but every time I had tried to get in it was locked, and things were no different that night.
Chapter Two
“You have to eat something to keep your energy up.” Julian was standing there wearing a pair of black pants and a white shirt that stretched over his muscular body. He tried to hide it, but there was no way he could. It was obvious to any woman alive that he was sculpting his body into something that could be appreciated like art. “I’ve been there every step of the way and I promise that this won’t change anything between us.”
I didn’t know how he could say that. Being a part of the social circle would leave me with very limited options for my future. Julian and I were more mature and had the same high IQ. It made us feel more like adults instead of children, but it had the undesirable effect of making us outsiders. We tried to make friends, but it was never easy. I had a secret connection to magic, but it was my way of thumbing my nose at my father. It was childish behavior, but I felt I needed to carve my own path.
“The service was tasteful and I can only hope that I did him justice in what I said about him.” I found myself drawn to the study. From the couch, I kept looking in that direction, hoping I would get a brief glimpse of that green light. There was something soothing and comforting about it, like a warm hand on my shoulder telling me everything was going to turn out exactly as planned. However, my birthday was in one week and this was not the kind of present any girl expected from her father.
“Your father would be proud of you for taking care of everything. It doesn’t seem right that you have to leave the home you’ve lived in all of your life.
“I can try to put a good word in with my father. I’m not sure what kind of pull he has with the Elders, but I don’t think it would hurt to try. There have been exceptions to the rule, and maybe you can find a loophole. I will help you in any way that I can.” Julian lo
oked like he hadn’t slept for a couple of days. The new beard growth made him look much older than his 16 years.
Suddenly, the crowd milling about eating the catered food hushed. They all turned their attention towards the floating projection of the Elders in the corner of the room.
“Markham Reynolds has been accused of and judged to be practicing magic. Let his swift punishment be a message to all those who oppose us. You know that magic is forbidden. We take no delight in doing this, but a harsher sentence is often necessary to remind those thinking about doing the same thing of the consequences of these actions.
There have always been three chances. You use magic, and you go to the asylum to learn the error of your ways. Do it again and you’re sent back to the asylum for a refresher course. This usually works, but rare cases like these ones demand to be made an example of.”
Elder Masters took center stage and proceeded to cut off Reynolds’ head with a very sharp sword. There was a collective gasp throughout the room, but there was no way anybody was going to pull their eyes away from this spectacle. Markham was smiling the whole time. Reynolds was one of four to be executed for the crime of using magic.
I’d always been someone who believed in what I could see with my own eyes. I had a scientific mind. Living with the knowledge magic was real was hard for me. However, magic was forbidden and anybody practicing would clearly be punished with death.
I sat there appalled, and, when his head was severed from his body, I felt something like electrical tingles up and down my spine. I shivered like somebody had opened a window on this chilly February morning.
I could hear the whispers. It wasn’t long before there was a heated debate between the Elders’ loyal followers and those who didn’t exactly agree with what had happened. Someone pressed the button on the wall, and the screen vanished. The last thing I saw was the Elders standing over the body of the accused in accordance with the law.
Dressed in a black dress that went all the way up to my neck, all of my femininity was covered. Julian had his arm around me and I leaned my head against his chest, trying to block out everybody else attempting to be so sweet to me.
“The last time I saw anything like that I was five years old. I remember that day like it was yesterday. My father made me sit there and watch, telling me it was a lesson I had to learn. He sat there and watched with a stoic expression, almost like he was angry, but afraid to show that kind of outburst of emotion in front of someone that impressionable. He tried to shelter me from it, but there was no shortage of people who were willing to share, whether I wanted to see it or not.
“I still wake up in a cold sweat from nightmares that plague me. I don’t have them as much anymore, but I get this feeling they’re going to come back even stronger than ever now.”
“Have you given any thought to whether or not they are going to allow you to continue to go to school? They might find it necessary to home school you, but I would make a case for returning to school. You do have an above genius IQ.”
While Julian may have thought that, the decision was out of my hands.
I saw a man with gray hair looking my way. He excused himself from the conversation he was having and came and stood over me. I knew exactly who he was. Anderson Coleman used to come to dinner every Sunday night, but then, two years ago, he stopped coming altogether. I thought there was bad blood between him and my father, but I didn’t see any anger or resentment from either one of them.
“Gillian, your father was a good man, but not many people understood him the way I did. I had a unique insight into him and he would want me to share that with you. You have a lot to deal with, but I feel this can’t wait. I need to speak to you in private.”
“Whatever you have to say to me can be said in front of Julian. He’s my best friend and I don’t think that I could’ve gotten through this without him. The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions and I sometimes find myself unable to breathe. Mr. Coleman, I appreciate your sense of urgency, but I think this can wait.”
It was the worst thing I could have said to him. He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me from my sitting position with a look of fuming determination in his eyes.
“I’ve tried my best to be cordial to you, little girl, but you’re trying my patience.” He raised his voice, but it wasn’t enough to make anyone come to my rescue other than Julian who immediately stood between us. “This is important. There’s another side of your father that you have no idea about. I have waited the last few days, but his wishes were very clear.”
Mr. Coleman now had my attention, but I didn’t like the way he had manhandled me. My green eyes were shining with anger and my shoulder-length blond hair was disheveled from his touch. Nonetheless, there was a curiosity I couldn’t shake.
“I see this is important to you, so I will forgive you for touching me inappropriately. Wait until everyone leaves, and then you can say what is on your mind. If you can’t wait, then you know where the door is.” This was the first time I had ever stood up to anyone, and it felt good. It felt empowering, like I was freeing myself from the shackles of being an introvert.
Mr. Coleman didn’t look very happy, and he walked away in a huff. I heard the slam of the door and saw the brief image of his overcoat flapping behind him as he exited the room.
“I don’t know what that was about, but I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. If you want me to stick around after everyone leaves, all you have to do is ask.”
“I think everyone’s a little tightly wound today. I will speak to him, but only because he and my father used to be good friends. I don’t know what happened to sour their relationship, but I need to at least hear him out. You can call it a morbid curiosity, but I feel it’s my duty as his daughter to have an open mind.”
“The best thing for you is to get out of here as soon as possible. This place has always felt like a mausoleum. I stayed here one night and I thought for sure that the shadows along the walls were going to come to life. It was just a child’s overactive imagination running wild, but at the time, it felt like they were stalking me from across the room.
“I didn’t know you felt this way, Julian. What did you do to get through the night?”
“I threw the sheet over my head and kept it that way the rest of the night until I woke up to find the sheets lying on the floor. I never said this, but I thought that you were playing some sort of practical joke on me.”
Julian had never said anything about this to me in all the time we had been friends.
“I don’t know, this place is strangely comforting. I know my father was a good man and that he provided for me, but he could be very cold. We pretty much left each other alone.
“It sounds like you had things left unsaid.”
“I know I have no right to think this, but there were times I looked into his eyes and believed he didn’t even want me around. That he would’ve been better off without me being born. Those who knew him well said that he lost a piece of himself when my mother died.”
Julian was being kind, and having him play defense was helping me to control my inclination to scream bloody murder. I picked at the food, eating what had been brought and finding myself not being very hungry. I was taking Julian’s advice. It did make me feel a little better to immerse myself into the many different dishes that were lined across the kitchen table.
I had one of the finger sandwiches with a salmon mousse up to my mouth when I spied that same green light coming from the study, almost imperceptibly. It was blinking in such a way that it compelled me to go towards it. I didn’t get the chance. Julian led me away from the study, but I kept looking over my shoulder wondering if there was something I was missing.
I was standing by the window, lost in my own thoughts, when someone caught my attention outside. William was that type of guy who had a mysterious aura. He was a man of few words and his brooding had made him a sought after commodity by the older girls in school. I knew I didn’t stand a c
hance, but that didn’t stop me from fantasizing about the possibility.
He had on a nondescript pair of black pants and a black sweater. I had seen the hint of a tattoo on his neck, and I wasn’t the only one. The girls talked about it all the time in the bathroom, but nobody knew what it was. They gravitated towards him, hoping to be the first to find out. I thought it was an animal with its tail touching the nape of his neck, but how would I ever learn what it really was?.
He was walking alone when he suddenly looked in my direction. There was a brief moment of clarity; time stood still. I thought for sure we were in our own little world.
I wanted to rush into his arms and hear his encouraging words to get me through this. I could’ve easily flung the door open to run down the sidewalk in an effort to show him what he was missing. I was a little young and naïve, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be a hot-blooded woman. I had heard rumors about girls who had had their chances with him, but there was nothing to substantiate any of their claims. Those who claimed to have been with him physically could never give a description of that tattoo. They told tales of passion ignited by the sheer joy of being with one another. Obviously they hadn’t gotten anywhere.
William would never be a part of my world, just a fantasy haunting my daydreams. It was strange that he appeared under my window today of all days.
The rest of the wake was a somber experience that made me remember vividly what I was not going to have in my life anymore. Although it hadn’t seemed like a big loss because my father was never one to show me affection, the stories told of his youth made him sound like an entirely different person. That was the man that I had always wanted to meet; unfortunately, I never had the chance. That opportunity was pulled from my reach with the death of my mother.