by Casey Herzog
“I hope you’re sleeping and not just pretending to get out of talking to me about this. I’m not going to forget about this and neither should you. It might be a painful time in our people’s past, but we need to embrace it and make up for what has been done to others.” I could’ve easily been one of the banished, and I had acted out for no good reason other than to get my father’s attention.
I was lucky the Elders didn’t see me since I tried to fly underneath their radar when associating with others like myself. It made it harder for them to navigate those waters. I got in touch with who I was without being held to the fire for my actions by my father.
This journey had one purpose, but there was an unexpected side effect: letting me get to know my father on a friendly basis. He was my father, and the one thing I couldn’t change was my family. The blood running through his veins was running through my own, and that was something I was starting to embrace. I wanted his approval, no matter how high the bar was raised. I wouldn’t quit until I got it.
I turned to see my shadow tiger sniffing the air like it suspected something was coming. It stood sentry with me until it was time to rouse my father to take his watch. I was tempted to discuss the banished once more, but we had all the time in the world. Opportunities are meant to grab when they appear, and I was wrong to think this one wasn’t going to come around again. My father was great at dodging an issue by throwing himself into his work and never coming up for air until he needed to eat.
Chapter Eleven
The air was getting a little harder to breathe, and I’d lost my footing a few times with my heart in my mouth. We were using these axes and climbing sticks for the more treacherous of the inclines. We had come to a point where it was a flat wall for almost 400 feet vertically straight up.
“I would call on the power of magic, but I can’t and neither can you. Here, magic is forbidden and we can’t lift a finger without attracting a bad element. It is said there are those awaiting the arrival of power so they can consume it for their own.”
I didn’t want to begin to think what that meant.
“Let’s talk about the banished. I admit to being curious to learn more. I have an eye witness in you, and I’m not going to let this go,” I said as he turned to find me waiting for an answer.
“The time of the banishment was dark, and there was a hold on the community like a knife up against its throat. I sometimes feel complicit for what happened because my voice was not strong enough to be heard, but I was one in a sea of doubt.” He took a deep breath and stabbed forth his axe as I watched completely in stunned silence as he traversed the flat wall.
He was leaving me a safe passage, but it was a risk he had to take. “I don’t want you to think of anything other than your own safety. I would think that was second nature, but you sometimes surprise me. There is a light in all of this darkness since we have rediscovered our relationship, once damaged severely. You’re not the only one to blame; I could’ve made you aware of my feelings without acting out for no good reason.”
I was not sure if this was the time or place to get into a debate, especially with him hanging by his fingertips and willing himself forward without turning back to see what kind of fall was waiting for him.
“It was a good idea for the both of us to be here for each other. Talking to you takes my mind off of plummeting to my death. I also feel rewarded for this time to reconnect with you. There has always been a rift between us, even when your mother was around. She sometimes found herself protecting you from me. She didn’t want you to be a part of magic, and I thought it was cruel of her to keep you stunted. We both loved you, but we went about it in vastly different ways.”
The wind was mild, but climbing in a vertically challenging atmosphere was made worse by even the slightest breeze.
There were momentary gusts, which had him letting go of the axe and hanging precariously. I would have gladly changed places with him, but he was doing this in an effort to show me his fatherly respect.
“I don’t want to put you on the spot, but maybe there’s more to the story than you have led me to believe. It doesn’t seem right to leave the next generation in the dark. It leaves us open to making the same mistakes of your generation. There is no acceptance without fear, and we both know the only way to conquer it is by facing it.”
I was going to wait to start my climb until he made the summit so he could watch me and give me necessary guidance. It was a slow agonizing climb, and for the next 20 minutes, there was deathly silence of impending doom in the air. I saw something out of my peripheral vision, and I turned to see darkness there one second and gone the next.
“I was hoping we could have retrieved the flower by using one of the drones, but I should’ve known technology was not going to make much of a difference in this regard. I found pieces of them this morning, and several of them were charred beyond recognition. I brought along some tools, but I need something to work with.”
He stopped talking as his fingers were slipping. All I could do was stare open mouthed and hope that he could find a way to gain his grip. He had changed his tactic and instead of talking about the banished, he reverted to what was at hand. He breathed a sigh of relief, and I could see the color in his face shift from something you would see in a ghostly apparition.
I had my axe in hand, and I pushed the blade into the very same hold he had left for me. I felt my feet come off the ground and I was using most of my upper body, which wasn’t easy with my obvious weight disadvantage.
The holes I made widened the gap enough to get a foothold. I didn’t have to resort to relying on only the upper portion of my anatomy. However, it was still a perilous climb, and one I wouldn’t want to wish on my worst enemy. I felt like I was doing something extraordinary by taking a huge leap of faith for my friend Damien. It wasn’t even certain this was going to work, but I was willing to throw myself at a possible solution.
“The banished were sent out beyond the walls without their magic to fend against whatever they might come across. It was believed by my generation they would somehow survive the trials awaiting them. They would face the obstacles and come back stronger for it. Had we known then what we know now, we would’ve done things differently.” I was listening to the story of the banished while keeping a watchful eye on my hand holds to prevent slipping into the ether.
The wind was getting stronger and I was not what you would call a proficient climber. I wasn’t even much of a tomboy growing up, except for when it suited my purposes to make the boys look bad.
“Everybody makes mistakes, father, and it’s what we do after we learn from them that makes the most difference. I’m afraid to ask what happened to the banished. Did you ever see them again, or were they lost forever as some kind of footnote in history?”
I was getting closer, but I had to flatten myself against the wall when the wind was at its strongest. If I didn’t know any better, I would swear some hidden force was trying to prevent me from reaching where my father was waiting for me.
There were black marks on the rock, and touching them were warm against my fingertips. They were fairly recent, and most likely came from the creatures we had seen in passing last night.
It was obvious my father had avoided those hot spots, but it still left me with a curiosity to learn more. The next axe strike was off the mark; it was lucky I was still holding onto the other one. I leaned back, but letting go meant an untimely end to my life, which was something I was not interested in. I was just getting my life back, and I had no interest in letting the mountain get the best of me.
“I know you can do this, daughter, because you have my DNA and your mother’s spirit combined into an unstoppable force. It’s the only reason you were influenced by the magic eyes and the darker arts. I should have prepared you, but I was still healing and unable to reach out without attracting the unnecessary attention of the Elders and the Guardians. I needed Jasper to think I was dead, but I never took into consideration how it was go
ing to make you feel. Your whole world was crumbling down around you and I was to blame. You have no idea how much I regret leaving you to think I was dead, but I knew it was the only way to keep them off my tail.” He was seeing things through my eyes and feeling remorse for letting me down.
I took a few deep breaths, reached out, and climbed back into a position of authority. I was within spitting distance, but I still couldn’t reach out and touch his fingertips. He was right there trying to get to me, and I wanted to be safely in his arms where I could be his little girl all over again. Of course, I remembered only one time during a screaming nightmare when he came in and hold me until I stopped shaking.
“I want you to look into my eyes and see the strength inside you. You’re not doing this alone; you have me by your side. I still can’t believe you are a teenager. Time seems to slip through my fingers as easily as grains of sand. My youth is forgotten, but I still feel younger than I appear.”
I knew that getting to him was my only option. Damien was counting on me to succeed on his behalf. The first summit was only halfway there, and it wasn’t going to get any easier.
It burned inside of me to find the tenacity to carry myself the rest of the way. I skimmed my father’s fingertips, but there was no way to latch onto his hand without taking a couple of more swipes with the axe.
“Tell me more about those banished, because I need something to keep my mind occupied. I’m sure you can make that happen.”
The wind had picked up and it meant staying still for the duration of the gust.
“We only saw one of them return and he looked like he had been through hell. He had cuts all over his body, but they didn’t seem to come from branches or jagged rocks. They were more surgical and precise, like somebody had taken great care in punishing him for encroaching on their territory. I don’t know if you remember Wilkens, but he sits outside his home, rocking in his chair, looking like he has aged years instead of being only in his forties.”
It brought to mind the handwriting I’d found in the book, but I was reluctant to speak to him about it.
“I thought he was just some old man who had reached the prime of his life. Are you trying to tell me he hasn’t said anything from the moment he arrived back after that harrowing ordeal?” I didn’t know how it was possible that nobody knew where Wilkens originated. He was a staple in the community, yet someone to be avoided because of the way he would look at anyone with his steely blue eyes.
“We managed to get some words out of him, but they never really made any sense. He spoke of the darkness: how he escaped and the others didn’t. He never was able to say anything more, but I sensed the hatred coming off of him in waves towards my generation. We tried to keep our distance, much the same way I did with you when your mother was out of our lives. I suppose the sins of the father will sometimes fall on his prodigy.”
I slammed the axe into the rock surface and reached out to have my father grab me. The rock face crumbled, and the axe penetrating into the surface was gone. My hand was bleeding; it was a wonder I was even able to keep my concentration on my father.
“I’m not going to let go of you, daughter. You mean the world to me. I would rather die in your place than to see anything happen to you. The only thing that can hurt me severely is outliving you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I can’t see how any parent can outlive their children and feel the same ever again. You’ll understand when you have children of your own.”
My hand was numb and hanging limply by my side, with my other arm feeling like it was going to be pulled out of its socket.
His slipping fingers, from a combination of sweat and desperation, were keeping us both from tumbling over the edge.
Chapter Twelve
I used my fingernails to dig into the palm of his hand. It was a desperate act of a woman clinging to life one more moment. I heard him cry out in pain with the blood from the penetration trickling down his fingers. He finally reached out with the other hand and grabbed my wrist, while pulling me up very slowly until I was safely in his arms. I could see the grimace of pain. I looked behind him to see he was using the root growing out of the ground as the only form of resistance.
I literally kissed the ground, feeling the thin air, but not giving it much concern after everything I had already been through. He tried to stand, but he was hobbling and showing some distress.
“I don’t know what to say. I thought I made peace with you never being in my life, but I’m glad we got past our problems. I’m sorry you’re in pain; I certainly didn’t want to do anything to contribute to it,’ I said, feeling like I was two feet tall, but there had been no other way than to grab his hand.
“I made a decision to hold onto you and I don’t regret it for one single second. There will always be moments where parents will do things their kids will never understand. I did this for you because you are the future and I am the past. I never thought I would be in this position, but I’m grateful somebody like you is willing to pick up the baton after I’m gone. You may slip and fall, but you will always stand back up. I can’t ask for anything better than that.”
I gave him my stick and he used both of them as makeshift crutches.
“What you did for me by laying down those tracks touched me in more ways than one. Hanging there by your ankles to reach me in time shows me the love you have for me. I don’t think I fully understood the lengths you would go to keep me safe. I take solace in the tools you have given me to strive for excellence in anything I do.”
Teaching was what I was meant for, and I derived pleasure from giving others those same tools my father gave me.
“These are sacrifices parents make every day to make sure their children want for nothing. They work tirelessly to make ends meet without the children even realizing the beneficial sacrifice they’re making. We never truly know what our parents are made of until we are old enough to recognize the same things in ourselves.” These were strong words, and ones that would stay with me until my last dying breath.
In this higher elevation, the wind was colder, so we stayed close to one another to draw strength and warmth from each other. The terrain became an icy path of resistance with a bit of snow in the air, but we continued to slowly make our way to the flower.
“I thought I knew everything there was to know about you, but you still manage to surprise me. I hope I have the same relationship with William as you did with mother. I want us to constantly challenge each other and not get complacent where we don’t know what to say to one another. You and mother might have differed in your approach in raising me, but I think I took a little bit from each of you.”
Losing her at a young age made me feel hatred and a deep resounding resentment. It was something I had come to terms with, but there were moments when I wanted to scream out to her.
“I hope you know your mother had no choice. There was nothing she could do to prevent what happened. You gave us strength to do what was considered the right thing, and she left you with very big shoes to fill. She was a teacher for those underground, and she brought me into the cause . We both knew the possibility of the Elders sending us to the asylum, but this was something we felt strongly about,” My father said with real admiration for my mother.
I could see our breath in the air, and thankfully, we had brought some warm clothes to layer against whatever elements we might encounter. It seemed as if I could touch the air and rip away a façade keeping me from seeing the truth.
“I’ve never been one to think outside the box. Dealing with your death made me realize I couldn’t act like a little girl anymore. I was a woman with responsibilities given to me by you. I tried to reject it out of hand for spite, but I couldn’t walk away after seeing all those children trying their best to understand their role in the world. Damien, in particular, was quite a case in need of a firm hand and understanding. I was able to commit myself to understanding him on his level.”
“You say you’ve never been about going outsi
de the box, but I would like to debate the issue. You’ve been a dreamer all of your life, and your imagination brought characters to life in front of your eyes. It was quite an amazing sight, and it allowed me to see you become a strong voice of your own. Your mother gave you a strong foundation to build on, and I think I allowed her to take the reins because I knew her protection was not going to keep you from rising above expectations.”
My father was my biggest advocate and also my biggest critic. It was a balancing act that he made look easy. I put his arm around my shoulder giving him my support to lean on because of his wounded ankle. There was no visible cut, but his pain was quite evident and only he knew what he was capable of enduring. I looked at my hand; the cold had stopped it from bleeding.
The snow swirled around us, but there was something else touching my shoulder and sending a cold sensation down my spine. It was like something had reached in beyond my skin and grabbed my spinal column with its icy cold hands.
“I don’t want to alarm you, father, but I don’t think we’re alone. There’s something here, but I can’t quite figure out what it is. It seems alive and angry.”
The emotion was very strong and made me ball up my fist despite not feeling any need to lash out.
“I was wondering how long it was going to take you to feel it. It’s been there from the moment we began to make our climb. I was going to mention it, but it was better for you not to know.”
Once again, he was trying to protect me. It should’ve upset me, but instead, I felt better for knowing he was allowing me to live, oblivious to whatever this was.
“I don’t suppose you have any idea of what this could be? I only ask because you have a tendency to hold things back, even when you know it’s the wrong decision to make. I know it comes naturally to protect me, but I sometimes feel you don’t give me enough credit.”