by Casey Herzog
I felt at a loss for words, completely choked up and going into an emotional tailspin.
“You’ve got me curious to know more, and you have given me the courage to stand strong with you and father.”
I could never call them anything other than father and mother; no silly nickname had been able to fit with their personalities.
“I hate to break this up, but these animals are not going to go away without a reason.”
My father found his voice and was using it to get our attention.
The animals had decided to make a stand and circled us from every direction. There was no way we could fight back with only a three-pronged attack. I had potential to become something nobody would understand without the necessity of using violence. I could feel the evil clinging to my soul, blackened by my actions and making it hard for me to look at the community without feeling their judgment.
Words were not the only way to hurt me and their glaring expressions of disapproval had certainly made its mark. My students had given me something to concentrate on other than my own shortcomings, but that would mean nothing if we perished now.
Damien was crying out for assistance, and his plight pushed me into a corner from which I had to come out swinging. It would be just like him to take my hand and place it in the fire to face the burning heat of my sins.
“We will do this as a family. United there is nothing to fear.”
I didn’t know how my father could say that, but it did make me believe this was just a minor hiccup.
The animals were continuously changing places, vying for the leadership role that had been vacated. It was a matter of who was going to make the first move, and I could tell neither myself nor my parents were ready to take an offensive position.
There was something in the wind calling out to me and the evil inside was trying to welcome it in. It could only mean whatever this thing was had the ability to instill fear. It wanted what I had, and I was reluctant to let it go without fighting with all the breath in my body.
The animals decided it was better to end this than to prolong the obvious victory at hand. I could see they were primed for action, their legs pushed back and ready to spring into attack. I wasn’t ready for this, but who could be.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m glad both of you are here. We’ll either win this together or die trying, but I would rather be the ones on the winning side,” My mother said as she produced another knife, now holding two in a warrior stance.
She tossed me another blade, and I was soon holding it and feeling a power coming from the steel itself. It was obviously blessed with magic, but it was possible to be cursed and feel the same sensation running along the cold and empty feeling in my hand.
Chapter Twenty
The animals attacked, one turning into ash and exploding right in front of our eyes. The three others were alarmed and decided to keep their distance until they could learn what this new weapon was. I looked to my mother and my father for answers, and they were doing the same with obvious disapproval in their eyes.
“I didn’t do it.”
I wasn’t sure they believed me, and I had to double check to see if the evil was still there.
“If you didn’t do it, and your mother didn’t do it, and I didn’t do it, then who did?”
I understood what my father was saying, but it made very little sense when I looked around and found nobody in the vicinity.
“This is highly unusual, but I’m not really worried if all of these animals disappear in the same way. This is a new kind of power, something with a taste for death and a cold and calculated approach.”
I wanted to believe my mother was not responsible, but she was the only common denominator in all of this.
“The only thing good about any of this is the odds are finally even. There are three of them and three of us, which at least makes things fair, in my opinion.”
I was never one for hunting, and any defenseless thing could be made an example out of without even getting close.
“Don’t kid yourself, one beast alone overmatches one of us. We’re still in trouble, but at least we have a guardian angel somewhere looking out for us,” she said, still holding those blades tight enough to indent the handles into the palm of her hands.
There was a determination in her eyes, and she never blinked once during the whole ordeal.
There was no way for me to escape what was inside; it seemed to have a pulse of its own. It was living and there was no way for me to get rid of it, so I was going to have to learn to accept it was always going to be there.
One of the animals, feeling brave, leaped at the three of us without consulting his brethren. In midair, it turned into ash and scattered into the wind with bits and pieces falling into our hair. It was an amazing stroke of luck, but there had to be some underlying reason. I had done the same thing to those standing in my way. There was something familiar.
“Something is protecting us, and I’m sure there are strings attached, but right now I’m just glad to have whatever it is on our side.”
I could echo her sentiment, but there were always two sides to every story, and I was slightly terrified to learn of the conditions behind the help we received.
“We’re just going to have to take this as a good omen and deal with the cost later. You’re my daughter and you’re my wife, and that comes before everything else.”
The other two were less inclined to suffer the fate of the other two. Their bloodlust for battle had diminished, turning into indecision, easily seen in their eyes.
“I don’t like this any more than you do, Gillian. This is something I have not come across in my years of being here. I did notice something change a few months ago. In fact, these animals were usually quite docile until that point.”
The only thing to explain this change was my introduction to magic and subsequent corruption into the dark side.
“I’ve faced monsters, and I’ve never looked back. There are moments I want to wake up from this nightmare, but I have learned to accept what has marked me.”
I didn’t know the full story about what happened to Julian. If he wanted to tell me, then he would in time.
One of the animals turned and ran off, but ] the other was still on the fence whether or not to attack or join the last surviving member of his pack.
It took one step forward, and then pulled back before finally turning and leaving the same way the other one did. Whatever had stepped in on our behalf was only doing it when absolutely necessary. It was quite obvious it could have killed all of them and left nothing to chance. I could feel it, and I wanted to shout out for everybody else to hear.
I learned through my trials there was nothing I couldn’t do, but with my family standing beside me it made me feel like a superhero.
“I don’t know whether or not they will be back, but something has put the fear of god into them,” my mother said, looking innocent.
I still had my doubts as to whether or not she was involved. It had been a long time since we had seen her, and by her own admission, she had changed, but maybe not for the better.
Being close to her should’ve been like coming home, but instead, there was something cold and impersonal about the compassion she was showing me. It was almost like she was forcing herself to be something she wasn’t.
It made me remember a pet I had when I was a child. It had been lost for a week before coming back, looking like it had reverted to its primal origins.
From pets to tigers… I had seen no sign of my animal spirit guide, but I somehow knew it was there. I could sense it was going to act on my behalf, but something had stepped in to prevent it from revealing itself.
This danger was over and I turned and saw my shadow tiger licking its paws and shaking its head in obvious confusion about what had happened. He wasn’t the only one. My entire family was scratching our heads and wondering when this thing was finally going to announce its intentions.
“We should not wait around for them to come back; let’s take this as a sign.”
Fortunately, my father decided to break the silence, which was becoming a little hard to bear.
“Michael, I concur, but we still should be wary of anything out of the ordinary. Something tells me we are only scratching the surface.”
We continued, and I casually took a glance back. For a moment, I saw a figure camouflaged in white, standing on the edge of a cliff. I didn’t know if I could contain my excitement. I was about to get my parents’ attention, but it vanished in the swirling snow.
My shadow tiger had been absent, but now it was very much taking an active role in my protection. I’d not seen it in action, but I had a feeling it would be fierce without an ounce of mercy for whatever victim fell by its paws.
“I don’t know about the two of you, but that was a little too close for comfort. It was very difficult to keep myself in check and not do something I most likely would regret. It’s strange to have all this power and not be able to use it. It almost feels like a waste. I really don’t know what I’m going to do if I am faced with something we can’t handle.”
I wanted their advice and some sage words to keep me from hurting myself or others.
“I agree with you in theory, but it wants you to slip, so it can take over. This is the last thing we want. There is a way to handle the power you have been given, but there is a real risk, which I’m not sure you should take. I can help you, but it means trusting me unconditionally. I know how much I am asking of you.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to take a step into the unknown without more information. I had learned that from my father, and it sometimes left me puzzled and bewildered. There was something to say for having too much information.
“I will give it some thought, but it might be too much for me to consider this proposal.”
She nodded her head, and I think she saw me as a child unable to take my first steps without her being there to guide me.
“I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to; this needs to be your decision. If you decide to ask for my help, then you will have to learn to trust me all over again.”
I wanted her to hold me like she did when I was a child, but maybe what we had all been through made that impossible.
I wanted them to be my defense, but both had let me down, and I wasn’t sure how to rebuild what was broken. The foundational blocks of our relationship were crumbling, and each time I took a step forward, I would always find myself taking two steps back. I never was able to forgive them for how they had treated me like an afterthought. I had tried to pretend for the sake of my family, but it was getting hard not to explode.
Chapter Twenty-One
After everything we had been through, we were standing right in front of the flower. All three of us were looking at it and not quite believing it was possible. I was sure my mother was more inclined to believe since she had been here before several times during her years of exile. My father and I, on the other hand, were quite elated, and found ourselves staring at the beauty and wonder of nature.
“I don’t know anything about your friend, but do you think procrastinating is a good idea? You came here for a specific purpose, and now it’s within your reach. I find myself a little puzzled by your reluctance.”
I didn’t know if my mother was trying to purposely push us into doing something, or if she just felt that we were taking too long to make a decision.
“I can’t speak for Gillian, but I need some time to realize how far we’ve come. This was not easy, and this accomplishment comes with some surprises. Seeing you after all these years rekindles an old flame, but I’m not sure you feel the same way.”
I wasn’t sure this was a good time to profess his feelings, but I could see what kind of courage it took for him to open his mouth.
“I know this is going to hurt, and there is a part of me which will always love you, but my days of pining for you are over. You both have lives back within the community and nobody has been able to say it, but I can’t leave here.”
“I want you to tell me how you truly feel without trying to save my feelings. It doesn’t matter if you love me or not; there’s no way I can leave you here. I know you hated me for a long time, but I’m glad you were able to see it from my perspective.”
I wasn’t sure she did see his perspective. How much animosity and resentment were still left inside her was yet to be determined.
“Michael, I will always love you, but I don’t think I could ever be in love with you again. I’m not saying this to hurt you, but you did want the truth.”
I could literally feel my heart breaking for both of them, and my father’s vulnerability was now closed off like a steel wall had been erected.
“I know I’ll always have a spot in my heart for you. It doesn’t matter what path we take. You have always been the love of my life, the one who made me realize how to love with all of my heart. I only want you to be happy,” my father said, as he turned around to hide his obvious discomfort.
I was about to console him, but my mother decided it was her place. She touched his shoulder, and he put his hand back to feel the warmth of her fingertips.
“I know this is hard to hear, but I will always be in your life. We share a daughter together, and the one thing good coming from our volatile relationship has been her. She is the only reason I have continued to live. Without her love and the bond we share, I’m not sure I would be standing before you.”
I felt the pain of guilt for letting my feeling of abandonment keep me from having a family connection.
“It is hard, but I will live and take this as a painful lesson of what I have to work on. I’ve always been a work in progress, and you have done your damnedest to build me up with the unshaken belief I could be better.”
The flower was temporarily forgotten, but I turned and felt this strange pull to touch it. The fragrance in the air was intoxicating, like I was being drawn by a liquor-induced pheromone in the air. I stepped away from my mother and father and came within a hair’s breath of putting my fingers on the silken petals. It seemed to be changing colors with each step I made until it was translucent blue, so brilliant it felt like I was looking into the heavens.
I didn’t hear the rest of their conversation, and my mind was concentrating on every little detail of the flower. The evil inside of my soul had come back around. I felt empowered by the beauty of the flower and the force of the evil sensation running through my limbs.
Everything was so clear and bright; all of my senses had come alive for the first time in my life. I was set adrift, leaving my parents only within earshot. I could hear the same melody that haunted me from the moment my mother left me in despair. This time, there was something familiar about a love so deeply felt within me that it was hard to ignore.
Every note was music to my ear,s and somehow I was drawn in like a magnet. I felt like I was dancing on the edge, and then Damien’s ramblings came back to me. He’d spoken of touching the flower and not touching it at the same time. I had always wondered what that meant, but now I was becoming aware this flower had a power of its own.
“I should have warned you about the flower and its hold on those who witness its beauty. It took a lot for me to pull back, but there was always this something that made it look ugly in my eyes. You can see it yourself; all you need to do is feel it.”
My mother was behind me with her hands on my shoulders and my father was next to her giving me moral support to do the right thing.
“I don’t think I feel it the same way the two of you do. Maybe it’s because I don’t exactly share anything in common with the both of you. You are empowered females for whom magic has always been your birthright. For anybody to take it away from you was wrong on so many levels, and I feel somewhat responsible for letting it happen.”
My father had never said any of this before, and I felt these weren’t just words, but something he really felt deep down. I was seeing a d
ifferent side to him that I hadn’t seen before.
“There are times you can surprise me, and this is one of those times. I knew there was a reason why I fell in love with you. You remind me of what we had, but I need to remember the way your love was suffocating. You always needed to know where I was and who I was with. It was as if you couldn’t trust me, but maybe I gave you a reason to think that.”
They were holding me back and then she knelt and pulled the flower out by its root without touching the petals.
She produced a burlap bag and placed it gingerly inside before passing it over to my father. The strength it had over him was minimal, and nothing compared to the way my mother and I felt.
“I don’t know if this makes any difference to you, mother, but I can get you out of here. I can’t see myself leaving here without you. I would love to have you and father together again, but I know the limits,” I said, as I looked towards the burlap sack and wondered how I was going to keep my hands off of it. It was calling to me in a language I understood, and it was tempting me to break the shackles of my life.
“This is not something for you to solve, Gillian. I know you want to help, but there has to be a better way than to put you through unnecessary harm. I would rather stay here forever than to give you any reason to hate me. If I could, I would make sure you forgot this moment. I think you would be better off for it.”
She touched my heart and made me feel like it was my responsibility to break her free of this prison.
“I won’t let anything hold you here against your will. I don’t care what I have to do. You may think this is wrong, and I know father will agree, but I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”
I was trying to convince myself, but underneath it all, I still wanted to let the evil take me away. I didn’t like the guilt I felt every day, and I was better off with the feeling of true power.
“It doesn’t matter if she loves me or not. I’m not going to let you do anything to hurt your recovery.”