Consequences
I had the power to terminate my pregnancy, but that never crossed my mind. Partly because I was still enraptured by Hades, and partially because I was awed by the little ball of fire I felt growing within me. After a last, sidelong glance from Hades as he stepped up into his chariot behind Persephone, I withdrew to my villa to consider my situation. There was no way that I was going to lose my position, so my simple objective was to deliver my child in an unobtrusive way and find a way to raise him or her without losing my status as a maiden goddess. I buried my head in my hands. There had to be a way. I just needed to talk it through with someone I could trust.
I ended up back in Gaia’s cave, pouring my story out to her. Her first response was unexpected.
“Was it worth it?”
“Yes,” I replied fervently. “Every minute of it.”
“So you want to raise the child, but you don’t want anyone to think it’s yours.”
“Correct.”
“That’s easy enough. I’ve had thousands of children. What’s one more? You can shift the child over to me and I can incubate it until it’s ready to be born.”
“You can do that?” I exclaimed in disbelief. The rocks vibrated gently as the goddess chuckled.
“I am Gaia, the eternal mother. I can do anything I want.”
“And then you’ll give the child back to me to raise?”
“Yes, it will be your adopted child. You will just need to decide on a story as to how that comes about.”
I sat on the floor of the cave thinking through her suggestion, one hand resting on my midsection, where a tiny fire burned. It was a solid idea, but it changed one assumption that I had made: that I could carry and bond with this child of mine. Letting someone else do the carrying should have been a huge benefit. Instead, I found myself resisting the idea strongly. Gaia sensed that too, as I felt a huge, invisible hand stroke my hair in the darkness, much as a mother would.
“You must not make any hasty decisions. Think on it and let me know what you want to do. You are a worthy great granddaughter and I love you dearly. This new descendant would be as dear to me.”
That night, as I curled around that little fire in my belly, I allowed myself to think of the alternative: Carrying the child myself, but hiding its presence from all; the inevitable discovery; the punishment for not only myself, but for Hades as well. I would probably be allowed to raise my child, but it would eventually need to be fostered out, at which point I would lose him or her anyway. A tear overflowed and ran down my cheek unnoticed, as I wrapped my arms about my abdomen. An adoptive child would think they were unwanted, but it would be safe and I could love it openly, with pride. And I could tell the child the truth when he or she was old enough to understand my quandary.
Looking back, I know that I was being selfish in the moment, but as Erichthonius wound up having a good life, I believe I made the right choice. Decision made, I started to concoct the backstory needed for me to adopt a child.
Hephaestus’s eyes dropped instantly to my midsection when I told him that I was with child. Outside his forge, Olympus was dark and quiet.
“Who?” he asked in quiet disbelief. “Was it a god?”
“It doesn’t matter who it was,” I replied firmly. “I’m the problem in this equation, not him.”
“Not so. He had a responsibility to stand by you now,” he swore, deliberately keeping his voice low. He stood, limped to the doorway, and looked around to see if anybody was in sight. He closed the door and came back to sit beside me again.
“All right,” he sighed. “What is this plan that you and Gaia have come up with?”
I went through the plan, watching him blanch as I detailed his role in it. “Well, at least it doesn’t make me look like a ravenous, uncontrolled rapist,” he joked weakly.
“I know that I’m asking too much from you,” I said. “But there is no one else I can turn to.”
He dropped his face into his hands and rubbed it furiously, inadvertently leaving streaks of soot on his face. Then he straightened. “I will help, of course. But don’t you think the story is a tad…unbelievable?”
“Gaia swears that it’s possible. She is incredibly fertile,” I said.
Hephaestus stood and limped to look into the dying embers of his forge. “All right, then. I suppose that it will have to start tonight.”
He picked up and regarded a pair of tongs sitting on the edge of the wall between him and the furnace. Then he placed it back on the wall, still with his back to me.
“When you thought of…choosing someone, did you ever consider me?”
I cringed, belatedly realizing that I’d been so focused on myself and the baby that I had spared no thought for him or his feelings. I ran through a list of polite responses in my head, but something within me insisted that I owed him the truth.
“I did consider you briefly,” I answered. “But I value your friendship too highly to risk losing it for sex. You are my one true friend here on Olympus, Hephaestus. You are my brother.”
He nodded as if that was what he was expecting, and turned to face me. “I will always be your friend, Athena, even though after tonight, we may not be able to see each other as much.” He limped back and sat back down beside me, then leaned forward to take my hand.
“I’m not sure if Aphrodite’s children are mine,” he confessed, looking me straight in the eye. “Every single time I look at them, I wonder. That has colored my relationship with them. I know your child isn’t mine, but I vow that I will love him or her as if it were. I can, because it is yours.”
Tears stung my eyes as I reached forward impulsively and hugged Hephaestus with all my strength. “Thank you.”
He patted my back awkwardly and pulled away. “Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?”
I shook my head. “It’s still too unformed.”
“Any preference?”
“Well, a boy would be easier,” I said wryly. “But I think I would prefer a girl…”
“I know I don’t get a vote, but I would like a girl as well,” he said with a half-smile. Then the smile faded as he took a deep breath and looked around his workshop. “I’ll start moving my things down to my workshop on Thera immediately. Zeus will be coming for me soon, and I might as well prepare for him. Shall we get on with it?”
Guilt for the sacrifice that I had asked from Hephaestus was already gnawing at me, but I hadn’t thought of a better option, so I nodded at him, getting to my feet. Hephaestus stood and took off his leather apron, laying it over the furnace wall as he started to unbuckle the leather kilt underneath.
I screamed at the top of my lungs, running for the door, yanking it open before hurtling out. Hephaestus came after me, running reasonably fast even with his limp, but I eluded him easily, leaving him behind.
When I reached my villa, I was disheveled, my robes askew and my hair half tumbling down. Iris saw me first, eyes going wide as her hands flew to cover her mouth.
“Lady, what has happened?”
“Hephaestus… He tried…to rape me,” I ground out between pants, as I bent over trying to catch my breath. Lito came running when she heard Iris start wailing. I made a calming gesture to them. “I fought him off. He didn’t succeed in…penetrating me. He ejaculated on my garments and I wiped it off with a rag. Then I kicked him in the testicles and ran.”
“Lady, you must tell your parents immediately,” Lito implored, placing a concerned hand on my arm.
“No, no. There was no harm done, and I won’t be going anywhere near him again, believe me!” I answered, knowing perfectly well that the news would be all over Olympus in the morning.
Sure enough, Hera swept into my bedchamber first thing, and gathered my half-asleep self into her arms.
“Oh, my dear child! What you have endured at my worthless son’s hands. I simply can’t understand how Hephaestus could have lost his mind so! Leave it all to Zeus. He’ll take care of him,” she growled.
I shot up
right in her embrace. “My father knows?”
“Yes, we were both told this morning. He is on his way to confront Hephaestus.” I sprang out of bed, yanking on a fresh chiton over my nightdress.
“I have to be there,” I said urgently as I belted my chiton. Hera tried to stop me, spouting something about emotional distress, but I was already out the door by then. I flew towards Hephaestus’s workshop at a run.
I saw Zeus’s thunderbolts from a distance, flashing blue and white as he roared, forcing Hephaestus towards the edge of Olympus. Hephaestus deflected most of the bolts with a large polished shield, but some of them struck him on the thighs and calves, raising sizzling black burns. The smell of burnt flesh was on the air.
Hephaestus saw me coming over Zeus’s shoulder, and then swung around and leapt off the edge of Olympus, dropping his shield as he did so. Zeus’s temper did not falter, as he too rushed to the edge and continued to fling thunderbolts over it. By this time, I had reached him and wrapped my arms around his waist, hauling him back bodily from the edge.
“Let him go, Father! He has been punished enough for his insolence and he will not try anything like it again…” I panted, not daring to loosen my grasp on him.
“Athena, my child.” Zeus twisted around in my arms to face me and wrapped me in a bear-like hug, stroking my hair to comfort. “Are you unharmed?”
“Quite unharmed. He didn’t manage to…do anything,” I answered, blushing at even hinting about sex to my father.
“I will see him in Tartarus for this,” Zeus hissed into my hair. “Assaulting a maiden goddess is a sin against us all.”
“He has been punished enough,” I said again wearily. “I did some damage to him myself, so he will not dare approach me again. I don’t want this story to get out, Father,” I continued, lifting my eyes to his and letting them tear up. “My reputation would be in tatters.”
Zeus groaned, his high color receding. “Of course not, my darling. No one will dare repeat this story under pain of death.”
Of course they repeated it, ad nauseam. My reputation survived intact, but Hephaestus’s was damaged forever. I sent Glaukos to search for Hephaestus on Thera, and he returned with the word that Hephaestus was recovering from Zeus’s attack and was reopening his forge in the heart of Thera’s volcano.
With her husband banished to Earth, Aphrodite no longer felt the need to pay lip service to the moral strictures on Olympus, and discreetly started an affair with Ares. I couldn’t tell if she was serious about him, but I knew for certain that Ares’ affections were seriously engaged. It was in the way his eyes rested on her. The only other time I’d seen that gentleness was when he’d looked at Pallas.
Olympus itself rapidly returned to equilibrium, giving me the opportunity to execute the next stage of the plan.
Erichthonius
As soon as the scandal on Olympus had died down, I snuck away to Gaia’s cave to transfer my baby into her care. Enough time had passed that I was just starting to show a little under the loose peplos that I girdled high under my breasts.
As I entered the cave, Gaia sealed the entrance behind me for my safety and privacy. I kept walking in the darkness until I reached my preferred spot.
“Welcome, granddaughter. Are you resolved to give me your child, then?” came the low, familiar voice in my head.
“I am, grandmother. What must I do?” With a low rumble, a trench resembling a grave opened in front of me.
“Lie within my body and cover yourself with earth. Then, you must push the child out of your body and into mine.”
Discomfited, I disrobed and lay down naked in the trench and moved the dirt back into place over me. The earth that surrounded me was surprisingly dry and warm.
“Make sure to surround the child with a shield to protect it,” Gaia instructed. “And then push it gently through your skin.”
I gulped. Now that the moment of truth was at hand, I was having second and third thoughts. To her credit, Gaia went silent, leaving me to move forward at my own pace. I ran my hands over my midsection, realizing that this was the last moment that my child would truly belong only to me. I shed no tears as I lay sheltered within Gaia, holding my child within me for the last time. The parallels between me and my mother were obvious and it felt right, like a chain that linked my child to me, to her, and to my ancestors all the way back to Gaia. And it was there, entombed in the dirt, that I discovered the truest love of all.
I don’t know how long I lay there, shielded within Gaia’s body, but eventually I came out of my trance and started the slow process of shifting my child from my center to my right side. When my child reached the side wall, I placed my hands on either side, ready to squeeze when the time came. I took a deep breath and pushed hard. A large bubble formed on my waist, the skin stretching painfully. Another deep breath, another push, another wave of pain and I used my hands to pinch off the bubble. In a sudden burst of pain, my child popped free of me, wrapped in a shield made of my own skin. Gaia immediately folded tightly around it, wrapping it in layers of dark earth, making a soft cradle for it. I felt a gentle, healing stroke on my ragged, bleeding side as I lay there, drained, and it was over.
With a sense of relief, I realized that I could feel the warmth of life when I touched the little ball next to me. He or she was fine! I shifted onto my side to face it, resting one hand on it as I slept.
I came back to the cave many times to visit my child as it grew. Gaia would unseal the cave as I approached. I would reach down deep into the earth to touch my baby as Gaia hummed a lullaby around us. One wondrous day, my child touched me back through the wall of its capsule. I was thrown. Male! Visions of a golden-haired daughter retreated, to be replaced with a dark-haired boy who looked like a miniature version of Hades. I gave my imagined daughter a fond farewell, but the new reality of a boy excited me just as much.
It took a year for my boy to gestate. The skin of his capsule grew thin as he expanded in size. Eventually, I was able to feel his limbs easily through the film of his enclosure. When he was finally ready to be born, Gaia and I began working through the last, most critical stage of our conspiracy.
When we were next seated in council on Mount Olympus, the Titan Astraeus approached. The council members welcomed him stiffly. Though the Titans had been defeated in the Titanomachy and were technically at peace with us, distrust was still rampant.
“I bring you word from Gaia, our great mother. She is about to give birth to the Olympian Hephaestus’s child and wishes for one of you to take the child to raise.” Aphrodite shot upright on her throne, looking rattled.
Zeus glanced at Aphrodite, looking irritated. “What does this child have to do with any of us? Hephaestus has been banished from Olympus. If Gaia names this child as his, it is his responsibility, not ours.”
“Mother Gaia was accidentally impregnated as a result of the goddess Athena’s actions. Thus, she shares responsibility for this child.”
I sat with my spine straight, as all eyes swung towards me. “What is this drivel?” I sniffed. “I have never done anything to Gaia.”
“That is not quite true, Lady” said Astraeus. “When you wiped Hephaestus’s seed off your garments after he assaulted you a year ago, it fell to Earth and impregnated Gaia. That was not her will, and must be made right.”
“That is ridiculous!” I said, continuing the act. “Such a thing is not even possible!”
“Mother Gaia has always been most fertile.” Astraeus’s gaze swept around the circle of gods and goddesses. “Will any of you gainsay her word?”
“Of course not,” I said. “I would never impugn my great grandmother’s honor. If this child is truly a result of my rejection of Hephaestus, I will make it right. If he doesn’t take responsibility for raising this child, then I will.”
Astraeus nodded to me. “That is acceptable. I will visit Hephaestus and ask for his decision.”
“He resides on the island of Thera,” I said. “Take my owl Glaukos with you an
d send him back with the outcome of your meeting.” Astraeus bowed once again and took his leave.
Zeus stood from his throne, looking thunderous. “I should have imprisoned Hephaestus under that damned volcano of his.” Aphrodite looked away. Everyone else was silent. I just kept my face still and tried to appear serene, like a virtuous marble statue.
Glaukos winged back the next day with the planned response. Thus, I announced to the council that I would be leaving immediately to take the child from Gaia. Aphrodite looked mutinous but (fortunately!) did not offer to take the child. Hestia volunteered to find a nurse for the child, an offer that I accepted gratefully.
“Do you even know if the child is a boy or girl?” boomed Zeus, still in a mood. I allowed that I did not, but that it didn’t matter to me. I would do my duty and care for the child as if it were my own blood. Aphrodite shot me a sudden glance at that, as if a thought had occurred to her, but she kept her peace.
On the appointed day, my handmaidens and I approached Gaia’s cave. She did not unseal it for us. Instead, the ground heaved under our feet. Iris and Lito paled and grabbed each other’s hands, but I was proud that they held their own. The ground split to reveal a naked toddler, pink-skinned with a dark cap of hair.
I gasped. He was beautiful! He had inherited Hades’ violet eyes and dark hair. I bent down to pick him up. And heavy too! He smiled up at me, one pudgy hand reaching up to grab the bronze brooch that held the shoulder of my peplos up. He recognized my touch, I was sure of it. Shifting his weight onto one hip, I regarded my son with wide eyes, absorbing the totality of him. Then I glanced up at Iris and Lito, who smiled fondly back at me.
“His name shall be Erichthonius.”
The child Eric was welcomed on Mount Olympus for my sake. Zeus took to him well enough and after a close look, Aphrodite turned to me and wondered why he didn’t have his father’s golden eyes. I shrugged, and she left it at that. The years passed without incident, and the toddler grew into a precocious boy. I never went back to the Underworld, even when Persephone was in residence on Olympus. I still had the occasional pang for Hades, but desire no longer outweighed the consequences.
My Life as Athena: The Private Memoirs of a Greek Goddess Page 9