by Anne Barwell
Joel’s expression softened. He drained the rest of his coffee. “I know. I’m not used to having someone looking out for me the way you do. I can’t promise to slow down, but I’ll try to be a bit more sensible.” He pushed back his chair and walked over to Marcus at the counter.
Marcus couldn’t help but smile at Joel’s determined expression. He brushed back the long locks of Joel’s fringe and kissed him. “I do love you, you know, and I mean it when I say I want to be here for you, no matter what.”
“I know. I love you too.” Joel returned the kiss, and Marcus felt Joel’s hardening erection pushing up against him. “Join me for a shower before we both head out?”
“Okay.” Marcus kissed Joel again, this time cupping Joel’s face with both hands. “I’d love to.”
JOEL closed his eyes. The notes on the page in front of him were beginning to swim, the crotchets growing extra stalks as they merged into the quavers next to them.
He felt tired, more than he had in a very long time. A little voice niggled at him, reminding him of what Marcus had said nearly three weeks before. Perhaps he was working too hard? He’d intended to take Marcus’s advice and ask Toni to fill in for him, but her illness had hit her hard and he’d ended up taking her rehearsals two Saturdays in a row on top of his own. Despite Adelaide canceling her son’s usual Friday lesson, Joel’s vow to use the extra time to practice wasn’t working out at all.
He sighed. Why had he agreed to play at this bloody concert? The concert itself he could manage, but now that it was only days away, he wondered what had possessed him to wave goodbye to his sanity.
The prelude had seemed doable at first, and Joel used to enjoy the adrenaline rush of a performance. He’d loved playing in public when he’d been at uni, but it had been so long since he’d done it. He’d told Marcus that conducting was different, as was accompanying the choir. He got nervous doing that during performances too, but not like this.
Just the thought of it and his hands were shaking. Joel wiped them on his jeans. What was wrong with him? When he’d chosen this piece, he’d felt confident he could play it, but then most of the time he’d put aside to practice had soon been swallowed up by a balancing act of concert preparation and the already huge workload that accompanied his job.
He cleared his throat, ignoring the scratchy feeling when he swallowed. Damn it. He couldn’t afford to get sick now. Did they still have some lemon and ginger tea? Joel couldn’t remember whether he’d put it on the shopping list or not.
Halfway toward the kitchen, he nearly walked into Marcus in the hallway. Marcus tucked the book he carried under one arm and led Joel to the kitchen. He often sat in the living room quietly reading while Joel practiced or worked.
“Talk to me, and I’ll make you a drink,” Marcus suggested.
“Thanks. Lemon and ginger tea if we have it,” Joel said.
“Still got the scratchy throat?” Marcus asked. He put the kettle on and sat down next to Joel while he waited for it to boil. “What else is up? Still worried about performing?”
“Yeah. I’m seriously considering not going ahead with it. I know the kids will be disappointed, but better that than make a complete cock-up of it. The concert’s on Monday, so I only have this weekend left to practice.”
“You’ll be brilliant, I know you will.” Marcus put his arm around Joel. “And if you make a mistake, it will show the kids that everyone does, so if they do it’s no big deal either.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” Joel sighed and rubbed at his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a decent night’s sleep. “I’m fine when I play for just you, but as soon as I think about performing in front of all those people I start making stupid mistakes. It’s been too long since I’ve done this.”
“I love listening to you play.” Marcus sounded thoughtful. “Hmm, so do you think you could pretend you’re just playing for me on the night? I could move just before you play so I’m standing where you can see me when you glance up from the piano. No one else needs to know but us.”
“That might just work.” Joel loved playing for Marcus. It always felt like he was sharing a part of himself with Marcus that no one else saw, the vulnerable side of himself he trusted Marcus to keep safe no matter what. “I can pretend the rest of the hall doesn’t exist.”
“Perhaps just for a while it won’t, at least until everyone applauds when you’re done.” Marcus smiled, almost shyly. It reminded Joel of that first evening they’d kissed. “Knowing you’re playing just for me makes me feel all warm inside.”
“I’ll remember that.” Joel would play for Marcus after this concert too, a private performance with candles, followed by another very personal thank-you for his support through all of this.
“So…,” Marcus said, “what else is up?”
“You don’t miss much, do you?” Joel looked down when sharp claws dug into his leg through his jeans. He petted Nannerl almost absently.
“I try not to.” Marcus got up to make their drinks. He fed Nannerl some treats while he was at it. “Are you still worried about your dad? I heard you calling out for him last night again.”
“Yeah, a bit I guess.” Joel shrugged. He still half expected the phone call of his nightmares, although Bernadette had told him their father seemed much better of late. “A couple of the kids asked me if you were my boyfriend. They’ve noticed you sitting in at a few of the rehearsals.”
“What did you tell them?” Marcus thankfully didn’t comment about Joel’s obvious change of subject.
“That you were, of course.” Joel chuckled at the memory. “One of those girls, the ones I told you were far more boy-focused than schoolwork-focused, told me she thought you were hot, and that we were cute together.” He’d felt himself color at the time but hid it quickly.
“What did you tell her?” Marcus looked surprised.
“I wasn’t going to lie to her.” Joel took the hot mug from Marcus, their fingers brushing together and lingering. “I told her I thought you were too.” He’d moved the subject along after that, not wanting to talk about personal things with a student. “I’m surprised it took the kids that long to ask me, actually. The fact I’m gay was around the school about five minutes after I told Adelaide you’re my boyfriend. I guess they finally decided they wanted to confirm the rumors.”
“It’s important to do that, and it’s good they don’t believe everything they hear about people.” Marcus shifted his chair so he was sitting next to Joel rather than across from him. He sipped his coffee slowly, a sure sign he was thinking. “Darin rang earlier and asked if we wanted to go for drinks tonight before dinner. I said I’d check with you first. Are you feeling up to it?”
“I’m not sick, and yeah that sounds good.” Joel had turned down the offer the last few Fridays and spent the time working instead, although he’d made sure they weren’t late for dinner. He didn’t need Ella on his arse—she’d mother him and make Marcus’s protective streak look like he was merely an apprentice.
“Have you thought again about talking to your dad?” Marcus’s question took Joel by surprise. So much for Marcus letting him get away with the obvious change of subject.
“Yeah, I’ve thought about it, and the answer is still no.” Joel slipped his hand into Marcus’s and squeezed it. “Some things aren’t meant to change,” he said softly. “I’ve had months of nightmares about all sorts of stuff when I’ve worked this hard other times too. They’ll settle down again once this concert is over. I promise.”
In a perfect world, his father would come to this concert, and they’d talk again as though the years they’d lost had never happened. But there was no point in getting his hopes up for the impossible. He’d prefer to focus on what he did have—a relationship with a man he was crazy about, and the rest of his family finally coming together to support him. His family had been Darin, Ella, and Isabel for so many years. He loved them to bits, but he found it difficult knowing his own family weren’t there when he needed
them.
“Okay.” Marcus didn’t sound convinced. “You’ll take the rest of tonight off, though, right? I thought we could come home and watch a movie or something. It’s been a while since we’ve cuddled and drifted off to sleep on the sofa together. I’ve missed being woken up because you’re snoring on my lap.”
“I do not snore,” Joel said indignantly. He laughed and ducked his head when Marcus snorted.
“Do too.” Marcus kept a straight face for all of a minute and then laughed. Joel grinned. He loved Marcus’s laugh. It was infectious as hell.
“Yes, by the way,” Joel said.
“Yes?”
“To watching a movie and cuddling on the sofa after we get home.” Joel kissed Marcus’s fingers. “Thanks for listening. I still feel nervous about playing, but a bit of that is a good thing.”
“Anytime, and yeah I’ve heard that too.” Marcus licked his lips, the action going straight to Joel’s cock.
“I’ll let Darin know we’re on for tonight, but….” Joel reached for his phone and sent a text. “Neither of us will be ready for at least another half an hour. Sound good?”
“Very good.” Marcus took the phone from Joel and placed it on the table. “I want you,” he said in a low voice.
“Now.” Joel pushed back his chair to let Marcus straddle him, their lips meeting in a breathtaking kiss. Marcus was right. A night off was exactly what Joel needed. What they both needed.
Chapter Thirteen
ADELAIDE Barker tapped the side of the microphone. A loud screeching noise filled the auditorium. Marcus jumped, in spite of half expecting it. Next to him, Isabel giggled. Ella gave her daughter a glare, and Isabel cut off midgiggle. Darin grinned and ignored the filthy look Adelaide sent in their direction.
At first Marcus had thought Joel managed to get them front row seats, but later he discovered Ella was to thank for them. Next to Darin an empty seat waited for Adelaide to finish her introduction. On the other side of it, Caleb Barker shuffled in his seat, giving a good impression of wishing he was somewhere else.
“Do you want to move next to me so you’re not sitting alone?” Darin asked. “Your mum can take the seat you’re in now.”
“Thanks, Mr. Prior.” Caleb glanced at his mother and shifted seats quickly. He smiled at Darin, looking happier than he had sitting by himself.
Jill and Bernadette sat on Marcus’s other side. There was another empty seat on Bernadette’s right, next to the aisle, but so far no one had come to claim it.
“Welcome, everyone, to Avalon College’s midyear fundraiser concert.” Adelaide beamed at the audience. “We’re delighted by the turnout, and we’re sure you’ll enjoy the evening. I’d also like to thank Joel Ashcroft for all his hard work with the choir and orchestra. As a special treat, he’s agreed to play a solo piano piece for us this evening.”
The audience clapped politely. Marcus caught a glimpse of Joel peering around the curtain. He looked fabulous in his dark suit, and Marcus had bought him a bow tie for the occasion, the color matching the shade of Joel’s eyes perfectly. He’d been nervous earlier, his fingers shaking as he’d asked Marcus to help him with his tie.
“Remember you’re playing for me,” Marcus had whispered, giving Joel a kiss for luck.
Joel nodded and he’d hugged Marcus tightly. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet on the drive to the school. Marcus had offered to drive so it was one less thing for Joel to worry about. He didn’t mind arriving early and had hung around backstage with Joel as long as he could before taking his seat when the doors opened and the auditorium quickly filled up.
“I’d also like to thank the PTA for all their hard work in making this evening possible. It’s been a pleasure seeing my idea come to fruition,” Adelaide continued.
Ella muttered something under her breath. Darin laid a hand on her arm and whispered something Marcus couldn’t hear.
“But without any further words, I’ll hand you over to our own Joel Ashcroft and the Avalon College choir.” Adelaide smiled when Joel came out onto the stage. He gave her a small nod as he walked past her onto the podium in front of the choir.
He nodded to Toni, who sat at the piano. She’d offered to accompany the choir for the evening to take some of the pressure off Joel. While he usually played for the choir, as these pieces were more intricate than usual, he figured they’d feel more confident having their conductor in front of them.
Joel bowed to the audience, smiling when his gaze settled on Marcus who gave him a thumbs-up sign and mouthed the words “I love you.” Joel turned around to face the choir, then raised his baton. He gave another nod to Toni, who began to play the introduction for the first song.
Most of the students kept their eyes on Joel, although one girl kept looking at the audience as though trying to find someone. Joel glanced in her direction, and she gave him a shaky smile. The piece began in unison and then broke into parts—the choir sounded amazing and their voices blended together perfectly. Marcus recognized the song immediately, as Joel had been listening to everything on the program on a continuous loop for weeks.
As the final strains of “Puttin’ on the Ritz” finished, Joel lowered his baton and gestured for the choir to bow. Applause thundered through the auditorium. The girl Joel had glanced at earlier still looked nervous, but she smiled along with the rest of choir. Joel said something to her in a low voice, and she giggled, her expression brightening immediately.
Joel turned to address the audience, again seeking out Marcus before he spoke. “Thank you for coming tonight,” he said. “The students have worked very hard and I’m very proud of them. I hope you enjoy the rest of our concert.” He paused. “Before we continue I’d also like to thank my family, and in particular my partner. Even conductors get nervous, and knowing they’re here tonight helps a lot. But, anyway, enough from me. You’ve come tonight to hear the choir, and I’m sure you’ll recognize this next song.”
He nodded to Toni, and she began to play once more. The choir began singing “Hine e Hine” in unison, but when, a few moments later, they split into two-part harmony, the piano faded away and the choir continued the Māori lullaby a cappella.
The audience was completely silent while they listened, and some wiped tears from their eyes when the piece finished. Joel lowered his baton once more and motioned for the choir to take a bow. They did so and then retreated to the bench seats immediately behind them.
Marcus caught Joel’s eye and smiled. The seat Ella had given him gave a perfect view of the piano, and more importantly it meant that Joel could see Marcus without anyone blocking his vision. Joel walked over to the piano and gave Toni a brief side-hug before taking her place on the stool.
He didn’t introduce the Chopin prelude—he’d written something for the printed program about it so he wouldn’t need to. Once the audience grew quiet, Joel placed his fingers on the keys and began to play.
Listening to the piece he now knew so well, Marcus could still feel a sense of Joel’s personality reflected in the music as he played. His mouth felt dry, as Joel gave his best performance of the prelude Marcus had ever heard. The music wasn’t just a succession of notes, but as Joel poured his emotions into the piece, the dynamics brought it to life. Marcus would never forget the first time Joel had played the prelude for him, and hearing it never failed to remind him of their shared journey since then and the future he wanted with Joel. Their first kiss that evening had opened both of their hearts and led Marcus to the realization that he loved Joel with everything he was.
He swallowed. Joel hadn’t been the only one nervous about tonight, although Marcus’s anxiety had been about something else, a personal moment he’d planned for after the concert, just between the two of them.
Joel played the final notes and sat silently for a moment, still resting his fingers on the keyboard. When he stood to take his bow, Marcus stood too, clapping loudly. The audience behind him followed his example, filling the hall with applause.
Ade
laide Barker took to the microphone again. “That was amazing, wasn’t it?” She sighed. “We’re so lucky to have him. Please join me in showing your appreciation again.”
The audience burst into more applause, until Adelaide motioned for them to sit. Joel blushed bright red and ducked his head, clearly embarrassed by her comments.
“And that’s halftime, everyone,” she said. “Enjoy the supper in the room next door, and we’ll be back for part two in twenty minutes.”
Joel waited until the choir had left the stage and then made his way down the steps. Marcus met him partway and pulled him into a hug. “You were wonderful,” he whispered. “I love you.”
“I played that piece for you like you suggested,” Joel said softly, “and I love you too. Thank you.”
“You haven’t lost your touch,” Bernadette said. She gave Joel a hug and then stood back to let their mother do the same. “That was awesome.”
“What Bernadette said.” Jill smiled and gave Joel a quick kiss on the cheek. “Congratulations, Joel. I’m so proud of you, and I think the choir sounds beautiful too. Bernadette and I are going to get a cup of tea and some supper. I’m sure some of the parents are waiting to talk to you. I’m looking forward to the second half of the program.”
“Thanks, Mum. You too, Bernie.” Joel slipped one hand into Marcus’s for a moment and squeezed. He looked over Marcus’s shoulder. “Mum’s right. There are a few parents here. If you want to go grab a cuppa, I don’t mind. After all, we’ve got the rest of the evening to celebrate, and there’s still the second half to go.”
Marcus glanced at the retreating forms of Joel’s family and hesitated. While he wanted to stay with Joel, he didn’t want to be in the way either, and he didn’t know how many of the parents knew that when Joel had referred to his partner, he’d meant a man.
He turned at the hand on his arm.
“Come and get some supper,” Darin said. “Those parents are going to swamp Joel for a bit, and then you can swoop in and rescue him in a few.”