by Anne Barwell
Where was Marcus?
Joel started to pace. Surely it couldn’t take that long to find somewhere to park. He didn’t want to do this alone. To hear that his father was—
He cut off that thought. Not going there. Not until he had to. How long was not too long? He glanced at his watch.
“Why don’t you sit down? You’re using a lot of energy there, young man.” An older lady spoke to him softly and gestured for the boy with her to give up his seat. “They’re very busy here today, so if she’s taking a while, it’s probably just that. We’ve already been here for an hour.”
Joel managed a shaky smile. “Thanks, but I’ll be fine.” The boy with her looked familiar, and he seemed to recognize Joel, too, although he was too young to be a student at the high school.
The boy tugged at the old lady’s sleeve. He had a bandage on one arm and winced when he moved it. “That’s Mr. Ashcroft, Nana,” he said. “He’s the music teacher at Austin’s school. Remember the concert we went to?”
She peered at him more closely. “Why so it is, Barry. It’s lovely to see you again, Mr. Ashcroft, but I wish it was in better circumstances. I overheard you tell the receptionist that your father had been brought in. I hope it’s nothing too serious.”
“Thanks.” Joel realized why the boy seemed familiar. “You’re Austin West’s brother, aren’t you?” Austin played trombone in the orchestra.
“Yeah. I fell off my skateboard and hurt my arm.” Barry looked up when the doors to the entrance slid open. “Isn’t that your partner? I remember you introduced him at the concert.”
Joel followed Barry’s gaze, and relief flooded through him. “Yes. And thanks.” He waved Marcus over just as the receptionist called Joel’s name.
Marcus caught up with Joel in time to hear the news.
“Sorry for the wait, Joel,” the receptionist said. “I’ve spoken to the nurse and to your mother and sister. Your father is stable, and he’s been asking for you.” She peered past Joel to Marcus. “I’m sorry but only one of you can go in.”
“I’ll be here when you get back,” Marcus said quickly. “However long it takes.”
“Thanks.” Joel waited for the receptionist to open the door to let him in. He heard Barry introduce himself to Marcus before the door closed behind them.
The receptionist led him through a corridor to a cubicle in the corner. “Hello, Mr. Ashcroft,” she said. “Joel’s here to see you.”
Bernadette and Jill sat on opposite sides on the bed. Jill held Claude’s hand, although he seemed to be asleep. When she saw Joel, she immediately stood and hugged him.
“Oh, Joel. I’m so pleased you’re here.”
Claude lay on a hospital bed, his chest rising and falling in a regular rhythm. He had leads attached to his chest, and one finger enclosed in a plastic clip to register his heart rate. He wasn’t wearing an oxygen mask, so Joel was hopeful that was a good sign, although a closer look revealed an oxygen line hooked under his nose.
“Hillary noticed how pale and unwell he looked,” Bernadette said quietly. “She gave him an aspirin and phoned for the ambulance immediately. The doctor said he’d had a myocardial infarction.” She hugged Joel once Jill finally let go of him. “When I got the call, I panicked. I thought it was a lot worse. I hope I didn’t scare you.”
“There’s no point in feeling guilty,” Jill said briskly. “You’re both here, and that’s the important thing. Now pull up that spare chair for your brother. Your father will want to know he’s here when he wakes up.”
“He’s been asking for you,” Bernadette said. “Saying your name over and over. The nurse finally convinced him to try and sleep.”
“We were supposed to meet for morning tea,” Joel said. He leaned over his father, brushed his hair back from his face, and then took Claude’s hand in his. Joel had always thought of his father as a strong man. Seeing him in a hospital bed and looking so pale scared him. “I wondered why he didn’t show and….” He swallowed, trying to stop the tears.
He’d gone through so many scenarios as to why his father hadn’t come to the café. None of them had been this.
“Joel.” Claude opened his eyes and whispered Joel’s name again. His fingers curled around his son’s. “I’m sorry. I missed our get-together. I was about to leave work to….”
“Dad,” Joel said in a choked voice. “It’s fine. I… I’m so pleased you’re….” Okay didn’t seem the right word, given the circumstances.
“The doctor said he’s very lucky,” Jill said. “They’re going to move him up to the Coronary Care Unit as soon as they can organize a bed. He’ll need to make more changes than just taking medication and whatever other treatment they decide on. This was a warning, and one he is going to take notice of.”
Claude winced but nodded meekly. Joel had never seen him react that way to something Jill had said before.
Jill exchanged a glance with Bernadette. “We’re going to make ourselves a cup of tea so you men can talk. Would you like one, Joel?”
“Thanks, Mum.” Joel hoped she realized he wasn’t just thanking her for the tea.
Bernadette gave Joel another hug and then followed their mother down the corridor.
“This isn’t the way I pictured us meeting today,” Claude said finally. “I would have preferred a nice quiet cup of tea in that café I used to take you to.”
“I thought the worst when Marcus told me.” Joel had gone over the moment of their meeting in his mind several times, practicing what he’d say, but those words didn’t seem as important now. He squeezed his father’s hand. “I thought I’d left it too late. I didn’t… I know we don’t agree on… you know… but I still love you. You’re still my dad.”
Claude’s lips curved up into a shaky smile. “And you’re still my son. I told your young man that I want you to be happy.” He grew silent.
Joel heard the but that hung in the air between them. “You still don’t accept who I am, do you?” he asked slowly.
“I’ve missed you,” Claude admitted. “I’d like us to be… at least on speaking terms, even if….”
“I’d like that too.” Joel hadn’t thought he’d even get that from Claude. When he thought about how he might not see…. It would be enough. It had to be. But, even so, if Claude wanted Joel in his life, he’d have to accept his relationship with Marcus too, and keep his opinions to himself.
“You’re thinking, son. I can hear it from here.” Claude teased Joel like he used to years ago.
“Marcus is important to me, and I….” Joel wasn’t sure whether he should be saying this now. It might be better put off until later.
“You love him.” Claude finished Joel’s sentence for him. “I can’t promise you what I think you want to hear, but I can promise to keep my opinions to myself, at least in front of him. I’m trying, Joel. There’s nothing like thinking you’ve left the important things too late to make a man rethink his priorities. So one step at a time, okay?”
“Yeah,” Joel said. “One step at a time.”
MARCUS expected Joel to be quiet on the way home from the hospital, so he wasn’t surprised when Joel was just that. He’d waited for over an hour for Joel to return to the waiting room. Hopefully it was a good sign that Joel and his father had finally said what they both needed to—or at least made a step in that direction.
However, it wasn’t just Joel and his dad who needed to talk.
Marcus made tea when they got home, as it helped fill the awkward silence. Although he didn’t expect Joel to make conversation all the time, seeing him this quiet was a concern.
Finally he led Joel into the living room, handed him his tea, and sat on the sofa next to him. Water streamed down the outside of the windows, the rain having now settled into a heavy downpour.
“I’m glad your dad is going to be okay,” Marcus said finally.
“Yeah, me too.” Joel put his tea down and took Marcus’s hand in his. “I’m sorry we argued. I might not have liked what you
did, but I know you meant well.” He glanced at the ring on his finger.
Marcus licked his lips, his mouth dry. Joel had said he still loved Marcus, so he wouldn’t be having second thoughts about them getting married. Would he?
“I’m sorry too.” Marcus met Joel’s gaze. His eyes seemed dimmer than usual, although Marcus figured that was probably more his perception of them and his guilty conscience. “I shouldn’t have gone to see your father. I was worried about you, and I grabbed a very slim thread to convince myself you’d said it was okay to talk to him, when deep down I knew you hadn’t.”
“Whatever doesn’t mean yes,” Joel said softly. “But I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did either. You acted out of concern and because you love me. I can’t stay angry at you for that.”
“Yes, I did.” Marcus bit his lip. “I know this isn’t an excuse, but I’m not Reed. I don’t want to make your decisions for you. You don’t need to be with someone who does that. I want an equal relationship, one in which we discuss everything.”
Joel raised an eyebrow.
“However,” Marcus said, “I’m not perfect either, and I make mistakes. This was a big one.”
“Yeah, it was.” Joel leaned in and kissed Marcus. “I make mistakes too. Taking off in a huff isn’t the mature way to deal with this kind of crap.” He broke the kiss, then picked up his tea and took a long sip of it. “Dad said you talked to him. Whatever you said to him, I think it made our conversation go easier. So thank you. But don’t do it again, okay?”
“Okay.” Marcus studied Joel for a moment. He had curled his legs under him and was cradling the hot cup like it was something precious. “How did the conversation with your dad go? If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. I know it’s private.”
“The other thing I want from a relationship is to be able to share everything.” Joel studied his cup again. “He said he wanted me to be happy, but he doesn’t agree with the way I’ve chosen to live my life.”
“I’m sorry.” Marcus had hoped Claude would come around, that his latest health scare might make him realize he’d screwed up.
“He didn’t apologize either.” Joel traced the moisture collecting on the rim of his cup with one finger. “He does want to try, though, so that’s something.” His breath hitched, and he wiped at his eyes. “Damn it, Marcus. Is it so wrong that I want things between us to be like they used to?”
“It’s not wrong.” Marcus gently prized the cup from Joel’s fingers and placed both cups on the coffee table. He took Joel into his arms and held him. “Trying is good, though, right? It’s not a straight-out no, and you guys have a lot of years to make up for. Get to know each other again first. One step at a time.”
Joel let out a sob. “That’s what he said. One step at a time.” He buried his head on Marcus’s shoulder.
“It’s okay. I’m here.” Marcus kissed Joel’s hair. “I love you. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”
“Thanks.” Joel glanced up at Marcus. Marcus caught a tear with his finger. “I meant what I said when I told you I still love you. Thanks for being here for me and putting up with all my crap.”
“Yeah,” Marcus said. “I meant it when I told you that too.” He smiled and cupped Joel’s chin. “We all have our own crap, and this is what relationships are about. If life was perfect, it would be kind of boring too.”
“I guess.” Joel leaned into Marcus’s touch. “Just be with me?”
“Of course. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, if I can be here for you, I will be. I promise.”
Epilogue
“HONESTLY, Marcus, give it here.” Ella attached the floral spray to Marcus’s lapel and then stood back to admire her handiwork. “You make a very handsome groom.”
“Thanks.” Marcus didn’t get why she’d insisted he and Joel get ready in separate rooms. They’d already ditched tradition by spending the night before together and had been sharing Joel’s—their—house for months.
“I’m your best woman. Let me do my job.” Ella fished her camera from her handbag and took a photo. Although they’d hired a professional photographer, she’d insisted on taking some personal shots. Once she’d embarrassed Marcus even more, she patted the sofa and waited for him to sit next to her.
Joel and Marcus had decided on a small wedding with just family and a few close friends. They’d looked at a few different venues, but when Ella and Darin offered their garden and house for the wedding and reception, they’d realized the perfect place had been right in front of them the whole time. Marcus had spent the last few months getting the section into shape, and it looked great.
“Thanks for everything, Ella.” Marcus kissed his sister on the cheek. “We really appreciate it.”
“We’re family, Marcus, and we’re really excited to welcome Joel into the family for real.” Ella smiled. “He’s been an honorary member for years, and I always figured you two would be good together, even if it took you both longer than anyone else to figure that out.”
“It takes some of us longer than others,” Marcus teased her. “Thanks for playing matchmaker. We love you for it.” Although Ella still claimed Darin and Isabel had been the main culprits in what Isabel now called Operation Matchmaker, Marcus knew his sister well enough to be certain she’d probably masterminded the whole thing.
“Everyone decent in there?” Clifford Verden poked his head around the partly open door.
“Sure, Dad. Mum, you can come in too,” Marcus said. If his father was out there, his mother wouldn’t be far behind.
“You look lovely, dear.” Glenda Verden kissed her son on the cheek. “So handsome.” She dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief. She’d cried at Ella’s wedding too. “We’ve just chatted to Joel. I’m sure you two will be very happy together. You’re good for each other, you know. A mother can tell.”
“Thanks, Mum.” Marcus grinned. His mother had said that to him every time he and Joel had seen them since that first trip they’d made together to Hokitika after Claude was released from hospital. Joel and his father had spent the past nine months working toward mending their relationship.
Glenda smiled. “Almost time, but I wanted one last word with both of you.” She chuckled. “I’ve never seen Isabel so excited. It was a great idea asking her to be the ring bearer. She’s done nothing but gush about how her two favorite uncles are finally getting married.”
“We’re her only uncles,” Marcus pointed out. Given Isabel’s determination to get him and Joel together, it was only right that she take a role in the ceremony.
Ella elbowed him.
Clifford grinned. “Come on, Glenda. Your daughter has that look you get again. I say we head somewhere safely out of range and take our seats.”
“Coming, dear.” Glenda rolled her eyes. “We love you, Marcus, and we’re so proud.”
JOEL peered out the window again. “Damn it,” he muttered.
“He wished you and Marcus well,” Darin reminded him. “That’s a huge step for your dad, and he’s still got plenty of time if he decides to come.”
“Dad’s always on time for everything.” Joel sighed. “If he wanted to be here, he would be by now.”
Nannerl rubbed up against his legs in a final attempt to shed over his trousers. He bent to pet her, and she purred loudly. She’d stayed inside, away from most of their visitors, and spent most of the day demanding attention from either Joel or Marcus, until Isabel had distracted her with a piece of string. She’d moved into Darin and Ella’s a few days earlier so she’d be used to being there while Joel and Marcus were away on their honeymoon.
“Everything’s all set.” Bernadette ducked back into the room. “All we need now is a couple of grooms and we’re ready to go.”
“Thanks for everything, Bernie.” Joel gave his sister a hug. She and Ella had worked hard to pull everything together. Despite the wedding being a small affair, there still had been a lot to organize. Their day would be exactly the way they wanted it, but
neither of their sisters had let Joel or Marcus do any of the work.
“It’s not every day I get to see my brother get married, so having you too exhausted to enjoy it wouldn’t do at all.” Bernadette grinned. “Ella and I make a great team.” She looked thoughtful. “I see more collaboration in our future.”
Darin groaned.
“Great!” Joel tried to sound enthusiastic to distract Bernadette from Darin’s reaction. While he appreciated everything they’d done, he’d found it difficult to stand aside and let someone else organize everything. Claude’s health issues had made Joel reassess his own tendency to take on too much, although he still slipped back on occasion. When he did, Marcus raised an eyebrow and gently reminded Joel about his promise to take care of himself.
“Gee, thanks.” Bernadette chuckled and kissed Joel on the cheek. “Don’t be so nervous, Joel. This day will be great, and Marcus is crazy about you. He’s a lucky guy.”
“I’m the lucky one,” Joel murmured. He adjusted his tie yet again, then ran his fingers through his hair.
The weather had decided to cooperate, so they hadn’t had to settle for the living room—aka plan B—although it was plenty big enough.
He and Darin followed Bernadette out the french doors, letting her go ahead so she could take her seat with the rest of her family. Her husband, Keith, had looked after their boys for the morning. He’d given Joel an uncharacteristic hug when he’d arrived. Keith had never been one for showing his emotions, but he and Joel had grown closer since Joel’s return to the regular Sunday family lunches he’d missed for so long. Keith and Marcus had become good friends too.
“All set?” Marcus asked quietly from behind Joel, making him jump.
“Yeah.” Joel turned to take a look at his soon-to-be husband, and his mouth felt suddenly dry. Marcus wore a dark suit, his tie a lighter gray to match his eyes. “Wow. You look great.”
Marcus flushed. “You clean up well yourself.” Joel’s suit was the same color, but his tie was blue.